In today’s society, communication through technology plays a crucial role in connecting people globally. However, some argue that face-to-face interaction is still important for maintaining relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Support your view with examples and relevant explanations.

In today's society, communication through technology plays a crucial role in connecting people globally. However, some argue that face-to-face interaction is still important for maintaining relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Support your view with examples and relevant explanations.

In the era of globalization, technology is a essential part of our life in communicate, work, and so on. Although technological advancement undoubtedly play an important role in connecting individuals, many argue that verbal interaction is as important as technological advancement in maintaining relationships. From my perspective, I agree with two opinions that technology and verbal interaction play an important role in keeping in touch with people.

On the one hand, it could be argued that being able to use technological equipments has avanced our communication. The first reason for this is that people tend to be too busy or live far from home because of their work or study, leading to they cannot have an appointment with their relative. Due to that point, electronic devices may help them communicate with their parents through texting or calling.  Oversea students, for instance, due to the distance between them and their parents is too far and take them a long time in having a flight can call or message pupils' familiy. In addition to the factor aforementioned, electronic devices is said to allow people to remain contactable at all times as it is a form of communication. If you cannot meet your partner to discuss about work, you can still connect them by using mobile phone.

On the other hand, interaction by verbal communication should not be neglected. The initial point to look at is that residents are likely to favor writing short texts over real face-to-face conversations. Although it may be possible to carry out a conversation in message from alone, the quality of this conversation would be far lower than one conducted in person. Even worse, short written messages can easily misconstrued and, as a result, real meaning may be lost or twisted. This aspect are linked to understanding between two persons as well as how people commute with other in a polite way.

In conclusion, although technology is an undoubted tool in conneting people in global, face-to-face interaction is still playing a crucial role in staying in touch with others. The ability to form connections across distances and the empowerment of individuals who face social barriers underscore the positive aspects of technological advancements. By verbal interaction, fostering genuine conversations, and actively engaging with our communities, we can strive to counteract the negative effects of technology on our relationships and cultivate a more meaningful and fulfilling social life.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the era of globalization, technology is a essential part of our life in communicate, work, and so on." -> "In the era of globalization, technology is an essential part of our lives in communication, work, and other aspects."
   Explanation: Replacing "a essential part of our life in communicate" with "an essential part of our lives in communication" corrects the grammatical error and uses the correct form of the word "essential." Additionally, "and so on" is informal and vague; "and other aspects" is more precise and formal.

2. "technological advancement undoubtedly play" -> "technological advancements undoubtedly play"
   Explanation: The plural form "advancements" is necessary to match the plural subject "technological advancements."

3. "verbal interaction is as important as technological advancement" -> "verbal interaction is equally important as technological advancements"
   Explanation: "Equally important as" is a more formal and precise way to express the comparison, and "advancements" should be plural to match the subject.

4. "being able to use technological equipments" -> "the ability to use technological equipment"
   Explanation: "The ability to use technological equipment" is grammatically correct and more formal than "being able to use technological equipments."

5. "has avanced our communication" -> "has advanced our communication"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "advanced."

6. "they cannot have an appointment with their relative" -> "they cannot meet with their relatives"
   Explanation: "Meet with" is more natural and precise than "have an appointment with," and "relatives" is the correct plural form.

7. "electronic devices may help them communicate with their parents through texting or calling" -> "electronic devices enable them to communicate with their parents through texting or calling"
   Explanation: "Enable" is more formal and precise than "may help," and "enable them to communicate" is a more direct and formal expression.

8. "Oversea students" -> "overseas students"
   Explanation: "Overseas" is the correct adjective form to describe students who are studying abroad.

9. "due to the distance between them and their parents is too far and take them a long time in having a flight" -> "due to the considerable distance between them and their parents, which requires a long flight"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and removes the awkward phrasing of "take them a long time in having a flight."

10. "electronic devices is said to allow people to remain contactable at all times" -> "electronic devices are said to enable people to remain contactable at all times"
    Explanation: Corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses "enable" for a more formal tone.

11. "you can still connect them by using mobile phone" -> "you can still connect with them using a mobile phone"
    Explanation: "Connect with them" is more grammatically correct and formal than "connect them."

12. "interaction by verbal communication should not be neglected" -> "verbal interaction should not be overlooked"
    Explanation: "Verbal interaction" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.

13. "residents are likely to favor writing short texts over real face-to-face conversations" -> "residents often prefer writing short texts to engaging in face-to-face conversations"
    Explanation: "Often prefer" is more precise than "are likely to favor," and "engaging in" is more formal than "having."

14. "short written messages can easily misconstrued" -> "short written messages can easily be misconstrued"
    Explanation: Adds the necessary verb "be" for grammatical correctness.

15. "This aspect are linked to understanding between two persons as well as how people commute with other in a polite way" -> "This aspect is linked to understanding between individuals and how people communicate with others in a polite manner"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses "individuals" and "communicate" for formality and clarity.

16. "conneting people in global" -> "connecting people globally"
    Explanation: "Connecting people globally" is grammatically correct and more formal.

17. "face-to-face interaction is still playing a crucial role in staying in touch with others" -> "face-to-face interaction remains a crucial aspect of maintaining relationships with others"
    Explanation: "Remains a crucial aspect of maintaining relationships" is more formal and precise than "playing a crucial role in staying in touch."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the importance of technology and face-to-face interaction in maintaining relationships. The introduction clearly states the writer’s agreement with both perspectives, which aligns with the prompt’s request to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit delineation of the writer’s stance, as it somewhat ambiguously supports both views without clearly prioritizing one over the other. The examples provided, such as overseas students using technology to communicate with their families, illustrate the points made but could be more varied and directly linked to the argument about the importance of face-to-face interaction.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should clarify their position more definitively. They could consider explicitly stating the extent to which they believe technology or face-to-face interaction is more important and providing a more balanced discussion with stronger examples for each side.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both technology and face-to-face interaction as important, but it lacks a clear, consistent stance throughout. Phrases like "I agree with two opinions" create ambiguity about whether the writer believes one is more important than the other. The conclusion reiterates the importance of both but does not decisively lean towards one side, which may confuse readers regarding the writer’s true position.
  • How to improve: The writer should adopt a more assertive tone in expressing their viewpoint. They could use phrases like "I believe that…" or "In my opinion,…" followed by a stronger justification for their stance. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the argument with a clear preference for one side, reinforcing the writer’s position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of technology for long-distance communication and the drawbacks of relying solely on written messages. However, the development of these ideas is sometimes weak. For instance, the point about misunderstandings in written communication is valid but could be expanded with more concrete examples or statistics to illustrate the impact of such misunderstandings on relationships.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples or evidence. They could also consider using a more structured approach to developing each argument, ensuring that each point is clearly linked to the overall thesis and adequately supported.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of technology and face-to-face interaction in maintaining relationships. However, there are moments where the focus drifts, such as the mention of "how people commute with other in a polite way," which feels somewhat tangential and does not directly relate to the main argument about communication methods.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports their thesis. They could create an outline before writing to keep track of the main arguments and ensure that all content is relevant to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding unnecessary tangents will help strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from a clearer position, more developed ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt. By addressing these areas, the writer could potentially raise their band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. However, the logical flow within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of technology but lacks a clear progression of ideas. The transition from the first point about busy lifestyles to the example of overseas students feels abrupt and could benefit from smoother connections.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each point flows naturally into the next. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" can help connect ideas. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing the essay can help in structuring the argument more coherently.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument—technology in the first and face-to-face interaction in the second. However, the second body paragraph could be better structured. The points made about the drawbacks of written communication are somewhat scattered and could benefit from clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Following this, the writer should provide supporting details and examples that directly relate to the topic sentence. This will help maintain focus and clarity throughout each paragraph. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the advantages of technology, face-to-face communication remains essential for meaningful interactions."

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the phrase "Due to that point" is awkwardly used and could be replaced with a more standard transition.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. This includes using synonyms for "also," "however," and "therefore," as well as employing more complex structures, such as "not only… but also" or "in contrast." Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the previous one will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "globalization," "technological advancement," and "verbal interaction." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "important role" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases, like "being able to use technological equipments," could be expressed more succinctly or with more sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical diversity, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "important role," alternatives like "crucial function," "significant impact," or "essential contribution" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to technology and communication will also enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, "technological equipments" should be "technological equipment" (equipment is uncountable), and "due to that point" is awkwardly phrased; "for this reason" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, phrases like "the distance between them and their parents is too far" could be simplified to "the distance from their parents is great."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word forms and ensuring that phrases are idiomatic. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading diverse texts can help in developing a more precise vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "a essential" (should be "an essential"), "avanced" (should be "advanced"), "Oversea" (should be "Overseas"), "conneting" (should be "connecting"), and "commute" (should be "communicate"). These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Although technological advancement undoubtedly play an important role in connecting individuals, many argue that verbal interaction is as important as technological advancement in maintaining relationships" shows a complex structure with a dependent clause. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or contain errors that detract from their effectiveness. For instance, phrases like "technology is a essential part of our life in communicate" and "electronic devices is said to allow people to remain contactable" indicate a lack of grammatical accuracy and complexity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses can enhance complexity. For example, instead of saying, "people tend to be too busy or live far from home," the writer could say, "Many individuals, who often find themselves busy with work or living far from home, struggle to maintain regular contact with family." This not only adds variety but also improves clarity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, "technology is a essential part of our life in communicate" should be corrected to "technology is an essential part of our lives in communication." Additionally, the phrase "leading to they cannot have an appointment with their relative" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "leading to their inability to have appointments with their relatives." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas that would clarify sentence structure, e.g., "If you cannot meet your partner to discuss about work, you can still connect them by using mobile phone" should include a comma after "work."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, as well as reading more complex texts, can help improve understanding. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are complete and clear will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers can also help identify and correct errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, focusing on expanding grammatical range and ensuring accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score. Regular practice, feedback, and revision are key strategies for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the era of globalization, technology is an essential part of our lives in communication, work, and other aspects. Although technological advancements undoubtedly play an important role in connecting individuals, many argue that verbal interaction is equally important as technological advancements in maintaining relationships. From my perspective, I agree with both opinions that technology and verbal interaction play an important role in keeping in touch with people.

On the one hand, it could be argued that the ability to use technological equipment has advanced our communication. The first reason for this is that people tend to be too busy or live far from home because of their work or study, leading to them being unable to have an appointment with their relatives. Due to this point, electronic devices may help them communicate with their parents through texting or calling. Overseas students, for instance, due to the considerable distance between them and their parents, which requires a long flight, can call or message their families. In addition to the factor aforementioned, electronic devices are said to enable people to remain contactable at all times as it is a form of communication. If you cannot meet your partner to discuss work, you can still connect with them using a mobile phone.

On the other hand, interaction through verbal communication should not be neglected. The initial point to consider is that residents often prefer writing short texts to engaging in face-to-face conversations. Although it may be possible to carry out a conversation through messages alone, the quality of this conversation would be far lower than one conducted in person. Even worse, short written messages can easily be misconstrued, and as a result, the real meaning may be lost or twisted. This aspect is linked to understanding between individuals as well as how people communicate with others in a polite manner.

In conclusion, although technology is an undeniable tool in connecting people globally, face-to-face interaction still plays a crucial role in staying in touch with others. The ability to form connections across distances and the empowerment of individuals who face social barriers underscore the positive aspects of technological advancements. Through verbal interaction, fostering genuine conversations, and actively engaging with our communities, we can strive to counteract the negative effects of technology on our relationships and cultivate a more meaningful and fulfilling social life.