In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy a wide variety of foods transported from all over the world. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks?
In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy a wide variety of foods transported from all over the world. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks?
In recent year, it is true that citizens are able to buy variety of food, which is produced from all countries over the world. Although this trend has some clear benefits, I would content that drawbacks it brings to individuals and society are more significant.
On the other hand, there are a number of arguments clarifying why several people believe this trend is disadvantageous. One of the primary causes for this situation is that the domestic companies may face fierce competition from multinational corporations with abundant potential. This may lead to a situation where the domestic businesses can not develope and have many difficulties in import process. Additionally, national economy will depend heavily on foreign producers, which may have harmful impacts on the health of the nationl economy.
On the other hand, I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages due to some more compelling reasons. One of the principal reasons explaining my stance towards his circumstance is the benefits it bring to the consumers. More specifically, the people can approach a lot of different type of food, so they have more choices for themself. People do not need to buy a large of food because they can choose anything is available at the central mall or supermarket. Another convincing explanation worth mentioning is the benefits it bring to foreign businesses. Trading and exporting to other countries will help the companies diversify their customer sources and increase their sales revenue. Research recently conducted at the University of Amsterdam has provided definitive evidence for this case, with the statistics showing that the percentage of revenue of Mr Togawa, owner of a air conditioning business saw increased 5% of revenue each year from expand product market.
To sum up, although transporting food from all over the world can create potential competition between domestic and foreign producers, I still this is a positive negative development because of the benefits it bring to the consumers and revenue of foreign businesses.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In recent year" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: "Years" should be plural to correctly reflect the general trend over time, enhancing the grammatical accuracy of the statement. -
"buy variety of food" -> "purchase a variety of foods"
Explanation: "Purchase" is more formal than "buy," and "foods" should be plural to match the context of multiple types of food. -
"which is produced from all countries over the world" -> "which is produced from countries worldwide"
Explanation: "Countries worldwide" is a more concise and formal way to express the global origin of the food. -
"I would content that drawbacks" -> "I contend that the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Contend" is the correct verb form for asserting an argument, and "the drawbacks" should be used to specify the type of drawbacks being discussed. -
"are more significant" -> "are more significant"
Explanation: The phrase should be separated from the preceding clause for clarity and grammatical correctness. -
"clarifying why several people believe" -> "explaining why some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Explaining" is more precise in an academic context than "clarifying," and "some individuals" is more formal than "several people." -
"can not develope" -> "cannot develop"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct contraction for "can not," and "develop" should be used instead of "develope" for the correct spelling. -
"have many difficulties in import process" -> "face numerous difficulties in the import process"
Explanation: "Face numerous difficulties" is more formal and precise, and "the import process" should be used to specify the context. -
"national economy will depend heavily on foreign producers" -> "the national economy will heavily depend on foreign producers"
Explanation: The correct order for the phrase is "will heavily depend," aligning with formal English syntax. -
"harmful impacts on the health of the nationl economy" -> "adverse impacts on the health of the national economy"
Explanation: "Adverse" is more precise than "harmful" in this context, and "national" should be capitalized as it refers to the country’s economy. -
"the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages" -> "the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages"
Explanation: This is a redundant repetition, and the sentence could be rephrased for clarity and conciseness. -
"the people can approach a lot of different type of food" -> "consumers can access a wide variety of foods"
Explanation: "Consumers" is more specific and formal than "the people," and "access a wide variety of foods" is more precise and academically appropriate. -
"they have more choices for themself" -> "they have more choices available to them"
Explanation: "Available to them" is grammatically correct and more formal than "for themself." -
"do not need to buy a large of food" -> "do not need to purchase large quantities of food"
Explanation: "Purchase large quantities of food" is more precise and formal than "buy a large of food." -
"anything is available at the central mall or supermarket" -> "any products available at central malls or supermarkets"
Explanation: "Any products available" is more specific and formal, and "central malls or supermarkets" is grammatically correct. -
"the benefits it bring to foreign businesses" -> "the benefits it brings to foreign businesses"
Explanation: "Brings" should be the correct verb form to match the subject-verb agreement. -
"Research recently conducted at the University of Amsterdam" -> "Research conducted recently at the University of Amsterdam"
Explanation: "Conducted recently" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"the percentage of revenue of Mr Togawa" -> "the revenue percentage of Mr. Togawa"
Explanation: "Revenue percentage" is the correct term, and "Mr." should be capitalized as a title. -
"saw increased 5% of revenue each year" -> "saw a 5% increase in revenue each year"
Explanation: "A 5% increase in revenue" is grammatically correct and clearer than "saw increased 5% of revenue." -
"I still this is a positive negative development" -> "I still consider this a positive development"
Explanation: "Consider" is the correct verb for expressing an opinion, and "positive development" is grammatically correct.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of the global food trade. However, the discussion of drawbacks is less developed than that of the benefits. The essay mentions competition faced by domestic companies and the potential negative impact on the national economy, but these points are not fully elaborated. For instance, the mention of "fierce competition" lacks specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to balance the discussion of benefits and drawbacks more effectively. This could involve providing more detailed examples of the drawbacks, such as specific impacts on local businesses or communities, and discussing how these might manifest in real-world scenarios.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, but this stance is somewhat undermined by the lack of clarity in the transition between discussing drawbacks and benefits. Phrases like "On the other hand" are used, but they can create confusion regarding the writer’s stance. The conclusion also states "I still this is a positive negative development," which is contradictory and unclear.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use consistent language that reinforces their viewpoint. Clear transitions that explicitly state the writer’s stance (e.g., "Despite these drawbacks, I believe…") can help guide the reader. Additionally, refining the conclusion to clearly restate the position without contradictions would strengthen the overall clarity.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of global food availability, such as increased consumer choice and revenue for foreign businesses. However, the support for these ideas is inconsistent. For example, the reference to research from the University of Amsterdam is vague and lacks context. The statistics mentioned are not clearly linked to the argument about food trade, which diminishes their effectiveness.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more concrete examples and data to support their claims. For instance, when discussing consumer choice, specific examples of popular international foods or trends could be included. Additionally, ensuring that all evidence directly relates to the argument being made will enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on the benefits and drawbacks of global food trade. However, some sections wander slightly, particularly when discussing the impact on foreign businesses, which could be more directly tied back to the main question of whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question. This might involve explicitly linking the discussion of foreign businesses back to the overall benefits and drawbacks, perhaps by discussing how their success impacts local economies or consumer choices.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, improvements in balance, clarity, support, and focus will enhance the overall effectiveness and coherence of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the drawbacks to the advantages is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "On the other hand" is used twice, which can create confusion about the structure of the argument. Additionally, the points made in the body paragraphs could be better linked to the thesis statement to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases that signal shifts in argument, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly relates back to the thesis. This will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses drawbacks but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. The second body paragraph, while it discusses advantages, also lacks a strong opening that ties back to the thesis. This can lead to a lack of clarity about the main points being made.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, consider using a consistent structure within paragraphs: introduce the main idea, provide supporting details, and conclude with a sentence that links back to the overall argument. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "additionally," and "more specifically." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay. For example, the phrase "bring to the consumers" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for instance." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also enhance the reader’s understanding of how ideas are connected. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve overall cohesion.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including terms like "multinational corporations," "abundant potential," and "diversify." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "the benefits it bring" and "the advantages of this trend." The use of "disadvantageous" is appropriate, but the overall lexical variety could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "benefits," alternatives like "advantages," "gains," or "positive aspects" could be utilized. Additionally, introducing more complex vocabulary related to economics and consumer behavior would strengthen the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the drawbacks it brings to individuals and society are more significant," where "drawbacks" could be better articulated as "negative impacts" or "adverse effects." Furthermore, the phrase "a large of food" is incorrect and should be "a large amount of food." The term "national economy" is used correctly, but "nationl economy" is a spelling error that detracts from precision.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "the benefits it bring," it should be "the benefits it brings." Practicing the use of collocations and ensuring subject-verb agreement will enhance precision. Additionally, reviewing vocabulary in context can help avoid such errors.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "year" instead of "years," "develope" instead of "develop," and "nationl" instead of "national." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling quizzes. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct these errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing apps that highlight spelling mistakes can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Although this trend has some clear benefits, I would content that drawbacks it brings to individuals and society are more significant.") and simple sentences. However, the range is limited, and many sentences are structurally similar, which affects the overall fluency and coherence. For instance, the repeated use of "One of the primary causes for this situation is…" and "Another convincing explanation worth mentioning is…" indicates a lack of diversity in sentence openings and types.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, use different introductory phrases, and vary the sentence length. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "One of the," the writer could use alternatives like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "Moreover," which would help in creating a more engaging and varied writing style.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity and coherence. For example, "In recent year" should be "In recent years," and "variety of food" should be "a variety of foods." Additionally, phrases like "the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages due to some more compelling reasons" are awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For instance, the sentence "I still this is a positive negative development because of the benefits it bring to the consumers and revenue of foreign businesses" could be revised to "I still believe that this is a positive development due to the benefits it brings to consumers and the revenue of foreign businesses."
By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent years, it is true that citizens are able to purchase a variety of foods, which are produced from countries worldwide. Although this trend has some clear benefits, I contend that the drawbacks it brings to individuals and society are more significant.
There are several arguments explaining why some individuals believe this trend is disadvantageous. One of the primary reasons for this situation is that domestic companies may face fierce competition from multinational corporations with abundant resources. This may lead to a situation where domestic businesses cannot develop and face numerous difficulties in the import process. Additionally, the national economy will heavily depend on foreign producers, which may have adverse impacts on the health of the national economy.
On the other hand, I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages due to some compelling reasons. One of the principal reasons explaining my stance on this circumstance is the benefits it brings to consumers. More specifically, people can access a wide variety of foods, so they have more choices available to them. They do not need to purchase large quantities of food because they can choose any products available at central malls or supermarkets. Another convincing explanation worth mentioning is the benefits it brings to foreign businesses. Trading and exporting to other countries will help these companies diversify their customer base and increase their sales revenue. Research conducted recently at the University of Amsterdam has provided definitive evidence for this case, with statistics showing that the revenue percentage of Mr. Togawa, the owner of an air conditioning business, saw a 5% increase in revenue each year from expanding his product market.
To sum up, although transporting food from all over the world can create potential competition between domestic and foreign producers, I still consider this a positive development because of the benefits it brings to consumers and the revenue of foreign businesses.