fbpx

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think that more money should be spent researching other planets, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?Some people think that parents should be equipped with parental skills to decrease youth crimes?

In the future, it seems more difficult to live on Earth. Some people think that more money should be spent researching other planets, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?Some people think that parents should be equipped with parental skills to decrease youth crimes?

It is under question that parents should have parental skills to limit youngsters’ criminal tendencies. Personally, I, believe that it is really crucial for adults to be equipped with these skills, however, youth crimes are able to occur for a variety of reasons. This paper, therefore, will outline both agreements and disagreements on this controversial matter as well as express my own perspective.
On the one hand, parents have a primary responsibility to teach their children, who are instructed about the world and themselves. More particularly, rich parenting can lead to a full of guidance and emotional support for their children, for example, not only teaching their mother tongue, self-protection, self-confidence, kindness, and so on but also identifying social evils such as racing, gambling, etc. When it comes to youngsters, who are not aware of serious consequences, usually tend to be curious about new things without truly understanding, therefore, adults must become their instructors to love and share with them. Furthermore, living under parental abuse, for instance, violence against children by atc and words, has resulted in long-term effects on the children’s physical and mental health, they have weak tolerance, thus, having a tendency to antisocial behaviors and thoughts. It is important for parents to well-prepare the necessary parental skills to avoid their youth crimes.
On the other hand, there are a series of compelling reasons making the children being social crimes. Firstly, the child spends a huge amount of their time at school, thus, they are likely influenced by their peers, who have the same emotions and knowledge. While bullying is a prevalent issue in school, it can shape the youngsters's personalities and actions meanwhile they tend to deal with problems by violence. Additionally, academic failures can also lead to low self-esteem, and peer pressure, so they will copy other’s performance to avoid a sense of worthlessness. Secondly, the financial burden can result in negative behaviors, simply because the youngsters, who are under the age of working permission, are always in tight budget circumstances. This reason can drive them to find negative ways to make money swiftly, for example, being a theft or drug seller.
In conclusion, I personally agree that parents should be equipped with parental skills to limit youth crimes, however, we also need to consider other causes.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is under question that parents should have parental skills" -> "It is debated whether parents should possess parenting skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "under question" with "debated" and changing "parental skills" to "parenting skills" contributes to a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

  2. "Personally, I, believe" -> "Personally, I believe"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary comma after "I" streamlines the sentence and adheres to a more standard written form.

  3. "it is really crucial" -> "it is crucial"
    Explanation: Removing "really" enhances the formality of the statement without sacrificing clarity. The word "crucial" already emphasizes the significance.

  4. "this paper, therefore, will outline" -> "this paper will thus outline"
    Explanation: Eliminating the commas and using "thus" instead of "therefore" contributes to a smoother and more formal transition in academic writing.

  5. "full of guidance and emotional support" -> "abundant in guidance and emotional support"
    Explanation: Substituting "full" with "abundant" elevates the level of vocabulary, making the expression more sophisticated.

  6. "teaching their mother tongue" -> "instilling their native language"
    Explanation: Replacing "teaching" with "instilling" adds a more nuanced and formal touch to the sentence.

  7. "social evils such as racing, gambling, etc." -> "social vices such as racism, gambling, etc."
    Explanation: Changing "evils" to "vices" and specifying examples like racism enhances the precision and formality of the language.

  8. "who are not aware of serious consequences, usually tend to be curious about new things" -> "who, unaware of serious consequences, often exhibit curiosity towards new experiences"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and replacing "tend to be curious about new things" with "often exhibit curiosity towards new experiences" results in a more formal and detailed expression.

  9. "adults must become their instructors to love and share with them" -> "adults must guide them to develop love and sharing"
    Explanation: Substituting "become their instructors" with "guide them" and rephrasing the latter part enhances conciseness and clarity.

  10. "living under parental abuse, for instance, violence against children by atc and words" -> "enduring parental abuse, including physical and verbal violence"
    Explanation: Replacing "living under" with "enduring" and specifying the forms of abuse (physical and verbal violence) improves precision and formality.

  11. "has resulted in long-term effects" -> "has led to enduring consequences"
    Explanation: Substituting "resulted in" with "led to" and changing "long-term effects" to "enduring consequences" maintains formality while specifying the nature of the outcomes.

  12. "they have weak tolerance, thus, having a tendency to antisocial behaviors and thoughts" -> "resulting in low tolerance, thereby exhibiting a propensity for antisocial behaviors and thoughts"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and using "resulting in" and "thereby" contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "there are a series of compelling reasons" -> "several compelling reasons exist"
    Explanation: Replacing "there are a series of" with "several" streamlines the expression and aligns it with a more formal tone.

  14. "the child spends a huge amount of their time at school" -> "children devote a significant portion of their time to school"
    Explanation: Substituting "spends a huge amount of" with "devote a significant portion of" improves precision and formality.

  15. "shape the youngsters’s personalities" -> "shape the personalities of the youngsters"
    Explanation: Correcting the possessive form to "youngsters’" and placing it before "personalities" adheres to grammatical correctness.

  16. "they will copy other’s performance" -> "they may imitate others’ behavior"
    Explanation: Changing "copy" to "imitate" and correcting the possessive form improves clarity and formality.

  17. "swiftly, for example, being a theft or drug seller" -> "swiftly, such as engaging in theft or drug dealing"
    Explanation: Changing "being a theft" to "engaging in theft" and replacing "seller" with "dealing" contributes to a more formal expression.

  18. "In conclusion, I personally agree" -> "In conclusion, I concur"
    Explanation: Substituting "I personally agree" with "I concur" maintains the author’s perspective while using a more concise and formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, presenting arguments for and against the idea that parents should be equipped with parental skills to decrease youth crimes. Relevant examples are provided, such as the role of rich parenting in guidance and emotional support, and the influence of peers and financial burden as alternative factors contributing to youth crimes.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each paragraph explicitly connects to the prompt. For example, explicitly link the discussion on school influences to the prompt about parental skills.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by expressing agreement with the idea that parents should be equipped with parental skills to limit youth crimes. This stance is consistently articulated throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that it is unmistakable for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some level of development and support. Examples are used, such as the impact of parental abuse on children’s behavior, the influence of peers in schools, and financial burden leading to negative behaviors.
    • How to improve: To improve, add more depth and elaboration to each example, providing specific details or evidence to enhance the overall development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer. For instance, the discussion on school influences could be more explicitly linked to the need for parental skills.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Clearly articulate the relevance of each point in the context of parental skills and youth crimes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt, providing a balanced view and supporting arguments with examples. To improve, focus on enhancing clarity in the expression of the essay’s position and strengthen the development of ideas with more detailed examples.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, presenting both sides of the argument before expressing the author’s viewpoint. There is a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects, and a concise conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the logical development of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between discussing parental responsibilities and external influences could be smoother to enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider employing clearer transitions between ideas within paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, maintaining a cohesive flow from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to address different facets of the topic. However, there are instances where the content within paragraphs could be more tightly connected. For instance, the transition between discussing parental responsibilities and external influences is somewhat abrupt, affecting the overall cohesion of ideas within the essay.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and that the ideas within the paragraph are connected logically. This will contribute to a more cohesive and organized structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to the awkward placement of cohesive devices.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used, including conjunctions, pronouns, and parallel structures. Pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance, rather than hinder, the clarity of the sentences. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but refinements in logical organization, paragraph transitions, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the clarity and fluidity of the essay, potentially improving the score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes terms such as "parental skills," "youth crimes," "self-protection," "self-confidence," and "peer pressure." However, there’s room for improvement as certain ideas are repeated, and more sophisticated vocabulary could be incorporated to enhance the depth of expression.
    • How to improve: To enrich your vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and more nuanced terms for key concepts. For instance, instead of frequently using "youth crimes," you might employ alternatives like "adolescent delinquency" or "juvenile offenses." This would add variety and sophistication to your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise word choice that impact the overall precision of expression. For example, the phrase "It is under question" could be more precisely stated as "It is debatable" or "There is ongoing debate." Also, the use of "rich parenting" might be more precisely replaced with "effective parenting" or "nurturing parenting."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your word choices. Consider alternative terms that convey your intended meaning with greater accuracy. Review your essay for areas where clearer, more precise language could enhance the overall effectiveness of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors (e.g., "racing" instead of "racism," "atc" instead of "acts"). While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, addressing them would contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
    • How to improve: Proofread your work systematically to catch and rectify spelling errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools to aid in the identification of potential mistakes. Additionally, practice spelling words that commonly pose challenges to ensure greater accuracy in future compositions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, but refining vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will elevate the overall quality of expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in enhancing variety. There is a consistent use of introductory phrases, and some sentences could be more succinct for clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions, varying sentence lengths for rhythm, and using transitional phrases more effectively. Aim for clarity and conciseness to enhance overall readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar, with minor errors in article usage ("It is under question" should be "It is under debate"). Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are instances where commas are misused, leading to some awkward sentence structures. For example, "for example, not only teaching their mother tongue, self-protection, self-confidence, kindness, and so on but also identifying social evils such as racing, gambling, etc."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to article usage, ensuring proper integration of examples within sentences. Review the use of commas, making sure they are appropriately placed to enhance the flow of ideas. Carefully proofread to identify and rectify such errors.

Overall, the essay displays a competent command of grammatical structures and punctuation. To enhance the essay’s quality, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining the use of grammar and punctuation for greater precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate revolves around whether parents should possess parenting skills to curb youngsters’ criminal tendencies. Personally, I firmly believe that it is crucial for adults to be equipped with these skills. However, youth crimes can occur for various reasons. This essay will outline both agreements and disagreements on this controversial matter, expressing my perspective.

On one hand, parents bear the primary responsibility of imparting crucial life lessons to their children, who are navigating the complexities of the world and self-discovery. Rich parenting, characterized by abundant guidance and emotional support, plays a pivotal role. Parents not only teach their offspring their native language, self-protection, self-confidence, and kindness but also help identify and address social vices such as racism and gambling. Youngsters, often unaware of serious consequences, exhibit curiosity towards new experiences. It is the duty of adults to guide them, fostering values of love and sharing. Moreover, enduring parental abuse, including physical and verbal violence, has lasting consequences on children’s physical and mental health, leading to low tolerance and a propensity for antisocial behaviors and thoughts. Therefore, it is imperative for parents to acquire the necessary skills to prevent youth crimes.

On the other hand, several compelling reasons contribute to youth engaging in social crimes. Firstly, children spend a significant portion of their time at school, where they are influenced by peers with similar emotions and knowledge. Bullying, a prevalent issue, shapes youngsters’ personalities and actions, often leading to the adoption of violent means to solve problems. Academic failures can also result in low self-esteem, coupled with peer pressure, prompting them to imitate others to avoid feelings of worthlessness. Secondly, financial constraints can drive youngsters, who are not of working age, to resort to negative behaviors in tight budget circumstances. This may include engaging in theft or selling drugs as swift ways to make money.

In conclusion, I concur that parents should possess parental skills to limit youth crimes. However, it is crucial to consider other contributing factors in this complex issue.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice