In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age? Is it positive or negative development?

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age? Is it positive or negative development?

In several nations, legislation has been enacted to prevent employers from rejecting job applicants because of their age. This essay contends that the establishment of such restrictions is a positive development.
For initial reasons, making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age promotes equal possibilities in the employment market. Any community must give its members an equal chance to compete for job opportunities, regardless of their age. Consider a 55-year-old software engineer who is extremely skilled and experienced and is seeking a position at a technology company. Without legislation against age discrimination, this candidate may be passed over in favor of a younger applicant, notwithstanding their valuable skills. However, because regulations prohibit age-based discrimination, the employer would be forced to evaluate applicants equally, based on their qualifications and experience rather than their age. As a result, this promotes a merit-based system in which the most qualified people are chosen for job positions.
Additionally, a diverse work environment is thought to promote creativity, innovation, and productivity. Companies that prohibit age discrimination in the employment process are more likely to establish a workforce with individuals of various ages, backgrounds, and opinions. This diversity can result in a more dynamic, flexible, and collaborative work environment. For example, a corporation made of people of varied ages provides numerous advantages. Younger personnel may introduce the most recent innovations and trends, whilst older employees give their valuable experience and tried-and-true tactics. This collaborative environment promotes a flexible and dynamic workplace, better preparing the organization to compete in the global market.
To summarize, making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age is a positive move that promotes equal chances and fosters a diverse work environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In several nations" -> "In several countries"
   Explanation: "Countries" is a more precise and formal term than "nations" in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "This essay contends" -> "This essay argues"
   Explanation: "Argues" is more specific and academically appropriate than "contends," which can imply a less formal or more subjective stance.

3. "For initial reasons" -> "Firstly"
   Explanation: "Firstly" is a more conventional and formal transitional phrase in academic writing, replacing the less formal "For initial reasons."

4. "making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age" -> "prohibiting employers from rejecting job applicants on the basis of age"
   Explanation: "Prohibiting" is more precise and formal than "making it illegal," and "on the basis of" is more academically appropriate than "based on" in formal writing.

5. "Any community must give its members" -> "Every community should provide its members"
   Explanation: "Every" is more precise than "any" in this context, and "should provide" is more formal than "must give," aligning better with the academic tone.

6. "extremely skilled and experienced" -> "highly skilled and experienced"
   Explanation: "Highly" is a more formal adverb than "extremely," which can sound overly emphatic in academic writing.

7. "Without legislation against age discrimination, this candidate may be passed over" -> "Without legislation prohibiting age discrimination, this candidate might be overlooked"
   Explanation: "Might be overlooked" is a more precise and formal way to express the possibility of being ignored, and "prohibiting" is more specific than "against" in this context.

8. "forced to evaluate applicants equally" -> "required to evaluate applicants on an equal basis"
   Explanation: "Required to evaluate applicants on an equal basis" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the requirement for fairness in the evaluation process.

9. "a diverse work environment is thought to promote" -> "a diverse work environment is believed to foster"
   Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise term than "promote" in this context, suggesting a nurturing or development of creativity, innovation, and productivity.

10. "Companies that prohibit age discrimination in the employment process are more likely to establish" -> "Companies that prohibit age discrimination in their employment processes are more likely to create"
    Explanation: "Their employment processes" is more specific and formal than "the employment process," and "create" is a more precise verb than "establish" in this context, suggesting the formation of a diverse workforce.

11. "Younger personnel may introduce the most recent innovations and trends" -> "Younger staff may introduce the latest innovations and trends"
    Explanation: "Staff" is a more formal term than "personnel," and "latest" is more precise than "most recent" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

12. "older employees give their valuable experience and tried-and-true tactics" -> "older employees contribute their valuable experience and established strategies"
    Explanation: "Contribute" is more formal than "give," and "established strategies" is a more precise and formal way to describe the tactics used by older employees.

13. "making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age" -> "prohibiting employers from rejecting job applicants on the basis of age"
    Explanation: This is a repetition of the earlier suggestion, to maintain consistency and enhance the formal tone throughout the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating that the legislation against age discrimination is a positive development. The author outlines the benefits of such laws, focusing on equal opportunities and the advantages of a diverse workforce. However, while the essay does touch on both sides of the argument (the positive aspects), it does not explicitly acknowledge any potential negative implications or counterarguments, which could provide a more balanced view.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could briefly mention possible drawbacks of the legislation, such as the potential for younger candidates to feel overlooked or the challenges that might arise in industries where physical age may impact job performance. Including a counterargument would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position of the essay is clear from the outset, as the author states their contention that the legislation is a positive development. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph reinforcing this viewpoint. The use of phrases like "this essay contends" and "to summarize" helps to frame the argument effectively.
  • How to improve: Although the position is clear, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions that reiterate the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph. This would further strengthen the coherence of the essay and remind the reader of the central thesis as they progress through the points.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas, particularly in discussing the benefits of equal opportunities and diversity in the workplace. The use of specific examples, such as the case of a 55-year-old software engineer, effectively supports the argument. However, while the ideas are extended, there is room for more depth in the analysis of how diversity leads to innovation and productivity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author could include more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the positive outcomes of diverse workplaces, such as studies showing increased productivity or creativity in diverse teams. Additionally, discussing how age diversity can lead to mentorship opportunities could further enrich the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of age discrimination and its implications in the workplace. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, and there are no significant deviations from the topic. The logical flow from one point to the next helps maintain relevance throughout.
  • How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the prompt. For instance, when discussing the benefits of diversity, it could be beneficial to explicitly link these benefits back to the legislation against age discrimination, reinforcing how such laws facilitate these positive outcomes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates its arguments. With minor adjustments to include counterarguments, enhance transitions, and provide more specific examples, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific reason supporting the thesis, which enhances the overall coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses equal opportunities, while the second emphasizes the benefits of a diverse workforce. This clear separation of ideas allows the reader to follow the argument easily.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase like "In addition to promoting equal opportunities, another significant benefit of this legislation is…" could help to create a smoother transition and reinforce the connection between the ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details, making it easy for the reader to understand the argument. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the essay appropriately.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One of the primary advantages of prohibiting age discrimination is the promotion of equal opportunities in the job market." This would reinforce the focus of the paragraph right from the start.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument and clarify relationships between points.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Conversely" can add variety and enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for example, "notwithstanding" in the first body paragraph could be replaced with "despite" for clearer comprehension.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "legislation," "discrimination," "merit-based system," and "collaborative work environment." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to a nuanced argument. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could enhance the richness of the text. For example, the phrase "reject job applicants" is repeated; alternatives like "dismiss" or "turn down" could diversify the language.
  • How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "age discrimination," they could use "age bias" or "age-related prejudice" in subsequent mentions. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, particularly in the context of discussing the implications of age discrimination. Phrases like "equal opportunities" and "qualified people" are used correctly. However, the phrase "making it illegal" could be more formally expressed as "prohibiting" or "banning," which would enhance the academic tone of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more formal language and avoiding colloquial expressions. For example, replacing "making it illegal" with "enacting legislation to prohibit" would not only enhance precision but also elevate the overall tone of the essay.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is accurate, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "legislation," "possibilities," and "experience" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can reinforce correct spelling habits. Engaging with new vocabulary in context can also help solidify spelling in memory.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 8. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Consider a 55-year-old software engineer who is extremely skilled and experienced and is seeking a position at a technology company" effectively conveys detailed information. Additionally, the use of conditional phrases, such as "Without legislation against age discrimination, this candidate may be passed over," showcases the writer’s ability to manipulate sentence forms to express nuanced ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which could benefit from further diversification.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This essay contends" or "To summarize," try beginning with a dependent clause or an introductory phrase to create more dynamic openings. Additionally, integrating rhetorical questions or varying the sentence length can help maintain reader engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age promotes equal possibilities in the employment market" is grammatically correct, but the term "possibilities" could be more effectively replaced with "opportunities" for clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "notwithstanding their valuable skills" to separate the clauses more clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to word choice and ensure that terms are contextually appropriate. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in complex sentences. Practicing sentence diagramming can help identify where additional punctuation may be beneficial. Regularly proofreading essays for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, will also contribute to a higher level of accuracy.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, meriting a Band 8. Continued focus on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will further enhance the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In several countries, legislation has been enacted to prevent employers from rejecting job applicants on the basis of age. This essay argues that the establishment of such restrictions is a positive development.

Firstly, making it illegal for employers to reject job applicants based on their age promotes equal opportunities in the employment market. Every community should provide its members an equal chance to compete for job opportunities, regardless of their age. Consider a 55-year-old software engineer who is highly skilled and experienced and is seeking a position at a technology company. Without legislation prohibiting age discrimination, this candidate might be overlooked in favor of a younger applicant, despite their valuable skills. However, because regulations prohibit age-based discrimination, the employer is required to evaluate applicants on an equal basis, focusing on their qualifications and experience rather than their age. As a result, this promotes a merit-based system in which the most qualified individuals are chosen for job positions.

Additionally, a diverse work environment is believed to foster creativity, innovation, and productivity. Companies that prohibit age discrimination in their employment processes are more likely to create a workforce composed of individuals of various ages, backgrounds, and perspectives. This diversity can lead to a more dynamic, flexible, and collaborative work environment. For example, a corporation made up of people of varied ages provides numerous advantages. Younger staff may introduce the latest innovations and trends, while older employees contribute their valuable experience and established strategies. This collaborative environment enhances a flexible and dynamic workplace, better preparing the organization to compete in the global market.

To summarize, prohibiting employers from rejecting job applicants on the basis of age is a positive move that promotes equal opportunities and fosters a diverse work environment.