In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is said that many cities around the world are becoming the same despite exploration journeys in the past. This trend results from many reasons. In addition, while this phenomenon brings substantial drawbacks to the general public, I believe its benefits are not to be neglected.

City homogenization stems from several underlying factors. Firstly, globalization contributes largely to this phenomenon. This is because the increasing international trade and communication could lead to a widespread access to similar products, fashion trends and architectural styles, thereby creating a familiar landscape in many cities in the world. Secondly, tourism could be another cause of this issue. With the increasing influx of foreign tourists, the desire to replicate aspects of other cultures in local cities may potentially exist in order to meet the demand of some visitors who can not adapt to the local cultures.

Consequently, this phenomenon offers both demerits and merits simultaneously. Regarding its downsides, city homogenization may potentially affect the economic growth negatively. With the local customs, traditions and cuisines being mostly replaced by the general ones, some cities would fail to meet most foreign tourists’ demands, who are willing to explore and experience different cultural values. As a result, these cities may lose a great number of tourists, which reduces the local incomes among local businesses and revenues for the authorities. However, city homogenization could offer the general public the accessibility to globally standardized amenities. Thanks to the investment of global corporations or the urban planning from states, the public could be provided with infrastructures, services and goods which have the same quality as other cities throughout the world. Therefore, this may improve life quality of underdeveloped locals, and reduce the welfare inequalities among cities in the world.

In conclusion, it is globalization and tourism that lead to city homogenization. Additionally, despite obvious disadvantages of this phenomenon, its benefits seem to be more outstanding.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "It is said that many cities around the world are becoming the same despite exploration journeys in the past." -> "It is widely acknowledged that many cities worldwide are increasingly resembling each other despite historical exploration endeavors."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and formality. "It is widely acknowledged" establishes the assertion more firmly, and "worldwide" is a more precise term than "around the world." Additionally, "resembling each other" is more sophisticated than "becoming the same."

2. "This trend results from many reasons." -> "This trend arises from various factors."
   Explanation: "Results from many reasons" is awkward and imprecise. "Arises from various factors" is more concise and formal.

3. "In addition, while this phenomenon brings substantial drawbacks to the general public, I believe its benefits are not to be neglected." -> "Moreover, despite the significant drawbacks this phenomenon poses to the general public, its benefits should not be overlooked."
   Explanation: "In addition" is overly simplistic; "Moreover" is more appropriate for academic writing. "Brings substantial drawbacks" lacks nuance; "poses to the general public" is a more sophisticated construction. "Are not to be neglected" is somewhat informal; "should not be overlooked" maintains formality.

4. "City homogenization stems from several underlying factors." -> "The homogenization of cities is attributable to various underlying factors."
   Explanation: "Stems from" is colloquial; "is attributable to" is a more formal alternative. "Several" is somewhat vague; "various" is more precise.

5. "This is because the increasing international trade and communication could lead to a widespread access to similar products, fashion trends and architectural styles, thereby creating a familiar landscape in many cities in the world." -> "This is due to the escalation of international trade and communication, facilitating widespread access to similar products, fashion trends, and architectural styles, thus fostering a familiar urban landscape globally."
   Explanation: The original sentence is overly wordy and lacks precision. "The increasing" is simplified to "escalation" for conciseness. "Could lead to" is replaced with "facilitating," which is more direct. "Creating a familiar landscape" is changed to "fostering a familiar urban landscape globally" for clarity and formality.

6. "With the increasing influx of foreign tourists, the desire to replicate aspects of other cultures in local cities may potentially exist in order to meet the demand of some visitors who can not adapt to the local cultures." -> "The growing influx of foreign tourists may lead to a desire to replicate aspects of other cultures in local cities to accommodate visitors who cannot assimilate into the local culture."
   Explanation: "With the increasing influx" is simplified to "The growing influx" for conciseness. "May potentially exist" is replaced with "may lead to," which is more direct. "In order to meet the demand of some visitors" is streamlined to "to accommodate visitors." "Who can not adapt" is changed to "who cannot assimilate" for clarity and formality.

7. "Regarding its downsides" -> "Concerning its drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Regarding" is informal; "Concerning" is a more formal alternative.

8. "city homogenization may potentially affect the economic growth negatively." -> "City homogenization may adversely impact economic growth."
   Explanation: "May potentially affect" is redundant; "may adversely impact" is more concise.

9. "With the local customs, traditions and cuisines being mostly replaced by the general ones" -> "As local customs, traditions, and cuisines are largely supplanted by more generic ones"
   Explanation: "With" is replaced with "As" for better flow. "Being mostly replaced" is streamlined to "are largely supplanted." "General ones" is substituted for "more generic ones" for clarity and specificity.

10. "Therefore, this may improve life quality of underdeveloped locals" -> "Consequently, this could enhance the quality of life for underprivileged residents."
    Explanation: "Therefore, this may improve" is simplified to "Consequently, this could enhance" for clarity and conciseness. "Life quality of underdeveloped locals" is replaced with "quality of life for underprivileged residents" for precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons for the increasing homogenization of cities worldwide and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages. It acknowledges the role of globalization and tourism in this trend and presents arguments for both sides.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or case studies to support the points made about globalization and tourism influencing city homogenization. Additionally, ensure each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored to leave no room for ambiguity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that while city homogenization has both drawbacks and benefits, the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. This position is consistently upheld and supported with reasoning.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, anticipate potential counterarguments and address them to fortify the position against opposing viewpoints.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the reasons for city homogenization and elaborating on the advantages and disadvantages. It offers some examples to support the arguments presented, such as the impact on tourism and economic growth.
  • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation and development, delve deeper into the complexities of each reason presented, providing more nuanced explanations and additional examples where applicable. Additionally, ensure a logical flow between ideas to facilitate comprehension.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for city homogenization and evaluating its advantages and disadvantages. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as briefly mentioning economic growth without fully exploring its implications.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the central theme of city homogenization and its consequences. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main argument and instead prioritize relevance and coherence in content organization.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by examining the reasons for city homogenization and evaluating its pros and cons. To improve, the essay could benefit from more specific examples, explicit positioning, deeper idea development, and strict adherence to the central topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. It introduces the topic in the first paragraph, outlines reasons for city homogenization in the second, and discusses both advantages and disadvantages in the third. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the causes and the consequences of city homogenization could be smoother. The essay would benefit from a clearer roadmap or signposts to guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more explicitly. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that previews the main idea, and use transition phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each point builds upon the previous one, maintaining a coherent progression of thought throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the topic, such as the causes of city homogenization and its consequences. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph coherence and development. Some paragraphs could be more focused and developed with additional supporting details or examples.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea. Develop each point with specific examples or evidence to provide depth and clarity. Additionally, consider the flow between paragraphs to maintain a smooth progression of ideas throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a moderate range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. For example, it uses transitional phrases like "firstly," "secondly," and "consequently" to indicate sequence and logical progression. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used, and some transitions could be more refined to improve clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases, such as "moreover," "in addition," "on the other hand," etc. This will add nuance and sophistication to the essay’s coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to guide the reader through the essay’s argumentative structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with the author employing a variety of terms to convey their ideas. For instance, phrases like "city homogenization," "underlying factors," "familiar landscape," and "welfare inequalities" showcase lexical diversity. The author also adeptly uses vocabulary related to globalization and tourism to discuss the topic comprehensively.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary range, there’s room for enhancement through the incorporation of more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary in certain areas. For example, instead of using commonly employed phrases like "general public" or "accessibility," the author could explore synonyms or alternative expressions to elevate the lexical richness of the essay further. Additionally, integrating specialized terminology related to economics, sociology, or urban studies could add depth to the analysis.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where certain terms could be utilized more precisely. For example, the phrase "some visitors who can not adapt to the local cultures" might benefit from a more nuanced description of the challenges faced by tourists in adapting to local customs. Similarly, the term "demerits" could be substituted with a more specific descriptor to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the author should aim for specificity in their vocabulary selection, particularly when discussing complex concepts or nuanced ideas. Exploring synonyms or closely related terms can help capture the nuances of the author’s intended meaning more accurately. Additionally, providing detailed explanations or examples for abstract concepts can aid in clarifying the usage of specific vocabulary.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with few noticeable errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "infrastructure" instead of "infrastructures" or "standarized" instead of "standardized."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the author should prioritize proofreading and spell-checking to catch any minor errors before submission. Additionally, developing a habit of revising written work systematically can help identify and correct spelling mistakes more effectively. Engaging in vocabulary-building exercises and referring to reliable sources for spelling guidance can also contribute to improved accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("may potentially affect"), relative clauses ("which reduces the local incomes"), and compound sentences ("Despite… phenomenon, its benefits…"). However, more variety could be incorporated, such as more complex conditional sentences (e.g., third conditional) or inversions (e.g., "Not only…, but also…"). The effectiveness of the structures used is generally clear, but some sentences could be rephrased for greater clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a broader variety of conditional sentences (e.g., third conditional for hypothetical situations), inversions to emphasize certain points, and different types of complex sentences (e.g., embedding clauses more deeply). Aim for a balance between simplicity and complexity to enhance the overall flow and readability of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good grammatical accuracy, with only occasional errors. There are some minor issues with subject-verb agreement ("some visitors who can not adapt") and a few punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in compound sentences). However, overall, the grammar and punctuation are used effectively to convey meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement in complex sentences, and carefully review punctuation usage, especially in compound sentences where commas are needed to separate independent clauses. Revising and proofreading the essay for these specific errors will help in achieving even higher accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, supporting a Band 6 score. To improve further, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, enhancing clarity and effectiveness, and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy through careful proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that many cities worldwide are increasingly resembling each other despite historical exploration endeavors. This trend arises from various factors. Moreover, despite the significant drawbacks this phenomenon poses to the general public, its benefits should not be overlooked.

The homogenization of cities is attributable to various underlying factors. Firstly, globalization contributes largely to this phenomenon. This is because the increasing international trade and communication could lead to widespread access to similar products, fashion trends, and architectural styles, thereby creating a familiar landscape in many cities in the world. Secondly, tourism could be another cause of this issue. With the increasing influx of foreign tourists, the desire to replicate aspects of other cultures in local cities may potentially exist to meet the demand of some visitors who cannot adapt to the local cultures.

Concerning its drawbacks, city homogenization may potentially affect economic growth negatively. With local customs, traditions, and cuisines being mostly replaced by general ones, some cities would fail to meet most foreign tourists’ demands, who are willing to explore and experience different cultural values. As a result, these cities may lose a great number of tourists, which reduces local incomes among local businesses and revenues for the authorities. However, city homogenization could offer the general public accessibility to globally standardized amenities. Thanks to the investment of global corporations or urban planning from states, the public could be provided with infrastructures, services, and goods of the same quality as other cities throughout the world. Therefore, this may improve the quality of life for underprivileged locals and reduce welfare inequalities among cities worldwide.

In conclusion, it is globalization and tourism that lead to city homogenization. Additionally, despite obvious disadvantages of this phenomenon, its benefits seem to be more outstanding.