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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Despite significant strides in agriculture, hunger remains a prevalent and urgent issue globally. This problem arises from various factors, and this essay will not only elucidate its causes but also propose measures to alleviate its challenges.

One contributing factor to this issue is the uneven distribution of farming practices across different regions, impeding the adoption of modern farming techniques. For instance, advanced, autonomous irrigation systems or tractors capable of enhancing productivity and reducing labor requirements are not uniformly accessible. This inconsistency in farming practices results in prevalent food shortages and increased reliance on food imports.

Another significant factor contributing to the rising number of individuals experiencing starvation is the unpredictable nature of climate change. Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have led to the erosion of crops and the destruction of agricultural yields. This particularly affects those whose primary income is derived from farming. A notable example of this is the 2020 flood in central Vietnam, which destroyed hundreds of thousands of acres of plant crops, leaving citizens reliant on donations to survive and many families burdened with significant debts.

Indeed, authorities should play a pivotal role in addressing these challenges. In the short term, national funds should be allocated to policies aimed at eradicating poverty and ensuring a stable food supply. Furthermore, the provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure by those in authority are crucial. Rural infrastructure, including electricity and water supply, requires enhancement through national budgets dedicated to cultivation and irrigation.

In the long term, investments and a focus on exploring alternative farming methods are crucial for diminishing dependence on weather conditions and ensuring year-round sustainable food production. An illustrative example is vertical farming, which enables the cultivation of trees and vegetables in a controlled environment monitored by autonomous machines. Despite being widely implemented in developed nations, the future welfare of their citizens requires additional attention and financial support from governments.

In summary, the imbalance in farming distributions, knowledge, and the impact of natural disasters contributes to the ubiquity of food deficiency. However, this issue can be effectively tackled by the actions of relevant political officials through the implementation of rules, incentives, and facilitation.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Despite significant strides in agriculture, hunger remains a prevalent and urgent issue globally."
    -> "Despite substantial advancements in agriculture, hunger persists as a pervasive and pressing global concern."
    Explanation: Replacing "significant strides" with "substantial advancements" and "urgent issue" with "pressing global concern" adds a more formal and nuanced tone to the statement.

  2. "This problem arises from various factors, and this essay will not only elucidate its causes but also propose measures to alleviate its challenges."
    -> "This issue stems from diverse factors, and this essay will not only elucidate its causes but also propose measures to mitigate its challenges."
    Explanation: Using "stems" instead of "arises" and "mitigate" instead of "alleviate" contributes to a more formal and precise expression of the problem and proposed solutions.

  3. "One contributing factor to this issue is the uneven distribution of farming practices across different regions, impeding the adoption of modern farming techniques."
    -> "A contributing factor to this issue is the disparate distribution of farming practices across various regions, hindering the widespread adoption of modern farming techniques."
    Explanation: Replacing "uneven" with "disparate" and "impeding" with "hindering" enhances the precision and formality of the statement.

  4. "For instance, advanced, autonomous irrigation systems or tractors capable of enhancing productivity and reducing labor requirements are not uniformly accessible."
    -> "For example, sophisticated autonomous irrigation systems or tractors capable of boosting productivity and reducing labor requirements are not universally accessible."
    Explanation: Substituting "advanced" with "sophisticated" and "uniformly" with "universally" contributes to a more refined and formal expression.

  5. "This inconsistency in farming practices results in prevalent food shortages and increased reliance on food imports."
    -> "Such inconsistency in farming practices leads to widespread food shortages and heightened dependence on food imports."
    Explanation: Replacing "prevalent" with "widespread" and "results in" with "leads to" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.

  6. "Another significant factor contributing to the rising number of individuals experiencing starvation is the unpredictable nature of climate change."
    -> "Another noteworthy factor contributing to the increasing incidence of individuals experiencing starvation is the unpredictable nature of climate change."
    Explanation: Substituting "significant" with "noteworthy" adds a more formal touch to the description of the factor.

  7. "Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have led to the erosion of crops and the destruction of agricultural yields."
    -> "Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have resulted in the depletion of crops and the devastation of agricultural yields."
    Explanation: Replacing "erosion" with "depletion" and "destruction" with "devastation" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  8. "Indeed, authorities should play a pivotal role in addressing these challenges."
    -> "Indeed, authorities should play a crucial role in addressing these challenges."
    Explanation: Substituting "pivotal" with "crucial" maintains emphasis while adding a more formal tone.

  9. "In the short term, national funds should be allocated to policies aimed at eradicating poverty and ensuring a stable food supply."
    -> "In the short term, national funds should be allocated to policies aimed at eliminating poverty and ensuring a secure food supply."
    Explanation: Replacing "eradicating" with "eliminating" and "stable" with "secure" contributes to a more formal expression.

  10. "Furthermore, the provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure by those in authority are crucial."
    -> "Furthermore, the provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure by those in authority are essential."
    Explanation: Substituting "crucial" with "essential" maintains emphasis while aligning with a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt, examining the reasons behind global hunger and proposing concrete solutions. Each component of the question is explored in detail, providing a comprehensive response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples related to the uneven distribution of farming practices and the impact of climate change. This would further enrich the analysis and strengthen the essay’s overall depth.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance on the causes of global hunger and suggests measures to address the issue. The thesis is well-established in the introduction and consistently supported throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each body paragraph begins with a topic sentence clearly aligning with the main argument. This will reinforce the essay’s coherence and make the structure more explicit to the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, develops, and supports ideas. Each paragraph is well-organized, providing detailed explanations and examples. The use of the 2020 flood in central Vietnam as a specific instance enhances the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider exploring potential counterarguments and refuting them. This would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexity of the issue and further strengthen the persuasive aspect of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a strong focus on the given topic throughout. There are no significant deviations, and each paragraph contributes directly to addressing the causes of global hunger and proposing solutions.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, avoid broad statements that may be interpreted as tangential. Be concise and directly connect each point back to the central argument, reinforcing the essay’s cohesion.

In conclusion, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing each checklist item. To further enhance its quality, consider incorporating more specific examples, reinforcing the clarity of each paragraph’s main idea, exploring potential counterarguments, and maintaining a high level of relevance and focus in each section.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction outlining the problem and its causes, followed by well-structured body paragraphs discussing contributing factors and proposed solutions. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. The progression of ideas is clear, with each paragraph building upon the previous one.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider incorporating more explicit transitions between paragraphs. This will ensure a seamless flow and help readers follow the argument effortlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a conclusion, contributing to overall coherence. The structure aids readability and comprehension.
    • How to improve: While the use of paragraphs is generally effective, be cautious of paragraph length. The third paragraph is notably longer than others, potentially impacting readability. Consider breaking it into two smaller paragraphs for better clarity and emphasis on individual points.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "despite," "furthermore," "in summary"). These contribute to the smooth progression of ideas and coherence. Additionally, the repetition of key terms like "short term" and "long term" aids in signaling the structure.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, diversify the range further. Introduce a mix of pronouns, synonyms, and different transition types to add nuance and sophistication to the essay’s coherence.

In summary, the essay achieves a band score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, demonstrating strong logical organization, effective paragraphing, and a commendable use of cohesive devices. To further enhance the score, focus on incorporating explicit transitions, managing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices for a more nuanced and refined expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with a mix of common and more advanced terms. While some words and phrases contribute to a nuanced discussion (e.g., "autonomous irrigation systems," "erosion of crops," "vertical farming"), there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more specialized terms related to agriculture, poverty alleviation, and climate change. Additionally, explore synonyms for commonly used words to avoid repetition and add sophistication to the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise terms could be employed. For example, the phrase "central Vietnam" could be specified further for a clearer context. Additionally, some terms, such as "advanced" and "significant," are used without specific details, leading to a lack of precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater specificity by providing concrete examples and details. Instead of using general terms like "advanced," specify the type of technology or method. Replace vague terms with more descriptive language to add precision and depth to your arguments.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of spelling accuracy. There are no major spelling errors, and the overall presentation is clear and professional.
    • How to improve: Maintain the current standard of spelling accuracy. To further enhance this aspect, consider proofreading carefully to catch any minor typos or errors that may have been overlooked. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools as additional resources for thorough proofreading.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates the ideas. By addressing the noted areas for improvement, such as expanding vocabulary range and enhancing precision, the essay can further elevate its lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a commendable range of sentence structures, incorporating both complex and simple constructions. There is effective use of introductory phrases, subordinating conjunctions, and varying sentence lengths, contributing to the overall coherence and fluency of the essay. For instance, the author employs complex sentences to articulate cause-and-effect relationships, and simpler sentences for clarity and emphasis.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences where appropriate. Introduce a greater variety of subordinating conjunctions and experiment with different sentence structures to add sophistication and nuance to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation throughout. There are minimal grammatical errors, and the punctuation is generally accurate. However, there is an instance where the phrase "eradicate poverty and ensuring" could be revised for better grammatical clarity. Punctuation, including commas and periods, is used effectively to guide the reader and maintain coherence.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to small grammatical details, such as subject-verb agreement, to ensure flawless sentence construction. Review the essay for coherence and clarity, checking for any instances where sentence structure might benefit from slight revisions. In particular, ensure that verb tenses are consistently applied, avoiding any potential confusion.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to its coherence and effectiveness. Further refinement could involve experimenting with more intricate sentence structures and carefully reviewing small grammatical details to ensure absolute precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Despite substantial progress in agriculture, hunger remains a widespread and urgent global concern. This issue arises from various factors, and this essay will not only explain its causes but also propose measures to address its challenges.

A contributing factor to this problem is the uneven distribution of farming practices across different regions, hindering the widespread adoption of modern farming techniques. For instance, sophisticated autonomous irrigation systems or tractors capable of enhancing productivity and reducing labor requirements are not universally accessible. This inconsistency in farming practices results in widespread food shortages and increased dependence on food imports.

Another noteworthy factor contributing to the increasing incidence of individuals experiencing starvation is the unpredictable nature of climate change. Droughts, floods, and other climate-related events have led to the depletion of crops and the devastation of agricultural yields. Indeed, authorities should play a crucial role in addressing these challenges.

In the short term, national funds should be allocated to policies aimed at eliminating poverty and ensuring a secure food supply. Furthermore, the provision and facilitation of agricultural infrastructure by those in authority are essential. Rural infrastructure, including electricity and water supply, requires enhancement through national budgets dedicated to cultivation and irrigation.

In the long term, investments and a focus on exploring alternative farming methods are crucial for diminishing dependence on weather conditions and ensuring year-round sustainable food production. An illustrative example is vertical farming, which enables the cultivation of trees and vegetables in a controlled environment monitored by autonomous machines. Despite being widely implemented in developed nations, the future welfare of their citizens requires additional attention and financial support from governments.

In summary, the imbalance in farming distributions, knowledge, and the impact of natural disasters contribute to the ubiquity of food deficiency. However, this issue can be effectively tackled by the actions of relevant political officials through the implementation of rules, incentives, and facilitation.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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