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In some societies, stress is now regarded as a major problem, and it is thought that people suffer from more stress than they did in the past. However, others feel that the amount of stress people have today is exaggerated. they say that previous generations were under more pressure, but the idea of suffering from stress did not exist. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

In some societies, stress is now regarded as a major problem, and it is thought that people suffer from more stress than they did in the past.
However, others feel that the amount of stress people have today is exaggerated. they say that previous generations were under more pressure, but the idea of suffering from stress did not exist.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some communities reckon that nowaday, people are suffering from more stress compared to people in the long-ago.
While some other societies argue with this matter and believe that currently, people is overstated because, in the past, people were more strain. In this essay, I will discuss both aspects and then I will give my perspective on this matter.

On the one side, in this modern era, people are getting getting more pressure due to various reasons. Firstly, society is increasingly developing, leading people to constantly strive in both study and career. Besides, economic development causes prices tend to increase sharply, but, people's salaries do not meet living needs, so it has created a stress for people. Secondly, children and teenagers today are prone to depression as the huge amount of homewash and study schedule. For instance, the suicide rate among students has rose significantly compared to earlier days while many reasons such as being tired, not being listened, studying too many subjects, etc. In addition, thanks to improvements in the medicine, people have now discovered many new diseases related to psychology As a result, people have to pay more attentions to their own mental health.

On the other side, earlier, even though people are under pressure, they do not detect it and do not know how to express it, so they always tend to stay silent and do not complain. Contrasted to these days, when people have freedom of speech, they easily share personal feelings, this causes misunderstanding for many others that people are exaggerated. Finally, due to generation gap, people of different generation still do not truly sympathize and understand each other.
To sum up, I understand the thunking of previous generations, but I prioritize respecting each individual's feelings because every one has different opinions and frame of minds. Instead of blaming each other we should pay more attention to our own mental health.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "nowaday" -> "currently"
    Explanation: "Nowaday" is a nonstandard term and "currently" is the correct, formal alternative, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "long-ago" -> "historically"
    Explanation: "Long-ago" is informal and vague; "historically" provides a more precise and formal temporal reference suitable for academic writing.

  3. "argue with this matter" -> "disagree with this assertion"
    Explanation: "Argue with this matter" is somewhat informal and imprecise; "disagree with this assertion" is more formal and specific, aligning better with academic discourse.

  4. "people is overstated" -> "people are overstated"
    Explanation: "People is" is grammatically incorrect; "people are" corrects the verb agreement, maintaining grammatical accuracy.

  5. "getting getting" -> "increasingly"
    Explanation: "Getting getting" is redundant and awkward; "increasingly" is a more concise and formal way to convey the idea of continuous growth.

  6. "constantly strive" -> "constantly strive"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "constantly" should not be repeated.

  7. "prices tend to increase sharply" -> "prices are increasing rapidly"
    Explanation: "Tend to increase sharply" is somewhat vague; "are increasing rapidly" provides a clearer and more direct description of the trend.

  8. "but, people’s salaries do not meet living needs" -> "but, salaries do not meet living expenses"
    Explanation: "People’s salaries" is redundant; "salaries" alone is sufficient, and "living expenses" is a more precise term than "living needs" in this context.

  9. "homewash" -> "homework"
    Explanation: "Homewash" is a typographical error; "homework" is the correct term.

  10. "the huge amount of homewash and study schedule" -> "the heavy workload and demanding study schedules"
    Explanation: "Homewash" is incorrect and "study schedule" is not typically used in this context; "heavy workload and demanding study schedules" are more accurate and formal terms.

  11. "the suicide rate among students has rose" -> "the suicide rate among students has risen"
    Explanation: "Has rose" is grammatically incorrect; "has risen" corrects the verb tense and form, aligning with standard English usage.

  12. "not being listened" -> "not being heard"
    Explanation: "Not being listened" is grammatically incorrect; "not being heard" is the correct phrase, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

  13. "thanks to improvements in the medicine" -> "thanks to advances in medicine"
    Explanation: "Improvements in the medicine" is awkward and incorrect; "advances in medicine" is the correct phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.

  14. "pay more attentions" -> "pay more attention"
    Explanation: "Pay more attentions" is grammatically incorrect; "pay more attention" corrects the plural form to the singular, which is the correct usage in this context.

  15. "thunking" -> "thinking"
    Explanation: "Thunking" is a typographical error; "thinking" is the correct word.

  16. "frame of minds" -> "frames of mind"
    Explanation: "Frame of minds" is grammatically incorrect; "frames of mind" is the correct plural form, aligning with the intended meaning.

  17. "Instead of blaming each other" -> "Instead of blaming one another"
    Explanation: "Each other" is less formal and slightly informal; "one another" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the perception of stress in modern society versus the past. The first paragraph outlines the argument that contemporary individuals face more stress due to various societal pressures, while the second paragraph presents the counterargument that previous generations experienced stress without recognizing it. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of these views and a clearer connection to the prompt’s request for a personal opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the prompt is explicitly addressed. This could involve dedicating a sentence or two to summarizing the implications of each viewpoint before presenting their own opinion. Additionally, the conclusion could more clearly state the writer’s stance on the issue, linking it back to the arguments presented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that respects the feelings of both generations, but this stance is somewhat vague and lacks a strong, clear declaration. Phrases like "I understand the thunking of previous generations" do not clearly convey a definitive opinion, which may confuse readers about the author’s true stance on the issue.
    • How to improve: The writer should strive to articulate a more definitive opinion early in the essay and reinforce this throughout. For instance, using phrases like "I believe that…" or "In my opinion,…" can help clarify the author’s position. Additionally, reiterating this viewpoint in the conclusion can help solidify the essay’s overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of stress in modern society, such as economic pressures and academic burdens on youth. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration or supporting evidence. For example, the mention of the rising suicide rate among students is significant but could be better supported with specific statistics or studies to enhance credibility.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include citing studies, statistics, or expert opinions that reinforce the claims made. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these ideas can help create a more robust argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing stress in both contemporary and historical contexts. However, there are moments where the focus seems to shift, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion about the generation gap feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about stress.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central theme of stress. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the topic can help keep the essay concise and focused.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the author’s position, more detailed support for ideas, and a stronger connection to the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s intention to discuss both views. The body paragraphs are divided into two distinct sections, one addressing the modern perspective on stress and the other discussing historical views. However, the logical flow could be improved; for example, the transition between the two sides could be more seamless. The use of phrases like "On the one side" and "On the other side" helps to delineate the arguments, but the connections between points within each paragraph could be stronger.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more transitional phrases that link ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help clarify relationships between points. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will aid in guiding the reader through the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more cohesive development of ideas. For example, the second body paragraph begins with a general statement but could be strengthened by explicitly linking it back to the previous paragraph’s discussion on modern stress.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s main point and link it to the overall argument. This will help reinforce the connections between paragraphs and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition," to structure the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this causes misunderstanding for many others that people are exaggerated" lacks clarity and could be better articulated to convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and references are clear to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this causes misunderstanding," specify what "this" refers to for clearer comprehension.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "modern era," "economic development," and "mental health" show an effort to incorporate relevant vocabulary. However, phrases such as "people are suffering from more stress" and "people is overstated" reflect a limited range and some awkward constructions. The use of "strain" instead of "stress" is also a misstep, as it does not convey the intended meaning effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "stress," alternatives like "anxiety," "pressure," or "tension" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated phrases or idiomatic expressions would elevate the lexical quality. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could be beneficial.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While there are instances of appropriate vocabulary, precision is lacking in several areas. For example, the phrase "the amount of stress people have today is exaggerated" could be more accurately expressed as "the perception of stress in contemporary society may be overstated." The use of "homewash" is incorrect and unclear, likely intended to refer to "household chores" or "homework." The phrase "people is overstated" is grammatically incorrect and confusing.
    • How to improve: Writers should focus on ensuring that vocabulary matches the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word definitions and usage in context. Practicing sentence construction with precise vocabulary will also help. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or using language tools can clarify and refine word choice.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "nowaday" should be "nowadays," "homewash" is likely a misspelling or misuse, and "attentions" should be "attention." Furthermore, "has rose" should be corrected to "has risen," and "thunking" is a misspelling of "thinking."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also be effective. Additionally, writing more frequently and seeking corrections from knowledgeable peers can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion of the IELTS writing assessment.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "people are getting getting more pressure" and "children and teenagers today are prone to depression" reflect a basic sentence structure. There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the huge amount of homewash and study schedule," which detracts from clarity. The use of phrases like "on the one side" and "on the other side" is a good attempt to organize ideas, but the overall structure lacks complexity and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "people are getting more pressure," a more complex structure could be "As society evolves, individuals increasingly find themselves under greater pressure." Additionally, varying the use of conjunctions and transition phrases can help create more nuanced arguments and improve the flow of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "people is overstated" should be "people are overstated," and "the suicide rate among students has rose" should be "the suicide rate among students has risen." There are also punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of commas in "but, people’s salaries do not meet living needs," which should be "but people’s salaries do not meet living needs." Moreover, the phrase "thanks to improvements in the medicine" is awkward; it would be clearer as "thanks to improvements in medicine."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors can enhance clarity. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and attempts to address the prompt, there is a significant need for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some communities reckon that nowadays, people are suffering from more stress compared to people in the past. While some other societies disagree with this assertion and believe that currently, stress is overstated because, historically, people were under more strain. In this essay, I will discuss both aspects and then give my perspective on this matter.

On the one hand, in this modern era, people are experiencing more pressure due to various reasons. Firstly, society is increasingly developing, leading people to constantly strive in both their studies and careers. Besides, economic development causes prices to increase rapidly, but salaries do not meet living expenses, which has created stress for many individuals. Secondly, children and teenagers today are prone to depression due to the heavy workload and demanding study schedules. For instance, the suicide rate among students has risen significantly compared to earlier days, with many reasons such as being tired, not being heard, and studying too many subjects. In addition, thanks to advances in medicine, people have now discovered many new diseases related to psychology. As a result, people have to pay more attention to their own mental health.

On the other hand, in the past, even though people were under pressure, they did not detect it and did not know how to express it, so they tended to stay silent and not complain. In contrast to these days, when people have freedom of speech, they easily share personal feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings for many others who think that people are exaggerating. Finally, due to the generation gap, people of different generations still do not truly sympathize with or understand each other.

To sum up, I understand the thinking of previous generations, but I prioritize respecting each individual’s feelings because everyone has different opinions and frames of mind. Instead of blaming one another, we should pay more attention to our own mental health.

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