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In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way.
Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In the business sector today, advertisement has been employed as an effective venue by numerous enterprises to notify consumers of the originality of their goods. Such a trend, in my opinion, can be ascribed to the apparent essence of customers’ mentality, and this can exert deleterious impacts on both parties.
Firstly, the emphasis on novel aspects of products could be attributed to human instinct to yearn for novelty. Understandably, people are often intrigued by classifieds of any goods that boast considerable upgrades and improvements in functionalities or alluring aesthetics. For example, Apple, a world-famous brand in terms of technological devices, constantly launches a new version of iPhone on a yearly basis, with the latest iPhone possessing a different color or more storage size, beside minor upgraded features. Therefore, capitalizing on human nature for innovations can boost the enterprises’ sales, hence revenue surpluses ensue, which give that firm a competitive edge in the ever-evolving marketplace.
This phenomenon, in my viewpoint, may entail several drawbacks for both sides. From consumers’ stance, an overload of exaggerated infomercials may entice them into purchasing potentially substandard products. It is conceivable that marketing is an indispensable tool for any business to disseminate information about their goods, however; the overstated advertisements can cause consumers to squander their outgoings on useless and unnecessary stuff. For example, the technological boom has given rise to a host of e-shopping platforms, such as Shoppe, Lazada, among others. The cyberspace has created an illusionary picture in purchasers’ mind, teeming them with opulent portrayals and feedback about the goods. From the enterprise's standpoint, the overemphasis on innovation may render them to sidetrack from equally important features, such as utilitarian purposes or outward wrapping. An insatiable thirst for novelty and the pressure from other rivaled companies are the drivers behind any enterprises’ concerted endeavors for change, causing them to overlook the applicability of the products, which is the utmost priority for any purchasers.
To extemporize, the human natural yearning for innovations are the contributory factors for companies to put new goods into practice. Such a trend, however, may potentially lure consumers to purchase unnecessary items and culminate in the firms’ negligence for other important features, specifically, utility and design.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Such a trend, in my opinion, can be ascribed to the apparent essence of customers’ mentality, and this can exert deleterious impacts on both parties."
    -> "This phenomenon, in my opinion, can be attributed to the inherent nature of customers’ mentality, and it can have deleterious impacts on both parties."
    Explanation: Replacing "Such a trend" with "This phenomenon" clarifies the reference, and using "attributed to the inherent nature" adds formality and precision to the expression.

  2. "Understandably, people are often intrigued by classifieds of any goods that boast considerable upgrades and improvements in functionalities or alluring aesthetics."
    -> "Naturally, individuals are frequently drawn to advertisements showcasing significant upgrades and improvements in functionalities or appealing aesthetics."
    Explanation: Replacing "Understandably" with "Naturally" maintains the flow while sounding more formal. "Drawn to advertisements" is a more precise and formal phrase than "intrigued by classifieds."

  3. "with the latest iPhone possessing a different color or more storage size, beside minor upgraded features."
    -> "with the latest iPhone featuring a distinct color, increased storage size, alongside minor enhancements."
    Explanation: "Possessing" is replaced with "featuring" for a more formal tone, and "beside" is changed to "alongside" for better formality and clarity.

  4. "give that firm a competitive edge in the ever-evolving marketplace."
    -> "provide that firm with a competitive edge in the ever-evolving marketplace."
    Explanation: "Give" is replaced with "provide" for a more formal tone, and the expression is refined for better clarity.

  5. "This phenomenon, in my viewpoint, may entail several drawbacks for both sides."
    -> "This phenomenon, from my perspective, may entail several drawbacks for both parties."
    Explanation: "In my viewpoint" is replaced with "from my perspective" for a more formal and academic expression.

  6. "It is conceivable that marketing is an indispensable tool for any business to disseminate information about their goods, however; the overstated advertisements can cause consumers to squander their outgoings on useless and unnecessary stuff."
    -> "While it is understandable that marketing is an indispensable tool for any business to disseminate information about their goods, overstated advertisements can lead consumers to expend their resources on useless and unnecessary items."
    Explanation: "It is conceivable" is replaced with "While it is understandable" for a more formal and precise expression. The semicolon is replaced with a comma for proper punctuation.

  7. "The cyberspace has created an illusionary picture in purchasers’ mind, teeming them with opulent portrayals and feedback about the goods."
    -> "The online realm has created an illusory image in purchasers’ minds, inundating them with extravagant depictions and feedback about the goods."
    Explanation: "Cyberspace" is replaced with "online realm" for a more formal term, and "illusionary picture" is changed to "illusory image" for better word choice. "Teeming" is replaced with "inundating" for a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "From the enterprise’s standpoint, the overemphasis on innovation may render them to sidetrack from equally important features, such as utilitarian purposes or outward wrapping."
    -> "From the enterprise’s standpoint, the overemphasis on innovation may lead them to neglect equally important features, such as utilitarian purposes or outward presentation."
    Explanation: "Render them to sidetrack" is replaced with "lead them to neglect" for better formality and clarity. "Outward wrapping" is changed to "outward presentation" for a more precise term.

  9. "To extemporize, the human natural yearning for innovations are the contributory factors for companies to put new goods into practice."
    -> "In summary, the innate human yearning for innovations serves as a contributing factor for companies to implement new products."
    Explanation: "To extemporize" is replaced with "In summary" for a more formal transition. "Are the contributory factors" is changed to "serves as a contributing factor" for better clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing why businesses emphasize the novelty of their products. It analyzes the reasons behind this trend, citing human instinct and the impact on both consumers and businesses.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could enhance its depth by providing more nuanced examples or exploring the implications in greater detail.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing the view that the emphasis on novelty has both positive and negative consequences for consumers and businesses.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity, consider explicitly stating the overall stance in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the position for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, using examples such as Apple’s marketing strategy to support arguments. It successfully extends these ideas by discussing the potential drawbacks for both consumers and businesses.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, include additional examples or evidence to reinforce the presented ideas and provide a more robust argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of emphasizing novelty in advertising. However, there are instances where the connection between examples and the main topic could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: Ensure a seamless transition between examples and the main topic, explicitly connecting them to the overarching theme of the impact of advertising emphasis on novelty.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents a well-structured argument. To further improve, consider incorporating more detailed examples, explicitly stating the overall stance in the introduction and conclusion, and ensuring a seamless connection between examples and the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates logical organization by presenting ideas in a structured manner. The introduction introduces the topic, and each subsequent paragraph develops a specific point. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition between the reasons for emphasizing novelty and the drawbacks for consumers is somewhat abrupt. The overall organization is clear but could benefit from more seamless transitions.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider incorporating transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay’s progression more smoothly. For instance, use phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" to signal shifts between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, within paragraphs, there are instances where ideas could be more clearly delineated. For example, in the second paragraph, the discussion about consumer behavior and the example of Apple’s iPhone could be separated into two paragraphs for clearer organization.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each addressing a single point. This will improve readability and help readers follow the progression of ideas more easily. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports a central theme.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitions (e.g., "Firstly," "Therefore," "For example") and pronouns (e.g., "such a trend," "this phenomenon"). While these contribute to cohesion, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices. More diverse connectors and discourse markers could be utilized for a richer, more nuanced connection between ideas.
    • How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices, incorporating a variety of connectors such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Nevertheless" to enhance the coherence of the essay. This will create a more sophisticated relationship between sentences and paragraphs, elevating the overall cohesion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and effective use of paragraphs. However, improvements in transitional elements and a more diverse array of cohesive devices would elevate the coherence and cohesion, resulting in a more polished and nuanced response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "originality," "novelty," "intrigued," "surpluses," "competitive edge," "overload," "exaggerated infomercials," and "applicability." However, there is room for improvement as certain ideas are expressed using repetitive vocabulary, and some word choices could be more precise.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider introducing more synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, in the third paragraph, instead of repeating "novelty," try using variations like "innovation" or "freshness." This will not only enrich your vocabulary but also contribute to a more engaging and varied writing style.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, in the first paragraph, "originality" and "novelty" are used interchangeably, and in the third paragraph, "teeming" may not be the most accurate term to describe the portrayal of goods.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In the first paragraph, consider whether "distinctiveness" might be a more precise synonym for "originality." In the third paragraph, replace "teeming" with a more specific term like "abundant" or "overflowing." This will elevate the clarity and effectiveness of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with only a few minor errors such as "insatiable" (corrected to "unsatiable") and "extemporize" (corrected to "To conclude"). However, these errors do not significantly impact the overall spelling competence.
    • How to improve: Continue to pay attention to spelling accuracy. While the errors identified are minor, a thorough review before submission can help catch and correct such instances. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check to assist in identifying and rectifying any potential spelling issues.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of vocabulary and spelling. To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on introducing greater variety and precision in your word choices. Additionally, maintain vigilance in spelling accuracy to ensure a polished final submission.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures, incorporating simple and complex sentences. For instance, the essay uses complex sentences to explain the drivers behind companies’ endeavors for change. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more sophisticated structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied clause structures, to enhance overall complexity.
    • How to improve: To elevate the complexity of your sentences, consider incorporating compound-complex structures and varying the lengths of your sentences. For example, integrate subordinate clauses or use parallel structure to add nuance and depth to your ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and sentence structure could be refined for greater precision. For instance, in the sentence "The cyberspace has created an illusionary picture," the correct term should be "illusory" instead of "illusionary."
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure accurate word choices. In this case, replacing "illusionary" with "illusory" would enhance grammatical accuracy. Additionally, consider revising sentence structures for clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures for enhanced sophistication. Attention to detail in grammar, particularly subject-verb agreement, will contribute to a more polished and refined essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s business landscape, advertising has become a pivotal tool for numerous enterprises to highlight the uniqueness of their products. This emphasis on newness, in my view, can be attributed to the inherent nature of customers’ mentality and may have adverse effects on both parties involved.

Primarily, the inclination to highlight novel aspects of products stems from the human instinct to crave novelty. Naturally, individuals are frequently drawn to advertisements showcasing significant upgrades and improvements in functionalities or appealing aesthetics. Take Apple, for instance, a globally recognized brand in the realm of technological devices. It consistently introduces new versions of the iPhone annually, with the latest model featuring distinct colors, increased storage sizes, alongside minor enhancements. This strategy capitalizes on the human desire for innovation, boosting sales and providing companies with a competitive edge in the ever-evolving marketplace.

However, this phenomenon, from my perspective, may entail several drawbacks for both consumers and businesses. On the consumer side, an overload of exaggerated advertisements can lead them to purchase potentially substandard products. While marketing is essential for disseminating information about goods, overstated advertisements can prompt consumers to spend their resources on useless and unnecessary items. For example, the technological boom has given rise to various e-shopping platforms like Shoppe and Lazada. The online realm inundates purchasers with extravagant depictions and feedback about products, creating an illusory image.

From the enterprise’s standpoint, overemphasizing innovation may lead them to neglect equally important features, such as utilitarian purposes or outward presentation. An insatiable thirst for novelty and pressure from rival companies drive enterprises to focus on change, potentially overlooking the applicability of products, which should be the utmost priority for consumers.

In conclusion, the innate human yearning for innovations serves as a contributing factor for companies to introduce new products. However, this trend may lead consumers to purchase unnecessary items and result in companies neglecting other crucial features, specifically utility and design. Striking a balance between innovation and practicality is essential for a sustainable and mutually beneficial relationship between businesses and consumers.

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