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In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In some country nowadays, more and more graduated tend to keeping are living with their parents despite achieving educational degree and finding a job. In my opinion, while this can have some good benefits, I believe that the disadvantages is much more significant than the advantages.
Admittedly, living in parents house can help young people a lot. From the financial perspective, young people don't have any property, and the price of house is steadily increasing, so that young people don't have enough money to buy a house. Staying with parents can save a large amount of money for youngsters for future career. Moreover, staying people also mean that parents can help the son or daughter some housework such as preparing meals, feeding children, … This can reduce time doing housework for youngsters after a day.
However, the drawbacks of staying with grandmother is much more bigger than the good side. Firstly, there might have generations gap between parents and their children. Parents is differently from their children due to the period, so that they may not accept anything their children do, such as early marry, going home too late. Secondly, staying with parents may result in the dependence of the youngsters. Because parents always do the housework and help them about financial, this is means that when their parents cannot live with them, the youngsters will face up to difficulty because they cannot do housework, don't have reserved money. This case is really true with my cousin, who lived with his moms in their home. When his mom went to the countryside, he is always didn't have enough time to do housework and feed his children, because he always went home late, at 10.00 PM.
In conclusion, despite the benefits of staying with parents, I think that the disadvantages is more significant.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "more and more graduated tend to keeping are living" -> "an increasing number of graduates tend to continue living"
    Explanation: Replacing "more and more graduated tend to keeping are living" with "an increasing number of graduates tend to continue living" provides a more grammatically correct and formal expression, avoiding the awkward use of words.

  2. "disadvantages is much more significant" -> "disadvantages are much more significant"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "disadvantages is" to "disadvantages are" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains a formal tone.

  3. "living in parents house" -> "living in their parents’ house"
    Explanation: Adding the possessive form "their" and the apostrophe to "parents’" improves clarity and accuracy, adhering to proper possessive usage.

  4. "young people don’t have any property" -> "young people don’t possess any property"
    Explanation: Replacing "have any" with "possess" enhances the formality of the language, providing a more sophisticated expression while retaining clarity.

  5. "staying with parents can save a large amount of money for youngsters for future career" -> "residing with parents can save a substantial amount of money for young individuals for their future careers"
    Explanation: Substituting "staying with" with "residing with" and using more formal language like "substantial amount of money" contributes to a more academic tone without sacrificing clarity.

  6. "staying people also mean" -> "living with parents also means"
    Explanation: Changing "staying people also mean" to "living with parents also means" improves the grammatical structure and maintains a more formal style.

  7. "staying with grandmother" -> "living with parents"
    Explanation: Correcting "staying with grandmother" to "living with parents" ensures accuracy and eliminates the incorrect term.

  8. "might have generations gap" -> "might experience a generation gap"
    Explanation: Replacing "might have generations gap" with "might experience a generation gap" provides a more accurate and formal expression.

  9. "Parents is differently" -> "Parents are different"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "Parents is" to "Parents are" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  10. "such as early marry" -> "such as early marriage"
    Explanation: Changing "early marry" to "early marriage" corrects the phrase, making it more precise and formally accurate.

  11. "going home too late" -> "returning home late"
    Explanation: Substituting "going home too late" with "returning home late" maintains clarity and follows a more formal expression.

  12. "staying with parents may result in the dependence of the youngsters" -> "residing with parents may lead to the dependence of young individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "staying with parents may result in the dependence of the youngsters" with "residing with parents may lead to the dependence of young individuals" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "because parents always do the housework and help them about financial" -> "because parents consistently handle household chores and provide financial assistance"
    Explanation: Enhancing the clarity and formality by changing "do the housework and help them about financial" to "consistently handle household chores and provide financial assistance."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of adults living with their parents after completing education and finding jobs. The financial perspective and the potential benefits of parents helping with housework are presented. However, there is a need for more depth in analyzing the advantages and disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should provide more nuanced insights into the advantages and disadvantages, considering various aspects of each. Additionally, it’s crucial to fully address all components of the prompt, such as weighing whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is clear—the author believes that the disadvantages of living with parents outweigh the benefits. However, the clarity could be improved by explicitly stating this stance in the introduction and concluding paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly mention the author’s position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. This will help readers clearly understand the author’s viewpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about financial benefits and assistance with housework. However, the ideas lack development and are somewhat repetitive. Examples, such as the case of the cousin, are mentioned, but they are not thoroughly explained.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more specific and well-elaborated examples. Additionally, avoid repetition and ensure that each point is thoroughly developed for a more convincing argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of adults living with their parents. However, there are instances where the language and expression could be clearer, and some ideas are not fully relevant to the topic.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the author should ensure that each point directly relates to the advantages or disadvantages of adults living with their parents. Clearer language and structure will contribute to maintaining a more coherent and relevant essay.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more in-depth analysis, developing ideas with specific examples, and ensuring greater clarity and relevance in language and expression.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally presents a clear organization of ideas. The introduction states the writer’s opinion, and each paragraph focuses on either the advantages or disadvantages of adults living with their parents. However, the overall logical flow could be improved. The use of transitions between paragraphs is limited, and there is some repetition in the reasons presented for both advantages and disadvantages. For instance, the financial aspect is mentioned in both the advantages and disadvantages sections.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a clear and distinct structure for each paragraph. Introduce a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Also, use a variety of transitions to smoothly connect ideas and eliminate repetitive points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but there are areas where paragraphing can be refined for better coherence. For instance, the first paragraph is lengthy and could be divided to enhance readability. Additionally, there is a lack of clear topic sentences in some paragraphs, making it challenging for readers to understand the main point of each section.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that previews the content. Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to improve readability and maintain a consistent structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "Moreover," "However," "In conclusion"). However, the variety and effectiveness of these devices could be improved to create a smoother flow between ideas. Additionally, there is some repetition of phrases, impacting the overall cohesiveness.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of transition words and phrases. Ensure that the transition words are not only used at the beginning of sentences but also within sentences to establish stronger connections between ideas. Avoid unnecessary repetition and seek alternatives to maintain clarity and interest.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some variety is present, the use of words and expressions could be more diverse. For example, phrases like "young people" and "staying with parents" are repeated frequently, suggesting a limited vocabulary range.

    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of synonyms and expressions. Instead of consistently using phrases like "young people," try alternatives such as "the younger generation" or "individuals in their early adulthood." Introducing varied vocabulary will contribute to a more sophisticated and nuanced essay.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. While some terms, such as "financial perspective," are used appropriately, there are instances of imprecise language, like "keeping are living" and "staying with grandmother." These expressions may confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the message.

    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. For instance, replace "keeping are living" with "continuing to live," and substitute "staying with grandmother" with "living with parents." This not only clarifies your message but also contributes to a more polished and formal writing style.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a noticeable concern in the essay. Instances of misspelled words, such as "graduated" instead of "graduates," "staying people" instead of "staying with parents," and "didn’t" instead of "didn’t have," impact the overall readability of the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essay carefully. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools can help identify and correct spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing your work before submission will contribute to improved spelling and overall writing quality.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of vocabulary usage, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. Incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and paying close attention to spelling will enhance the overall Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to incorporate different sentence structures, such as compound sentences and complex structures. However, the variety is limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that affect the overall fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with more complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses, appositives, and varied sentence lengths. Additionally, paying attention to sentence coherence and avoiding awkward phrasing will contribute to a smoother flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of accurate and inaccurate grammar usage. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors, awkward word choices, and some punctuation issues. For example, "In some country nowadays" should be corrected to "In some countries nowadays." There is also a lack of consistent use of articles, as seen in "more graduated tend to keeping are living with their parents."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and overall sentence structure. Reviewing and editing for common grammatical errors, such as verb tense consistency, will contribute to a more polished essay. Additionally, attention to punctuation rules, especially in complex sentences, will enhance overall clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt at a range of structures, there is room for improvement in terms of fluency and coherence. Attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage, will significantly enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In some countries nowadays, an increasing number of graduates tend to continue living with their parents even after achieving an educational degree and finding a job. In my opinion, while this can have some good benefits, the disadvantages are much more significant than the advantages.

Admittedly, residing in their parents’ house can help young people a lot. From a financial perspective, young individuals often don’t possess any property, and the cost of houses is steadily increasing, making it challenging for them to afford one. Living with parents can save a substantial amount of money for young individuals for their future careers. Moreover, living with parents also means that parents can assist with some household chores, such as preparing meals and feeding children. This assistance can significantly reduce the time spent on housework for youngsters after a long day of work.

However, the disadvantages of living with parents are much more substantial than the positive aspects. Firstly, there might be a generation gap between parents and their children. Parents are different from their children due to the time period in which they grew up, leading to potential conflicts over lifestyle choices, such as early marriage or returning home late. Secondly, residing with parents may lead to the dependence of young individuals because parents consistently handle household chores and provide financial assistance. This means that when their parents cannot live with them, youngsters may face difficulties since they may struggle with household tasks and lack reserved money.

This situation is exemplified by my cousin, who lived with his mom in their home. When his mom went to the countryside, he always faced challenges in managing housework and taking care of his children because he often returned home late, around 10:00 PM.

In conclusion, despite the benefits of living with parents, I believe that the disadvantages are more significant. Young individuals might experience a generation gap, and the potential dependence on parents can pose challenges when they are not around to provide support.

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