In some countries, crimes rates are increasing. What are the causes of the problem? What can be done about it?

Nowadays, with society’s development, one of the most essential requirements of people is safety. Therefore, the increase in the proportion of criminals in some nations receives much attention from all over the world. This essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind this problem before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle it.

There are two primary reasons why the rate of criminals tends to go up in some nations. One main reason is that their system of laws is not strict enough. With a low amount of fine, the criminals are not scared because they can easily deal with it, which can lead to continuing to break the law after completing the fine. Another reason is that the custome of these nations can push the effort to become criminals. This is because people tend to judge others by their background. For example, the poor would be rude and cannot have a high level of education, which ends up becoming criminals. As a result, it is more challenging for the poor to want to break through their background, so they want to break the laws in order to revenge on everyone.

To combat this worrying issue, the following essential steps should be taken. Firstly, governments can improve their laws. They can not only increase the fine but also apply more strict penalties, such as years in prison; consequently, these criminals are frightened of breaking the law because it can affect various aspects, such as economic, mental, and physical health. Secondly, they can also give some policies to encourage the lower level of people. They can, for instance, give more opportunities for children such as through scholarships or free education, as a consequence, they can have a better life and deny the biases of people, which can be eliminated after a long span if this condition can continue.

In conclusion, there are some underlying motives behind the upward trend of the crime rate, such as from society or governments, and it is crucial that the aforementioned measures be implemented to solve this problem.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"one of the most essential requirements of people" -> "one of the most fundamental needs of individuals"
Explanation: "Fundamental needs" is a more precise term than "essential requirements," and "individuals" is more formal than "people" in academic contexts.
"the increase in the proportion of criminals" -> "the rise in criminal rates"
Explanation: "Criminal rates" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic discourse than "the proportion of criminals."
"This essay attempts to shed light on" -> "This essay aims to elucidate"
Explanation: "Aims to elucidate" is more formal and academically appropriate than "attempts to shed light on," which is somewhat colloquial.
"tends to go up" -> "increases"
Explanation: "Increases" is a more direct and formal way to express the trend, avoiding the colloquial "tends to go up."
"their system of laws is not strict enough" -> "their legal systems are insufficiently stringent"
Explanation: "Insufficiently stringent" is a more precise and formal way to describe the inadequacy of laws, replacing the vague "not strict enough."
"a low amount of fine" -> "a low level of fines"
Explanation: "A low level of fines" is grammatically correct and clearer than "a low amount of fine."
"can easily deal with it" -> "can readily pay the fine"
Explanation: "Can readily pay the fine" is more specific and appropriate for the context, avoiding the vague "deal with it."
"the custome of these nations" -> "the customs of these nations"
Explanation: "Customs" is the correct plural form, and "of these nations" is grammatically correct.
"push the effort to become criminals" -> "encourage criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Encourage criminal behavior" is a more precise and formal way to describe the influence on criminal activity.
"the poor would be rude and cannot have a high level of education" -> "the disadvantaged often lack formal education"
Explanation: "The disadvantaged often lack formal education" is a more accurate and less judgmental description than "the poor would be rude and cannot have a high level of education."
"want to break through their background" -> "strive to overcome their circumstances"
Explanation: "Strive to overcome their circumstances" is a more formal and precise expression than "want to break through their background."
"want to break the laws" -> "engage in illegal activities"
Explanation: "Engage in illegal activities" is a more formal and specific term than "want to break the laws."
"give some policies to encourage the lower level of people" -> "implement policies to support disadvantaged individuals"
Explanation: "Implement policies to support disadvantaged individuals" is more formal and precise than "give some policies to encourage the lower level of people."
"give more opportunities for children" -> "provide more opportunities for disadvantaged youth"
Explanation: "Provide more opportunities for disadvantaged youth" is more specific and formal, focusing on the targeted group.
"through scholarships or free education" -> "through scholarships and free education"
Explanation: "And" is more appropriate than "or" when listing multiple items, ensuring clarity and grammatical correctness.
"can have a better life and deny the biases of people" -> "can lead to improved lives and reduce societal biases"
Explanation: "Can lead to improved lives and reduce societal biases" is more formal and precise, avoiding the vague "deny the biases of people."
"can be eliminated after a long span if this condition can continue" -> "may be mitigated over time if these conditions persist"
Explanation: "May be mitigated over time if these conditions persist" is more formal and academically appropriate, replacing the vague and informal "can be eliminated after a long span if this condition can continue."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of increasing crime rates and proposing solutions. The first paragraph outlines the reasons for rising crime rates, such as inadequate legal systems and societal pressures on the poor. The second paragraph presents solutions, including stricter laws and educational opportunities. However, the explanations for the causes could be more nuanced, as the discussion on societal judgment lacks depth and specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the essay could provide more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the causes of crime. Additionally, discussing a wider range of solutions, such as community programs or mental health support, would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the seriousness of the crime rate issue and the need for solutions. However, the phrasing in some parts, such as "the custome of these nations can push the effort to become criminals," is vague and may confuse readers about the author’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the importance of addressing the problem, but it could be more assertive in emphasizing the urgency of action.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author should use more precise language and avoid vague terms. Clearly stating the position in the introduction and summarizing it strongly in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes and solutions to rising crime rates. However, some ideas lack sufficient support. For instance, the assertion that "the poor would be rude and cannot have a high level of education" is a generalization that requires further explanation and evidence. The solutions proposed are relevant but could benefit from elaboration on how they would effectively reduce crime rates.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. Additionally, expanding on each point with more detailed explanations would enhance the depth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of crime and potential solutions. However, some sentences, particularly in the discussion of societal judgment, stray into vague territory that could confuse the reader about how it directly relates to the crime rate. The phrase "revenge on everyone" is particularly unclear and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding ambiguous language and ensuring that each idea clearly connects back to the main topic will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it could benefit from clearer language, more detailed examples, and a more thorough exploration of the issues at hand.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow the introduction. However, the transition between the causes and solutions could be more explicit. For instance, the phrase "To combat this worrying issue" serves as a transition, but it could be strengthened by summarizing the causes before introducing the solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before moving on to the next. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "Having identified the root causes of rising crime rates, it is essential to explore potential solutions" would create a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect: the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development of ideas. The second cause is introduced but lacks a strong connection to the first cause, making the paragraph feel somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, in the second body paragraph, a topic sentence such as "Another significant factor contributing to rising crime rates is the societal stigma faced by the underprivileged" would clarify the focus of the paragraph. Additionally, consider using examples or explanations to support each point more thoroughly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "as a consequence," which help to organize the information. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but it could be more effectively integrated to show the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases that indicate contrast, addition, and cause-effect relationships. For instance, using "Moreover" to introduce additional solutions or "Conversely" to present opposing views would enhance the essay’s cohesion. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify the relationships between ideas, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the writing to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the sophistication and variety expected for a higher band score. For instance, phrases like "essential requirements" and "driving factors" are appropriate, but the essay relies on simpler vocabulary in other areas, such as "poor" and "rude." This limits the overall impression of lexical resource. Additionally, terms like "custome" (which should be "custom") indicate a lack of precision and can detract from the essay’s effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and sophisticated synonyms. For example, instead of repeating "criminals," they could use terms like "offenders" or "delinquents." Furthermore, exploring idiomatic expressions or more complex phrases could enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the poor would be rude" is vague and does not accurately convey the intended meaning. The use of "revenge on everyone" is also problematic, as it suggests a generalization that may not apply to all individuals in a socio-economic group. Such imprecision can confuse the reader and weaken the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should strive for clarity by selecting words that accurately reflect their intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "the poor would be rude," the writer could clarify that "individuals from lower socio-economic backgrounds may face societal stigma." This would provide a more precise explanation of the relationship between socio-economic status and criminal behavior.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains spelling errors, such as "custome," which should be "custom." Such mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may lead to misunderstandings. While the majority of the spelling is correct, even a few errors can impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s language proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or apps can aid in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "this essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind this problem" effectively introduce the topic, while "they can not only increase the fine but also apply more strict penalties" showcases a compound structure that adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Another reason is that the custome of these nations can push the effort to become criminals" is somewhat awkward and could benefit from rephrasing for clarity and complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For instance, instead of saying "the poor would be rude and cannot have a high level of education," you could say, "those from impoverished backgrounds often face societal prejudices that hinder their educational opportunities." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "the increase in the proportion of criminals in some nations receives much attention from all over the world" is grammatically correct but could be more concise. Additionally, phrases like "the custome of these nations" contain a spelling error ("custome" should be "custom"), and "the poor would be rude" is vague and could be misinterpreted. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for spelling errors and vague language. Consider using tools or resources to check for common grammatical mistakes. Additionally, practice using commas effectively, particularly in compound sentences, to enhance clarity. For example, "they can, for instance, give more opportunities for children" could be restructured for better flow and clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, with society’s development, one of the most fundamental needs of individuals is safety. Therefore, the rise in criminal rates in some nations receives significant attention from around the world. This essay aims to elucidate the driving factors behind this problem before outlining several viable solutions that should be adopted to tackle it.

There are two primary reasons why the rate of criminal activity tends to increase in certain countries. One main reason is that their legal systems are insufficiently stringent. With a low level of fines, criminals are not deterred because they can readily pay the fine, which can lead to a continuation of unlawful behavior even after serving their penalties. Another reason is that the customs of these nations can inadvertently encourage criminal behavior. This is because individuals often judge others based on their background. For example, those from disadvantaged backgrounds may be perceived as rude and lacking a high level of education, which can ultimately lead them to engage in illegal activities. As a result, it becomes more challenging for the disadvantaged to strive to overcome their circumstances, leading some to break the law as a form of revenge against societal judgments.

To combat this worrying issue, several essential steps should be taken. Firstly, governments can improve their legal frameworks. They can not only increase fines but also implement more stringent penalties, such as longer prison sentences; consequently, these criminals may be deterred from breaking the law due to the potential impact on various aspects of their lives, including economic, mental, and physical health. Secondly, they can implement policies to support disadvantaged individuals. For instance, providing more opportunities for youth through scholarships and free education can lead to improved lives and reduce societal biases, which may be mitigated over time if these conditions persist.

In conclusion, there are several underlying motives behind the upward trend in crime rates, stemming from both societal and governmental factors. It is crucial that the aforementioned measures be implemented to effectively address this pressing issue.