In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while it others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these view.

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while it others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight.
How far do you agree with either of these view.

Currently, education is always one of the key factors for the development of country. Therefore, in some nations worldwide, approaching education for children when at young age is entirely necessary and should be cared. In contrast, others believe that it still to early to children access with an educational environment and it would be more proper than when starting at seven or eight. Personally, I firmly agree with former perspective that I would elucidate in this essay.
On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why it is not essential for kids to go to schools early, especially at four and five age. Obviously, children who are under six years old, are still so small that the early education should be applied to them, because of its potential dangers in outside and eventually leading to the significant impact on the comprehensive development of kids. For example, when the preschoolers are trained under a same place, they easily mimic the misbehavior of other peers, and if this turns out in the long period, it may form bad habits that are actually a difficulty to change in the future. moreover, many parents would feel unsafety when putting their child in a environment without their supervision. Therefore, starting the official education would be more suitable with the school-age child rather than preschoolers to ensure the safety of children.
On the other hand, allowing children under 5 ages to be exposed with the early learning environment can bring some benefits for their development, involving setting up the confident and independent ability. Firstly, when kids are received the early formal education, they will have more opportunities to communicate and learn new lessons from other peers. In addition, the preschoolers would be get accustomed to unknown persons and this is a primary to help them become more confident than when only staying at home with their relatives. Furthermore, going to schools is also a good idea for children to establish the independence without having any supportiveness of their parents and they have to accomplish all their personal schedule alone; if kids carry out these activities as a daily habit, it will create the independence for them from small ages. Therefore, beginning formal education at four years old for kids is a necessary factor to develop their good habits.
In conclusion, although there are some risks when preschoolers are received the early educational accessibility, including imitating bad behaviors of their peers and the safety is not ensured enough, I believe that children should begin formal education at the early age because it not only help them setting up the confidence but it also promote the independent capability.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Currently, education is always one of the key factors for the development of country." -> "Education is consistently a crucial factor in national development."
   Explanation: The phrase "consistently a crucial factor" is more precise and formal than "always one of the key factors," and "national development" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "the development of country."

2. "approaching education for children when at young age is entirely necessary and should be cared" -> "providing education to children at a young age is essential and warrants attention"
   Explanation: "Providing education" is more specific than "approaching education," and "warrants attention" is more formal than "should be cared." Additionally, "at a young age" is more grammatically correct than "when at young age."

3. "it still to early to children access with an educational environment" -> "it is still too early for children to access an educational environment"
   Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors ("it still to early" to "it is still too early") and uses "for" instead of "to" for the correct preposition.

4. "and it would be more proper than when starting at seven or eight" -> "and it would be more appropriate than starting at seven or eight"
   Explanation: "More appropriate" is a more precise and formal term than "more proper," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

5. "I firmly agree with former perspective" -> "I strongly support the former perspective"
   Explanation: "Strongly support" is more formal and precise than "firmly agree," and "the former perspective" is grammatically correct.

6. "children who are under six years old, are still so small that the early education should be applied to them" -> "children under six years old are still too young for early education"
   Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.

7. "because of its potential dangers in outside" -> "due to potential dangers outside"
   Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "because of," and "outside" should be "outside" without the definite article.

8. "and if this turns out in the long period" -> "and if this persists over a long period"
   Explanation: "Persists over a long period" is more precise and academically appropriate than "turns out in the long period."

9. "it may form bad habits that are actually a difficulty to change in the future" -> "it may form habits that are difficult to change in the future"
   Explanation: "Difficult to change" is grammatically correct and more direct than "a difficulty to change."

10. "many parents would feel unsafety" -> "many parents would feel unsafe"
    Explanation: "Unsafe" is the correct adjective form, not "unsafety."

11. "involving setting up the confident and independent ability" -> "including developing confidence and independence"
    Explanation: "Developing confidence and independence" is more precise and grammatically correct than "setting up the confident and independent ability."

12. "the preschoolers would be get accustomed to unknown persons" -> "the preschoolers would become accustomed to unfamiliar individuals"
    Explanation: "Become accustomed to" is grammatically correct, and "unfamiliar individuals" is more formal than "unknown persons."

13. "it will create the independence for them from small ages" -> "it will foster independence from an early age"
    Explanation: "Foster independence" is more precise and formal than "create the independence," and "from an early age" is grammatically correct.

14. "beginning formal education at four years old for kids is a necessary factor to develop their good habits" -> "initiating formal education at four years old is crucial for developing good habits in children"
    Explanation: "Initiating" is more formal than "beginning," and "crucial" is more precise than "necessary factor." Also, "in children" is more appropriate than "for kids."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives on the appropriate age for children to begin formal education. The writer presents arguments for both sides, although the focus leans more towards supporting early education. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, which is that they agree with the perspective advocating for early education. However, the discussion of the opposing view lacks depth and could benefit from more elaboration.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each perspective is explored equally. This could involve providing more detailed examples and explanations for the viewpoint against early education, thereby creating a more balanced argument. Additionally, explicitly addressing the question "How far do you agree?" could help clarify the writer’s stance.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring early education, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the support for this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while the first body paragraph discusses the drawbacks of early education, it could more explicitly connect these points back to the writer’s overall argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument after presenting counterarguments. This could involve using transitional phrases that remind the reader of the writer’s stance, reinforcing it after discussing the opposing view.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of early education, such as fostering independence and confidence. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, the explanation of how early education fosters independence lacks specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include citing studies or expert opinions on early childhood education, or providing specific anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of starting education at a younger age.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, addressing the question of when children should begin formal education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the discussion of safety and misbehavior could be more directly tied to the central argument about the timing of education.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the question posed in the prompt. This could involve revising sentences to clarify how each argument supports the overall thesis, and avoiding tangential points that do not contribute to the main discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in terms of depth, balance, and clarity. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their Task Response score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of early education. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are structured to present opposing views. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the reasons against early education and those in favor could be more fluid. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to organize the information, but the connections between ideas sometimes feel abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the disadvantages of early education, a sentence summarizing those points before introducing the advantages could help the reader follow the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the argument against early education before delving into supporting details.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Additionally, maintaining a consistent structure within paragraphs—starting with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and concluding with a summary or transition—will enhance clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "for example," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "moreover" is used, but it could be replaced with a more varied range of devices to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "furthermore," "consequently," or "on the contrary" can add depth to the writing. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not excessively will help maintain the essay’s flow without making it feel forced.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks sophistication and variety in word choice. For instance, phrases like "key factors for the development of country" and "it would be more proper" are somewhat simplistic and could be expressed more eloquently. Additionally, terms like "misbehavior" and "good habits" are common and do not showcase a wider lexical range.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more advanced synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of "key factors," consider using "crucial determinants" or "pivotal elements." Instead of "good habits," one might say "constructive behaviors" or "positive practices."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "it still to early to children access with an educational environment" is awkward and unclear. The use of "to early" should be corrected to "too early," and the phrase "access with" is incorrect; it should be "access to." Such imprecisions can confuse readers and detract from the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness will enhance understanding. For instance, rephrasing "it still to early to children access with an educational environment" to "it is still too early for children to access an educational environment" would improve clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "unsafety" (which should be "unsafe"), "accomplish all their personal schedule alone" (should be "schedules"), and "received the early formal education" (should be "receive"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling, which can undermine the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with vocabulary related to the topic can help reduce errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "it still to early to children access with an educational environment." This sentence lacks clarity and proper structure, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence types, including conditional sentences (e.g., "If children start school early, they may…") and relative clauses (e.g., "Children who start school early often…"). Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases and varied sentence openings can help create a more dynamic writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "it still to early" should be corrected to "it is still too early," and "the early education should be applied to them" could be rephrased for clarity. Punctuation errors, such as the comma before "are still so small," disrupt the flow of sentences. Additionally, the misuse of "moreover" at the beginning of a sentence should be followed by a comma for proper punctuation.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence correction exercises can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly will enhance the overall readability. Utilizing grammar-checking tools could also help identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, the limited range of sentence structures and grammatical inaccuracies significantly impact the overall effectiveness. By diversifying sentence types and improving grammatical precision, the writer can enhance their score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, education is consistently a crucial factor in the development of a country. Therefore, in some nations worldwide, providing education to children at a young age is essential and warrants attention. In contrast, others believe that it is still too early for children to access an educational environment, and it would be more appropriate than starting at seven or eight. Personally, I strongly support the former perspective, which I will elucidate in this essay.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why it is not essential for kids to attend school early, especially at the ages of four and five. Obviously, children who are under six years old are still too young for early education due to potential dangers outside, which could significantly impact their overall development. For example, when preschoolers are trained in the same place, they may easily mimic the misbehavior of their peers. If this persists over a long period, it may form habits that are difficult to change in the future. Moreover, many parents would feel unsafe when putting their child in an environment without their supervision. Therefore, starting formal education would be more suitable for school-age children rather than preschoolers to ensure their safety.

On the other hand, allowing children under five years old to be exposed to an early learning environment can bring some benefits for their development, including developing confidence and independence. Firstly, when kids receive early formal education, they will have more opportunities to communicate and learn new lessons from their peers. In addition, preschoolers would become accustomed to unfamiliar individuals, which is crucial for helping them become more confident than if they were only staying at home with their relatives. Furthermore, attending school is also a good idea for children to establish independence without relying on their parents for support. They must accomplish their personal schedules alone; if kids carry out these activities as a daily habit, it will foster independence from an early age. Therefore, initiating formal education at four years old is crucial for developing good habits in children.

In conclusion, although there are some risks when preschoolers receive early educational access, including imitating bad behaviors of their peers and insufficient safety, I believe that children should begin formal education at an early age because it not only helps them develop confidence but also promotes their independent capabilities.