Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks?
Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad.
To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved?
What are the drawbacks?
In today's globalized world, pursuing education abroad is increasingly popular among students. While this trend offers significant benefits, it also presents several drawbacks to both the students and the host countries.
Studying abroad brings certain positive effects to international students and the countries they choose. One of the top advantages for learners is the exposure to different cultures around the world which could raise the tolerance to other ethnicities, customs and practices. Therefore, they might develop their open-minded and willing attitude, which could help break down social barriers. Considering the benefits of this trend to the host country, the primary benefit is building their reputation in education as a growing number of foreign students come to study, meaning that the quality of instruction and infrastructure is superior to those in student’s countries. For example, the U.S has successfully been considered as a nation that has several prestigious universities in many fields such as Artificial Intelligence, Robots and Computer.
Despite the above advantages, this practice also has some disadvantages for students and countries involved. For students, there could be the financial management as the cost of tuition and life expenses which might strain family expenses. Furthermore, students may face social isolation in their host countries, especially if they struggle to communicate with their peers due to cultural or language barriers. Besides, the host countries might need to accommodate the foreign students’ needs such as accommodation and health care which might put a strain on the local authorities. Furthermore, they might ruin the local students’ opportunities to develop their own potential as they would be more competitive to combat with foreign students in their own labor market.
In conclusion, studying abroad offers numerous advantages to students and host countries, but it is essential to consider the disadvantages as well.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In today’s globalized world" -> "In the contemporary globalized world"
Explanation: The phrase "In today’s globalized world" is somewhat informal and vague. "In the contemporary globalized world" provides a more precise and formal temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone of the essay. -
"pursuing education abroad" -> "pursuing higher education abroad"
Explanation: Adding "higher" clarifies that the context is specifically referring to higher education, which is more precise and relevant to the discussion. -
"offers significant benefits" -> "provides substantial benefits"
Explanation: "Provides" is a more formal synonym for "offers," and "substantial" is a more precise adjective than "significant" in academic writing. -
"presents several drawbacks" -> "entails several drawbacks"
Explanation: "Entails" is a more formal verb that better conveys the idea of inherent consequences or implications, fitting the academic style better than "presents." -
"One of the top advantages" -> "One significant advantage"
Explanation: "One significant advantage" is more concise and maintains a formal tone, avoiding the colloquialism of "top." -
"could raise the tolerance to other ethnicities, customs and practices" -> "may enhance tolerance towards diverse ethnicities, customs, and practices"
Explanation: "May enhance tolerance towards" is more precise and formal, and "diverse" is a more academically appropriate term than "other." -
"willing attitude" -> "willingness"
Explanation: "Willingness" is a more formal and precise term than "willing attitude," which is awkward and less commonly used. -
"the quality of instruction and infrastructure" -> "the quality of educational instruction and infrastructure"
Explanation: Adding "educational" clarifies that the quality refers specifically to the educational environment, enhancing precision. -
"the U.S has successfully been considered" -> "the United States has successfully been regarded"
Explanation: "The United States" is the correct noun form, and "regarded" is a more formal synonym for "considered." -
"has several prestigious universities" -> "hosts several prestigious universities"
Explanation: "Hosts" is more accurate in this context, as it specifically refers to the country providing a welcoming environment for these universities. -
"the cost of tuition and life expenses" -> "tuition fees and living expenses"
Explanation: "Tuition fees and living expenses" are more specific and commonly used terms in academic discussions about education costs. -
"might strain family expenses" -> "could strain family budgets"
Explanation: "Budgets" is a more precise term than "expenses" in this context, and "could" is more appropriate than "might" for expressing possibility in formal writing. -
"social isolation" -> "social isolationism"
Explanation: "Social isolationism" is a more precise term that specifically refers to the phenomenon of feeling disconnected from society, which is more relevant to the context. -
"accommodate the foreign students’ needs" -> "meet the needs of international students"
Explanation: "Meet the needs of" is a more formal and precise way to express providing for the requirements of international students. -
"might ruin the local students’ opportunities" -> "could jeopardize local students’ opportunities"
Explanation: "Jeopardize" is a more formal and precise term than "ruin," which is too strong and informal for academic writing. -
"more competitive to combat with foreign students" -> "more competitive against foreign students"
Explanation: "Against" is the correct preposition for competition, and removing "to combat with" simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad. The first paragraph outlines the advantages for students and host countries, such as cultural exposure and enhanced educational reputation. The second paragraph presents the disadvantages, including financial strain and social isolation for students, as well as potential challenges for host countries. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of the extent of these benefits and drawbacks, as the discussion leans slightly more towards the benefits without a thorough examination of the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced analysis by elaborating on the extent of the benefits and drawbacks. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics to quantify the advantages and disadvantages, thereby giving a clearer picture of their significance.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position by acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad. However, the conclusion somewhat undermines the clarity of the position by stating that studying abroad offers "numerous advantages" without explicitly stating the extent to which these outweigh the disadvantages. This lack of a definitive stance may confuse the reader regarding the writer’s overall perspective.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the conclusion, indicating whether they believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa. This can be achieved by summarizing the key points and reiterating a decisive stance based on the arguments presented.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad, such as cultural exposure and financial strain. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the point about social isolation could be extended with examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate its impact on students. Additionally, the mention of the host country’s reputation could benefit from further elaboration on how this affects local education systems or economies.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points by providing more detailed explanations, examples, or evidence. This could involve discussing specific cultural experiences that enhance students’ perspectives or providing statistics on the economic impact of foreign students on host countries.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of the U.S. as a prestigious educational destination could be more directly linked to how this reputation benefits both students and the country, rather than simply stating it as a fact.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each example or argument to the benefits or drawbacks of studying abroad, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the overall discussion.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements can be made in providing a more detailed and nuanced analysis of the benefits and drawbacks, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring that all points are tightly aligned with the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, effectively distinguishing between the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad. The introduction sets the stage by outlining the topic and the dual focus of the essay. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first focusing on benefits and the second on drawbacks. For instance, the transition from discussing cultural exposure to the reputation of host countries is smooth, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly tied back to the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly reflect the content of that paragraph. Additionally, reiterating the main points in the conclusion with specific references to the benefits and drawbacks discussed can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph is focused on a specific theme, such as the benefits for students and host countries in the first paragraph, and the drawbacks in the second. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization, as multiple ideas are presented without distinct separation, which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second paragraph into smaller sections, each focusing on a single drawback. For example, one section could discuss financial management, while another could address social isolation. This would provide clearer guidance for the reader and enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "besides," and "furthermore," to connect ideas and maintain flow. These devices are used effectively to link sentences and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is some repetition in the use of certain devices, which could limit the richness of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases and transitional words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "furthermore," alternatives like "in addition," "moreover," or "on the other hand" could be employed to introduce new ideas or contrast points. This would enhance the essay’s cohesion and make the writing more engaging.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, meriting a Band Score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, particularly in paragraph structure and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "globalized," "exposure," "tolerance," and "prestigious." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "positive effects" is somewhat generic and could be replaced with more specific terms like "benefits," "advantages," or "gains." Additionally, phrases like "financial management" could be elaborated upon with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms in their writing. For instance, instead of repeating "students," they could use "learners," "pupils," or "scholars." Engaging with diverse reading materials can also expose the writer to a broader vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "cultural barriers" and "social isolation." However, there are areas where word choice is imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "the primary benefit is building their reputation in education" could be more clearly expressed as "the primary benefit is enhancing the host country’s educational reputation." Additionally, the phrase "ruin the local students’ opportunities" is overly strong and could be softened to "limit the opportunities for local students."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context when selecting vocabulary. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it is important to ensure that the chosen words fit the context accurately. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help improve precision in vocabulary usage.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there are notable mistakes, such as "the U.S has successfully been considered" which should include a comma after "U.S." Additionally, "Robots" should be lowercase unless it is part of a specific program or title. The phrase "student’s countries" should be pluralized correctly to "students’ countries."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on common spelling errors and punctuation. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and enhancing proofreading practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the phrase "While this trend offers significant benefits, it also presents several drawbacks to both the students and the host countries" effectively sets up a contrast that is essential for the argument. Additionally, the use of phrases like "Considering the benefits of this trend to the host country" showcases an ability to introduce ideas with varied structures. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on certain patterns, such as starting several sentences with "students" or "the host countries," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider using more introductory phrases, passive voice, or varying the subject of sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "students," you could use phrases like "Those who study abroad…" or "International learners often find that…". Additionally, incorporating more relative clauses and participial phrases could enhance complexity and variety.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the U.S has successfully been considered" lacks a comma after "U.S." and would benefit from a more active voice, such as "the U.S. is widely regarded." Additionally, the phrase "the cost of tuition and life expenses which might strain family expenses" could be improved by adding a comma before "which" to clarify the clause. There are also some awkward constructions, such as "might ruin the local students’ opportunities to develop their own potential," which could be more clearly stated as "might diminish local students’ opportunities to realize their potential."
- How to improve: Focus on proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly with commas in complex sentences. Additionally, practice rephrasing sentences that feel awkward or unclear. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where the flow could be improved. Furthermore, consider varying the use of tenses and ensuring subject-verb agreement throughout the essay to enhance grammatical accuracy.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s contemporary globalized world, pursuing higher education abroad is increasingly popular among students. While this trend provides substantial benefits, it also entails several drawbacks for both the students and the host countries.
Studying abroad brings certain positive effects to international students and the countries they choose. One significant advantage for learners is the exposure to diverse cultures around the world, which may enhance their tolerance towards other ethnicities, customs, and practices. Consequently, they might develop a more open-minded and willing attitude, which could help break down social barriers. Considering the benefits of this trend for the host country, the primary advantage is the enhancement of their reputation in education, as a growing number of foreign students come to study. This influx often indicates that the quality of educational instruction and infrastructure is superior to that in the students’ home countries. For example, the United States has successfully been regarded as a nation that hosts several prestigious universities in various fields, such as Artificial Intelligence, Robotics, and Computer Science.
Despite the above advantages, this practice also has some disadvantages for the students and countries involved. For students, financial management can become a challenge due to the high tuition fees and living expenses, which could strain family budgets. Furthermore, students may experience social isolation in their host countries, especially if they struggle to communicate with their peers due to cultural or language barriers. Additionally, the host countries might need to meet the needs of international students, such as accommodation and healthcare, which could put a strain on local authorities. Moreover, this influx of foreign students could jeopardize local students’ opportunities to develop their own potential, as they would face more competition against foreign students in their own labor market.
In conclusion, studying abroad offers numerous advantages to students and host countries; however, it is essential to consider the drawbacks as well.