International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Do the problems of international travel outweigh its advantages?

The past few years have seen a dramatic growth in the number of international tourists in almost every destination of the world. Personally, I am convinced that the benefits of international tourism outnumber its drawbacks.
On the upside, international tourism brings about a plethora of economic and social benefits for host countries. Firstly, international tourism is credited with generating jobs for the local workers. To be more specific, when a country receives a high volume of foreign visitors, which means numerous tourism businesses such as hotels, tour guides, and shuttle services will open to meet the needs of the visitors. Because of this, travel agencies need to hire a lot of people, leading to the local unemployment rate decline. Secondly, tourism development helps to promote the local culture and identity worldwide. Particularly, travelers frequently have a tendency to take pictures of their experiences and post them on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. As a result, locals can advertise their festivals, handicrafts, folk music, and the nation's heritage; this not only helps local people preserve their national identity but also makes tourism industry revenue grow. Obviously, tourism can provide a variety of advantages to local communities.
On the down side, the arrival of international tourists in all parts of the world might pose a lot of risk to the destination. COVID-19 is a standard example. Because of the presence of tourists, the pandemic has gotten increasingly problematic, so many tourism companies have been compelled to cease operations, leading the global economy to deteriorate. International tourism is a valuable industry, but it is easily influenced by a variety of variables, which might have catastrophic implications.
In conclusion, this essay has highlighted two main points to argue that international travel has more advantages than disadvantages. I strongly believe that to ensure long-term benefits, tourism agencies need to have policies to deal with bad cases such as natural disasters and epidemics.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the past few years have seen a dramatic growth" -> "the past few years have witnessed significant growth"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is more formal and precise than "seen," and "significant" is a more academic term than "dramatic," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.
"almost every destination of the world" -> "almost every destination worldwide"
Explanation: "Worldwide" is a more concise and formal way to express global scope, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Personally, I am convinced" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" removes the personal pronoun and shifts the focus to a more objective, formal statement, which is preferred in academic writing.
"brings about a plethora of" -> "results in a multitude of"
Explanation: "Results in" is more formal and precise than "brings about," and "multitude" is a more academic synonym for "plethora."
"To be more specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "Specifically" is a more concise and formal transition, suitable for academic writing.
"which means numerous tourism businesses" -> "resulting in numerous tourism businesses"
Explanation: "Resulting in" clarifies the causal relationship more explicitly and is more formal than "which means."
"Because of this, travel agencies need to hire a lot of people" -> "Consequently, travel agencies require hiring numerous staff"
Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "Because of this," and "require hiring numerous staff" is more precise and formal than "need to hire a lot of people."
"leading to the local unemployment rate decline" -> "resulting in a decline in the local unemployment rate"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and precise than "leading to," and the phrase "a decline in" is grammatically correct.
"tourism development helps to promote" -> "tourism development promotes"
Explanation: "Promotes" is a more direct and formal verb choice than "helps to promote," which is somewhat redundant.
"frequently have a tendency to" -> "often tend to"
Explanation: "Often tend to" is more concise and formal than "frequently have a tendency to."
"makes tourism industry revenue grow" -> "enhances tourism industry revenue"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise and formal term than "makes grow," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the arrival of international tourists in all parts of the world might pose a lot of risk" -> "the influx of international tourists worldwide may pose significant risks"
Explanation: "Influx" is a more precise term than "arrival," and "may pose significant risks" is more formal and specific than "might pose a lot of risk."
"the pandemic has gotten increasingly problematic" -> "the pandemic has become increasingly problematic"
Explanation: "Become" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "gotten," which is more conversational.
"leading the global economy to deteriorate" -> "resulting in a deterioration of the global economy"
Explanation: "Resulting in a deterioration of" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"I strongly believe" -> "it is strongly believed"
Explanation: "It is strongly believed" shifts the statement to a more formal, impersonal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.
"to have policies to deal with bad cases" -> "to implement policies addressing adverse situations"
Explanation: "Implement policies addressing adverse situations" is more formal and precise than "to have policies to deal with bad cases," which uses colloquial language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism. The author presents a clear stance that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, which is supported by relevant examples such as job creation and cultural promotion. However, while the advantages are elaborated upon in detail, the discussion of disadvantages, particularly the example of COVID-19, is less developed and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples of the negative impacts of international tourism, such as environmental degradation, cultural dilution, or the strain on local infrastructure. A more balanced exploration of both sides would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of international tourism outweigh its drawbacks. This position is consistently reflected in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The use of phrases like "Personally, I am convinced" and "I strongly believe" reinforces the author’s viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the advantages to the disadvantages, such as "Despite these benefits, there are also significant drawbacks." This would help maintain a clear narrative flow and reinforce the author’s position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the economic and social benefits of tourism. The examples provided, such as job creation and cultural promotion through social media, are relevant and well-explained. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, with only a brief mention of COVID-19 without further elaboration on its implications.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both the advantages and disadvantages. For instance, discussing the long-term effects of tourism on local communities or providing statistics on job creation versus job loss during crises would add depth and credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism as prompted. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the specific question of whether the problems outweigh the advantages. The mention of COVID-19, while relevant, could be more explicitly tied back to the overall argument about the balance of pros and cons.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author could explicitly relate each point back to the central question of the essay. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, the author could reiterate how these issues do not outweigh the benefits discussed earlier, thereby reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the areas for improvement, the author can enhance the clarity, depth, and balance of their response, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s position, followed by two main body paragraphs that discuss the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism. The arguments are logically sequenced, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits and the second addressing the drawbacks. For instance, the transition from discussing economic benefits to social benefits is smooth, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, the transition into the discussion of disadvantages could be more clearly marked to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases when shifting from one main idea to another. For example, explicitly stating “On the other hand” before introducing the disadvantages would signal to the reader that a contrasting viewpoint is being presented. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing the benefits of tourism and the second addressing its drawbacks. However, the second paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively communicated in separate paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the negative impacts of tourism (like the COVID-19 example) and another discussing the broader implications of tourism’s vulnerability to external factors. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the upside," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. Additionally, the use of phrases like "As a result" effectively connects ideas within sentences. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a range of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition of phrases like "international tourism" throughout the essay. This not only improves cohesion but also enriches the language used in the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices would further elevate the quality of the writing and potentially lead to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "plethora," "generate jobs," and "promote local culture." However, the vocabulary used tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "international tourism" and "local." The essay could benefit from more varied synonyms and expressions to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "international tourism," you could alternate with "global travel," "overseas tourism," or "cross-border travel." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can add depth to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the pandemic has gotten increasingly problematic" could be more effectively expressed as "the pandemic has exacerbated challenges" to convey a clearer meaning. Similarly, the term "catastrophic implications" could be more specific; it might be beneficial to specify what those implications are (e.g., economic downturn, health crises).
- How to improve: Focus on choosing words that convey your intended meaning more accurately. When discussing complex issues like the impact of tourism, consider using terms that reflect the nuances of the situation. For example, instead of "a lot of risk," you might say "significant risks" or "serious threats." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help you find more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains mostly correct spelling, but there are minor errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "leading the global economy to deteriorate" could be clearer if "deteriorate" were replaced with "decline" for better readability. However, there are no glaring spelling mistakes that would significantly impact comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through your essay slowly, checking for any spelling errors or awkward phrasing. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "Because of this, travel agencies need to hire a lot of people, leading to the local unemployment rate decline" effectively combines a cause-and-effect structure with a participial phrase. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the use of "Firstly" and "Secondly" to introduce points is somewhat formulaic and could benefit from more creative transitions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varying the way points are introduced. Instead of relying solely on "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use phrases like "In addition," "Moreover," or "Another significant point is that…" This will not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the pandemic has gotten increasingly problematic" could be more precisely stated as "the pandemic has become increasingly problematic." Additionally, the sentence "this not only helps local people preserve their national identity but also makes tourism industry revenue grow" could be improved by rephrasing it to "this not only helps local people preserve their national identity but also contributes to the growth of tourism industry revenue." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which means numerous tourism businesses" to separate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining word choice and ensuring clarity in expression. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can help. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are clearly separated and that the meaning is easily understood. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the precision of grammar and punctuation. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The past few years have witnessed significant growth in the number of international tourists in almost every destination worldwide. Personally, I am convinced that the advantages of international tourism outweigh its disadvantages.

On the upside, international tourism brings about a multitude of economic and social benefits for host countries. Firstly, it is evident that international tourism is credited with generating jobs for local workers. Specifically, when a country receives a high volume of foreign visitors, numerous tourism businesses such as hotels, tour guides, and shuttle services will open to meet the needs of these visitors. Consequently, travel agencies require hiring numerous staff, resulting in a decline in the local unemployment rate. Secondly, tourism development promotes the local culture and identity on a global scale. Travelers often tend to take pictures of their experiences and post them on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. As a result, locals can advertise their festivals, handicrafts, folk music, and the nation’s heritage; this not only helps local people preserve their national identity but also enhances tourism industry revenue. Clearly, tourism can provide a variety of advantages to local communities.

On the downside, the influx of international tourists worldwide may pose significant risks to the destinations. COVID-19 is a prime example. Due to the presence of tourists, the pandemic has become increasingly problematic, leading many tourism companies to cease operations and resulting in a deterioration of the global economy. While international tourism is a valuable industry, it is easily influenced by various factors, which might have catastrophic implications.

In conclusion, this essay has highlighted two main points to argue that international travel has more advantages than disadvantages. It is strongly believed that to ensure long-term benefits, tourism agencies need to implement policies addressing adverse situations such as natural disasters and epidemics.