In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Home ownership is crucial for citizens in numerous regions globally. This could be attributed to the concept that possessing a house may be an essential condition for a marriage, which can have a detrimental impact on individuals, particularly young generations.
Owning a home may be one of several criteria for marriage. Many developing countries have traditions that mandate male citizens to own a private home before proposing to women. For example, in Indian contemporary society, women may only accept the proposal if the men can afford a fully furnished house, including a toilet. This concept can significantly burden individuals and families financially.
However, this trend may be an adverse development since the pressure of owning private property could become an economic strain for young individuals. To meet the requirements for a marriage, young people may need to apply for a large loan from the bank to purchase a house. This could potentially result in them having to work intensively to pay off the loan. For instance, the average price of a property in Vietnam ranges from 2.5 to 5 billion VND, implying that a person would need to work for approximately 20 years at an average salary of 12 million per month to purchase it.
In conclusion, home ownership is a must-have condition for people to get married in parts of the world, putting terrible financial strains and mental pressure on homeowners. Thus, such a view should be reconsidered to reduce pressure on not just current but also future generations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Home ownership is crucial for citizens in numerous regions globally." -> "Home ownership is essential for citizens in various regions worldwide."
   Explanation: Replacing "crucial" with "essential" maintains a formal tone, and "various regions worldwide" is more precise and academically appropriate than "numerous regions globally."

2. "possessing a house may be an essential condition for a marriage" -> "the possession of a house may be a fundamental condition for marriage"
   Explanation: "The possession of a house" is more formal and precise than "possessing a house," and "fundamental" is a more academic term than "essential" in this context.

3. "can have a detrimental impact on individuals, particularly young generations." -> "may have a detrimental impact on individuals, particularly young generations."
   Explanation: Changing "can" to "may" softens the statement, aligning better with academic caution and uncertainty.

4. "Owning a home may be one of several criteria for marriage." -> "Home ownership may be one of several criteria for marriage."
   Explanation: "Home ownership" is a more formal and precise term than "Owning a home."

5. "mandate male citizens to own a private home" -> "require male citizens to own a private residence"
   Explanation: "Require" is more formal than "mandate," and "residence" is a more formal synonym for "home."

6. "fully furnished house, including a toilet" -> "fully furnished residence, including a toilet facility"
   Explanation: "Residence" is more formal than "house," and "toilet facility" is a more precise and formal term than "toilet."

7. "This concept can significantly burden individuals and families financially." -> "This concept can significantly burden individuals and families financially."
   Explanation: The repetition of "financially" is unnecessary and can be removed for clarity and conciseness.

8. "the pressure of owning private property could become an economic strain" -> "the pressure of owning private property may become an economic burden"
   Explanation: "Burden" is more specific and formal than "strain," and "may" is more appropriate than "could" in academic writing.

9. "young people may need to apply for a large loan from the bank" -> "young individuals may need to secure a substantial loan from a financial institution"
   Explanation: "Secure" is more formal than "apply for," and "financial institution" is more precise than "bank."

10. "This could potentially result in them having to work intensively to pay off the loan." -> "This could potentially lead to their having to work intensively to repay the loan."
    Explanation: "Lead to" is more formal than "result in," and "repay" is more precise than "pay off" in the context of loan repayment.

11. "the average price of a property in Vietnam ranges from 2.5 to 5 billion VND" -> "the average price of a property in Vietnam ranges from 2.5 to 5 billion Vietnamese dong"
    Explanation: Adding "Vietnamese dong" clarifies the currency, enhancing specificity and formality.

12. "a person would need to work for approximately 20 years at an average salary of 12 million per month" -> "an individual would need to work for approximately 20 years at an average monthly salary of 12 million Vietnamese dong"
    Explanation: "Individual" is more formal than "person," and specifying "monthly salary" clarifies the frequency of payment.

13. "a must-have condition for people to get married" -> "a fundamental requirement for individuals to marry"
    Explanation: "Fundamental requirement" is more formal and precise than "must-have condition," and "individuals" is more formal than "people."

14. "terrible financial strains and mental pressure" -> "significant financial burdens and mental stress"
    Explanation: "Significant" is more formal than "terrible," and "burdens" and "stress" are more precise and formal terms than "strains" and "pressure."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the first part of the prompt by explaining why home ownership is important in certain cultures, particularly focusing on marriage traditions in developing countries. The example of India is relevant and illustrates the cultural expectations surrounding home ownership. However, the second part of the prompt, which asks for a personal opinion on whether this situation is positive or negative, is somewhat underdeveloped. While the essay suggests that the pressure to own a home can be detrimental, it lacks a clear, explicit statement of the author’s overall stance on the issue.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the author should clearly state their opinion at the beginning of the essay and reiterate it in the conclusion. This could involve explicitly labeling the situation as "negative" or "positive" and providing a more balanced discussion that weighs both sides before concluding.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout: – Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that owning a home can be a burden, especially in the context of marriage. However, the position could be clearer and more consistently articulated throughout the essay. The transition from discussing the cultural importance of home ownership to the negative implications could be smoother, as the connection between these ideas is somewhat abrupt.

  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance. For example, after discussing the cultural importance, they could explicitly state, "Despite this cultural significance, I believe that…" This would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: – Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the financial burden of home ownership and its implications for young people. The use of specific examples, like the financial statistics from Vietnam, strengthens the argument. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the discussion about the mental pressure on homeowners is introduced but not fully explored.

  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points. For example, they could discuss the psychological effects of financial strain in more detail or provide additional examples from other cultures. This would provide a more comprehensive view of the implications of home ownership.

• Stay on Topic: – Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the cultural significance of home ownership and its consequences. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, while the essay mentions the financial strain, it could more directly link this back to the broader implications for society and future generations.

  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should regularly refer back to the prompt throughout the essay. This could involve explicitly connecting each point made back to the importance of home ownership and its societal implications. A brief outline of the main points at the beginning could also help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, addressing the suggestions above could elevate the score by enhancing clarity, coherence, and depth of analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of home ownership in certain cultures, particularly in the context of marriage. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow the initial claim. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the cultural expectations surrounding home ownership as a prerequisite for marriage, while the second body paragraph addresses the financial implications of this expectation. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between cultural expectations and financial strain is not explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the cultural expectations, a sentence could be added to bridge the gap to the financial implications, such as, "This cultural pressure not only influences personal choices but also leads to significant economic challenges."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a clear paragraph structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in readability. However, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the key points made in the body and reinforce the overall argument. Currently, it feels somewhat abrupt and does not fully encapsulate the discussion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. This could involve summarizing the cultural significance of home ownership and its financial implications, thereby providing a more comprehensive closure to the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for example," and "thus," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied devices could enhance clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "this could potentially result in" could be simplified or replaced with a more direct cohesive device to improve readability.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently." Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging flow. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "this," try restructuring some sentences to begin with the cohesive device or the result of the previous statement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "home ownership," "detrimental impact," and "economic strain." However, the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For instance, phrases like "crucial for citizens" and "terrible financial strains" are somewhat repetitive and lack nuance. The use of "private property" and "fully furnished house" is appropriate but could be expanded with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more diverse vocabulary related to the topic. For example, instead of repeating "home ownership," alternatives like "property ownership" or "real estate possession" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "significant financial burdens" instead of "terrible financial strains."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "adverse development" is somewhat vague; it could be more specific by explaining what kind of development is being referred to (e.g., "social pressure" or "cultural expectation"). Additionally, the term "young generations" could be more precisely stated as "young adults" or "youth."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the exact meaning intended. For example, instead of "detrimental impact," one could specify "negative impact on mental health." Engaging in exercises that focus on synonyms and context usage can help in selecting more precise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Indian contemporary society," which should be "Indian contemporary society" (capitalization) and "must-have condition," which is less formal and could be better expressed as "essential requirement." Overall, the spelling is mostly accurate, but attention to detail is needed.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing writing and revising essays can improve overall spelling skills, especially with commonly confused words.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise word choices, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences like "This could be attributed to the concept that possessing a house may be an essential condition for a marriage" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "Owning a home may be one of several criteria for marriage" is somewhat straightforward and could benefit from additional clauses or phrases to enhance complexity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more relative clauses, conditional sentences, or varying the placement of adverbials. For example, instead of saying "This could potentially result in them having to work intensively to pay off the loan," you might say, "If they are burdened with such loans, they may find themselves working intensively to pay them off." This not only adds variety but also enhances the clarity of cause and effect.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "the pressure of owning private property could become an economic strain for young individuals" is well-structured and clear. However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as the phrase "in Indian contemporary society," which could be more clearly stated as "in contemporary Indian society." Additionally, the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in complex sentences where clauses are joined.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation. Review the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are properly separated. For example, consider revising "This concept can significantly burden individuals and families financially" to "This concept can, in fact, significantly burden individuals and families financially," which adds clarity and improves flow. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, will further strengthen the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Home ownership is essential for citizens in various regions worldwide. This can be attributed to the notion that the possession of a house may be a fundamental condition for marriage, which may have a detrimental impact on individuals, particularly young generations.

Owning a home may be one of several criteria for marriage. In many developing countries, traditions require male citizens to own a private residence before proposing to women. For example, in contemporary Indian society, women may only accept a proposal if the men can afford a fully furnished residence, including a toilet facility. This concept can significantly burden individuals and families financially.

However, this trend may be an adverse development since the pressure of owning private property may become an economic burden for young individuals. To meet the requirements for marriage, young people may need to secure a substantial loan from a financial institution to purchase a house. This could potentially lead to their having to work intensively to repay the loan. For instance, the average price of a property in Vietnam ranges from 2.5 to 5 billion Vietnamese dong, implying that an individual would need to work for approximately 20 years at an average monthly salary of 12 million Vietnamese dong to afford it.

In conclusion, home ownership is a fundamental requirement for individuals to marry in certain parts of the world, resulting in significant financial burdens and mental stress for homeowners. Thus, such a view should be reconsidered to alleviate pressure on not just current but also future generations.