In the last decade, there has been a great increase in the number and variety of online courses available to adults. This has been welcomed as a great opportunity by many students, however, other students see these courses as less effective than classroom teaching. What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying an online course?
In the last decade, there has been a great increase in the number and variety of online courses available to adults. This has been welcomed as a great opportunity by many students, however, other students see these courses as less effective than classroom teaching.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of studying an online course?
In today’s modern life, one of the most notable developments has been the growing trend toward learning online courses among students all over the world. While there are certain benefits to this, we should also consider some unexpected drawbacks involved.
Admittedly, it is seemingly comprehensible why some advocate this view, asserting that online courses have had a considerable bearing on learners. Chief of these is they allow learners to study in a flexible way, meaning that these individuals can engage in learning at any given time with a device connected to the internet. For example, working adults have a chance to continue their education at the comfort of their home thanks to the internet-based learning, allowing individuals to facilitate their studies. An added advantageous point is that online courses frequently boast lower tuition fees and alleviate additional financial burdens associated with commuting, accommodation, and textbooks. This is evident in the cost-efficient nature of digital education platforms, rendering access to education becomes feasible for all social strata.
Irrespective of the aforementioned merits of distance education, I am convinced that this tendency has a detrimental impact on students in numerous ways. The first drawback of this is that learners may be confronted with serious health deterioration. This is due to the fact that devoting time in front of a screen can cause them to suffer from such serious diseases as myopia, obesity, and bone-related problems, posing a significant threat to learners. An added disadvantageous point is the distraction from studying. To illustrate, students tend to surf other websites such as Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube, leading to a lack of focus on their studies, resulting in poor academic performances, or even absenteeism.
In conclusion, while this tendency of distance education is not without certain merits, I would contend that its merits should be also taken into consideration.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In today’s modern life" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "In today’s modern life" is redundant and informal. "In contemporary society" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"one of the most notable developments" -> "one of the most significant developments"
Explanation: "Notable" can imply a degree of fame or recognition, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Significant" is more neutral and academically appropriate, emphasizing the importance of the development. -
"growing trend toward" -> "increasing trend towards"
Explanation: "Toward" is less commonly used in formal writing, whereas "towards" is the standard form in British English and more commonly used in academic texts. -
"certain benefits to this" -> "several benefits to this"
Explanation: "Certain" is vague and can imply a lack of specificity. "Several" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a specific number of benefits. -
"unexpected drawbacks involved" -> "unforeseen drawbacks involved"
Explanation: "Unexpected" can imply a lack of knowledge or awareness, which may not be the intended meaning. "Unforeseen" suggests that the drawbacks were not anticipated, which is more precise and formal. -
"it is seemingly comprehensible why" -> "it is understandable why"
Explanation: "Seemingly" is redundant with "comprehensible," which already implies understanding. Removing "seemingly" simplifies the sentence and maintains clarity. -
"Chief of these is they" -> "The primary advantage is that"
Explanation: "Chief of these is they" is awkward and unclear. "The primary advantage is that" is clearer and more direct, improving readability and formality. -
"engage in learning at any given time" -> "study at any time"
Explanation: "Engage in learning" is verbose and less formal. "Study" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term. -
"at the comfort of their home" -> "from the comfort of their homes"
Explanation: "At the comfort of their home" is grammatically incorrect. "From the comfort of their homes" corrects the preposition and maintains the formal tone. -
"allowing individuals to facilitate their studies" -> "enabling individuals to facilitate their studies"
Explanation: "Allowing" is less formal and slightly vague. "Enabling" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"frequently boast" -> "often feature"
Explanation: "Boast" implies pride or bragging, which is not the intended meaning here. "Feature" is neutral and appropriate for describing characteristics of online courses. -
"alleviate additional financial burdens" -> "reduce additional financial burdens"
Explanation: "Alleviate" can imply a sense of relief or mitigation, which may not be the intended meaning. "Reduce" is more direct and clear, indicating a decrease in financial burdens. -
"rendering access to education becomes feasible" -> "making education more accessible"
Explanation: "Rendering access to education becomes feasible" is awkward and verbose. "Making education more accessible" is concise and maintains the formal tone. -
"serious health deterioration" -> "serious health problems"
Explanation: "Deterioration" implies a gradual decline, which may not be the intended meaning. "Problems" is more general and suitable for discussing various health issues. -
"devoting time in front of a screen" -> "spending time in front of a screen"
Explanation: "Devoting" implies a sense of dedication or commitment, which may not be the intended meaning. "Spending" is more neutral and appropriate for describing time usage. -
"serious diseases as myopia, obesity, and bone-related problems" -> "serious health issues such as myopia, obesity, and bone-related conditions"
Explanation: "Diseases" is too broad and may not encompass all the conditions mentioned. "Health issues" is more inclusive, and "conditions" is a more precise term than "problems" in this context. -
"surf other websites" -> "browse other websites"
Explanation: "Surf" is informal and less precise. "Browse" is the correct term for navigating the internet, and it is more formal. -
"lack of focus on their studies" -> "lack of focus in their studies"
Explanation: "On" is incorrect in this context; "in" is the correct preposition for indicating a lack of focus within an activity. -
"resulting in poor academic performances" -> "resulting in poor academic performance"
Explanation: "Performances" is plural, suggesting multiple performances, which is incorrect. "Performance" is singular and correct for referring to the overall academic achievement. -
"or even absenteeism" -> "or even absenteeism"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "or" should be followed by a comma to separate the items in the list.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of studying online courses, which is a key requirement of the prompt. The advantages are discussed in the first half of the essay, highlighting flexibility and cost-effectiveness. The disadvantages are also covered, focusing on health issues and distractions. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more balanced and detailed, as it feels slightly less developed compared to the advantages.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or data to support the disadvantages mentioned. Additionally, a more equal distribution of content between advantages and disadvantages would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument but leans towards the disadvantages of online courses. The phrase "I am convinced that this tendency has a detrimental impact on students" clearly indicates the author’s stance. However, the conclusion somewhat undermines this position by suggesting that the merits should also be considered without a strong reaffirmation of the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the conclusion should reinforce the author’s viewpoint more decisively. A stronger summary of the main points discussed, along with a clear statement of preference for the disadvantages, would help solidify the position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the advantages section, where it elaborates on flexibility and cost savings. However, the support for the disadvantages could be more robust. For instance, while health issues and distractions are mentioned, they are not sufficiently backed by examples or elaboration on how these issues manifest in students’ lives.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics to support claims, particularly regarding the disadvantages. For instance, discussing specific studies or surveys that highlight the prevalence of health issues among online learners could strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of online courses. However, the phrase "this tendency of distance education is not without certain merits" in the conclusion feels vague and does not directly address the prompt’s request for a balanced view on advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the conclusion should directly summarize the key points made about both advantages and disadvantages without introducing ambiguity. A clear restatement of the main arguments would help reinforce the essay’s relevance to the prompt.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in balance, support, and clarity of position would enhance the overall effectiveness and coherence of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into advantages and disadvantages, which is a logical approach. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of online courses, such as flexibility and cost-effectiveness, while the second body paragraph addresses the drawbacks, including health issues and distractions. However, the transition between advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "Irrespective of the aforementioned merits" serves as a transition but feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift from one idea to another. For instance, instead of "Irrespective of the aforementioned merits," a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could improve clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea would further strengthen the organization.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing advantages and the second addressing disadvantages. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak, as it does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs or restate the writer’s position clearly.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments presented in the essay. This could involve briefly reiterating the advantages and disadvantages discussed, followed by a clear statement of the writer’s overall opinion. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each body paragraph that reinforces the main idea before transitioning to the next point.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "for example," "an added advantageous point," and "this is due to the fact that." These devices help connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "This is evident in the cost-efficient nature of digital education platforms" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help create a more nuanced flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used effectively by checking that it clearly connects the ideas it is intended to link. For example, revising sentences to explicitly show how one idea leads to another can enhance clarity and coherence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments in a coherent manner. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion further.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with terms such as "notable developments," "advocate," "considerable bearing," "cost-efficient," and "detrimental impact." These choices reflect an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "online courses" is repeated multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "online courses," you could use "digital learning platforms," "virtual classes," or "e-learning opportunities." This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "allow learners to study in a flexible way" could be more succinctly expressed as "offer flexible study options." Additionally, the phrase "the comfort of their home" might be better articulated as "the comfort of their own homes" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: Focus on refining phrases to enhance clarity and precision. When discussing benefits or drawbacks, aim for concise expressions. For example, instead of "the distraction from studying," consider "distractions that hinder study." This not only tightens the language but also improves the overall flow of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, contributing positively to the overall impression of the writing. However, there is a minor error in the phrase "rendering access to education becomes feasible," where "becomes" should be "become" to match the grammatical structure.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also help identify errors that may be overlooked during writing. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further improve spelling proficiency.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a Band Score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, refining expressions for clarity, and ensuring grammatical correctness, the overall quality of the writing can be elevated further.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a competent use of various sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "while there are certain benefits to this" and "this is due to the fact that" show an ability to construct complex ideas. However, there are moments where the sentence structures become repetitive, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which could benefit from more variation. For example, the use of "an added advantageous point is" and "an added disadvantageous point is" follows a similar structure that could be diversified.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory clauses and participial phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "An added advantageous point is," you could rephrase it to "Moreover, the financial benefits of online courses are significant, as they often come with lower tuition fees." This not only varies the structure but also improves the flow of ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "rendering access to education becomes feasible for all social strata" contains a grammatical inconsistency; it should be "rendering access to education feasible for all social strata." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, though there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as after introductory phrases or clauses. For example, "Admittedly, it is seemingly comprehensible why some advocate this view" is well-structured, but the flow could be improved with a clearer separation of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing sentence constructions for clarity and correctness. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and the proper use of gerunds and infinitives. Additionally, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. For example, consider revising "This is due to the fact that devoting time in front of a screen can cause them to suffer from such serious diseases as myopia, obesity, and bone-related problems" to "This is due to the fact that devoting time in front of a screen can lead to serious health issues, such as myopia, obesity, and bone-related problems." This not only corrects the structure but also improves the overall clarity of the sentence.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, reflecting a more sophisticated command of the English language.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s modern life, one of the most notable developments has been the growing trend towards learning through online courses among students all over the world. While there are several benefits to this, we should also consider some unforeseen drawbacks involved.
Admittedly, it is understandable why some advocate this view, asserting that online courses have had a considerable bearing on learners. The primary advantage is that they allow learners to study in a flexible way, meaning that these individuals can engage in learning at any given time with a device connected to the internet. For example, working adults have a chance to continue their education from the comfort of their homes thanks to internet-based learning, enabling individuals to facilitate their studies. An added benefit is that online courses often feature lower tuition fees and reduce additional financial burdens associated with commuting, accommodation, and textbooks. This is evident in the cost-efficient nature of digital education platforms, making education more accessible for all social strata.
Irrespective of the aforementioned merits of distance education, I am convinced that this tendency has a detrimental impact on students in numerous ways. The first drawback is that learners may be confronted with serious health problems. This is due to the fact that spending time in front of a screen can cause them to suffer from serious health issues such as myopia, obesity, and bone-related conditions, posing a significant threat to learners. An added disadvantage is the distraction from studying. To illustrate, students tend to browse other websites such as Facebook, TikTok, and YouTube, leading to a lack of focus in their studies, resulting in poor academic performance or even absenteeism.
In conclusion, while this tendency of distance education is not without certain merits, I would contend that its drawbacks should also be taken into consideration.
