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In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that due to the progession of technologies, there is a development that while in the past, most people accessed knowledge through books, nowadays they can easily store knowledge from the internet. While this trend has several drawbacks, I strongly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, it is understandable that this development might bring several demerits to people’s lives. Initially, since most knowledge and information can be posted on the internet without verification, people can easily store false information or make it tough for users to differentiate information. Additionally, it could be said that the Internet has paved the way for an explosion of piracy because many websites are releasing pirated electronic books to attract viewers. Therefore, an increase in their websitess visits can help them make money from running ads on the web which is an illegal action.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the benefits of this development outweigh the reverse due to some reasons below. Firstly, thanks to the advancement of technologies, users can access information and knowledge easily through the internet, which is more convenient. For example, with the help engines namely Google, people can explore information or content just with some clicks of a mouse. As a result, people can not only access information immediately but also time-saving for them . Moreover, unlike paper news or books, while searching knowledge on the internet, people can store knowledge in different formats such as images, words or videos. Thereby, this can help learners absorb the information more effectively and increase enthusiasm in storing knowledge.

In conclusion, while there are various drawbacks that this trend causes and affects people’s lives, I still believe that the benefits of this development can strongly outweigh the opposite.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "due to the progession of technologies" -> "due to the progression of technology"
    Explanation: "Progession" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "progression" fixes the spelling mistake, and using "technology" instead of "technologies" aligns with the singular noun form commonly used in academic contexts when referring to the field as a whole.

  2. "most people accessed knowledge through books" -> "most people accessed knowledge through books"
    Explanation: The verb tense is inconsistent. Changing "accessed" to "access" aligns the verb with the present tense of the sentence, improving grammatical consistency.

  3. "nowadays they can easily store knowledge from the internet" -> "nowadays they can easily access knowledge from the internet"
    Explanation: "Store" is incorrect in this context. "Access" is the correct verb to use when referring to retrieving information from the internet.

  4. "this development might bring several demerits" -> "this development may bring several drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Demerits" is less commonly used and can be vague. "Drawbacks" is a more precise and widely accepted term in academic writing.

  5. "people can easily store false information" -> "people can easily access false information"
    Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "store" is incorrect in this context. "Access" is the correct verb for retrieving information.

  6. "make it tough for users to differentiate information" -> "make it difficult for users to distinguish between information"
    Explanation: "Make it tough" is informal and vague. "Make it difficult" is more formal and precise, and "distinguish between" is the correct phrase for comparing different types of information.

  7. "the Internet has paved the way for an explosion of piracy" -> "the Internet has facilitated an explosion of piracy"
    Explanation: "Paved the way for" is a metaphorical expression that may be considered too informal for academic writing. "Facilitated" is a more direct and formal term.

  8. "increase in their websitess visits" -> "increase in their website visits"
    Explanation: "Websitess" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "website" fixes the spelling mistake.

  9. "running ads on the web which is an illegal action" -> "displaying ads on their websites, which is illegal"
    Explanation: "Running ads" is less formal and slightly vague. "Displaying ads" is more precise and formal. Also, "on the web" is redundant; "on their websites" is more specific.

  10. "thanks to the advancement of technologies" -> "thanks to technological advancements"
    Explanation: "Advancement of technologies" is awkward and verbose. "Technological advancements" is a more streamlined and academically appropriate phrase.

  11. "help engines namely Google" -> "search engines such as Google"
    Explanation: "Help engines" is incorrect and unclear. "Search engines" is the correct term, and "such as" is more formal than "namely."

  12. "people can not only access information immediately but also time-saving for them" -> "people can not only access information immediately but also save time"
    Explanation: "Time-saving for them" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Save time" is the correct phrase for expressing the reduction of time spent.

  13. "unlike paper news or books, while searching knowledge on the internet, people can store knowledge in different formats" -> "unlike traditional paper news or books, when searching for knowledge on the internet, people can access it in various formats"
    Explanation: "Searching knowledge" is incorrect. "Searching for knowledge" is the correct phrase. Also, "store knowledge" is replaced with "access it" to maintain consistency with the context of retrieving information.

  14. "increase enthusiasm in storing knowledge" -> "enhance enthusiasm for learning"
    Explanation: "Increase enthusiasm in storing knowledge" is awkward and incorrect. "Enhance enthusiasm for learning" is more natural and precise, focusing on the motivation to learn rather than the act of storing knowledge.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the prompt: it discusses advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the internet versus in books. It acknowledges drawbacks such as the potential for false information and piracy, while emphasizing the convenience and variety of formats available online.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each viewpoint is thoroughly explored and supported with specific examples. Use of more balanced language could also strengthen the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This position is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, strengthen the thesis statement by clearly outlining the reasons supporting the stance in the introduction and reaffirming it in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, with examples provided to support both sides of the argument. However, some examples lack specificity and clarity.
    • How to improve: Extend the analysis by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Connect each example back to the main argument to ensure relevance and coherence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the internet versus in books. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer.
    • How to improve: Maintain a strong focus on directly addressing each aspect of the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the central theme.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples, refining language for balance, and ensuring consistent adherence to the topic. By enhancing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs that present contrasting viewpoints (advantages and disadvantages), and concludes with a succinct summary of the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective point, enhancing coherence.
    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main thesis statement and maintains a clear progression of ideas. Consider using transition phrases to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly, especially between paragraphs discussing contrasting viewpoints.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed with a clear structure. It consists of an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages respectively, and a concluding paragraph summarizing the writer’s position. Each paragraph contains topic sentences that introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the thesis statement. Consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and coherence. For instance, adding more complex sentences alongside simple ones can provide a better flow of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices reasonably effectively. Examples include transition words such as "while," "moreover," "firstly," and "in conclusion" to link ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices help create coherence and guide the reader through the essay’s argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as synonyms, pronouns, and parallel structures. This will strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs, making the essay more cohesive and easier to follow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure and adequate use of cohesive devices, improvements can be made in enhancing the logical flow between ideas and diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. These enhancements will not only improve coherence and cohesion but also elevate the overall clarity and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with attempts to use varied terms such as "development," "advantages," "disadvantages," "demerits," "piracy," "convenient," "technologies," "enthusiasm," etc. However, there is limited sophistication in vocabulary choice, and some phrases are repetitive or lack precision (e.g., "thanks to the advancement of technologies").
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, aim to incorporate more nuanced and precise vocabulary. Instead of broad terms like "development," consider more specific alternatives like "technological evolution" or "digital transformation." Use synonyms sparingly and ensure they accurately convey your intended meaning. For instance, replace repetitive phrases with more varied expressions that maintain clarity and specificity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use vocabulary precisely in places (e.g., "false information," "pirated electronic books"), there are instances where the language could be more precise or contextually fitting. For example, phrases like "thanks to the advancement of technologies" are somewhat imprecise and could be more clearly articulated.
    • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely fits the context and meaning you intend to convey. Avoid using vague or overly general terms. For instance, instead of "advancement of technologies," specify the technology or aspect you are referring to, such as "the proliferation of search engines like Google."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good, but there are a few errors such as "progession," "demerits," "websitess," and issues with pluralization ("books" instead of "book’s" in one instance).
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully or using tools like spell-check to catch errors. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and practice writing to reinforce correct spelling.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and generally correct spelling, focusing on precision in vocabulary choice and enhancing spelling consistency will help elevate your Lexical Resource score. Aim for clarity and specificity in your language to effectively convey your ideas and strengthen your overall essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout. For instance, simple sentences like "It is true that due to the progression of technologies" are balanced with more complex structures such as "While this trend has several drawbacks, I strongly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages."
    • How to improve: To enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using conditional sentences ("If… then…") or inversion ("Not only… but also…"). This can enrich the essay’s coherence and demonstrate a higher level of grammatical sophistication.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few errors. There are minor issues such as incorrect verb forms ("while in the past, most people accessed knowledge through books" should be "while in the past, most people accessed knowledge from books") and some punctuation errors (missing commas in lists, e.g., "images, words or videos").
    • How to improve: Focus on consistently using correct verb forms and ensuring punctuation accuracy, particularly with commas and apostrophes. Review rules for comma usage in lists and complex sentences to avoid confusion or ambiguity.

Overall, the essay effectively communicates its ideas with a good level of grammatical accuracy and a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Continued practice with more complex sentence constructions and careful proofreading for grammatical errors will further enhance clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that due to the progression of technology, in the past, most people accessed knowledge through books, whereas nowadays they can easily access knowledge from the internet. While this development may bring several drawbacks, I strongly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

On the one hand, it is understandable that this development might have several downsides. Firstly, since information on the internet can be posted without verification, people can easily access false information, making it difficult for users to distinguish between reliable and unreliable information. Additionally, the internet has facilitated an explosion of piracy, with many websites offering pirated electronic books to increase their website visits and generate revenue from displaying illegal ads.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks for several reasons. Firstly, thanks to technological advancements, people can not only access information immediately but also save time. For instance, search engines like Google allow users to explore information or content with just a few clicks. Moreover, unlike traditional paper books or news, when searching for knowledge on the internet, people can access it in various formats such as images, text, or videos. This can enhance enthusiasm for learning and help individuals absorb information more effectively.

In conclusion, while there are various drawbacks associated with this trend that impact people’s lives, I still believe that the benefits of easy access to knowledge on the internet outweigh the disadvantages.

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