In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the primary purpose of visiting shopping malls will be for entertainment rather than shopping in the future. I disagree with this point and I will consider my opinion in this essay.
It is understandable that shopping malls serve the entertainment purpose more than shopping. nowaday, most people prefer shopping online to stores because of e-commerce. With online payment, people do not need to leave their home. They can stay at home, surf the internet and buy everything in the shopping mall with just one click. shoppers also can easily search for and compare prices between various products.
However, there are a lot of people who still visit department stores to shop because of many reasons. Firstly, when they shop at stores, it is easy to try on items and feel the material so they can purchase better quality products. Secondly, instant shopping eliminates the need to wait days for products to be shipped. There are also many people who like going to shopping malls just to window shop. They enjoy walking around, looking at expensive or discounted products without buying them. That's one of the fun things about shopping malls. Finally, shopping together is a great way to hang out with friends and family, helping to strengthen relationships and improve communication skills.
That's why people do not go to shopping stores only for entertainment, however, shopkeepers have to revolutionize the quality of shop inventories. In my opinion, it had better shops and entertainment under one roof.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing.
"will be for entertainment rather than shopping" -> "will primarily serve for entertainment rather than shopping"
Explanation: "Will primarily serve" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"I disagree with this point" -> "I disagree with this assertion"
Explanation: "Assertion" is a more formal term than "point," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"nowaday" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is the correct spelling and is more formal than the incorrect "nowaday."
"surf the internet" -> "browse the internet"
Explanation: "Browse" is a more precise term in this context, indicating a casual search through online content.
"buy everything in the shopping mall with just one click" -> "purchase items from the shopping mall with a single click"
Explanation: "Purchase items" is more formal and specific than "buy everything," and "single click" is more precise than "just one click."
"shoppers also can easily search" -> "shoppers can also easily search"
Explanation: Moving "also" to the beginning of the sentence improves the grammatical structure and flow.
"there are a lot of people" -> "there are numerous individuals"
Explanation: "Numerous individuals" is more formal and precise than "a lot of people."
"it is easy to try on items and feel the material" -> "it is convenient to try on items and assess their material quality"
Explanation: "Convenient" and "assess their material quality" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"instant shopping eliminates the need to wait days for products to be shipped" -> "instant shopping obviates the need for days-long shipping delays"
Explanation: "Obviates" is a more formal synonym for "eliminates," and "days-long shipping delays" is a more precise description.
"There are also many people who like going to shopping malls just to window shop" -> "Additionally, many individuals frequent shopping malls solely for window shopping"
Explanation: "Frequent" is more formal than "like going to," and "solely for window shopping" is a more precise phrase.
"That’s one of the fun things about shopping malls" -> "This is one of the enjoyable aspects of shopping malls"
Explanation: "This is one of the enjoyable aspects" is more formal and avoids the contraction "That’s," which is too informal for academic writing.
"helping to strengthen relationships and improve communication skills" -> "enhancing interpersonal relationships and communication skills"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is more formal than "helping to strengthen," and "interpersonal relationships" is a more precise term.
"it had better shops and entertainment under one roof" -> "it would be advantageous to have shops and entertainment under one roof"
Explanation: "Would be advantageous" is a more formal and precise expression than "it had better," which is colloquial and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear disagreement with the notion that shopping malls will primarily serve entertainment purposes in the future. The writer provides reasons for their stance, such as the advantages of physical shopping, including the ability to try on items and the immediacy of purchasing. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument. While the writer disagrees, they do mention the entertainment aspect but do not delve deeply into how it contrasts with shopping.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint in more detail before refuting it. This could involve discussing the growing trend of entertainment in malls and then explaining why shopping will remain significant. A more nuanced approach would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position against the idea that shopping malls will primarily serve entertainment purposes. The introduction states this position, and the body paragraphs consistently support it. However, the transition between ideas could be clearer, particularly in the concluding statements, which seem to introduce a new idea about shopkeepers needing to improve inventory without a strong connection to the earlier arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next. Using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases can help reinforce the main argument throughout the essay. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and reiterate the position without introducing new concepts.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument against the future of shopping malls as primarily entertainment venues. The points about trying on clothes, instant gratification, and socializing are relevant and well-articulated. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the mention of "window shopping" could be expanded to discuss its psychological benefits or its role in the shopping experience.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples or statistics that reinforce their argument. For instance, citing studies on consumer behavior or trends in retail could provide a stronger foundation for the claims made. Additionally, integrating more varied examples could enhance the richness of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the future roles of shopping malls. However, some sentences, particularly towards the end, introduce ideas that feel somewhat disconnected from the main argument, such as the need for shopkeepers to improve inventory. This could confuse readers about the essay’s primary focus.
- How to improve: To maintain topic relevance, the writer should regularly refer back to the main argument throughout the essay. Each point made should directly relate to the question posed in the prompt. A good practice is to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are aligned with the central argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of the topic, clearer transitions, deeper development of ideas, and a tighter focus on the main argument throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea that shopping malls will primarily serve entertainment purposes in the future. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing online shopping to the benefits of physical shopping is somewhat abrupt. The points about trying on items and instant shopping are relevant but could be better linked to the overall argument about the enduring value of shopping malls.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, employing transition phrases (e.g., "In contrast," "Furthermore," "Moreover") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the advantages of shopping in physical stores, and the third touches on the social aspect of shopping. However, the final paragraph lacks clarity and coherence, as it introduces a new idea about shopkeepers needing to revolutionize inventories without fully connecting it to the previous points.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support that idea. The last paragraph could be restructured to summarize the main arguments more effectively and provide a stronger concluding statement that ties back to the thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "firstly," and "finally," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "That’s why" at the beginning of the last paragraph feels informal and does not effectively link back to the preceding content.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Additionally," "On the other hand," "Consequently"). This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and in context to maintain formality and clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a more persuasive and well-structured argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "entertainment," "e-commerce," "instant shopping," and "window shop." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat basic and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "shopping malls" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "shopping malls," you could use "retail centers," "shopping complexes," or "consumer hubs." Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "vibrant shopping atmosphere" instead of just "shopping") can enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary choices are appropriate, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "shopping together is a great way to hang out" could be more formally expressed as "socializing through shopping fosters interpersonal relationships." Furthermore, the phrase "it had better shops" is awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Replace vague phrases with more specific language. For instance, instead of "had better shops," you could say "should enhance the quality of their merchandise." This not only clarifies your point but also demonstrates a higher level of lexical resource.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "nowaday" (should be "nowadays") and "shoppers" (should be capitalized at the beginning of a sentence). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can help identify errors, but also consider reading the essay aloud to catch mistakes that might be overlooked. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can further improve accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, you can enhance your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "It is understandable that shopping malls serve the entertainment purpose more than shopping" show an attempt to use complex structures. However, many sentences are quite basic and repetitive, such as "There are also many people who like going to shopping malls just to window shop." This limits the overall range and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, try incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "There are also many people who like going to shopping malls just to window shop," consider rephrasing it as "Many people, who enjoy the experience of browsing without the intention to buy, frequently visit shopping malls for window shopping." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "nowaday" should be "nowadays," and the phrase "it had better shops and entertainment under one roof" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect capitalization, such as "shoppers" at the beginning of a sentence. The use of commas is often inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences and unclear meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and list items. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating clearer and more concise sentences. Consider revising sentences for clarity, such as changing "That’s why people do not go to shopping stores only for entertainment" to "This indicates that shopping malls still attract visitors for purposes beyond mere entertainment."

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that the primary purpose of visiting shopping malls will be for entertainment rather than shopping in the future. I disagree with this assertion, and I will elaborate on my opinion in this essay.

It is understandable that shopping malls currently serve an entertainment purpose alongside shopping. Nowadays, many people prefer shopping online to visiting physical stores due to the rise of e-commerce. With online payment options, individuals can remain at home, browse the internet, and purchase items from the shopping mall with a single click. Shoppers can also easily search for and compare prices among various products, making online shopping highly convenient.

However, there are numerous individuals who still visit department stores for several reasons. Firstly, when shopping in stores, it is convenient to try on items and assess their material quality, allowing for better purchasing decisions. Secondly, instant shopping obviates the need for days-long shipping delays, which can be frustrating. Additionally, many individuals frequent shopping malls solely for window shopping. They enjoy walking around, looking at expensive or discounted products without the intention of buying them. This is one of the enjoyable aspects of shopping malls. Finally, shopping together is a great way to hang out with friends and family, enhancing interpersonal relationships and communication skills.

Therefore, while some may argue that shopping malls will primarily serve for entertainment, I believe that shopping will continue to play a significant role. In my opinion, it would be advantageous to have shops and entertainment under one roof, creating a more holistic shopping experience.