In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via the Internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development?

In recent years, the fact that using the Internet has become ever-increasing. One prominent viewpoint suggests that advanced technology makes it possible for people to work, shop and communicate through the Internet and to live without any direct contact with others. In my opinion, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both its pros and cons.
The rise of technology and the Internet is undeniably a significant development. It has enabled people to engage in a wide range of activities online, from shopping to working and socializing. For instance, platforms like Amazon and Zoom have become highly popular, allowing users to shop or attend meetings from the comfort of their homes or anywhere in the world. This can be especially time-saving, as individuals no longer need to venture outside and face harsh weather conditions, whether it’s heavy rain or sweltering heat, while still being able to connect with friends and family.

While the benefits of the Internet’s development are widely recognized, the growth of modern technology also carries negative consequences, particularly the reduction of direct, face-to-face interactions. Online communication, by its nature, can hinder the formation of deep, meaningful relationships and limit real-life contact with others. This is evident in how people, especially younger generations, increasingly rely on technology to communicate, which can lead to social isolation. Such isolation can have detrimental effects on mental health, contributing to issues like depression.

In short, while the ability to shop, work, and communicate online offers numerous benefits, the absence of face-to-face contact can have negative consequences. Therefore, it is crucial to strike a balance between online and offline interactions in our increasingly digital society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the fact that using the Internet has become ever-increasing" -> "the increasing use of the Internet"
Explanation: The phrase "the fact that using the Internet has become ever-increasing" is awkward and redundant. Simplifying it to "the increasing use of the Internet" clarifies the meaning and enhances readability.
"One prominent viewpoint suggests" -> "One prevailing perspective suggests"
Explanation: "Prominent viewpoint" is somewhat vague and less formal. "Prevailing perspective" is more precise and academically appropriate, indicating a widely accepted or dominant view.
"to live without any direct contact with others" -> "to live without direct human interaction"
Explanation: "Direct contact with others" is a bit informal and vague. "Direct human interaction" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"I would contend that it is optimal to combine both its pros and cons" -> "I argue that it is advantageous to balance both its advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "I would contend" is somewhat informal and less assertive. "I argue" is more direct and assertive, suitable for academic writing. "Optimal" can be replaced with "advantageous" for a more formal tone.
"The rise of technology and the Internet is undeniably a significant development" -> "The rise of technology and the Internet undoubtedly represents a significant development"
Explanation: "Is" should be replaced with "represents" to make the sentence more formal and precise, emphasizing the nature of the development.
"engage in a wide range of activities online" -> "participate in a diverse range of online activities"
Explanation: "Engage in" is a bit informal and vague; "participate in" is more precise and formal. "Diverse range" is also more specific than "wide range."
"shop or attend meetings from the comfort of their homes or anywhere in the world" -> "conduct shopping or attend virtual meetings from the comfort of their homes or remotely"
Explanation: "Shop" is too informal for academic writing; "conduct shopping" is more formal. "Attend meetings" is replaced with "attend virtual meetings" to specify the type of meetings, and "anywhere in the world" is replaced with "remotely" for a more formal tone.
"harsh weather conditions" -> "adverse weather conditions"
Explanation: "Harsh" is somewhat subjective and less formal. "Adverse" is neutral and more appropriate for academic writing.
"the reduction of direct, face-to-face interactions" -> "the diminution of direct, face-to-face interactions"
Explanation: "Reduction" is a bit informal and vague; "diminution" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"can hinder the formation of deep, meaningful relationships" -> "may impede the development of deep, meaningful relationships"
Explanation: "Can" is less formal than "may," which is more suitable for academic writing. "Impede" is also more precise than "hinder" in this context.
"Such isolation can have detrimental effects on mental health" -> "Such isolation may have adverse effects on mental health"
Explanation: "Can" is replaced with "may" to maintain a more cautious and formal tone, and "detrimental" is replaced with "adverse" for a more academic tone.
"it is crucial to strike a balance" -> "it is essential to achieve a balance"
Explanation: "Crucial" is slightly informal and less precise; "essential" is more formal and academically appropriate. "Strike a balance" is replaced with "achieve a balance" for a more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of living without face-to-face contact. The introduction sets the stage for a balanced discussion, and the body paragraphs provide specific examples of both the benefits (e.g., convenience of online shopping and working) and drawbacks (e.g., social isolation and mental health issues). However, while the essay mentions both sides, it could have been more explicit in stating whether the author ultimately views this development as positive or negative, as the phrase "optimal to combine both its pros and cons" may create ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more definitive stance on whether the development is overall positive or negative would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally clear position, advocating for a balance between online and offline interactions. However, the initial assertion of "optimal to combine both its pros and cons" can lead to some confusion regarding the author’s ultimate viewpoint. The conclusion reiterates the need for balance, but it could be more decisive about the overall impact of the development.
- How to improve: The author should aim to clarify their position by explicitly stating whether they believe the development is primarily positive or negative. This can be done by using stronger language in the introduction and conclusion, such as "I believe this is a negative development due to…" or "Ultimately, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks because…".
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the body paragraphs where examples like Amazon and Zoom are used to illustrate the benefits of online interactions. The mention of social isolation and mental health issues effectively supports the argument against excessive reliance on technology. However, the essay could benefit from deeper exploration of these points, particularly the negative consequences, to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should consider adding more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the negative effects of reduced face-to-face contact. For instance, citing studies on mental health impacts or providing anecdotes about social isolation could enhance the argument’s depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the implications of living without face-to-face contact due to the Internet. However, there are moments where the discussion could be tightened, particularly in the transition between positive and negative aspects. The shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks could be more fluid to maintain a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central question of whether this development is positive or negative. Using clear topic sentences and transitions can help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the essay’s relevance to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity of position, depth of argumentation, and cohesion would elevate the response to a higher level.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs effectively discuss both the positive and negative aspects of the Internet’s impact on social interactions. For example, the first body paragraph highlights the advantages of online activities, while the second addresses the drawbacks, such as social isolation. However, the transition between these points could be smoother; the shift from discussing benefits to drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For instance, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "However, despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks…" could provide a clearer transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea would help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be more developed, as it presents the negative consequences but lacks specific examples or further elaboration that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, consider expanding the second body paragraph with specific examples or statistics that illustrate the negative impacts of online communication on relationships. For instance, citing studies that link increased screen time with feelings of loneliness could provide a more robust argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus will help reinforce the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "while," and "in short," which contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the connections between ideas could be more varied. For example, the essay relies heavily on simple conjunctions and transitional phrases without incorporating more complex devices that could enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "consequently." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can create a smoother reading experience and reduce repetition.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "significant development," "engage," "time-saving," and "detrimental effects." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "work, shop, and communicate," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s richness. For instance, instead of repeating "communicate," alternatives such as "interact" or "connect" could be employed.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For example, when discussing the benefits of online shopping, they could use words like "convenience," "accessibility," or "efficiency" to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the fact that using the Internet has become ever-increasing" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "the increasing prevalence of Internet usage." Additionally, "optimal" in "it is optimal to combine both its pros and cons" may not be the best choice; "beneficial" or "advantageous" would convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on selecting words that convey their ideas more clearly. They can practice by rewriting sentences with a focus on clarity and precision, ensuring that the vocabulary used aligns closely with the ideas being expressed.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no glaring errors. However, the phrase "ever-increasing" could be hyphenated as "ever-increasing" for clarity, and "sweltering heat" is correctly spelled but could be considered a cliché.
- How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, writers should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to compound adjectives and commonly confused words. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can also help identify any overlooked errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "One prominent viewpoint suggests that advanced technology makes it possible for people to work, shop and communicate through the Internet and to live without any direct contact with others" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "while still being able to connect with friends and family," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of simpler sentence constructions that could be further developed to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of stating, "This can be especially time-saving," you might say, "Especially time-saving, this approach allows individuals to avoid harsh weather conditions." This not only varies the structure but also emphasizes the benefit more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the fact that using the Internet has become ever-increasing" could be more accurately phrased as "the fact that the use of the Internet has been ever-increasing." Additionally, the punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially" in "This can be especially time-saving," where a comma could help separate the introductory phrase from the main clause.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to word forms and phrases. Regularly review common grammatical structures and their correct usage. For punctuation, practice identifying where pauses or breaks in thought occur in your writing, and use commas to clarify these points. For example, revising "This is evident in how people, especially younger generations, increasingly rely on technology to communicate" to "This is evident in how people increasingly rely on technology to communicate, especially younger generations," could improve clarity.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view of the topic. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the increasing use of the Internet has become a prominent aspect of modern life. One prevailing perspective suggests that advanced technology enables people to work, shop, and communicate through the Internet, allowing them to live without direct human interaction. In my opinion, I argue that it is advantageous to balance both its advantages and disadvantages.

The rise of technology and the Internet undoubtedly represents a significant development. It has enabled individuals to participate in a diverse range of online activities, from shopping to working and socializing. For instance, platforms like Amazon and Zoom have gained immense popularity, allowing users to conduct shopping or attend virtual meetings from the comfort of their homes or remotely. This can be particularly time-saving, as individuals no longer need to venture outside and face adverse weather conditions, whether it’s heavy rain or sweltering heat, while still being able to connect with friends and family.

While the benefits of the Internet’s development are widely recognized, the growth of modern technology also carries negative consequences, particularly the diminution of direct, face-to-face interactions. Online communication, by its nature, may impede the development of deep, meaningful relationships and limit real-life contact with others. This is evident in how people, especially younger generations, increasingly rely on technology to communicate, which can lead to social isolation. Such isolation may have adverse effects on mental health, contributing to issues like depression.

In short, while the ability to shop, work, and communicate online offers numerous benefits, the absence of face-to-face contact can have negative consequences. Therefore, it is essential to achieve a balance between online and offline interactions in our increasingly digital society.