In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many other things different from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In former times, many individuals are of the opinion that to search for many unique kinds of stuff that escape from their homeland, they have to go on a trip to an unfamiliar country. However, almost all cities of each nation have similar scenery, and even hard to distinguish these days. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this tendency before concluding that the former is more significant.

On the one hand, building assembled architecture within cities throughout the world could be disadvantageous to a certain extent. Firstly, by adopting other cultures, traditions, and global trends, the national identity would be overshadowed or even lost. As a consequence, the home country could comply with foreign countries’ customs and traditions and copy the lifestyle brought by tourists, which leads to the loss of indigenous culture. Secondly, a serious issue could be observed is the overpopulationin the worldwide cities. This is because too many visitors gather as the same time causing not only deteriorate of the beauty of the town but also pollute the environment such as air pollution and water pollution.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that this trend could be beneficial to the visitors and the government as well. One reason is that it could be easier for foreigners to adapt to new environments and avoid cultural shock when traveling to different countries. To illustrate, because of the similarity of their hometown, they can easily get used to living conditions and also create a sense of belonging and community. Another reason is that a significant number of people travel abroad to discover new things, which could promote the economic growth of the country. For this reason, the government bodies would take advantage of constructing more and more of these urban similar to those in the world, which could grab the attention of citizens in strange lands in order to increase finances to their domestic economy.

In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that it has an undesirable influence on one’s nation because of mass tourism, I would contend that the upsides which is offers are significantly noteworthy.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In former times" -> "In the past"
Explanation: "In former times" is a bit archaic and less commonly used in academic writing. "In the past" is a more straightforward and formal alternative.
"many individuals are of the opinion that" -> "many individuals believe that"
Explanation: "many individuals are of the opinion that" is unnecessarily wordy. "many individuals believe that" conveys the same meaning in a more concise manner.
"to search for many unique kinds of stuff" -> "to seek various unique items"
Explanation: "search for many unique kinds of stuff" is informal and lacks precision. "to seek various unique items" maintains formality and clarity.
"they have to go on a trip to an unfamiliar country" -> "they must travel to unfamiliar countries"
Explanation: "go on a trip to an unfamiliar country" is colloquial. "must travel to unfamiliar countries" is more formal and precise.
"almost all cities of each nation have similar scenery" -> "the urban landscapes of most cities within each nation are similar"
Explanation: "almost all cities of each nation have similar scenery" is awkward and lacks precision. "the urban landscapes of most cities within each nation are similar" is clearer and more formal.
"and even hard to distinguish these days" -> "and are increasingly difficult to distinguish"
Explanation: "and even hard to distinguish these days" is informal. "and are increasingly difficult to distinguish" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"both the merits and demerits" -> "both the advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "merits and demerits" is less common in formal writing. "advantages and disadvantages" is a more standard phrase.
"tendency" -> "phenomenon"
Explanation: "tendency" is vague. "phenomenon" is a more precise and formal term.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is less direct. "Firstly" provides a clearer transition to the first point.
"building assembled architecture" -> "the proliferation of standardized architecture"
Explanation: "building assembled architecture" is awkward and unclear. "the proliferation of standardized architecture" is more precise and formal.
"by adopting other cultures, traditions, and global trends" -> "by assimilating foreign cultures, traditions, and global trends"
Explanation: "by adopting other cultures, traditions, and global trends" is somewhat informal. "by assimilating foreign cultures, traditions, and global trends" is more formal and accurate.
"a serious issue could be observed is the overpopulationin the worldwide cities" -> "a serious issue that can be observed is the overpopulation in cities worldwide"
Explanation: "a serious issue could be observed is the overpopulationin the worldwide cities" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "a serious issue that can be observed is the overpopulation in cities worldwide" is clearer and more formal.
"not only deteriorate of the beauty of the town" -> "not only the deterioration of the town’s beauty"
Explanation: "not only deteriorate of the beauty of the town" is grammatically incorrect. "not only the deterioration of the town’s beauty" is correct and more formal.
"could promote the economic growth of the country" -> "could contribute to the economic growth of the nation"
Explanation: "could promote the economic growth of the country" is less precise. "could contribute to the economic growth of the nation" is more formal and specific.
"which is offers" -> "which it offers"
Explanation: "which is offers" is grammatically incorrect. "which it offers" is correct and clearer.
"significant" -> "considerable"
Explanation: "significant" is somewhat overused. "considerable" is a more sophisticated alternative.
"noteworthy" -> "notable"
Explanation: "noteworthy" is slightly informal. "notable" is a more formal synonym.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing reasons for the increasing similarity of cities worldwide and weighing the advantages against the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more comprehensive analysis of each aspect. For example, delve deeper into the specific reasons for the homogenization of cities and provide more nuanced consideration of the advantages and disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the advantages of cities becoming more similar outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity by explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reinforcing it throughout the essay with consistent language and reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development and support. While some points are made, they are not elaborated upon or supported adequately.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion of each point by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to bolster the argument and make it more convincing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons for the increasing similarity of cities and evaluating the advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: Avoid tangential discussions and ensure that all points directly relate to the main topic of the increasing homogenization of cities worldwide.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, support for ideas, and focus on the main topic. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information, progressing from an introduction outlining the issue to body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and concluding with a balanced summary. However, some inconsistencies in logical progression are noted, such as the abrupt shift from discussing disadvantages to advantages without a clear transition. Additionally, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph follows logically from the previous one, with clear transitions between ideas. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure within paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better developed as separate paragraphs to improve organization and readability.
- How to improve: Focus on developing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to maintain focus on individual points and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence, such as transition words ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include a variety of linking words, pronouns, and parallel structures to strengthen the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve overall coherence. Experiment with different linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in addition," and ensure consistency in their usage throughout the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns and parallel structures to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the use of various words and phrases to convey ideas. For instance, phrases like "search for many unique kinds of stuff," "scenery," "overpopulation in the worldwide cities," "cultural shock," "economic growth," and "irrefutable" contribute to lexical diversity.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range of vocabulary, there are opportunities to incorporate more nuanced and precise vocabulary to enhance clarity and sophistication further. Instead of phrases like "many unique kinds of stuff," consider using specific terms to specify what "stuff" refers to, adding precision and depth to the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes employs imprecise vocabulary or phrases, which could affect clarity and precision. For example, the phrase "too many visitors gather as the same time" could be clarified for better understanding. Additionally, the use of "irrefutable" might be slightly overstated, as it could be arguable whether the influence is entirely undeniable.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise language to avoid ambiguity and ensure clarity. Instead of "too many visitors gather," specify the exact impact of the influx of tourists on cities, such as overcrowding or congestion. Furthermore, be cautious with absolute terms like "irrefutable"; consider using more moderate language to acknowledge potential counterarguments or nuances in the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances of misspellings and typographical errors, such as "overpopulationin," "comply with foreign countries’ customs," and "deteriorate of the beauty of the town."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully or utilizing spell-checking tools to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or reviewing commonly misspelled words can help improve accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, although the complexity is somewhat limited. For example, there is a tendency to use basic subject-verb-object structures throughout the essay, with occasional variations such as conditional sentences ("could be easier for foreigners to adapt") and participial phrases ("building assembled architecture"). However, the essay lacks more sophisticated structures like inversion, parallelism, or varied clause types, which could enhance the overall fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and variety, consider incorporating a wider array of sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, utilize inversion for emphasis, and experiment with parallelism to add rhetorical flair. Additionally, try to vary the lengths of sentences for rhythm and flow, balancing shorter and longer sentences for a more engaging writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fair degree of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors throughout. These include issues with subject-verb agreement ("building assembled architecture within cities throughout the world could be disadvantageous"), article usage ("to search for many unique kinds of stuff"), and tense consistency ("because of the similarity of their hometown, they can easily get used to living conditions"). Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences ("On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that this trend could be beneficial to the visitors and the government as well") and misuse of apostrophes ("nation’s" instead of "nations") detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it’s crucial to review and practice specific grammar rules and punctuation conventions. Focus on areas such as subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, maintaining consistent verb tense, and mastering punctuation rules for commas, apostrophes, and sentence boundaries. Utilize grammar reference guides or online resources for targeted practice and seek feedback from peers or tutors to identify and address recurring errors effectively. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully before submission can help catch and correct any lingering mistakes, ensuring a polished final product.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the past, many individuals believed they needed to travel abroad to find unique experiences not available in their home country. However, nowadays, it’s increasingly difficult to distinguish between cities worldwide as they share similar characteristics. This essay aims to explore the advantages and disadvantages of this trend before concluding that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

On one hand, the homogenization of cityscapes globally may have some drawbacks. Firstly, by embracing foreign cultures and global trends, there’s a risk of overshadowing or even losing national identity. This can result in the adoption of foreign customs and traditions, leading to a loss of indigenous culture. Secondly, overpopulation in cities worldwide is a serious concern. The influx of tourists can degrade the beauty of the city and contribute to environmental pollution such as air and water pollution.

On the other hand, there are several reasons why I believe this trend can be advantageous for both visitors and governments. One reason is that it facilitates easier adaptation for foreigners to new environments, reducing cultural shock when traveling to different countries. Because of the familiarity of their hometown, they can quickly adjust to living conditions and foster a sense of belonging. Another reason is that many people travel abroad to explore new experiences, which can stimulate economic growth. Governments can capitalize on this trend by constructing cities similar to those worldwide, attracting tourists and boosting the domestic economy.

In conclusion, while mass tourism can have undesirable effects on national identity, I argue that the benefits it offers are significant.