In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case?
Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some nations, it is believed that being the owner of a house rather than hiring one is very crucial for individuals. Personally, I believe that this tendency can be attributed to a whole host of reasons, and it is a negative circumstance.

It is understandable why some people consider that being the possessor of a house plays a more essential role than renting one. Firstly, owning a home can help people have a stable life. The reason is that they do not have to hunt for accommodation or rent contracts, which can help them concentrate on other pivotal things such as marriage or career goals. Secondly, people can make a clear long-term financial plan. This is because the monthly rent can be changed depending on landlords, which can be tough for them to estimate an exact amount of money spending every month.

However I strongly believe that possessing a home is a negative trend because of several rationals below. Chief of these is that home ownership can bind people to a certain place, which can hinder their occupations. In fact, this may become more difficult for some people who do a job transfer, especially state officials and civil servants. Moreover, the cost of purchasing a house is much higher than hiring one. For example, some people who do not have a stable job or just start to work may not be able to pay for a house while they need an accommodation to focus on their job paths.

In conclusion, although there are many reasons why individuals perceive that it is more vital to own a home rather than chartering one, personally I believe that this is a gloomy situation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "it is believed that" -> "it is widely believed that"
   Explanation: Adding "widely" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, indicating a broader consensus among people, which is more suitable for academic writing.

2. "being the owner of a house rather than hiring one" -> "owning a house rather than renting one"
   Explanation: "Owning a house rather than renting one" is a more direct and concise way to express the contrast, which is preferred in formal academic writing for clarity and brevity.

3. "it is a negative circumstance" -> "this is a negative trend"
   Explanation: "This is a negative trend" is more precise and commonly used in academic discourse to describe ongoing patterns or developments.

4. "consider that being the possessor of a house plays a more essential role" -> "believe that owning a house plays a more significant role"
   Explanation: "Believe" is more appropriate than "consider" in this context, and "significant" is a more academically precise term than "essential" when discussing importance.

5. "help people have a stable life" -> "facilitate a stable life for individuals"
   Explanation: "Facilitate" is a more formal and precise verb than "help," and "individuals" is a more formal term than "people" in academic writing.

6. "hunt for accommodation or rent contracts" -> "search for housing or negotiate rental agreements"
   Explanation: "Search for housing" and "negotiate rental agreements" are more specific and formal terms, enhancing the academic tone.

7. "can help them concentrate on other pivotal things" -> "enables them to focus on other crucial aspects"
   Explanation: "Enables" is a more formal verb than "can help," and "crucial aspects" is a more precise and formal phrase than "pivotal things."

8. "make a clear long-term financial plan" -> "develop a clear long-term financial strategy"
   Explanation: "Develop a clear long-term financial strategy" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing.

9. "the monthly rent can be changed" -> "monthly rent payments can fluctuate"
   Explanation: "Fluctuate" is a more precise term than "changed" when describing variations in rent, and "monthly rent payments" is a clearer and more formal phrase.

10. "which can be tough for them to estimate" -> "which can be challenging for them to estimate"
    Explanation: "Challenging" is a more formal synonym for "tough," aligning better with academic language.

11. "possessing a home is a negative trend" -> "home ownership is a negative trend"
    Explanation: "Home ownership" is a more formal and concise term than "possessing a home," and "trend" is more appropriate for describing ongoing patterns.

12. "rationals below" -> "reasons below"
    Explanation: "Reasons" is the correct term for listing explanations, whereas "rationals" is not commonly used in this context.

13. "bind people to a certain place" -> "tie individuals to a specific location"
    Explanation: "Tie" is a more formal verb than "bind," and "specific location" is a more precise term than "certain place."

14. "do a job transfer" -> "transfer jobs"
    Explanation: "Transfer jobs" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward construction "do a job transfer."

15. "much higher than hiring one" -> "substantially higher than renting"
    Explanation: "Substantially" is a more formal adverb than "much," and "renting" is the correct term for the context, replacing "hiring one."

16. "chartering one" -> "renting one"
    Explanation: "Renting" is the correct term for the context, replacing the less common and less precise "chartering."

17. "this is a gloomy situation" -> "this is a negative situation"
    Explanation: "Negative" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "gloomy," which carries an emotional connotation that is not suitable for formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses why owning a home is considered important (stability, financial planning) and whether this is positive or negative (negative due to mobility issues and cost).
  • How to improve: To improve, ensure each paragraph explicitly ties back to addressing the prompt. Expand on why some individuals prioritize home ownership more than renting.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that owning a home is a negative trend. This position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the thesis statement to more explicitly guide the essay’s direction from the outset. Ensure each body paragraph strongly supports this stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development but lacks depth in elaboration and support. For instance, while it mentions stability and financial planning, these points could be further expanded with examples or statistics.
  • How to improve: Extend arguments by providing concrete examples or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate the impact of owning versus renting. Use statistics or studies to bolster arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers into less relevant details (e.g., discussing job transfers of state officials).
  • How to improve: Maintain focus on the main topic of home ownership versus renting throughout each paragraph. Avoid introducing tangential issues that distract from the central argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear position and addresses the task prompt adequately, there is room for improvement in developing and supporting ideas more thoroughly. Strengthening the thesis statement and ensuring all paragraphs directly contribute to the argument will enhance coherence and clarity. Additionally, providing more detailed examples and maintaining strict relevance to the topic will elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a concluding statement. Each paragraph focuses on either reasons why home ownership is perceived as important or arguments against it, providing a structured approach to addressing the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transition phrases between paragraphs (e.g., "On the other hand," "In contrast," "Additionally"). This will help readers navigate the shifts between ideas more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, such as reasons for and against home ownership. However, paragraph lengths vary somewhat, with some being overly long (e.g., the second paragraph of the body).
  • How to improve: Aim for more consistent paragraph lengths to maintain coherence. Break longer paragraphs into smaller ones where appropriate to improve readability and clarity. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two paragraphs: one discussing stability and another discussing financial planning.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a reasonable range of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this tendency," "these reasons"), conjunctions ("however," "because"), and transitional phrases ("firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion"). These devices generally help connect ideas within and between sentences.
  • How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, consider integrating more sophisticated cohesive devices such as advanced transition words ("moreover," "therefore," "conversely") and cohesive markers (e.g., "as a result," "in comparison to"). This will enrich the essay’s coherence by establishing clearer relationships between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, effectively addressing the prompt with clear organization and adequate use of cohesive devices. With minor adjustments to paragraphing and the incorporation of more varied cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion (7 or above).

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary with some effective usage, such as "possessor," "pivotal," "rationals," and "gloomy situation." These terms contribute to clarity and depth in expressing ideas. However, there is a reliance on basic vocabulary in some parts, like "important," "chief," and "especially," which may limit lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of "important," phrases like "crucial," "vital," or "essential" could be used. In places where basic vocabulary is used, try to replace with more nuanced terms to enrich the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, though there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, "stable life," "long-term financial plan," and "job paths" are somewhat general terms that could benefit from more precise language. On the other hand, terms like "hindering their occupations" and "monthly rent" are more precise and contextually fitting.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices that precisely capture the intended meaning. For example, instead of "stable life," consider using "financial security" or "housing stability." Instead of "job paths," use "career trajectories" or "professional advancement." This will enhance clarity and effectiveness in conveying ideas.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy with few errors. Words like "possessor," "rationals," and "chartering" are correctly spelled. However, there are minor errors such as "pivotal" instead of "pivotal" and "occupations" instead of "occupation," which slightly affect precision.
  • How to improve: Review spellings carefully, paying attention to commonly misspelled words or errors due to typing quickly. Utilize spell-check tools but also develop a habit of proofreading to catch any overlooked mistakes. Practicing with spelling exercises focusing on commonly confused words would also be beneficial.

In conclusion, while the essay showcases a satisfactory level of lexical resource with some effective vocabulary use, there is room for improvement in diversifying and refining vocabulary choices for greater precision and impact. Attention to detail in spelling will further enhance clarity and professionalism in written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. It includes simple sentences ("It is understandable why…"), compound sentences ("Firstly, owning a home can help…"), complex sentences ("However, I strongly believe that…"), and conditional sentences ("For example, some people who do not have a stable job…"). These structures contribute to coherence and clarity, allowing the author to express different ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as inverted sentences ("Not only does owning a home provide stability…"), participial phrases ("Owning a home, which stabilizes one’s living situation…"), and rhetorical questions ("Could renting a home instead of owning one truly hinder…"). This will add sophistication and depth to the essay’s expression, helping to achieve an even higher band score.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. There are few errors, with most sentences structured correctly and punctuated appropriately. For instance, "it is believed" is correctly used in the introductory sentence, and commas are generally used to separate clauses and items in lists effectively.
  • How to improve: While the essay is generally accurate, attention should be given to minor errors such as subject-verb agreement ("Firstly, owning a home can help people have a stable life"), where "help" should agree with "people" in the plural form ("helps"). Additionally, ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay ("…while they need an accommodation to focus on their job paths" could be revised to "…while needing accommodation to focus on their career paths"). Reviewing these aspects will further refine grammatical accuracy, contributing to a more polished and cohesive essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation rules, further diversification of sentence structures and meticulous attention to minor grammatical details can lead to an even higher band score. These enhancements will not only strengthen the overall clarity and coherence of the essay but also elevate its academic and linguistic sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is considered very important for individuals. Personally, I believe that this trend can be attributed to several reasons, but it has negative aspects.

It is widely believed that owning a house plays a more significant role than renting one for various reasons. Firstly, owning a home can facilitate a stable life for individuals. This is because they do not have to search for housing or negotiate rental agreements, which enables them to focus on other crucial aspects such as marriage or career goals. Secondly, people can develop a clear long-term financial strategy. Monthly rent payments can fluctuate depending on landlords, which can be challenging for them to estimate accurately.

However, I believe that owning a home is a negative trend for several reasons. One of the main reasons is that it ties individuals to a specific location, which can be problematic if they need to transfer jobs. This situation can be especially difficult for state officials and civil servants who may have frequent job transfers. Additionally, the cost of purchasing a house is substantially higher than renting one. For instance, individuals who are new to the workforce or have unstable employment may struggle to afford a house while needing a stable accommodation to focus on their career paths.

In conclusion, while many people believe that owning a home is more important than renting one, I personally view this as a negative situation due to the reasons mentioned above.