In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

It is debated whether youngsters should spend a year between finishing high school and starting university studies to work or travel. While gap year may change the young's mind, make them lose motivation to continue studying, in a positive way, it is a chance for them to gain their life knowledge and pursue self-improvement. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree with stopping university courses to spend time for jobs or journeys.
To begin, if young people choose to work after finishing high school, they will enhance experiences and advance personal skills. Because when engaging in a professional environment, adolescents are forced to widen knowledge and boost their working skills to be suitable for jobs. As a consequence, not only do the youth pursue their self-enhancement but also they beautify their CVs for applying to other jobs in the future. Additionally, those who have to face financial situations can utilize this period to focus on generating income to pay for university fees, reducing financial burden for their parents. For example, many universities in Western countries appreciate students who experience different working environments before studying.
However, gap year also brings drawbacks for juveniles. Firstly, working for a period of time, some students gradually lose their motivation to continue studying because of the thought that engaging in some particular jobs is much more advantageous than spending 4 years immersing in difficult subjects. Consequently, the young give up their academic performances at the universities to concentrate on current jobs. Furthermore, those who choose to release their minds by having journeys will meet many difficulties such as they may revolt intensely when performing in an environment requiring discipline and rigor.
In conclusion, I am of the same mind as having a gap year before engaging in university because not only does it improve essential skills for adolescents but also takes a vital role in achieving personal development. However, whatever young people prioritize for, they need to discriminate carefully before deciding because decisions can impact their lives in the future.

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Errors and Improvements:

"youngsters" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is a somewhat informal term, while "young individuals" maintains the same meaning but sounds more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"gap year may change the young’s mind" -> "a gap year may alter the mindset of young people"
Explanation: Replacing "change the young’s mind" with "alter the mindset of young people" offers a more formal and precise expression, avoiding the possessive form "the young’s."
"in a positive way" -> "positively"
Explanation: "In a positive way" is slightly informal; "positively" is a more concise and formal alternative that maintains clarity.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is somewhat informal for academic writing; "In my view" provides a more formal transition to the author’s opinion.
"I wholeheartedly agree" -> "I strongly advocate"
Explanation: "Wholeheartedly agree" is colloquial; "strongly advocate" is a more formal and persuasive phrase suitable for academic discourse.
"To begin" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "To begin" is less formal; "Firstly" is a more suitable transition phrase for academic writing.
"adolescents" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: Repeating "young individuals" for consistency and formality.
"As a consequence" -> "Consequently"
Explanation: "As a consequence" is slightly wordy; "Consequently" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"CVs" -> "resumes"
Explanation: "CVs" is more commonly used in British English; "resumes" is the American English equivalent and is widely understood in academic contexts.
"juveniles" -> "young people"
Explanation: "Juveniles" is more commonly used in legal contexts; "young people" is a broader and more appropriate term here.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: "For example" is slightly informal; "For instance" is a more formal alternative commonly used in academic writing.
"those who have to face financial situations" -> "those facing financial constraints"
Explanation: "Have to face financial situations" is awkward; "facing financial constraints" is a more concise and formal expression.
"utilize" -> "use"
Explanation: "Utilize" is a formal word, but "use" is simpler and more direct, fitting better in this context.
"reducing financial burden for their parents" -> "alleviating financial pressure on their parents"
Explanation: "Reducing financial burden" can be stated more precisely as "alleviating financial pressure," which is more formal and academic.
"drawbacks for juveniles" -> "disadvantages for young individuals"
Explanation: "Drawbacks for juveniles" is a bit informal; "disadvantages for young individuals" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"Consequently, the young give up their academic performances" -> "Consequently, young individuals abandon their academic pursuits"
Explanation: "Give up their academic performances" is awkward; "abandon their academic pursuits" is a more formal and appropriate expression.
"Furthermore, those who choose to release their minds" -> "Moreover, those who opt to broaden their horizons"
Explanation: "Release their minds" is somewhat informal; "broaden their horizons" is a more formal and sophisticated phrase.
"revolt intensely when performing" -> "encounter significant challenges when adapting"
Explanation: "Revolt intensely when performing" is unclear and awkward; "encounter significant challenges when adapting" is more precise and formal.
"I am of the same mind as" -> "I concur with"
Explanation: "I am of the same mind as" is slightly informal; "I concur with" is a more formal and concise expression.
"takes a vital role in achieving" -> "plays a crucial role in attaining"
Explanation: "Takes a vital role in achieving" can be more concisely expressed as "plays a crucial role in attaining," which is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people taking a gap year between high school and university. It discusses the potential benefits such as gaining life knowledge, enhancing personal skills, and reducing financial burden, as well as drawbacks like losing motivation to study and facing challenges during travels or work experiences.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both sides of the argument, providing more specific examples and elaborating further on each point would strengthen the depth of analysis. Additionally, ensuring that each advantage and disadvantage is thoroughly explored can enhance the completeness of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance supporting the idea of taking a gap year before university. This position is maintained consistently throughout the essay, with the author expressing wholehearted agreement with the concept.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the author could explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion paragraphs. Additionally, reinforcing the stance with more robust reasoning and evidence can bolster the persuasive power of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, but some points lack development and support. For instance, while it mentions that working during a gap year can enhance personal skills and beautify CVs, it could provide specific examples or evidence to illustrate these claims more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should elaborate on each point with concrete examples, statistics, or personal anecdotes. Providing detailed explanations and evidence strengthens the argument and enhances the reader’s understanding.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, as prompted. However, there are minor instances where the connection to the topic could be clearer, such as the brief mention of universities appreciating students with work experience.
- How to improve: To ensure full relevance to the topic, the author should maintain a tight focus on how taking a gap year affects young people’s transition from high school to university. Avoiding tangential discussions or unrelated examples will help maintain coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and effectively presents arguments for both sides of the issue. To improve, the author should focus on providing more detailed explanations, supporting ideas with evidence, and ensuring a clear connection to the essay prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the logical progression within paragraphs. The ideas are somewhat scattered, making it challenging for the reader to follow the train of thought smoothly. For instance, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of taking a gap year could benefit from a more organized presentation of ideas to strengthen coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s crucial to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it cohesively. Consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the central theme of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, transitioning between paragraphs can be improved by using linking phrases or transitional words to guide the reader through the essay’s argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas, but the structure within paragraphs could be improved for greater clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear transitions between them, which can confuse the reader. For example, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages of taking a gap year addresses both work and travel without a clear delineation between them.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to focus on a single aspect of the argument, providing sufficient explanation and support for that specific idea. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument. Consider using transition words or phrases to smoothly connect ideas within paragraphs and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "to begin" and "in conclusion," to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. However, there is limited variety in the use of cohesive devices, leading to repetitive or simplistic transitions between ideas. For instance, the essay could benefit from employing a wider range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbial phrases, to enhance coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to reference previously mentioned concepts, conjunctions (e.g., "however," "furthermore") to connect contrasting or additive ideas, and adverbial phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "in addition") to indicate relationships between sentences or paragraphs. Varying the types of cohesive devices used will contribute to a more cohesive and engaging essay overall.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a varied vocabulary throughout. For instance, it employs diverse terms such as "debated," "adolescents," "immersing," and "advantageous," which contribute to the richness of expression.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a breadth of vocabulary, incorporating more nuanced and sophisticated terminology could further elevate the lexical range. Consider incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to education, employment, and personal development to enhance precision and depth in expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity and impact. For example, phrases like "widen knowledge" could be replaced with "expand their knowledge," and "lose their motivation" might be substituted with "experience a decline in motivation," which would provide greater precision and clarity.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific nuances of words and phrases used in the essay. Consider consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources to explore alternatives that convey your intended meaning with greater precision. Additionally, strive to use terminology that is contextually appropriate and accurately reflects the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are a few minor instances of misspelled words, such as "juveniles" (spelled as "juviniles") and "advantages" (spelled as "advantageous"). These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate areas for improvement in spelling consistency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct any misspelled words. Additionally, make a conscious effort to review and verify the spelling of key terms before finalizing the essay. Practicing regular writing exercises and engaging in reading activities can also help reinforce spelling skills over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and some simpler structures. There are instances of conditional sentences ("if…then"), relative clauses ("those who…"), and participial phrases ("engaging in a professional environment"). These structures contribute to the essay’s coherence and complexity.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s effectiveness, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures such as inversion ("Not only do… but also"), parallelism ("…not only does it improve essential skills for adolescents but also takes a vital role…"), and rhetorical devices like anaphora or epistrophe. Introducing these structures can elevate the sophistication of the essay and engage the reader on a deeper level.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where errors occur, affecting clarity and precision. For instance, there are minor errors in subject-verb agreement ("gap year also brings drawbacks"), article usage ("a period of time"), and word choice ("those who have to face financial situations"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions ("However, gap year also brings drawbacks…").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s advisable to review common grammar rules and pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and appropriate word choice. Utilizing proofreading techniques can help identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring clarity and precision in writing. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights for improvement. Specifically, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and coherence while maintaining grammatical accuracy throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The topic of whether young individuals should take a year off between finishing high school and beginning university studies to work or travel is a subject of debate. While a gap year may influence the mindset of young people and potentially reduce their motivation to continue their education, it can also have positive effects by providing them with valuable life experiences and opportunities for self-improvement. In my view, I strongly advocate for young individuals to consider pausing their university pursuits to explore employment or embark on journeys.

Firstly, if young individuals opt to work after completing high school, they can gain valuable experiences and develop essential skills. By immersing themselves in a professional environment, adolescents are compelled to broaden their knowledge and enhance their working abilities to meet job requirements. Consequently, not only do they pursue personal growth, but they also enhance their resumes, making them more competitive in the job market. Moreover, those facing financial constraints can use this time to earn income to contribute towards university expenses, thus alleviating financial pressure on their parents. For instance, many universities in Western countries value students who have gained diverse work experiences before pursuing higher education.

However, taking a gap year also presents disadvantages for young individuals. Firstly, some students may gradually lose their motivation to continue their studies after working for a period of time, as they may perceive certain jobs as more advantageous than spending four years immersed in challenging academic subjects. Consequently, some young people may abandon their academic pursuits to focus on their current jobs. Moreover, those who choose to broaden their horizons through travel may encounter significant challenges when adapting to new environments that require discipline and rigor.

In conclusion, I concur with the idea of taking a gap year before starting university, as it not only enhances essential skills for young individuals but also plays a crucial role in attaining personal development. However, it is essential for young people to carefully weigh their options before making a decision, as their choices can have long-term implications for their future.