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International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

It is a reality that as the cost of transnational tourism has been becoming more economical than before, more and more countries tend to be tourist-friendly. Although there are indeed certain drawbacks associated with this development, I posit that these shortcomings are outweighed by the manifold merits it offers.

Granted, this tendency is disadvantageous to some extent. One primary drawback is environmental degradation. This is because when a large number of tourists flock into a certain area, they may litter a great deal of garbage. This can infiltrate bodies of water or permeate soil, thus disturbing marine life or hampering plant growth. Cultural conflict is also a major concern. One possible explanation for this is that when foreigners, who have a more open – minded lifestyle, visit traditional tourist attractions such as pagodas or temples, they may not dress or act according to local norms. This can lead to disagreements or even conflicts between tourists and local people, thus taking a toll on social security.

Despite the above-mentioned arguments, I believe that there are some clear advantages of this increased transnational mobility. One reason for this belief is the economic benefits it offers. This can be seen in the way that when an area attracts a wide range of tourists, demand for services such as accommodation, food and beverages of transportation may increase accordingly. As a result, businesses would benefit from great revenue. This can encourage these companies to expand their scale, spurring job growth for local people. Another convincing point is that this development can promote cultural exchange. One justification for this is that as tourists, especially foreigners, they can carry their country’s cultures and spread them in that area. This allows them and local people to learn about cultures from each other, hence advancing the international integration process of that country.

In conclusion, although the development of transnational mobility is detrimental to some extent, I believe that its merits are more significant.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "becoming more economical than before" -> "becoming more cost-effective than before"
    Explanation: "Economical" refers to efficiency in the use of resources, whereas "cost-effective" specifically relates to being financially efficient. Using "cost-effective" better conveys the idea that transnational tourism has become more affordable.

  2. "more and more countries tend to be tourist-friendly" -> "an increasing number of countries are becoming hospitable to tourists"
    Explanation: "Tend to be" is a bit informal; replacing it with "are becoming" strengthens the statement’s assertion. "Tourist-friendly" is a colloquial term, and "hospitable to tourists" offers a more formal and precise expression.

  3. "I posit" -> "I argue/assert"
    Explanation: "Posit" is a formal word, but in academic contexts, "argue" or "assert" might better convey the author’s viewpoint with more clarity and directness.

  4. "outweighed by the manifold merits" -> "outweighed by the numerous merits"
    Explanation: While "manifold" is a valid word, "numerous" is more commonly used and easily understood, maintaining a formal tone.

  5. "This is because" -> "This occurs because"
    Explanation: "This is because" is slightly informal. "This occurs because" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  6. "flock into a certain area" -> "congregate in a specific area"
    Explanation: "Flock into" is slightly informal. "Congregate in" is more formal and accurately conveys the gathering of tourists in a particular location.

  7. "they may litter a great deal of garbage" -> "they may generate a significant amount of waste"
    Explanation: "Litter" is more casual, while "generate a significant amount of waste" is a more formal and precise phrase for academic writing.

  8. "disturbing marine life or hampering plant growth" -> "disrupting marine ecosystems or impeding plant growth"
    Explanation: "Disturbing" and "hampering" are less formal. "Disrupting marine ecosystems" and "impeding plant growth" convey the negative impacts with a more academic tone.

  9. "Cultural conflict is also a major concern" -> "Cultural conflicts pose significant challenges"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence adds formality. Using "pose significant challenges" is more direct and academic.

  10. "who have a more open-minded lifestyle" -> "who embrace a more liberal lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Open-minded" is somewhat informal. "Embrace a more liberal lifestyle" maintains a formal tone while expressing the idea more precisely.

  11. "pagodas or temples" -> "sacred sites such as pagodas or temples"
    Explanation: Adding "sacred sites" before specific locations provides more context and formality to the description.

  12. "lead to disagreements or even conflicts" -> "result in disputes or even confrontations"
    Explanation: "Lead to disagreements" is more colloquial. "Result in disputes or even confrontations" maintains formality and clarity.

  13. "taking a toll on social security" -> "jeopardizing social cohesion"
    Explanation: "Taking a toll on" is somewhat informal. "Jeopardizing social cohesion" expresses the idea with a more academic and formal tone.

  14. "there are some clear advantages" -> "there are distinct advantages"
    Explanation: Replacing "clear" with "distinct" maintains formality and precision without compromising clarity.

  15. "One reason for this belief is" -> "One rationale for this assertion is"
    Explanation: Using "rationale" adds a more formal and precise tone compared to "belief."

  16. "demand for services such as accommodation, food and beverages of transportation may increase" -> "demand for services such as lodging, food, beverages, and transportation may escalate"
    Explanation: Rearranging the list and using "lodging" instead of "accommodation" maintains a formal tone. "Escalate" is a stronger and more formal synonym for "increase."

  17. "great revenue" -> "substantial revenue"
    Explanation: "Great" is somewhat informal. "Substantial revenue" maintains formality while accurately describing a significant amount.

  18. "promote cultural exchange" -> "facilitate cultural exchange"
    Explanation: "Promote" is slightly informal. "Facilitate" portrays a more deliberate and formal action in encouraging cultural exchange.

  19. "carry their country’s cultures" -> "bring forth their country’s cultures"
    Explanation: "Carry" is a bit informal. "Bring forth" adds a sense of action and formality to the statement.

  20. "hence advancing the international integration process" -> "thus contributing to the process of international integration"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase maintains formality and clarity without altering the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses both advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism and presents a clear stance on the issue.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples of advantages and disadvantages. This can add depth to the analysis and make the argument more persuasive.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The introduction clearly states the author’s viewpoint, and each paragraph contributes to supporting this perspective.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph’s topic sentence explicitly aligns with the author’s stance. This can help readers easily follow the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, extending and supporting them with relevant examples. Economic benefits and cultural exchange are discussed in detail with specific points and examples.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider providing more elaboration on the potential economic benefits and cultural exchange. Develop each idea with additional details and examples for a more thorough analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing cultural exchange, as it briefly touches on the benefits without fully exploring potential drawbacks.
    • How to improve: Maintain a balance between discussing advantages and disadvantages for each point. In the cultural exchange section, include potential challenges or criticisms to provide a more comprehensive analysis.

Overall Feedback:
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents a well-structured argument. To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples and details to strengthen the analysis. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph consistently supports the main position, and address any minor deviations from the topic to maintain focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic, and the body paragraphs present arguments in a coherent manner. There is a clear progression from discussing disadvantages to advantages, providing a balanced view.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transition phrases between paragraphs. For example, adding phrases like "On the contrary" or "However" can signal shifts in the discussion and improve overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, and there is a clear separation between the discussion of disadvantages and advantages.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and provides sufficient development of that theme. Additionally, pay attention to the length of paragraphs to maintain balance and readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("although," "despite," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("this tendency," "these shortcomings"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, consider incorporating more advanced linking words and phrases to further refine the connections between ideas. For instance, using concessive phrases like "while it is true that" or "nevertheless" can add sophistication to the essay’s cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion. To further enhance the score, focus on refining the use of transition phrases and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to elevate the essay’s overall cohesion and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly broad vocabulary with the use of terms such as "transnational tourism," "environmental degradation," "cultural conflict," "manifold merits," "economic benefits," and "international integration process." However, there is room for improvement in terms of diversifying the vocabulary further. The repetition of certain phrases, like "this development," could be replaced with more varied expressions to enhance lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions for frequently used terms. Additionally, explore more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as specific terms related to environmental concerns or economic benefits.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where words could be used more precisely. For example, in the sentence, "they may litter a great deal of garbage," a more precise term like "waste" or "debris" could convey the idea more accurately. Additionally, the phrase "a more open-minded lifestyle" could be specified to provide a clearer understanding of the cultural differences.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the nuances of words and choose terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. In instances where general terms are used, consider replacing them with more specific and descriptive alternatives.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling, but there are a few instances where errors occur. For example, "spurring" is misspelled as "spuring," and there are minor punctuation issues, such as missing spaces after commas. While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they suggest a need for careful proofreading.
    • How to improve: Prioritize thorough proofreading to catch and correct spelling and punctuation errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or educators to identify areas for improvement in written mechanics.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. The writer employs various sentence types, including complex and compound sentences, effectively conveying ideas. For instance, there is a mix of simple sentences such as "This is because" and complex sentences like "One possible explanation for this is that when foreigners, who have a more open-minded lifestyle, visit traditional tourist attractions such as pagodas or temples, they may not dress or act according to local norms." This contributes to the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay showcases a good variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as the use of advanced conjunctions or more intricate syntactical arrangements. This could elevate the sophistication of your writing and further enhance the overall impression.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur. For example, in the sentence "This can infiltrate bodies of water or permeate soil, thus disturbing marine life or hampering plant growth," the parallel structure could be improved by using "hamper" to maintain consistency. Additionally, in "As a result, businesses would benefit from great revenue," it would be more accurate to say "great revenue" or "significant revenue" instead of "great revenue."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to parallelism in sentence construction, ensuring consistency in the use of grammatical structures. Also, consider refining your choice of words for precision and accuracy. Proofreading carefully can help catch these minor errors and improve overall grammatical precision.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly throughout the essay. However, there are instances where a more nuanced use of punctuation could enhance clarity. For example, in the sentence "Cultural conflict is also a major concern," consider using a semicolon or colon instead of a comma to emphasize the relationship between the two clauses. Additionally, the sentence "This can lead to disagreements or even conflicts between tourists and local people, thus taking a toll on social security" could benefit from a comma after "thus" to improve readability.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a variety of punctuation marks to convey nuanced relationships between ideas. Consider using semicolons, colons, and dashes judiciously to enhance the flow and coherence of your sentences. Practicing different punctuation styles in your writing can help you develop a more refined and polished punctuation skill set.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that the cost of international travel has become more affordable, leading to an increasing number of countries becoming hospitable to tourists. While there are certain drawbacks associated with this trend, I argue that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Certainly, there are downsides to this phenomenon. One primary concern is environmental degradation, as the influx of tourists into specific areas may result in the generation of a significant amount of waste. This waste, if not properly managed, can infiltrate bodies of water or permeate soil, disrupting marine ecosystems or impeding plant growth. Another noteworthy issue is cultural conflict, where visitors with a more liberal lifestyle may not adhere to local norms when visiting sacred sites such as pagodas or temples. This can lead to disputes or even confrontations, jeopardizing social cohesion.

However, there are distinct advantages to increased tourism. One rationale for this assertion is the economic benefits it brings. When an area attracts a wide range of tourists, the demand for services such as lodging, food, beverages, and transportation may escalate. Consequently, businesses stand to gain substantial revenue, which can encourage them to expand and contribute to job growth for local residents. Additionally, increased tourism can facilitate cultural exchange, with tourists bringing forth their country’s cultures and contributing to the process of international integration. This interaction allows both tourists and locals to learn about each other’s cultures, fostering a deeper understanding.

In conclusion, despite the drawbacks associated with the growing trend of international tourism, I believe that the numerous merits, such as economic benefits and cultural exchange, outweigh the disadvantages.

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