In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?
Traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing in some parts of the world. This essay aims to poiting several problems of this trend and suggesting visible solutions.
Undoubtedly, losing traditional festivals and celebrations can cause to cultural loss, the worst scenerio is wipe out that community and seriouly affect societal economy. Younger generation are no longer know their special and meaningful customes, hence easily loss their own culture and assimilated by surrounding civilization. Traditional customes loss also brings the economy downward, especially tourism industry as many visitors want to experience the local festivals and celebrations, but, which have disappered or are disappering, so the amount of visitors come to that destination decrease.
The local government can co-operate with its citizens to prevent this trend develop in order to protect each individual community cultural. First, it is the old people have to raise awareness and patriotism of their young generation by teaching them, telling traditional beautiful past stories, festivals, and celebrations. The authorities can also help the elderly impart local tradtion by advertising traditional fesitivals and celebrations in socail media platforms to everyone can access. As a result, younger generations can realize their beautiful traditions, hence contributing to protect and develop it. Furthermore, local government can encourage people to celebrate traditional fesstivals together by raising fund and call people to prepare celebrations togeether, leading to harmony and mutual understainding community.
In conclusion, some traditional culture are in the brink of collaspe can cause numerous problems to the whole communities themselves. Local authorites and their citizens should join hands to prevent this issue.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- “poiting” -> “pointing”
Explanation: Correcting the spelling mistake in “poiting” to “pointing” ensures proper usage and maintains the formality of the essay.
- “cause to cultural loss” -> “lead to cultural loss”
Explanation: Changing “cause to cultural loss” to “lead to cultural loss” improves the phrasing and aligns with a more formal tone, emphasizing the causal relationship between the disappearance of festivals and cultural loss.
- “the worst scenerio is wipe out that community” -> “the worst scenario is the wipeout of that community”
Explanation: Correcting the grammar and structure by changing “the worst scenerio is wipe out that community” to “the worst scenario is the wipeout of that community” enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence.
- “Younger generation are no longer know” -> “The younger generation no longer knows”
Explanation: Adjusting “Younger generation are no longer know” to “The younger generation no longer knows” improves the grammatical structure and maintains a more formal style.
- “customes” -> “customs”
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of “customes” to “customs” ensures accurate usage and contributes to the overall professionalism of the essay.
- “easily loss their own culture” -> “easily lose their own culture”
Explanation: Changing “easily loss their own culture” to “easily lose their own culture” corrects the verb form for grammatical accuracy.
- “bring the economy downward” -> “result in an economic decline”
Explanation: Replacing “bring the economy downward” with “result in an economic decline” offers a more precise and formal expression.
- “which have disappered or are disappering” -> “that have disappeared or are disappearing”
Explanation: Adjusting “which have disappered or are disappering” to “that have disappeared or are disappearing” improves the sentence structure and maintains grammatical correctness.
- “social media platforms to everyone can access” -> “social media platforms so that everyone can access”
Explanation: Modifying “social media platforms to everyone can access” to “social media platforms so that everyone can access” ensures proper conjunction usage and improves the sentence flow.
- “traditon” -> “tradition”
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of “traditon” to “tradition” ensures accuracy in vocabulary and contributes to the formal tone of the essay.
- “raising fund” -> “raising funds”
Explanation: Changing “raising fund” to “raising funds” corrects the plural form and ensures grammatical accuracy.
- “togeether” -> “together”
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of “togeether” to “together” ensures proper spelling and maintains the professionalism of the essay.
- “mutual understainding” -> “mutual understanding”
Explanation: Correcting “mutual understainding” to “mutual understanding” fixes the spelling error and improves the overall quality of the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
- Quoted text: “Undoubtedly, losing traditional festivals and celebrations can cause to cultural loss, the worst scenerio is wipe out that community and seriouly affect societal economy.”
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The expression of the problems lacks clarity and coherence. The impact of losing traditions on culture and community isn’t explicitly detailed or well-linked to the economic aspect. Provide specific examples or scenarios to elucidate the cultural loss and its subsequent effect on the economy. For instance, discuss how the disappearance of a festival impacted the local artisan market or decreased tourist footfall, thereby affecting the community’s economic stability.
- Improved example: “The disappearance of traditional festivals and celebrations has a profound impact on cultural identity. For instance, the annual ‘Harvest Festival’ used to unite our community in celebrating our agricultural heritage, but its disappearance has eroded our connection to our roots. This loss not only undermines our cultural fabric but also affects the local economy as artisans who relied on this event to sell their crafts now struggle to sustain their livelihoods.”
- Quoted text: “First, it is the old people have to raise awareness and patriotism of their young generation by teaching them, telling traditional beautiful past stories, festivals, and celebrations.”
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The idea lacks depth and clarity. While emphasizing the role of elders in passing on traditions is valid, it lacks specificity and fails to illustrate how this action can effectively counter the disappearance of traditions. Suggest outlining practical ways elders can engage the younger generation, like organizing storytelling sessions or interactive workshops on traditional crafts or music, enabling a more immersive learning experience.
- Improved example: “Elders play a pivotal role in preserving our heritage by actively engaging the younger generation. Organizing interactive sessions where grandparents narrate tales of our historical festivals or teaching traditional crafts like pottery not only educates but also instills a sense of pride and understanding of our cultural heritage in the youth.”
- Quoted text: “Furthermore, local government can encourage people to celebrate traditional fesstivals together by raising fund and call people to prepare celebrations togeether, leading to harmony and mutual understainding community.”
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The idea lacks specificity and coherence. While advocating for communal celebration is commendable, the proposal lacks detail on how the local government can facilitate this effectively. Suggest offering practical ways the government can financially support community initiatives or organize events fostering intergenerational interaction to ensure the sustainability of these celebrations.
- Improved example: “The local government could establish a cultural preservation fund, allocating resources to community-led initiatives aimed at reviving traditional festivals. Additionally, organizing collaborative events where different age groups actively participate in planning and executing celebrations can foster a sense of belonging and mutual understanding within the community.”
Overall, the essay presents ideas but lacks development and specificity in addressing the problems caused by disappearing traditions and suggesting effective measures to counter this situation. To enhance the essay’s quality, provide more detailed and contextually relevant examples to support the arguments, thereby strengthening the overall coherence and depth of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, placing it within Band 6. The overall organization of ideas is clear, with a logical progression throughout the essay. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are discernible, contributing to a coherent structure. The essay employs cohesive devices effectively, though there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Some referencing issues are present, impacting the clarity of relationships between ideas.
How to Improve:
- Cohesive Devices: While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, there is room for improvement in avoiding mechanical or repetitive use. Varying the types of cohesive devices and ensuring their precise application can enhance overall coherence.
- Referencing: Pay careful attention to referencing and substitution to strengthen the logical relationships between ideas. This includes using pronouns effectively and maintaining clarity in the connections between sentences.
- Paragraphing: While the essay employs paragraphing, it may benefit from a more logical arrangement. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a central topic and contributes cohesively to the overall flow of ideas.
- Grammar and Language Use: Address grammatical errors and language usage to enhance the overall clarity of the essay. This includes refining sentence structures and word choices for a more polished expression.
By refining these aspects, the essay can further improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as “poiting” instead of “pointing,” “scenerio” instead of “scenario,” “customes” instead of “customs,” “disappered” instead of “disappeared,” and “fesstivals” instead of “festivals.” These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Additionally, there is repetition of vocabulary, and the essay lacks sophistication in lexical features.
How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding the range of vocabulary used in the essay. Careful proofreading is essential to eliminate spelling errors and improve word formation. Use a variety of synonyms and avoid repetitive language to enhance the overall quality of expression. Additionally, the writer should aim for more precise and accurate word choices to convey ideas more effectively.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely reduce communication. The essay includes a range of sentence structures, but the language use is not consistently precise and accurate. There are instances of inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that may slightly impede understanding. For example, “This essay aims to poiting several problems of this trend” contains a grammatical error, and “loss their own culture and assimilated by surrounding civilization” lacks precision.
How to improve:
- Grammar and Precision: Pay careful attention to grammar and sentence structure. In the sentence “This essay aims to poiting several problems of this trend,” correct the verb form to “point out.” Similarly, ensure precision in expression, such as replacing “loss their own culture and assimilated” with “lose their own culture and assimilate.”
- Sentence Variety: While the essay includes a mix of simple and complex sentences, strive for more variety. This can enhance the overall fluency and engagement of the essay.
- Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that each sentence contributes clearly to the overall meaning of the essay. Review and revise awkward phrasing to improve the flow of ideas. For example, “which have disappered or are disappering” could be revised as “which have disappeared or are disappearing” for clarity.
By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve greater grammatical accuracy and improve its overall coherence.
Bài sửa mẫu
Traditional festivals and celebrations are disappearing in some parts of the world. This essay aims to highlight several problems associated with this trend and propose visible solutions.
Undoubtedly, the loss of traditional festivals and celebrations can lead to cultural decline. The worst-case scenario is the extinction of a community, seriously impacting the societal economy. The younger generation no longer knows their special and meaningful customs, easily losing their own culture and assimilating into the surrounding civilization. The loss of traditional customs also negatively impacts the economy, especially the tourism industry. Many visitors seek to experience local festivals and celebrations, but if these have disappeared or are disappearing, the number of visitors to that destination decreases.
To counter this trend, local governments can collaborate with their citizens to protect each community’s culture. Firstly, the older generation must raise awareness and patriotism among the youth by teaching them and sharing traditional stories, festivals, and celebrations. Authorities can also assist the elderly in promoting local traditions by advertising traditional festivals and celebrations on social media platforms, making them accessible to everyone. Consequently, younger generations can appreciate their beautiful traditions, contributing to their preservation and development. Furthermore, local governments can encourage people to celebrate traditional festivals together by raising funds and calling on the community to prepare celebrations collectively, fostering harmony and mutual understanding.
In conclusion, the disappearance of some traditional cultures can cause numerous problems for the communities themselves. Local authorities and their citizens should join hands to prevent this issue.