In this generation, educating kids is a very important thing that every parent and school should prioritize. Because it is the best way which leads to a child’s success in the future. However, there are still many distant opinions about teaching children should be at home or school. Firstly, every child’s house is the first place they live when they are born. That means when they are small, they spend most of their time staying with their mom and dad at home. Therefore, parents are the first people who provide love and care for their kids. During early childhood, the way parents treat the child and the environment where they are living have a really big impact on them which form their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. A study authored by Joshua Jackson – a psychologist says that parent’s personalities can shape their children’s lives. Secondly, when the child grows up as a teenager. They have to go to school every day, see their friends and teachers more often. Also in this stage, children like to be with their buddies more than their family members. Some minors don’t even have time for their parents because they always concentrate on their things. It means school affects heavily on them at this point. Things children apprehend at school will build their cognitive development, social skills and personalities. Generally, parents and school both have a big role in a child’s growth. None of above should be lack so the child can develop in a completely way. If you want your children to be good members of society, try to train them effectively and find them a good schoo
In this generation, educating kids is a very important thing that every parent and school should prioritize. Because it is the best way which leads to a child's success in the future. However, there are still many distant opinions about teaching children should be at home or school.
Firstly, every child's house is the first place they live when they are born. That means when they are small, they spend most of their time staying with their mom and dad at home. Therefore, parents are the first people who provide love and care for their kids. During early childhood, the way parents treat the child and the environment where they are living have a really big impact on them which form their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. A study authored by Joshua Jackson – a psychologist says that parent’s personalities can shape their children's lives.
Secondly, when the child grows up as a teenager. They have to go to school every day, see their friends and teachers more often. Also in this stage, children like to be with their buddies more than their family members. Some minors don't even have time for their parents because they always concentrate on their things. It means school affects heavily on them at this point. Things children apprehend at school will build their cognitive development, social skills and personalities.
Generally, parents and school both have a big role in a child’s growth. None of above should be lack so the child can develop in a completely way. If you want your children to be good members of society, try to train them effectively and find them a good schoo
In this generation, educating kids is a very important thing that every parent and school should prioritize. Because it is the best way which leads to a child's success in the future. However, there are still many distant opinions about teaching children should be at home or school.
Firstly, every child's house is the first place they live when they are born. That means when they are small, they spend most of their time staying with their mom and dad at home. Therefore, parents are the first people who provide love and care for their kids. During early childhood, the way parents treat the child and the environment where they are living have a really big impact on them which form their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. A study authored by Joshua Jackson – a psychologist says that parent’s personalities can shape their children's lives.
Secondly, when the child grows up as a teenager. They have to go to school every day, see their friends and teachers more often. Also in this stage, children like to be with their buddies more than their family members. Some minors don't even have time for their parents because they always concentrate on their things. It means school affects heavily on them at this point. Things children apprehend at school will build their cognitive development, social skills and personalities.
Generally, parents and school both have a big role in a child’s growth. None of above should be lack so the child can develop in a completely way. If you want your children to be good members of society, try to train them effectively and find them a good schoo
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this generation" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "In this generation" is vague and informal. "In contemporary society" provides a more precise and formal context, suitable for academic writing. -
"educating kids" -> "educating children"
Explanation: "Kids" is too informal for academic writing. "Children" is the appropriate term for formal essays. -
"a very important thing" -> "a crucial aspect"
Explanation: "A very important thing" is overly simplistic and informal. "A crucial aspect" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement. -
"Because it is the best way which leads to a child’s success" -> "Because it is the most effective method leading to a child’s success"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The revised version is clearer and more formal. -
"distant opinions" -> "divergent opinions"
Explanation: "Distant opinions" is unclear and informal. "Divergent opinions" is a precise and academically appropriate term. -
"every child’s house" -> "every child’s home"
Explanation: "House" is less formal than "home," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to refer to a child’s residence. -
"the first place they live" -> "their primary residence"
Explanation: "The first place they live" is informal and vague. "Their primary residence" is more precise and formal. -
"spend most of their time staying with their mom and dad" -> "spend most of their time with their parents"
Explanation: "Mom and dad" is informal and colloquial. "Parents" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"the way parents treat the child and the environment where they are living" -> "the manner in which parents interact with the child and the environment in which they reside"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The revised version is more formal and precise. -
"have a really big impact" -> "have a significant impact"
Explanation: "Really big" is informal and imprecise. "Significant" is more formal and academically appropriate. -
"A study authored by Joshua Jackson – a psychologist says" -> "A study conducted by psychologist Joshua Jackson suggests"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and informal. The revision clarifies the authorship and improves formality. -
"parent’s personalities can shape their children’s lives" -> "parents’ personalities can influence their children’s lives"
Explanation: "Parent’s" should be plural to match the subject, and "influence" is a more precise term than "shape" in this context. -
"when the child grows up as a teenager" -> "as the child matures into a teenager"
Explanation: "Grows up as a teenager" is informal and imprecise. "Matures into a teenager" is more formal and accurate. -
"see their friends and teachers more often" -> "interact with their peers and educators more frequently"
Explanation: "See their friends and teachers" is informal and vague. "Interact with their peers and educators" is more specific and formal. -
"children like to be with their buddies more than their family members" -> "children tend to prefer the company of their peers over their family members"
Explanation: "Like to be with their buddies" is informal and colloquial. The revised phrase is more formal and precise. -
"don’t even have time for their parents" -> "rarely have time for their parents"
Explanation: "Don’t even have time" is informal and conversational. "Rarely have time" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"Things children apprehend at school" -> "Concepts children learn at school"
Explanation: "Apprehend" is incorrect in this context; "learn" is the correct verb. "Concepts" is also more precise than "things." -
"build their cognitive development, social skills and personalities" -> "develop their cognitive abilities, social skills, and personalities"
Explanation: "Build" is less precise than "develop" in this context, and "abilities" is more specific than "development." -
"None of above should be lack" -> "Neither of these should be neglected"
Explanation: "None of above" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Neither of these" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"find them a good schoo" -> "find them a suitable school"
Explanation: "Good schoo" is incomplete and informal. "Suitable school" is complete and formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the roles of both parents and schools in a child’s education. It acknowledges the importance of both home and school environments, which aligns with the prompt’s inquiry into differing opinions on where education should primarily take place. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison of the two perspectives, as it currently leans more towards the importance of parental influence without adequately exploring the school’s role in contrast.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the arguments for both home and school education. This could involve presenting counterarguments or discussing the benefits of each setting in a more balanced manner. Including specific examples or studies that support the effectiveness of school education would also strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that both parents and schools are crucial for a child’s development. However, the position is somewhat diluted by the lack of a strong thesis statement and a clear stance throughout the essay. The transition between discussing parental influence and school impact could be smoother, as the current structure feels somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should formulate a strong thesis statement in the introduction that clearly outlines their viewpoint. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to reinforce the main argument would help in maintaining focus and clarity throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay introduces relevant ideas about the influence of parents and schools on children’s development. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the mention of Joshua Jackson’s study adds credibility, the essay fails to elaborate on this point or provide additional evidence to substantiate the claims made about parental and school influences.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Each point made should be followed by further elaboration, such as specific instances of how parental behavior impacts children or how school experiences shape social skills. Including statistical data or more studies would also enhance the argument’s depth.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the roles of parents and schools in education. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly towards the end, where the phrase "None of above should be lack" is vague and somewhat unclear, detracting from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain topic relevance, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate back to the main argument. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in language will help keep the focus sharp. Additionally, concluding with a strong summary that reiterates the main points discussed would reinforce the essay’s relevance to the prompt.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from a clearer structure, more balanced arguments, and stronger supporting evidence to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the topic and the contrasting opinions regarding education at home versus at school. The first body paragraph discusses the role of parents in early childhood, while the second addresses the importance of school in a child’s development. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from parental influence to school influence feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two ideas, such as "While parental influence is crucial in early years, the role of schools becomes increasingly significant as children grow." This would help the reader understand the relationship between the two perspectives more clearly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument: the first on parental influence and the second on the school’s role. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak and lacks a clear summary or synthesis of the points made in the body paragraphs. The phrase "None of above should be lack" is also grammatically incorrect and could confuse readers.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed and restating the importance of both home and school education. Additionally, ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct to maintain professionalism. For example, revise the conclusion to say, "Both parents and schools play vital roles in a child’s development, and it is essential that neither is neglected."
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "Secondly," to indicate the order of points. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited. There are few linking words or phrases that could enhance the connections between sentences and ideas. For instance, the transition between discussing parental influence and school influence could benefit from additional cohesive devices to clarify the relationship between these two sources of education.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, when transitioning from the discussion of parental roles to school roles, you might say, "In addition to parental influence, schools also play a critical role in shaping a child’s development." This would improve the overall coherence of the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and expressions. For instance, phrases like "very important thing," "big impact," and "good members of society" are somewhat basic and lack variety. The use of "distant opinions" is an attempt at a more sophisticated expression, but it feels slightly awkward in context.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and sophisticated synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of "very important thing," they could use "crucial factor" or "paramount concern." Additionally, utilizing more academic or formal language, such as "divergent views" instead of "distant opinions," would elevate the overall quality of the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "things children apprehend at school" is vague; "apprehend" is not commonly used in this context and may confuse readers. The phrase "completely way" is also unclear and grammatically incorrect, which undermines the intended meaning.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Instead of "apprehend," they could use "learn" or "acquire knowledge." Additionally, revising "completely way" to "comprehensive manner" or "holistic approach" would improve clarity and precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "schoo" (which should be "school") and "parent’s" (which should be "parents’" to indicate plural possessive). These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future writing tasks.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their writing quality and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "During early childhood, the way parents treat the child and the environment where they are living have a really big impact on them which form their thoughts, emotions and behaviors." However, the essay also contains several simple and repetitive structures, such as "They have to go to school every day" and "children like to be with their buddies more than their family members." While there is some variety, the overall complexity could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "They" or "Also," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "In addition to this," or "As children grow older," to create a smoother flow and more sophisticated structure.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "None of above should be lack" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "None of the above should be lacking." Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as the incorrect use of a period in "when the child grows up as a teenager." This sentence should not be separated from the previous one, as it disrupts the flow of ideas. The use of commas is also inconsistent, particularly in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure that phrases are correctly structured. For punctuation, practicing the rules for commas in complex sentences and ensuring that clauses are properly connected can improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that enhance overall readability.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this generation, educating kids is a very important thing that every parent and school should prioritize because it is the best way that leads to a child’s success in the future. However, there are still many divergent opinions about whether teaching children should be at home or at school.
Firstly, every child’s home is the first place they live when they are born. This means that when they are small, they spend most of their time with their mom and dad at home. Therefore, parents are the first people who provide love and care for their kids. During early childhood, the manner in which parents interact with the child and the environment in which they reside have a significant impact on them, which forms their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. A study conducted by psychologist Joshua Jackson suggests that parents’ personalities can influence their children’s lives.
Secondly, as the child matures into a teenager, they have to go to school every day and interact with their friends and teachers more frequently. At this stage, children tend to prefer the company of their peers over their family members. Some minors rarely have time for their parents because they always concentrate on their own activities. This means that school affects them heavily at this point. Concepts children learn at school will develop their cognitive abilities, social skills, and personalities.
Generally, both parents and school play a crucial aspect in a child’s growth. Neither of these should be neglected so the child can develop in a complete way. If you want your children to be good members of society, try to educate them effectively and find them a suitable school.
