In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the Internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, people have a tendency to keep knowledge on the Internet rather than in books. In my opinion, although using the Internet as a storage for knowledge may bring about many benefits, it also has several disadvantages.

On the one hand, storing knowledge online offers numerous benefits. First of all, the internet provides individuals with faster and cheaper access to knowledge than books. Indeed, it used to take a lot of time and money to get information since one had to locate a book on the subject and then look it up. These days, consumers may obtain the exact information they need without spending time or money with a few clicks on websites like Google. Therefore, storing information on the Internet allows people to save money and time. Moreover, knowledge may be accessed anywhere, at any time, through the internet and smart gadgets. No matter what people are doing or where they are, with a phone in their hand, they can access information easily. Thanks to this, citizens can receive knowledge support anytime, anywhere. For example, even if they are juggling sports, a person may still keep up on a variety of knowledge by listening to podcasts on their phone.

On the other hand, using the social network as a source of keeping information may have some drawbacks. To begin with, unlike books, which are a source that is always censored before release, the Internet is generally open-source and largely unmonitored. Specifically, there are some sites that provide offensive, false and misleading content such as violence. This may lead to the fact that citizens at impressionable age may be seriously affected by these content. Additionally, using the Internet may damage social relationships. Due to the fact that many activities are moving to virtual platforms, relationships between residents and each other are significantly decreased. If internet storage completely replaced knowledge stored in books, perhaps the gap in social interaction would be much more pronounced.

In conclusion, internet storage of information may provide various merits for individuals, the demerits of it is undeniable.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"people have a tendency to keep knowledge on the Internet" -> "individuals tend to store knowledge on the Internet"
Explanation: "Individuals tend to store" is more formal and precise than "people have a tendency to keep," aligning better with academic style.
"although using the Internet as a storage for knowledge" -> "although utilizing the Internet as a repository for knowledge"
Explanation: "Utilizing" and "repository" are more formal and precise terms, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"may bring about many benefits" -> "may yield numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Yield" is a more formal synonym for "bring about," and "numerous" is a more precise quantifier than "many."
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing compared to the colloquial "First of all."
"it used to take a lot of time and money" -> "it previously required significant time and financial investment"
Explanation: "Required significant time and financial investment" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual tone of "a lot of time and money."
"with a few clicks on websites like Google" -> "with a few clicks on websites such as Google"
Explanation: "Such as" is more formal than "like" in academic writing, and it is more precise to specify the type of websites.
"No matter what people are doing or where they are" -> "Regardless of their activities or location"
Explanation: "Regardless of their activities or location" is more formal and concise, improving the academic tone.
"Thanks to this" -> "This facilitates"
Explanation: "This facilitates" is a more formal and direct way to express the enabling effect, avoiding the casual "Thanks to this."
"keep up on a variety of knowledge" -> "maintain knowledge in various fields"
Explanation: "Maintain knowledge in various fields" is more precise and formal, replacing the colloquial "keep up on a variety of knowledge."
"the social network as a source of keeping information" -> "the Internet as a source of storing information"
Explanation: "Storing" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "keeping," and "Internet" is more precise than "social network" in this context.
"unlike books, which are a source that is always censored before release" -> "unlike books, which are rigorously vetted before publication"
Explanation: "Rigorously vetted" is a more precise and formal term than "censored," and "publication" is more appropriate than "release" in this context.
"the fact that citizens at impressionable age may be seriously affected" -> "the fact that young citizens may be significantly impacted"
Explanation: "Young citizens" is more specific and formal than "citizens at impressionable age," and "significantly impacted" is a more formal expression than "seriously affected."
"using the Internet may damage social relationships" -> "the use of the Internet may erode social relationships"
Explanation: "Erode" is a more precise and formal verb than "damage" in this context, and "the use of the Internet" is more formal than "using the Internet."
"the demerits of it is" -> "the demerits of this"
Explanation: "This" is the correct pronoun to use after "the demerits of," correcting the grammatical error and maintaining formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the Internet compared to books. The author outlines benefits such as faster access to information and the convenience of accessing knowledge anytime and anywhere. However, the disadvantages mentioned, such as the potential for misinformation and the negative impact on social relationships, could be expanded further. The essay does provide a balanced view, but it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the disadvantages to fully satisfy the prompt’s requirements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should consider providing more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the disadvantages of Internet knowledge storage. Additionally, a clearer conclusion that explicitly states whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages would strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. The phrase "in my opinion" establishes the author’s stance early on. However, the conclusion lacks a definitive statement regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which could leave the reader uncertain about the author’s final position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position throughout the essay, the author should reiterate their stance in the conclusion, explicitly stating whether they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This could be done by summarizing the key points made in the essay and making a clear judgment based on the arguments presented.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of Internet knowledge storage. The points made about accessibility and the potential for misinformation are relevant and well-articulated. However, some ideas, particularly regarding the disadvantages, could be further developed. For instance, the mention of social relationships is somewhat vague and could benefit from more elaboration on how this shift impacts individuals and communities.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing more detailed examples or discussing the implications of the points raised. For instance, when discussing misinformation, the author could reference specific instances where false information has caused harm or confusion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between storing knowledge in books and on the Internet. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of accessing knowledge through podcasts, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the central theme of knowledge storage rather than veering into the medium of consumption.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the advantages or disadvantages of storing knowledge on the Internet versus in books. This could involve refining examples to ensure they clearly illustrate the main argument and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly support the thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs (one for advantages and one for disadvantages), and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, which contributes to a logical flow of ideas. For instance, the advantages of storing knowledge online are discussed first, followed by the disadvantages, which allows the reader to understand the contrasting perspectives. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother; for example, the shift from discussing the benefits of online access to the drawbacks of misinformation could be more explicitly connected.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the advantages paragraph, you could include a sentence that hints at the potential risks of online information, such as, "While the benefits of easy access are significant, they come with notable risks that cannot be overlooked."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single theme, which is essential for coherence. However, the conclusion could be more developed; it briefly summarizes the arguments but does not clearly state the writer’s final stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by explicitly stating your position on the prompt. For instance, you could rephrase the last sentence to say, "In conclusion, while the internet offers significant advantages for knowledge storage, I believe that the potential disadvantages, particularly concerning misinformation and social interaction, warrant serious consideration."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "moreover," and "on the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions and transitional phrases without incorporating more varied devices like referencing (e.g., "this," "these") or substitution (e.g., "such information").
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate more varied linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "the internet" or "knowledge," you could use pronouns or synonyms to avoid redundancy. Additionally, consider using phrases like "in contrast" or "conversely" to enhance the connection between contrasting ideas.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents clear arguments, but there is room for improvement in the depth of the conclusion, the smoothness of transitions, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "tendency," "benefits," "access," and "offensive." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "knowledge" and "information," which appear frequently without much variation. For instance, the phrase "storing knowledge online" is repeated, and alternatives such as "digital storage" or "online resources" could enhance the variety.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "knowledge," they could use "information," "data," or "insight." Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "repository," "archive," or "digital literacy," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the internet is generally open-source and largely unmonitored" could be misleading; "open-source" typically refers to software rather than the internet as a whole. Furthermore, the term "offensive, false and misleading content" could be more specific; it would be clearer to categorize the types of misinformation or specify what constitutes "offensive" content.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by clarifying terms and providing context. For instance, instead of saying "offensive content," the writer could specify "hate speech" or "propaganda." Additionally, using phrases like "peer-reviewed sources" instead of "censored" could clarify the distinction between reliable and unreliable information.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there is a minor grammatical error in the phrase "the demerits of it is undeniable," where "is" should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "demerits."
- How to improve: To improve spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on subject-verb agreement and other grammatical structures. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar-checking software can also help identify and correct minor errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary variety, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, it employs complex sentences effectively, such as "Although using the Internet as a storage for knowledge may bring about many benefits, it also has several disadvantages." This showcases the ability to combine ideas and convey nuanced arguments. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "If internet storage completely replaced knowledge stored in books, perhaps the gap in social interaction would be much more pronounced," further enhances the complexity of the writing. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "First of all" and "Moreover" could be varied to improve flow and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of consistently starting sentences with transitional phrases, you might begin with a dependent clause or an adverbial phrase, such as "In addition to these advantages," or "Despite these benefits." This will not only enhance the variety but also maintain the reader’s interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "the internet provides individuals with faster and cheaper access to knowledge than books" is correctly structured, and the use of commas is mostly appropriate. However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as in the phrase "the demerits of it is undeniable," where "is" should be changed to "are" to agree with the plural subject "demerits." Additionally, the phrase "may lead to the fact that citizens at impressionable age may be seriously affected by these content" contains awkward phrasing and an incorrect plural form; "these content" should be "this content."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread for subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are correctly formed. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors can also be beneficial. Furthermore, consider reading the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and ensure that sentences flow naturally. This practice can help identify areas where clarity can be improved, particularly in complex sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, people have a tendency to keep knowledge on the Internet rather than in books. In my opinion, although utilizing the Internet as a repository for knowledge may bring about many benefits, it also has several disadvantages.

On the one hand, storing knowledge online offers numerous benefits. Firstly, the Internet provides individuals with faster and cheaper access to knowledge than books. Indeed, it used to take a lot of time and money to get information since one had to locate a book on the subject and then look it up. These days, consumers may obtain the exact information they need without spending time or money with a few clicks on websites like Google. Therefore, storing information on the Internet allows people to save money and time. Moreover, knowledge may be accessed anywhere, at any time, through the Internet and smart gadgets. Regardless of their activities or location, with a phone in their hand, they can access information easily. This facilitates citizens receiving knowledge support anytime, anywhere. For example, even if they are juggling sports, a person may still keep up on a variety of knowledge by listening to podcasts on their phone.

On the other hand, using the Internet as a source of storing information may have some drawbacks. To begin with, unlike books, which are rigorously vetted before publication, the Internet is generally open-source and largely unmonitored. Specifically, there are some sites that provide offensive, false, and misleading content such as violence. This may lead to the fact that young citizens may be significantly impacted by this content. Additionally, the use of the Internet may erode social relationships. Due to the fact that many activities are moving to virtual platforms, relationships between residents and each other are significantly decreased. If Internet storage completely replaced knowledge stored in books, perhaps the gap in social interaction would be much more pronounced.

In conclusion, although the Internet as a source of storing information may provide various merits for individuals, the demerits of this are undeniable.