International travel has many advantages for both travelers and the country visited. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage
International travel has many advantages for both travelers and the country visited. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantage
The preference of transnational travel is transparent. While this tendency brings a multitude of perks for both foreign visitors and their own country, I subscribe to the opinion that its downsides overshadow its upsides.
On the one hand, there are an array of merits of overseas travel. To commence with, setting foot in foreign countries can create favourable conditions for travellers to get exposed to new cultures. As a result, visitors can have a better grasp of different cultures, followed by promoting cultural exchange and integration between countries. Furthermore, international travel also paves the way for business development of individual countries visited. The reason is that the development of foreign travel opens up employment opportunities for local inhabitants. As a consequence, countries visited can receive economical profits from tourism enhancement.
On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that overseas travel exerts detrimental impacts on both visitors and the country travelled. Firstly, travel expenses in famous tourist destinations do not come cheap, including service costs such as flight, accommodation, meals and activities. Therefore, this can impose financial burdens on visitors. Secondly, transnational travel is deemed to be a contributing factor to the increase in environmental issues. This can be exemplified by the fact that littering which is a concerned problem in tourist areas poses a challenge to landscape and environment. Accordingly, prolonged environmental problems can give rise to disturbing the ecological balance and damaging natural habitats.
In conclusion, foreign travel is conducive to both traveller and the country visited; whereas, I contend that the redeeming features of this tendency is eclipsed by a multitude of drawbacks.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The preference of transnational travel is transparent." -> "The preference for transnational travel is evident."
Explanation: Replacing "transparent" with "evident" corrects the misuse of "transparent," which incorrectly implies clarity or openness, to "evident," which accurately describes something that is clearly seen or understood. -
"I subscribe to the opinion" -> "I concur with the view"
Explanation: "Subscribe to the opinion" is somewhat informal and less precise. "Concur with the view" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"an array of merits" -> "a range of benefits"
Explanation: "Array" is less common in this context and can be vague. "Range of benefits" is more specific and commonly used in formal writing. -
"setting foot in foreign countries" -> "visiting foreign countries"
Explanation: "Setting foot in" is an idiom and less formal. "Visiting" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone. -
"can create favourable conditions" -> "can facilitate"
Explanation: "Create favourable conditions" is verbose and less precise. "Facilitate" is more concise and academically appropriate. -
"get exposed to" -> "be exposed to"
Explanation: "Get exposed to" is slightly informal and less precise. "Be exposed to" is the correct passive form, which is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"paves the way for" -> "facilitates"
Explanation: "Paves the way for" is an idiom and less formal. "Facilitates" is a more direct and academically appropriate term. -
"opens up employment opportunities" -> "creates employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Opens up" is an idiom and less formal. "Creates" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone. -
"economical profits" -> "economic benefits"
Explanation: "Economical profits" is incorrect as "economical" refers to cost-effective, not financial gains. "Economic benefits" is the correct term. -
"do not come cheap" -> "are not inexpensive"
Explanation: "Do not come cheap" is an idiom and informal. "Are not inexpensive" is a more formal and precise way to express the same idea. -
"impose financial burdens" -> "place financial burdens"
Explanation: "Impose" can imply force or coercion, which is not the intended meaning here. "Place" is more neutral and appropriate for describing the effect of costs on individuals. -
"deemed to be a contributing factor" -> "considered a contributing factor"
Explanation: "Deemed to be" is verbose and less direct. "Considered" is more straightforward and formal. -
"littering which is a concerned problem" -> "littering, a significant problem"
Explanation: "A concerned problem" is awkward and unclear. "A significant problem" is more precise and formal. -
"poses a challenge to landscape and environment" -> "poses challenges to the landscape and environment"
Explanation: "Pose a challenge" should be plural to match "problems" implied by "concerned problem," and "the" is unnecessary before "landscape and environment." -
"give rise to disturbing the ecological balance" -> "lead to disrupting the ecological balance"
Explanation: "Give rise to" is less direct and slightly informal. "Lead to" is more straightforward and formal, and "disrupting" is more precise than "disturbing." -
"the redeeming features of this tendency is eclipsed" -> "the redeeming features of this trend are eclipsed"
Explanation: "Tendency" is less specific than "trend," and "is" should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "features."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of international travel. It presents a balanced view, outlining the benefits such as cultural exchange and economic development, while also highlighting the financial burdens and environmental issues associated with travel. The conclusion clearly states the writer’s position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, which aligns with the task requirements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the advantages and disadvantages. For instance, citing a study on the economic impact of tourism or specific environmental cases could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive view.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the downsides of international travel overshadow its benefits. This stance is consistently reinforced in both the introduction and conclusion, as well as in the body paragraphs. However, the phrase "I subscribe to the opinion" could be more assertively stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: The writer could use more definitive language to express their position, such as "I firmly believe" instead of "I subscribe to the opinion." Additionally, reiterating the main argument in each body paragraph could further reinforce the position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of international travel. The points about cultural exchange and economic benefits are well articulated, and the disadvantages are clearly stated with supporting details. However, some ideas could be further developed. For example, the environmental impacts could be elaborated upon with more specific examples or consequences.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points. For instance, discussing specific environmental issues caused by tourism, such as pollution or habitat destruction, would provide a more thorough examination of the disadvantages. Additionally, including counterarguments or acknowledging potential exceptions could enhance the complexity of the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of international travel and its advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and there are no significant deviations from the main topic. The structure is logical, with clear transitions between the advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate back to the central argument of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Avoiding overly general statements and ensuring that every point ties back to the thesis will help maintain focus.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should focus on providing more specific examples, using assertive language, elaborating on key points, and ensuring every detail is tightly connected to the main argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, while each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic—advantages in the first and disadvantages in the second. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used, but a more explicit link to the previous paragraph could enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the advantages, a sentence summarizing those points before introducing the disadvantages could help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can further improve clarity.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only restates the main argument but also briefly summarizes the key points discussed in the body paragraphs. This will provide a more cohesive end to the essay. Additionally, consider using more varied paragraph lengths to create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "As a result," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases, like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," are repeated without variation. This can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to connect ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," you could use "Conversely" or "In contrast" for the disadvantages. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore" or "In addition," can enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions can elevate the writing to a higher level of clarity and sophistication, potentially improving the band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "transnational travel," "favourable conditions," "cultural exchange," and "detrimental impacts." These choices reflect an ability to discuss the topic in a nuanced manner. However, some phrases, such as "the preference of transnational travel is transparent," could be more effectively articulated. The word "transparent" in this context may confuse readers, as it typically refers to clarity rather than preference.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of "transparent," you might use "evident" or "clear." Additionally, employing phrases that convey subtleties, such as "the increasing popularity of international travel," would enrich the essay further.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "redeeming features of this tendency is eclipsed" should use "features are eclipsed" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Furthermore, "littering which is a concerned problem" could be more accurately expressed as "littering, which is a significant concern." This would enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in your vocabulary choices. Review sentences for subject-verb agreement and consider using more precise adjectives to describe issues. For instance, instead of "concerned problem," opt for "significant issue" or "serious concern."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "economical," "burdens," and "habitats" are spelled correctly, indicating a solid grasp of spelling conventions. However, the phrase "the redeeming features of this tendency is eclipsed" contains a grammatical error rather than a spelling error, which can affect the perception of spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work. Utilize tools like spell checkers and read your essay aloud to catch any potential errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling in your writing.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and spelling, there are opportunities for improvement in precision and range. By focusing on grammatical accuracy, exploring synonyms, and ensuring clarity in expression, the overall quality of the lexical resource can be elevated further.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "To commence with" and "On the one hand" effectively sets the stage for the arguments presented. Additionally, the sentence "As a result, visitors can have a better grasp of different cultures, followed by promoting cultural exchange and integration between countries" showcases a complex structure that connects ideas well. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "overseas travel" and "countries visited" could be replaced with synonyms or rephrased to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Overseas travel," you could use participial phrases or relative clauses. Additionally, mixing in some shorter, impactful sentences can create a more dynamic rhythm in the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the redeeming features of this tendency is eclipsed" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "are eclipsed" to match the plural subject "features." Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and phrases. However, there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which is a concerned problem in tourist areas," which would help to delineate the non-restrictive clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural subjects are matched with plural verbs. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing with sentence diagrams or grammar exercises focused on these areas can help reinforce correct usage.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation, the writer can further enhance their writing quality.
Bài sửa mẫu
The preference for transnational travel is evident. While this tendency brings a multitude of benefits for both foreign visitors and their own country, I concur with the view that its downsides overshadow its upsides.
On the one hand, there are a range of merits of overseas travel. To commence with, setting foot in foreign countries can create favorable conditions for travelers to be exposed to new cultures. As a result, visitors can have a better grasp of different cultures, which promotes cultural exchange and integration between countries. Furthermore, international travel also facilitates business development in the individual countries visited. The reason is that the development of foreign travel opens up employment opportunities for local inhabitants. As a consequence, countries visited can receive economic benefits from tourism enhancement.
On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that overseas travel exerts detrimental impacts on both visitors and the countries traveled to. Firstly, travel expenses in famous tourist destinations are not inexpensive, including service costs such as flights, accommodation, meals, and activities. Therefore, this can place financial burdens on visitors. Secondly, transnational travel is considered a contributing factor to the increase in environmental issues. This can be exemplified by the fact that littering, a significant problem in tourist areas, poses challenges to the landscape and environment. Accordingly, prolonged environmental problems can lead to disrupting the ecological balance and damaging natural habitats.
In conclusion, foreign travel is conducive to both travelers and the countries visited; however, I contend that the redeeming features of this trend are eclipsed by a multitude of drawbacks.