It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, but others believe the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While some individuals claim that hosting global-scale sports tournaments like the Olympic Games and FIFA World Cup is extravagant, others argue that global sport tournaments foster nation’s development. From my perspective, the latter are superior to the drawbacks.
The opponent of holding global sports tournaments in light of squandering money and being unnecessary. With international criteria, requiring a significant financial commitment in the construction of stadiums and the installation of advanced facilities draining both local and national funds, leading to miss allocation even the host-country is potentially indebted. Additionally, after finishing tournaments, the large-scale structures are left abandoned, stemming from impractical application, resulting in squandering of land resources and maintenance expenses. Thus, sport event organization is an enormous challenge for developing countries.
In contrast, I advocate that the benefits of international sporting competitions go beyond the waste of national resources. Global-scale hosting countries reap a myriad of monetary merits due to an influx of tourists from all over the world, which is why boost a nation’s tourism and service industry such as hotel business along with showcase the host country’s image. Furthermore, the hosting of global-scale tournaments also seek promising chances in advanced technology and investments range from domestic and foreign enterprise, catching up with developed countries. Staging prestigious international sporting events contributes to country development.
What is more, provided that a few countries do not desire to host international sport competitions for fear of unpredictable challenges, denying the opportunities to absorb progressive accomplishments, leading to vulnerability of obsolete. A typical example of this is Pyeongchang, dismantled after the Olympics ended, was switched to park to obtain giant profits. Hence, the hosting country is able to learn from previous hosting countries to ensure international integration without wasting resources, boosting the nation’s image and the national economy.
In conclusion, in spite of financial disadvantages, the benefits of the organized country are outstanding. Therefore, the governments should consider the national situation to enhance a prestigious and economic nation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"nation’s development" -> "national development"
Explanation: Replacing "nation’s development" with "national development" adheres to a more formal style by using the adjective "national" to modify "development."
"the latter are superior to the drawbacks" -> "the advantages outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: Substituting "the latter are superior to the drawbacks" with "the advantages outweigh the drawbacks" conveys the idea more precisely and formally, avoiding the use of comparative terms.
"opponent of holding global sports tournaments" -> "opposition to hosting global sports tournaments"
Explanation: Changing "opponent of holding global sports tournaments" to "opposition to hosting global sports tournaments" introduces a more formal expression of disagreement.
"squandering money" -> "excessive expenditure"
Explanation: Replacing "squandering money" with "excessive expenditure" elevates the formality of the statement by using a more refined term for financial misuse.
"miss allocation" -> "misallocation"
Explanation: Correcting "miss allocation" to "misallocation" addresses the grammatical error, providing a more accurate and formal term for the improper allocation of funds.
"installment of advanced facilities" -> "installation of advanced facilities"
Explanation: Changing "installment of advanced facilities" to "installation of advanced facilities" corrects the term to its appropriate form, maintaining formal language.
"stemming from impractical application" -> "resulting from impractical utilization"
Explanation: Substituting "stemming from impractical application" with "resulting from impractical utilization" offers a more formal and precise description of the problem.
"monetary merits" -> "financial benefits"
Explanation: Replacing "monetary merits" with "financial benefits" maintains formality and introduces a more standard term for economic gains.
"boost a nation’s tourism" -> "enhance a nation’s tourism"
Explanation: Changing "boost a nation’s tourism" to "enhance a nation’s tourism" provides a more formal and nuanced term for improving the tourism sector.
"chances in advanced technology" -> "opportunities in advanced technology"
Explanation: Substituting "chances in advanced technology" with "opportunities in advanced technology" enhances formality and precision in describing the potential benefits.
"leading to vulnerability of obsolete" -> "resulting in the obsolescence vulnerability"
Explanation: Correcting "leading to vulnerability of obsolete" to "resulting in the obsolescence vulnerability" clarifies the statement and maintains a formal tone.
"giant profits" -> "substantial profits"
Explanation: Replacing "giant profits" with "substantial profits" offers a more formal and precise term for significant financial gains.
"the organized country" -> "the organizing country"
Explanation: Changing "the organized country" to "the organizing country" corrects the term to accurately describe the country hosting the event.
"the benefits of the organized country" -> "the benefits to the organizing country"
Explanation: Substituting "the benefits of the organized country" with "the benefits to the organizing country" provides a more accurate and formal expression of the advantages gained by the hosting nation.
"consider the national situation" -> "consider the national circumstances"
Explanation: Replacing "consider the national situation" with "consider the national circumstances" introduces a more formal term for the overall conditions or state of the nation.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses both views on hosting international sports events and provides a clear opinion. The introduction succinctly outlines the opposing perspectives, and the subsequent paragraphs delve into the advantages and disadvantages. There is a well-structured discussion on the financial implications, and the essay concludes by reiterating the opinion.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers both views, consider providing a more nuanced exploration of the opposing perspective. For instance, acknowledging specific arguments against hosting these events and offering counterarguments could add depth to the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is evident from the beginning and maintained consistently throughout the essay. The preference for the benefits of international sporting events is clearly expressed and reinforced with supporting arguments in each body paragraph.
- How to improve: No major improvement needed in terms of maintaining a clear position. However, for a more sophisticated presentation, consider anticipating potential counterarguments and addressing them to strengthen the overall persuasive effect.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9
- Detailed explanation: The essay excels in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. Each paragraph is well-developed, with relevant examples and explanations. The argumentation is coherent, and ideas are extended sufficiently to provide a thorough understanding of the author’s perspective.
- How to improve: While the essay is strong in this aspect, consider enhancing the depth of analysis by incorporating more specific examples or real-world cases to illustrate key points.
Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a focus on the topic throughout, discussing the financial aspects, benefits, and potential drawbacks of hosting international sports events. There are no significant deviations from the essay prompt.
- How to improve: To further strengthen coherence, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the overall theme. Consider refining transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt and exhibits a strong command of language and organization. To improve, consider incorporating more nuanced analysis and specific examples to further enhance the depth and persuasiveness of the arguments.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two views, followed by well-organized body paragraphs that discuss the drawbacks and benefits of hosting international sports events. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, some instances of awkward phrasing and unclear transitions slightly hinder the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother coherence. Ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly from the previous one, maintaining a clear and logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs generally effective paragraphing, with mostly logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to a coherent overall structure. However, there are instances where sentence structures within paragraphs could be refined for better clarity.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, pay attention to the structure and coherence of individual sentences within each paragraph. Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main idea of the paragraph and that there is a smooth transition between sentences.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a flexible use of cohesive devices, but there are some inaccuracies and instances of inappropriate amounts. The use of linking words and phrases contributes to overall cohesion, though some transitions could be more precise for improved clarity.
- How to improve: Work on refining the use of cohesive devices, ensuring that each transition serves a clear purpose and connects ideas seamlessly. Pay attention to the balance of cohesive devices to maintain coherence without overloading the text.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 6. To improve, focus on refining transitions for better logical flow, enhancing the clarity of individual sentences within paragraphs, and fine-tuning the use of cohesive devices for optimal effectiveness.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7
Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. For instance, the use of phrases like "miss allocation," "monetary merits," and "advanced technology and investments" demonstrates an attempt to incorporate a variety of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and depth of vocabulary to elevate the essay to a Band 7 level. The essay often relies on common phrases and could benefit from the incorporation of more sophisticated language to enhance precision and richness.
How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced and nuanced terminology. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "large-scale structures," explore alternatives like "state-of-the-art facilities" or "architectural marvels." Additionally, make use of synonyms and explore more diverse expressions to avoid repetitive language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message clearly, there is room for improvement in the precision of vocabulary usage. The essay occasionally relies on broad and generic terms, such as "enormous challenge" or "outstanding benefits." Precise language can enhance the clarity and impact of the arguments presented.
How to improve: Focus on using more specific and targeted vocabulary to express ideas. For instance, instead of the general term "enormous challenge," consider specifying the challenges faced by using terms like "financial constraints" or "infrastructural burdens." Precision can be achieved by avoiding vague terms and opting for more concrete and descriptive language.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8
Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of spelling accuracy, with occasional errors having minimal impact on communication. Spelling errors are not pervasive and do not impede the overall understanding of the essay.
How to improve: Continue to pay attention to spelling accuracy, but also consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and expressions. While spelling is generally correct, the use of a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary can contribute to a higher band score.
In conclusion, while the essay exhibits strengths in spelling accuracy and a reasonable range of vocabulary, refining the precision of language and incorporating more advanced vocabulary would contribute to an overall improvement in the Lexical Resource band score. Additionally, maintaining a focus on clarity and specificity in expression will enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable attempt at employing various sentence structures. It includes a mix of complex sentences with relative clauses, conditional sentences, and compound-complex structures. For instance, phrases like "The opponent of holding global sports tournaments in light of squandering money and being unnecessary" showcase a complex structure with a mix of participial phrases and relative clauses.
- How to improve: To elevate the variety further, consider integrating more sophisticated structures like inversion, reduced adjective clauses, or diverse adverbial phrases. Experiment with sentence lengths and avoid repetitive sentence structures to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication.
Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar, with minor errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, there are instances of minor subject-verb agreement issues ("which is why boost a nation’s tourism") and preposition usage ("absorb progressive accomplishments, leading to vulnerability of obsolete"). These errors, while present, do not significantly disrupt comprehension.
- How to improve: Review subject-verb agreements and preposition usage to ensure more precise and consistent sentence structures. Proofreading for these specific issues will further refine the grammatical accuracy.
Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay, aiding readability. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Global-scale hosting countries reap a myriad of monetary merits due to an influx of tourists from all over the world, which is why boost a nation’s tourism").
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to punctuating compound sentences with appropriate commas to enhance clarity and coherence. Practicing with sentence structures that involve various conjunctions will aid in mastering punctuation in complex sentences.
- Your essay demonstrates a strong grasp of sentence structures, showcasing a commendable variety. To elevate it further, integrate more diverse and sophisticated structures.
- Grammar is mostly accurate, with minor errors that can be rectified through meticulous proofreading for subject-verb agreements and preposition usage.
- Punctuation is generally well-handled, yet attention to commas in complex sentences will enhance overall readability.
To improve, consider reviewing sentence structures in academic writing to add depth and sophistication. Practice using varied grammar structures and proofread meticulously for minor errors in subject-verb agreements and punctuation. Overall, a strong foundation is present; refining these aspects will likely lead to an even higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
While some individuals assert that hosting global sporting events like the Olympic Games and FIFA World Cup is extravagant, others argue that these tournaments foster a nation’s development. From my perspective, the latter viewpoint holds greater merit despite some drawbacks.
Opponents of holding global sports tournaments highlight concerns about excessive expenditure and its perceived unnecessary nature. These events demand significant financial commitments for constructing stadiums and installing advanced facilities, draining both local and national funds. Such investments can lead to misallocation, potentially burdening the host country with debt. Additionally, upon the tournaments’ conclusion, these large-scale structures often remain abandoned due to impractical utilization, resulting in wastage of land resources and ongoing maintenance expenses. Therefore, organizing sports events on a global scale poses a substantial challenge, especially for developing countries.
In contrast, I advocate that the benefits of international sporting competitions surpass the waste of national resources. Host countries of global-scale events experience various monetary advantages, primarily through an influx of tourists from around the world. This surge in visitors not only boosts a nation’s tourism but also stimulates the service industry, such as the hotel business, while showcasing the host country’s image on a global platform. Furthermore, hosting such events also presents promising opportunities in advanced technology and attracts investments from both domestic and foreign enterprises, allowing countries to catch up with more developed nations. Consequently, staging prestigious international sporting events significantly contributes to a country’s development.
Moreover, a few countries abstaining from hosting international sports competitions due to fear of unpredictable challenges deny themselves the chance to absorb progressive accomplishments. This can result in a vulnerability to becoming obsolete, as seen in Pyeongchang, which was repurposed after the Olympics to gain substantial profits. Hence, the hosting country can learn from previous hosts, ensuring international integration without squandering resources, thereby enhancing the nation’s image and economy.
In conclusion, despite the financial disadvantages, the benefits to the organizing country are outstanding. Therefore, governments should carefully consider their national circumstances to enhance their nation’s prestige and economic status through hosting such prestigious events.