In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. Do you agree or disagree? Write an essay (of about 300 words) to state your own opinion.

Making effort is regularly believed to lead to accomplishments of individuals. In some countries, people often suppose that children are able to reach success as long as they make sufficient attempts. In my point of view, despite acknowledging the importance of trying hard, I assume that in some cases, achievements cannot be reached without other factors which are talent and luck.

Granted, it is undeniable that trying hard plays an essential role in accomplishing successful results. In the first place, it is true that having substantial effort shows and boosts personal resilience, fostering people’s spirit in order to overcome obstacles which are confronted during the process of achieving success. For example, making considerable attempts in gymnastics allows individuals to reach the aims in a certain level which they have set. Furthermore, making efforts is likely to help people in making greater progress to get nearer to triumph as they can gain more experiences and crucial knowledge.

Albeit the importance of trying hard in reaching success, other elements namely fortune and natural ability may be regarded as the decisive factors. First, individuals’ talent in specific fields may allow them to have a better start. People with natural physical prowess can be superior to others in sports; therefore, when making greater attempts, they can stand a higher chance of reaching triumph achievement. For instance, athletes in weightlifting with natural strength are more likely to achieve success if they make adequate efforts. Moreover, luck is one of the factors in having accomplishments. In some circumstances, some individuals trying hard can fail to achieve decent outcomes due to their lack of luck. For example, athletes in athletics cannot reach gold medal as they are only a few milliseconds behind their opponents.

In conclusion, albeit admitting the significant role of attempts, I personally suppose that merely effort is not sufficient. There should be the addition of luck and natural ability to reach success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Making effort is regularly believed to lead to accomplishments of individuals." -> "It is commonly believed that effort leads to individual achievements."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and uses "accomplishments of individuals," which is vague and informal. The revised version clarifies the subject and verb agreement, and uses "achievements" which is more precise and formal.
"people often suppose that children are able to reach success as long as they make sufficient attempts." -> "it is often assumed that children can achieve success as long as they make sufficient efforts."
Explanation: The original phrase is overly simplistic and informal. The revision uses "it is often assumed" to introduce a more formal tone and "can achieve" for a more precise verb choice, and "efforts" instead of "attempts" to align with academic style.
"In my point of view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "In my point of view" is a less formal expression. "From my perspective" is more appropriate for academic writing, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.
"I assume that" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: "Assume" can imply a lack of evidence or certainty, which is less suitable for academic arguments. "Contend" is a stronger, more assertive verb that is commonly used in academic discourse to express a reasoned opinion.
"achievements cannot be reached without other factors which are talent and luck" -> "achievements cannot be attained without the additional factors of talent and luck"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly phrased and lacks precision. The revision clarifies the structure and uses "attained" for a more formal tone, and "the additional factors of" to specify the nature of the factors involved.
"having substantial effort shows and boosts personal resilience" -> "substantial effort demonstrates and enhances personal resilience"
Explanation: "Having substantial effort shows" is awkward and unclear. "Substantial effort demonstrates and enhances" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"making considerable attempts in gymnastics allows individuals to reach the aims in a certain level which they have set" -> "making considerable efforts in gymnastics enables individuals to achieve their set goals"
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and unclear. The revision simplifies and clarifies the meaning, using "achieve their set goals" which is more direct and formal.
"making efforts is likely to help people in making greater progress to get nearer to triumph as they can gain more experiences and crucial knowledge" -> "making efforts likely facilitates greater progress towards success, as individuals can gain valuable experience and crucial knowledge"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and informal. The revision simplifies and clarifies the structure, using "facilitates" for a more formal verb and "valuable experience" for a more precise term.
"natural ability may be regarded as the decisive factors" -> "natural ability may be considered the decisive factors"
Explanation: "Decisive factors" should be plural to match the plural subject "factors." "Considered" is also more formal than "regarded."
"having accomplishments" -> "achieving success"
Explanation: "Having accomplishments" is awkward and vague. "Achieving success" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea.
"In some circumstances, some individuals trying hard can fail to achieve decent outcomes due to their lack of luck." -> "In certain situations, even diligent individuals may fail to achieve satisfactory outcomes due to a lack of luck."
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The revision uses "diligent" to describe effort and "satisfactory outcomes" for a more formal tone, and clarifies the condition by specifying "even diligent individuals."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that acknowledges the importance of effort while also highlighting the roles of talent and luck in achieving success. The introduction sets the stage for this dual perspective, and the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments for both sides. However, while the essay does touch on both aspects, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of how effort interacts with talent and luck.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly connect the ideas of effort, talent, and luck, perhaps by discussing how they can work together or conflict in the pursuit of success. Including more specific examples or case studies could also deepen the analysis and provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while effort is important, it is not the sole determinant of success. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which reiterates the main argument. However, the transition between acknowledging the importance of effort and then emphasizing the roles of talent and luck could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For example, explicitly stating how effort can lead to success but is sometimes insufficient without talent or luck would reinforce the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the importance of effort and the influence of talent and luck. Each idea is supported with examples, such as athletes in gymnastics and weightlifting. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the discussion on luck is somewhat brief and could be expanded with more detailed examples or scenarios.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points. For example, the section on luck could include a specific anecdote or a broader context that illustrates how luck plays a role in success. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between effort, talent, and luck in achieving success. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the transitions between points. For example, the phrase "making considerable attempts in gymnastics allows individuals to reach the aims in a certain level which they have set" could be more directly tied back to the main argument about the necessity of other factors.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each example directly supports the main thesis. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state how the content relates to the main argument can help keep the essay aligned with the prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By enhancing the balance of ideas, improving transitions, elaborating on key points, and ensuring that all examples are tightly connected to the main argument, the writer can elevate their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first focusing on the importance of effort and the second discussing the role of talent and luck. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing effort to other factors feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to differentiate between the discussion of effort and the introduction of talent and luck.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach to paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea. For instance, consider splitting the second paragraph into two: one focused on talent and another on luck. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first," "furthermore," and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "making efforts" is used multiple times without variation.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "making efforts," you could use "putting in effort," "striving," or "exerting oneself." Additionally, varying the structure of sentences and using different linking words (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Consequently") can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall performance in the IELTS Task 2 writing assessment.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid range of vocabulary, with terms like "accomplishments," "resilience," "triumph," and "natural ability." These words effectively convey the author’s arguments and contribute to the overall clarity of the essay. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "effort" and "attempts," which could be varied for greater lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "effort," alternatives like "endeavor," "exertion," or "dedication" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "making considerable attempts in gymnastics allows individuals to reach the aims in a certain level" could be clearer. The term "aims" is vague, and "a certain level" lacks specificity.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that convey your intended meaning more clearly. For example, replace "aims" with "goals" and "a certain level" with "a competitive level." This will enhance clarity and ensure that your arguments are communicated effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors. However, there are a couple of instances that could be improved, such as "having substantial effort shows and boosts personal resilience" where "having" could be replaced with "exerting" for clarity. The phrase "triumph achievement" is awkward and could be better expressed as "triumphant achievement."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work for common spelling errors and awkward phrases. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "In my point of view, despite acknowledging the importance of trying hard, I assume that in some cases, achievements cannot be reached without other factors which are talent and luck" showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced opinions. Additionally, the essay includes compound sentences and a mix of simple sentences, which adds to the overall fluency. However, some sentences are overly long and could benefit from being broken down for clarity, such as "For example, making considerable attempts in gymnastics allows individuals to reach the aims in a certain level which they have set."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can enhance complexity. Additionally, aim for a balance between longer and shorter sentences to improve readability. Breaking down lengthy sentences into shorter, clearer ones will help maintain the reader’s attention and comprehension.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good level of grammatical accuracy, with a few notable errors. For example, the phrase "the aims in a certain level which they have set" could be more accurately expressed as "the aims at a certain level that they have set." There are also minor issues with punctuation, such as the lack of a comma before "namely" in "other elements namely fortune and natural ability." Overall, the essay’s grammar is mostly correct, but these small errors detract from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to review common grammatical structures and their correct usage, particularly with prepositions and conjunctions. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on complex sentence formation can also be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, can help ensure clarity and correctness. Consider reading the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing or punctuation mistakes that may be overlooked during silent reading.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often assumed that effort leads to individual achievements. In some cultures, people believe that children can achieve success as long as they make sufficient efforts. From my perspective, while I acknowledge the importance of hard work, I contend that achievements cannot be attained without the additional factors of talent and luck.

Granted, it is undeniable that making considerable efforts plays an essential role in achieving successful results. Firstly, substantial effort demonstrates and enhances personal resilience, fostering individuals’ spirits to overcome obstacles encountered during the journey to success. For example, making considerable efforts in gymnastics enables individuals to reach the goals they have set for themselves. Furthermore, such efforts likely facilitate greater progress towards success, as individuals can gain valuable experience and crucial knowledge.

However, despite the importance of hard work, other elements, namely talent and luck, may be considered decisive factors. First, individuals’ natural abilities in specific fields can provide them with a better starting point. Those with inherent physical prowess may excel in sports; therefore, when they apply themselves, they stand a higher chance of achieving success. For instance, athletes in weightlifting with natural strength are more likely to succeed if they make adequate efforts. Moreover, luck is a significant factor in attaining accomplishments. In certain situations, even diligent individuals may fail to achieve satisfactory outcomes due to a lack of luck. For example, athletes in track and field may miss out on a gold medal by mere milliseconds behind their opponents.

In conclusion, while I admit the significant role of effort, I personally believe that it is not sufficient on its own. The addition of luck and natural ability is essential for achieving success.