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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Despite significant innovation in agriculture, hunger continues to be a serious and widespread problem around the world. The phenomenon stems from various causes, and this essay will not only justify this but also suggest measures to mitigate its pitfalls.

One of the contributing factors to this issue is the inconsistent distribution of farming practices in different regions, leading to prevalent food shortages and increased reliance on food imports. Additionally, the insufficient qualifications and knowledge among farmers in certain areas hinder the adoption of modern farming techniques, such as advanced, autonomous irrigation systems or tractors that can boost productivity and save labor.

Another significant factor contributing to the increased number of individuals suffering from starvation is the unpredictable characteristics of climate change phenomena. Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have washed away crops and destroyed agricultural yields, especially for those whose main source of income depends on farming. A salient example of this was the 2020 flood in the middle of Vietnam, which destroyed hundreds of thousands of acres of plant crops, leaving citizens reliant on donations to survive, and many families burdened with significant debts.

Admittedly, authorities should take a leading role in addressing these challenges. In the short term, allocating national funds to improve policies aimed at eradicating poverty and ensuring a stable food supply should be prioritized. Furthermore, escaping famine requires the provision and facilitation of agricultural facilities by those in power. Rural infrastructures, such as electricity and water, need to be upgraded through national budgets dedicated to cultivation and irrigation.

In the long run, investment and focus on exploring alternative farming methods are crucial for reducing reliance on weather conditions and ensuring sustainable food production throughout the year. A typical example of this is vertical farming, allowing trees and vegetables to be grown in a controlled environment monitored by autonomous machines. Despite its widespread implementation in developed nations, more attention and spending from governments are vital for the future welfare of their people.

In summary, the imbalance in farming distributions, knowledge, and natural disasters contributes to the ubiquity of food deficiency. However, this issue can be effectively tackled by the actions of relevant political officials through the implementation of rules, incentives, and facilitation.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Despite significant innovation in agriculture, hunger continues to be a serious and widespread problem around the world." -> "Despite considerable advancements in agriculture, hunger remains a pervasive and critical issue globally."
    Explanation: Replacing "significant innovation" with "considerable advancements" and changing "serious and widespread" to "pervasive and critical" enhances the formality of the sentence.

  2. "The phenomenon stems from various causes, and this essay will not only justify this but also suggest measures to mitigate its pitfalls." -> "This issue arises from various factors, and this essay will not only elucidate its causes but also propose measures to alleviate its challenges."
    Explanation: The term "phenomenon" is replaced with "issue" for clarity and precision. "Justify" is substituted with "elucidate," and "pitfalls" is replaced with "challenges" for a more formal tone.

  3. "One of the contributing factors to this issue is the inconsistent distribution of farming practices in different regions…" -> "One contributing factor to this issue is the uneven distribution of farming practices across various regions…"
    Explanation: "Inconsistent" is replaced with "uneven" for a more precise description, and "leading to prevalent food shortages" is streamlined to "across various regions" for conciseness and formality.

  4. "…hindering the adoption of modern farming techniques, such as advanced, autonomous irrigation systems or tractors that can boost productivity and save labor." -> "…impeding the adoption of modern farming techniques, such as sophisticated, autonomous irrigation systems or tractors capable of enhancing productivity and reducing labor requirements."
    Explanation: "Hindering" is replaced with "impeding" for a more formal tone, and "advanced" is substituted with "sophisticated" to add nuance. The phrase "that can boost productivity and save labor" is refined for clarity and conciseness.

  5. "Another significant factor contributing to the increased number of individuals suffering from starvation is the unpredictable characteristics of climate change phenomena." -> "Another significant factor contributing to the rising number of individuals experiencing starvation is the unpredictable nature of climate change."
    Explanation: The phrase is rephrased for better flow, and "characteristics of climate change phenomena" is streamlined to "nature of climate change" for simplicity and clarity.

  6. "Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have washed away crops and destroyed agricultural yields, especially for those whose main source of income depends on farming." -> "Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have resulted in the erosion of crops and the destruction of agricultural yields, particularly for those whose primary income is derived from farming."
    Explanation: "Washed away" is replaced with "resulted in the erosion of" for precision, and "especially for" is substituted with "particularly for" for a more formal tone.

  7. "A salient example of this was the 2020 flood in the middle of Vietnam…" -> "A notable example of this is the 2020 flood in central Vietnam…"
    Explanation: "Salient" is replaced with "notable" for a more common academic term, and "the middle of Vietnam" is refined to "central Vietnam" for precision.

  8. "Admittedly, authorities should take a leading role in addressing these challenges." -> "Indeed, authorities should play a pivotal role in addressing these challenges."
    Explanation: "Admittedly" is replaced with "Indeed" for a more formal and confident expression, and "take a leading role" is substituted with "play a pivotal role" for variation and precision.

  9. "…facilitation of agricultural facilities by those in power." -> "…provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure by those in authority."
    Explanation: "Facilitation of agricultural facilities" is refined to "provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure" for clarity and formality.

  10. "Rural infrastructures, such as electricity and water, need to be upgraded through national budgets dedicated to cultivation and irrigation." -> "Rural infrastructure, including electricity and water supply, requires enhancement through national budgets allocated to cultivation and irrigation."
    Explanation: "Infrastructures" is corrected to "infrastructure" for grammatical accuracy, and the sentence is rephrased for conciseness and clarity.

  11. "In the long run, investment and focus on exploring alternative farming methods are crucial for reducing reliance on weather conditions and ensuring sustainable food production throughout the year." -> "In the long term, investments and a focus on exploring alternative farming methods are crucial for diminishing dependence on weather conditions and ensuring year-round sustainable food production."
    Explanation: "In the long run" is changed to "In the long term" for variety, and "are crucial for reducing" is revised to "are crucial for diminishing" for a more formal expression.

  12. "A typical example of this is vertical farming, allowing trees and vegetables to be grown in a controlled environment monitored by autonomous machines." -> "An illustrative example is vertical farming, which enables the cultivation of trees and vegetables in a controlled environment monitored by autonomous machines."
    Explanation: "A typical example of this is" is changed to "An illustrative example is" for variety and formality. "Allowing" is replaced with "which enables" for precision.

  13. "Despite its widespread implementation in developed nations, more attention and spending from governments are vital for the future welfare of their people." -> "Despite being widely implemented in developed nations, the future welfare of their citizens requires additional attention and financial support from governments."
    Explanation: "More attention and spending" is refined to "additional attention and financial support" for specificity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all components of the prompt. It identifies the causes of global hunger, provides detailed explanations for each cause, and proposes specific measures to mitigate the issue. Relevant sections of the essay, such as the discussion on inconsistent farming practices and the impact of climate change, support this comprehensive addressing of the prompt.
    • How to improve: While the essay is strong in this aspect, it can further enhance its response by providing more nuanced explanations for each cause and solution. For instance, offering specific examples of regions affected by inconsistent farming practices or elaborating on the policies aimed at eradicating poverty would add depth to the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It establishes early on that despite agricultural advances, hunger persists, and this position is consistently supported and developed throughout the essay. Examples like the 2020 flood in Vietnam and the call for governmental action further strengthen the essay’s stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider reinforcing the thesis statement in the introduction and concluding paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to supporting the established position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It introduces causes and solutions in a logical manner, providing detailed explanations and supporting evidence for each point. Examples, such as the mention of autonomous machines in vertical farming, contribute to the development of ideas.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider providing more data or statistics to support claims. Additionally, expand on the potential challenges or criticisms associated with the proposed solutions to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic, addressing the causes of global hunger and proposing solutions throughout. There are no significant deviations from the central theme.
    • How to improve: Maintain focus on the main points by avoiding unnecessary details or tangential information. Ensure that every sentence directly contributes to the overall argument and avoids straying from the primary topic.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, maintaining a clear position, presenting well-developed ideas, and staying focused on the topic. To further improve, consider providing more nuanced explanations, reinforcing the thesis statement, incorporating additional supporting data, and avoiding unnecessary details. Overall, this essay is well-written and deserving of its Band Score of 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by addressing the persistence of hunger despite agricultural advancements. Each subsequent paragraph follows a clear thematic progression, discussing different contributing factors and proposed solutions. The conclusion effectively synthesizes the main points.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that the reader can easily trace the development of ideas from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs appropriate paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the problem or solution. This aids readability and comprehension.
    • How to improve: While the current structure is effective, it’s crucial to maintain consistency in paragraph length for a polished look. Additionally, strive to incorporate more nuanced topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay seamlessly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively deploys a range of cohesive devices. Pronouns, transition words, and logical connectors link ideas within and between sentences. For instance, terms like "Additionally" and "Furthermore" facilitate smooth transitions between points.
    • How to improve: To elevate cohesiveness, consider incorporating a wider variety of synonyms for commonly used cohesive devices. This adds sophistication to the writing. Additionally, ensure that the placement of these devices optimally guides the reader through the logical progression of ideas.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, reflected in its logical organization, effective paragraphing, and adept use of cohesive devices. To enhance these aspects further, focus on refining transitions, maintaining paragraph length consistency, and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms such as "phenomenon," "prevalent," "admittedly," and "salient," indicating an understanding of different lexical choices. However, the range could be expanded further to include more precise and nuanced expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, strive for more diversity in vocabulary by incorporating synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "farming," consider alternatives like "agriculture," "cultivation," or "agronomy" where appropriate.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. For example, terms like "autonomous irrigation systems" and "vertical farming" exhibit specificity. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could have been employed, such as in the use of the term "phenomenon" in the opening paragraph, which could be replaced with a more concrete term like "issue" or "problem."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully select words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Avoid overly general terms and opt for vocabulary that captures the nuances of the point you are trying to make.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where attention is needed, such as "farming distributions" (should be "farming practices") and "cultivation and irrigation" (missing a comma after "cultivation").
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to details. Utilize spell-check tools and consider seeking feedback from others to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, be cautious with technical terms to ensure they are used accurately.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource. To enhance the lexical range and precision, the writer should aim for more diverse vocabulary choices and ensure the accurate usage of technical terms. Additionally, a meticulous proofreading process will contribute to overall improvement in lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of sentence structures. It incorporates complex sentences, compound sentences, and a mix of simple and compound-complex structures. For instance, the opening sentence is complex, combining clauses to provide a nuanced introduction. Throughout the essay, the writer successfully deploys different structures to convey ideas effectively, contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider experimenting with more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences or inversion, where appropriate. Additionally, pay attention to sentence length to maintain a balance between complexity and clarity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved. For example, in the sentence "One of the contributing factors to this issue is the inconsistent distribution of farming practices," the singular subject "One" requires the singular verb "is," but it is followed by the plural "are." Additionally, there are a few instances of comma splices and run-on sentences that could be addressed for smoother readability.
    • How to improve: Carefully review subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency throughout the essay. Pay particular attention to complex sentences to avoid ambiguity. Regarding punctuation, consider employing semicolons or conjunctions to connect closely related independent clauses. A thorough proofreading process will help identify and rectify these issues.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To reach a higher band score, focus on refining subject-verb agreement and addressing punctuation concerns. Additionally, continue to experiment with a broader range of sentence structures to add sophistication to your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite significant strides in agriculture, hunger remains a prevalent and urgent issue globally. This problem arises from various factors, and this essay will not only elucidate its causes but also propose measures to alleviate its challenges.

One contributing factor to this issue is the uneven distribution of farming practices across different regions, impeding the adoption of modern farming techniques. For instance, advanced, autonomous irrigation systems or tractors capable of enhancing productivity and reducing labor requirements are not uniformly accessible. This inconsistency in farming practices results in prevalent food shortages and increased reliance on food imports.

Another significant factor contributing to the rising number of individuals experiencing starvation is the unpredictable nature of climate change. Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have led to the erosion of crops and the destruction of agricultural yields. This particularly affects those whose primary income is derived from farming. A notable example of this is the 2020 flood in central Vietnam, which destroyed hundreds of thousands of acres of plant crops, leaving citizens reliant on donations to survive and many families burdened with significant debts.

Indeed, authorities should play a pivotal role in addressing these challenges. In the short term, national funds should be allocated to policies aimed at eradicating poverty and ensuring a stable food supply. Furthermore, the provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure by those in authority are crucial. Rural infrastructure, including electricity and water supply, requires enhancement through national budgets dedicated to cultivation and irrigation.

In the long term, investments and a focus on exploring alternative farming methods are crucial for diminishing dependence on weather conditions and ensuring year-round sustainable food production. An illustrative example is vertical farming, which enables the cultivation of trees and vegetables in a controlled environment monitored by autonomous machines. Despite being widely implemented in developed nations, the future welfare of their citizens requires additional attention and financial support from governments.

In summary, the imbalance in farming distributions, knowledge, and the impact of natural disasters contributes to the ubiquity of food deficiency. However, this issue can be effectively tackled by the actions of relevant political officials through the implementation of rules, incentives, and facilitation.

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