Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Some people believe that the government should increase air taxes to decrease air traffic such as noise, pollution, and air construction. From my point of view, I have to disagree with this statement for some reasons below.
To begin with, increasing taxes will bring imbalance to those with low income. If the cost of taxes increases, poor or low-income people will not be able to afford travel, while rich people can go as they please without any hesitation. That would be extremely unfair to those who are more difficult. Not only that, if taxes are increased, it will greatly affect the tourism industry. Even in countries with enthusiastic and famous customer service, if the airline has strict implementation or taxes are too high, it will cause fewer people to travel, leading to job loss and detrimental to people's livelihoods.
Furthermore, reducing income in the aviation and tourism industries not only brings negative effects to them but also directly affects the national economy. The tourism industry is one of the major contributors to the country's economy and is also a way to promote national culture. Less travel will cripple the global economy while limiting understanding of one's traditions too.
To sum up, I see there are many ways to limit air traffic, not necessarily increasing traffic as mentioned above.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing. It also implies a more active and assertive stance, which is suitable for an academic discussion.
"increase air taxes" -> "impose higher air taxes"
Explanation: "Impose" is more specific and formal than "increase," which is vague and can be interpreted in various ways. "Impose" clearly indicates the action of setting or enforcing taxes.
"decrease air traffic such as noise, pollution, and air construction" -> "reduce air traffic, including noise, pollution, and construction"
Explanation: "Reduce" is more precise and academically appropriate than "decrease," which can be vague. Also, "including" is more formal than "such as," which is often used in informal contexts.
"From my point of view, I have to disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "I strongly disagree" is more direct and assertive, which is preferred in academic writing. It eliminates the unnecessary phrase "From my point of view," which is redundant.
"for some reasons below" -> "for the following reasons"
Explanation: "For the following reasons" is more formal and precise than "for some reasons below," which is vague and informal.
"increasing taxes will bring imbalance to those with low income" -> "increased taxes will disproportionately affect low-income individuals"
Explanation: "Disproportionately affect" is more precise and formal than "bring imbalance," which is not a standard term in this context. It also clarifies that the impact is on individuals, not just income groups.
"poor or low-income people" -> "individuals from lower-income backgrounds"
Explanation: "Individuals from lower-income backgrounds" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "poor or low-income people."
"can go as they please without any hesitation" -> "can travel freely"
Explanation: "Travel freely" is more concise and formal than "go as they please without any hesitation," which is overly casual and verbose.
"That would be extremely unfair to those who are more difficult" -> "This would be highly unfair to those facing greater challenges"
Explanation: "Facing greater challenges" is more specific and formal than "those who are more difficult," which is vague and informal.
"strict implementation or taxes are too high" -> "stringent regulations or excessive taxation"
Explanation: "Stringent regulations or excessive taxation" is more precise and formal than "strict implementation or taxes are too high," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"reducing income in the aviation and tourism industries" -> "reducing revenue in the aviation and tourism sectors"
Explanation: "Revenue" is more specific and appropriate in an economic context than "income," and "sectors" is more formal than "industries."
"cripple the global economy" -> "severely impact the global economy"
Explanation: "Severely impact" is a more precise and formal expression than "cripple," which is somewhat colloquial and strong.
"limiting understanding of one’s traditions too" -> "limiting cultural understanding"
Explanation: "Limiting cultural understanding" is more concise and formal than "limiting understanding of one’s traditions," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"I see there are many ways to limit air traffic" -> "I contend that there are numerous methods to mitigate air traffic"
Explanation: "I contend that there are numerous methods to mitigate" is more assertive and formal than "I see there are many ways to limit," which is too casual and lacks academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not fully address the prompt. While it presents a disagreement with the idea of increasing petrol prices, it fails to discuss the extent of this disagreement or provide a balanced view. Additionally, it does not adequately explore other measures that could be effective in solving traffic and pollution problems. The response mainly focuses on the negative implications of increasing taxes on air travel, which does not directly relate to the prompt about petrol prices.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly state their position on whether they agree or disagree with the statement regarding petrol prices. They should also discuss the extent of their agreement or disagreement and propose alternative solutions to traffic and pollution issues, such as public transport improvements, carpooling incentives, or urban planning strategies.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position against increasing taxes, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout the text. The introduction states disagreement, but the body paragraphs primarily focus on the implications of increasing air taxes rather than maintaining a clear stance on petrol prices. This lack of focus leads to confusion about the author’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph relates back to the main argument regarding petrol prices. They could use topic sentences that clearly state their position and then provide supporting details that directly relate to that stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack depth and development. The writer mentions the unfairness to low-income individuals and the negative impact on the tourism industry, but these points are not well-supported with examples or elaboration. The essay feels underdeveloped, with ideas that could be more thoroughly explored.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or data to back up their claims. For instance, they could include statistics on how increased travel costs affect tourism or discuss specific measures that have been successful in other countries. Additionally, extending ideas with further explanation or analysis would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the main topic of petrol prices and instead focuses on air travel taxes. While related, this shift in focus detracts from the overall coherence of the response. The conclusion also fails to tie back to the original prompt effectively.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should consistently refer back to petrol prices throughout the essay. They could outline how increasing petrol prices specifically would impact traffic and pollution, and then discuss alternative measures in relation to those specific issues. Keeping the main topic in mind while developing supporting arguments will help maintain clarity and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against increasing taxes as a solution to traffic and pollution problems. However, the organization of ideas lacks a coherent structure. For example, the first paragraph introduces the topic but does not clearly outline the main arguments that will be discussed. The transition from discussing the impact on low-income individuals to the tourism industry feels abrupt and lacks a clear logical connection. The conclusion also does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a clear alternative solution.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay should begin with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that clearly relates to the thesis, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the other hand") can help guide the reader through the argumentation.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s disagreement, but it could be more focused. The second paragraph discusses the impact on low-income individuals and the tourism industry, but it combines two distinct ideas without clear separation. The conclusion is brief and does not effectively wrap up the discussion.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single idea. For instance, the first paragraph could be dedicated to the unfairness of increased taxes on low-income individuals, while the second could explore the negative impact on the tourism industry. The conclusion should summarize the main points and suggest alternative measures more clearly. Consider using a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs (each with a distinct focus), and a conclusion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with" and "Furthermore," but their usage is limited and sometimes repetitive. The transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices that would enhance the overall flow. For example, the phrase "Not only that" is used, but it could be replaced with more varied transitions to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Additionally," "Conversely," or "Consequently" can help clarify relationships between ideas. It is also beneficial to use pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can aid in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear viewpoint, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, such as "imbalance," "detrimental," and "enthusiastic customer service." However, the range is limited, and some phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For example, the phrase "poor or low-income people" could be varied to include terms like "economically disadvantaged" or "lower socioeconomic groups." Additionally, the use of "increase taxes" and "affect" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "increase," alternatives like "raise," "escalate," or "amplify" could be employed. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward, which can confuse the reader. For example, the term "air taxes" is not commonly used; it would be clearer to refer to "aviation taxes" or "air travel taxes." The phrase "afford travel" is also vague; specifying "afford air travel" would enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "bring imbalance" could be more accurately expressed as "create an imbalance" or "lead to an imbalance."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and consideration of context. Utilizing resources such as academic writing guides can also aid in understanding the nuances of word choice.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "air construction," which seems to be a misinterpretation of "air pollution" or "air traffic." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. Additionally, "detrimental" is spelled correctly, but the context in which it is used could be better articulated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and reviewing common spelling rules. Regular practice with spelling exercises and quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively engaging with vocabulary enhancement strategies, focusing on precise word choice, and implementing effective proofreading techniques, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("To sum up, I see there are many ways to limit air traffic") and compound sentences ("Not only that, if taxes are increased, it will greatly affect the tourism industry"). However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures. For example, the phrase "if taxes are increased" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "If," try using introductory phrases or clauses, such as "While it is true that increasing taxes may deter some travelers, it is essential to consider the broader implications on the economy." Additionally, varying sentence lengths can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "air taxes to decrease air traffic such as noise, pollution, and air construction" is awkwardly constructed; "air construction" is unclear and may be a misuse of terminology. Furthermore, the sentence "Not only that, if taxes are increased, it will greatly affect the tourism industry" lacks parallel structure, as it begins with "Not only that" but does not follow with a corresponding "but also" clause. Additionally, there are some punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could clarify meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. For example, instead of saying "to those who are more difficult," it would be clearer to say "to those who are struggling." Also, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that the government should impose higher air taxes to reduce air traffic, including noise, pollution, and construction. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this assertion for the following reasons.

To begin with, increasing taxes will disproportionately affect low-income individuals. If the cost of air taxes rises, individuals from lower-income backgrounds will struggle to afford travel, while wealthier people can continue to travel freely without hesitation. This would be highly unfair to those facing greater challenges. Moreover, if taxes are raised, it will significantly impact the tourism industry. Even in countries known for their enthusiastic and exceptional customer service, stringent regulations or excessive taxation can lead to fewer travelers, resulting in job losses and detrimental effects on people’s livelihoods.

Furthermore, reducing revenue in the aviation and tourism sectors not only brings negative consequences for these industries but also directly impacts the national economy. The tourism sector is one of the major contributors to a country’s economy and serves as a means to promote national culture. A decline in travel will severely impact the global economy while limiting cultural understanding and exchange.

To sum up, I contend that there are numerous methods to mitigate air traffic that do not involve increasing taxes as mentioned above.