In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the Internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
In high-tech society, people tend to reserve many kinds of books on social platform more than store them in paper books. From my point of view, reading books which are stored on the Internet has more benefits than drawbacks.
On the one hand, I firmly suppose that collecting books on the Internet has two main benefits. The first point is that this could allow people to save their money. This is on the grounds that they often are free when reading book files on the social mass. As a result, they could read several of books without concerning about their cost. The second point is that reserving books on the social network enables people to update their favorite books unlimitation. Because of its unrestrained function, users not only download them free but also have chances to experience more types of books. Hence, people have better way to read books entirely no cost.
On the other hand, storing books on the social media also has some drawbacks. Firstly, this can make people addicted to surf the web. To examplify it, youngers often online on the social network too much to read books, so this can cause passive lifestyle in them. Secondly, reading books online has detrimental effects on users's health. This is because they exposure to computer's screen without rest and this takes place during many hours continuos. Consequently, their mental and physical health have no time to relax and causing more and more depression.
In conclusion, I hold belief that storing books on the Internet has many positive aspects than negative aspect. I think the disadvantegous could have solutions to improve experience's readers online.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"people tend to reserve many kinds of books on social platform more than store them in paper books" -> "individuals often prefer reserving various types of books on social platforms rather than storing them in physical format."
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks precision. Replacing "people" with "individuals" and using more specific terms like "various types of books" and "social platforms" enhances the formality and clarity of the expression.
"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "From my point of view" is more casual, while "In my opinion" is a more formal and standard way to express one’s viewpoint in academic writing.
"I firmly suppose that" -> "I strongly believe that"
Explanation: "Firmly suppose" is less formal, and "strongly believe" is a more suitable and formal alternative for expressing conviction in academic writing.
"This is on the grounds that" -> "This is because"
Explanation: "This is on the grounds that" is less formal, and "This is because" is a more direct and commonly used phrase in academic writing.
"they often are free when reading book files on the social mass" -> "they are often free when accessing book files on social media."
Explanation: "Reading book files on the social mass" is unclear and informal. Replacing it with "accessing book files on social media" improves precision and formality.
"unlimitation" -> "unlimited"
Explanation: "Unlimitation" is not a standard term. Replacing it with "unlimited" corrects the word choice and maintains clarity.
"reserving books on the social network" -> "accessing books on social media"
Explanation: "Reserving books on the social network" is less precise and formal than "accessing books on social media," which is a more accurate representation of the action.
"To examplify it" -> "To exemplify"
Explanation: "To examplify it" is grammatically incorrect. "To exemplify" is the correct term for introducing an example in a formal context.
"youngers" -> "young individuals"
Explanation: "Youngers" is informal. Replacing it with "young individuals" maintains formality and clarity.
"This is because they exposure to computer’s screen without rest and this takes place during many hours continuos." -> "This is because they are exposed to the computer screen without breaks for many continuous hours."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks precision. The suggested revision corrects the grammar and improves clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay does address both aspects of the prompt, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of storing books on the Internet. However, the analysis is somewhat limited, and some points could be more thoroughly explored.
- How to Improve: To enhance task response, consider providing more depth to the analysis. Develop each advantage and disadvantage more fully, using specific examples to support your points.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that favors the advantages of storing books on the Internet. However, some statements are unclear or lack specificity.
- How to Improve: Aim for greater clarity by providing specific examples to support your position. Additionally, ensure that your stance is consistently reflected in each paragraph.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. For instance, the points about saving money and updating favorite books could benefit from more detailed explanation and concrete examples.
- How to Improve: Elaborate on each point by providing specific examples, anecdotes, or statistics. This will enhance the overall development and persuasiveness of your ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed Explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused. The second paragraph, for example, slightly deviates into the negative impact on health without a clear link to the main topic.
- How to Improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the advantages and disadvantages of storing books on the Internet. Avoid introducing unrelated points that might distract from the main argument.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt but would benefit from a more thorough exploration of ideas. Work on providing specific examples and extending your arguments to add depth to your analysis. Ensure a consistent and clear stance throughout the essay, avoiding vague statements. Additionally, stay focused on the main topic and avoid introducing points that may dilute the central argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a basic level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic but lacks clarity and conciseness. The body paragraphs attempt to present advantages and disadvantages, but the ideas are not consistently developed. The conclusion is somewhat abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the introduction to clearly outline the essay’s structure. Ensure each body paragraph has a clear central idea and supporting details. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and restate the thesis.
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure is somewhat erratic. Transitions between paragraphs are limited, making it challenging to follow the flow of ideas. Some paragraphs lack unity, incorporating disparate points within the same paragraph.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Use transitions between paragraphs to facilitate the smooth progression of ideas. Consider separating distinct points into individual paragraphs for clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Firstly," "Secondly"). However, the variety and sophistication of these devices are limited. The essay could benefit from more diverse and precise cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, transitional phrases, and synonyms. Ensure the use of these devices is contextually appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. This will help create a smoother and more connected flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at coherence and cohesion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are essential for achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some words and expressions are used effectively, there is room for improvement. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" could be replaced with more varied transitional phrases. Additionally, the essay tends to rely on basic vocabulary at times, limiting the richness of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary variety, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Instead of repetitive phrases, experiment with alternatives such as "firstly" and "secondly" or use diverse connectors like "moreover" and "consequently." Integrate advanced vocabulary relevant to the topic to elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. While some terms are used accurately, there are instances where imprecise language weakens the communication. For instance, the phrase "reserve many kinds of books" could be refined for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "reserve," consider alternatives like "access" or "acquire." Ensure that your chosen vocabulary accurately reflects your ideas to enhance the overall clarity and impact of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "youngers" instead of "youngsters," "disadvantegous" instead of "disadvantages," and others. These errors, though not pervasive, affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading your work to identify and correct spelling errors. Consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from others to improve accuracy. Taking the time to review and edit your essay before submission will significantly contribute to a higher level of spelling precision.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Simple structures dominate, and there is a lack of complex sentences or varied sentence lengths. For instance, the majority of sentences follow a basic subject-verb-object pattern. The use of transitional phrases to connect ideas is also minimal.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, the writer should incorporate a variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. Introduce phrases such as "While," "On the other hand," or "In conclusion" to create more sophisticated connections between ideas. Experiment with different sentence lengths to add flow and rhythm to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. Examples include incorrect verb tenses (e.g., "reserving" should be "reserving" in the present context) and inconsistent use of articles ("the social platform" instead of "social platforms"). There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to verb tense consistency, article usage, and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, proper punctuation, including commas for clarity in compound sentences, needs attention. Careful proofreading is essential to catch these errors. Utilizing tools like grammar-check software can also be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and ideas, improvement in grammatical range and accuracy is crucial for achieving a higher band score. Developing a more varied sentence structure and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation errors will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
In our modern, high-tech society, a prevalent trend is the inclination of individuals to reserve a variety of books on social platforms rather than storing them in physical form. In my opinion, the advantages of reading books stored on the Internet outweigh the disadvantages.
On the positive side, I strongly believe that acquiring books on the Internet presents two significant benefits. Firstly, it allows people to save money, as accessing book files on social media platforms is often free. Consequently, individuals can read numerous books without concerns about their financial implications. Secondly, reserving books on social networks provides an unlimited opportunity to update one’s collection of favorite books. Due to this unrestricted access, users not only download books without charge but also explore a diverse range of literary genres. This enhances people’s reading experience without incurring any costs.
However, there are drawbacks to storing books on social media. Primarily, it can lead to excessive internet usage, especially among the younger population. To exemplify, young individuals tend to spend an excessive amount of time on social networks, leading to a passive lifestyle. Additionally, prolonged exposure to computer screens during continuous hours can adversely affect users’ health, both mentally and physically, contributing to increased levels of stress and depression.
In conclusion, I maintain the belief that storing books on the Internet offers more advantages than disadvantages. While there are potential issues like internet addiction and health concerns, addressing these challenges can significantly enhance the online reading experience for individuals.