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It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, but others believe the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, but others believe the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While some individuals claim that hosting global-scale sports tournaments like the Olympic Games and FIFA World Cup is extravagant, others argue that global sport tournaments foster nation’s development. From my perspective, the former are superior to the drawbacks.

The opponent of holding global sports tournaments in light of squandering money and being unnecessary. With international criteria, requiring a significant financial commitment in the construction of stadiums and the installation of advanced facilities draining both local and national funds, leading to miss allocation even the host-country is potentially indebted. Additionally, after finishing tournaments, the large-scale structures are left abandoned, stemming from impractical application, resulting in squandering of land resources and maintenance expenses. Thus, sport event organization is an enormous challenge for developing countries.

In contrast, I advocate that the benefits of international sporting competitions go beyond the waste of national resources. Global-scale hosting countries reap a myriad of monetary merits due to an influx of tourists from all over the world, which is why boost a nation’s tourism and service industry such as hotel business along with showcase the host country’s image. Furthermore, the hosting of global-scale tournaments also seek promising chances in advanced technology and investments range from domestic and foreign enterprise, catching up with developed countries. Staging prestigious international sporting events contributes to country development.

Provided that a few countries do not desire to host international sport competitions for fear of unpredictable challenges, denying the opportunities to absorb progressive accomplishments, vulnerability of obsolete. A typical example of this is Pyeongchang, dismantled after the Olympics ended, was switched to park to obtain giant profits. Hence, the hosting country is able to learn from previous hosting countries to ensure international integration without wasting resources, boosting the nation’s image and the national economy.

Inspite of financial disadvantages, benefits of the organized country are outstanding. Therefore, national governments should consider the national situation to enhance a prestigious and economic nation.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "From my perspective, the former are superior to the drawbacks." -> "From my perspective, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks."
    Explanation: Replacing "superior to the drawbacks" with "advantages outweigh the drawbacks" provides a more nuanced and formal expression of the author’s viewpoint.

  2. "The opponent of holding global sports tournaments in light of squandering money and being unnecessary." -> "Opponents argue against hosting global sports tournaments, citing concerns about financial extravagance and their perceived lack of necessity."
    Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks precision. The suggested alternative provides a more structured and academic expression of the opposing viewpoint.

  3. "requiring a significant financial commitment" -> "necessitating a substantial financial investment"
    Explanation: "Requiring" is replaced with "necessitating" for a more formal tone. Additionally, "financial commitment" is refined to "financial investment" for clarity and precision.

  4. "leading to miss allocation even the host-country is potentially indebted." -> "resulting in misallocation, even to the point of potential indebtedness for the host country."
    Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and lacks proper structure. The suggested alternative provides a clearer connection between financial misallocation and potential indebtedness.

  5. "Furthermore, the hosting of global-scale tournaments also seek promising chances in advanced technology and investments range from domestic and foreign enterprise, catching up with developed countries." -> "Furthermore, hosting global-scale tournaments creates opportunities for advancements in technology and attracts investments from both domestic and foreign enterprises, enabling the host country to catch up with developed nations."
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while expressing the intended idea in a more formal manner.

  6. "Provided that a few countries do not desire to host international sport competitions for fear of unpredictable challenges, denying the opportunities to absorb progressive accomplishments, vulnerability of obsolete." -> "While some countries may hesitate to host international sporting competitions due to concerns about unpredictable challenges, they risk missing out on opportunities to achieve progressive accomplishments, leaving them vulnerable to obsolescence."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks proper structure. The suggested alternative provides a more coherent expression of the idea.

  7. "A typical example of this is Pyeongchang, dismantled after the Olympics ended, was switched to park to obtain giant profits." -> "An illustrative example is Pyeongchang, which, after the conclusion of the Olympics, was transformed and repurposed into a park to generate substantial profits."
    Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and lacks precision. The suggested alternative provides a more formal and accurate representation of the idea.

  8. "Inspite of financial disadvantages, benefits of the organized country are outstanding." -> "Despite the financial disadvantages, the benefits accrued by the hosting country are remarkable."
    Explanation: "Inspite" is corrected to "Despite" for proper spelling. The phrase "benefits of the organized country" is refined for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately addresses both views on hosting international sports events. It acknowledges the opinion that such events are a waste of money while presenting a counterargument supporting the positive impact on a nation’s development.
    • How to improve: While the essay does address both views, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more depth to the counterargument. Expanding on the positive aspects of hosting international sports events and addressing potential counterarguments to the opposing view would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing a preference for the benefits of hosting international sporting events. The stance is well-developed and directly aligned with the essay prompt.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed for this criterion. The essay effectively communicates a consistent position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant, fully extended, and well-supported. Examples are provided to illustrate the points made, and there is a logical progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: The essay excels in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. To further enhance this criterion, consider providing even more specific examples or elaborating on the presented examples to deepen the analysis.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic, addressing the pros and cons of hosting international sports events. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance coherence, work on improving the transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, creating a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, consider incorporating topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

Overall Comments:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of language and effectively addresses the essay prompt. To improve, focus on providing more depth to counterarguments, enhancing the coherence between paragraphs, and considering additional examples to further support your points. The essay’s structure and language use contribute to its overall strength. Well done!

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. It effectively presents contrasting views in the introduction, develops each viewpoint in separate paragraphs, and concludes with a personal opinion. However, there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be smoother. For example, transitions between paragraphs might benefit from more explicit linking phrases or sentences to enhance the flow.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to the next. Focus on creating stronger links between paragraphs by using cohesive devices such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," or "conversely" to clarify the shift in perspective or idea.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses paragraphs effectively to separate different points. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, while the essay maintains a logical sequence of ideas within paragraphs, a few instances lack clear topic sentences or transitions between sentences, impacting the cohesion within paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, use transitional phrases within paragraphs to smoothly connect sentences and ideas, reinforcing the coherence within each section.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "in contrast," "furthermore," and "provided that." However, there are moments where these devices are not used optimally, leading to some inconsistencies and minor disruptions in the essay’s flow. Additionally, a few sentences lack clear connections to preceding or succeeding ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on using cohesive devices consistently and strategically. Ensure that each device is employed effectively to link ideas, providing a seamless progression throughout the essay. Pay particular attention to transitions between sentences to maintain a smooth flow of thought and coherence.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Clarity in Transitions: Work on improving the clarity of transitions between paragraphs and sentences to strengthen the overall coherence. Utilize a wider array of transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas.
  2. Enhanced Paragraph Structure: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each one with a clear topic sentence and maintaining coherence within paragraphs through effective use of supporting sentences.
  3. Consistent Use of Cohesive Devices: Ensure cohesive devices are consistently applied and appropriately used to maintain a smooth and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Focus on the seamless integration of these devices to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary, showcasing an attempt to articulate ideas using a diverse range of words and phrases. For instance, terms like "squandering," "reap a myriad of monetary merits," "vulnerability of obsolete," and "international integration" exemplify an attempt at a varied lexicon.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary range, aim to incorporate more specialized or nuanced terms specific to the context of sports events and economic impact. Utilize synonyms or idiomatic expressions to convey ideas more vividly and precisely.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains precision in vocabulary usage; however, there are instances where the choice of words could be more apt or contextually fitting. For instance, phrases like "waste of national resources" could be refined to express a more specific aspect of resource misallocation.
    • How to improve: Work on refining the selection of words to ensure they align precisely with the intended meaning. Consider using a thesaurus or context-based word analysis to capture the nuances more accurately.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede the clarity of the text. The essay maintains a good standard of spelling throughout.
    • How to improve: Continue to prioritize accuracy in spelling by proofreading meticulously. Consider using spelling check tools or seeking feedback to catch any overlooked errors.

General Feedback:

  • The essay effectively addresses both viewpoints on the financial aspects of hosting global sports events, offering coherent arguments for each perspective.
  • The structure is clear with distinct paragraphs discussing opposing opinions and the author’s viewpoint, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • To further enhance coherence, aim for more seamless transitions between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.
  • Work on sentence construction to improve clarity and readability, especially in areas where sentence structure seems convoluted or fragmented.

Specific Suggestions for Improvement:

  1. Enhance Coherence: Strengthen the logical flow by using transition words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
  2. Sentence Structure: Focus on constructing clear and concise sentences to enhance readability. Review complex sentences for clarity and consider breaking them down if they become overly convoluted.
  3. Precise Vocabulary: Continue expanding vocabulary with a focus on selecting the most precise and contextually appropriate terms.
  4. Proofreading: While spelling errors are infrequent, ensure rigorous proofreading to catch any overlooked mistakes and further refine the overall quality of writing.

By addressing these specific areas of improvement while maintaining the demonstrated strengths, you can further elevate the quality of your writing in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the overall coherence and fluency. There is notable use of diverse sentence beginnings, lengths, and complexities. For instance, the essay employs a mix of compound and complex sentences, enhancing the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence types, such as compound-complex sentences. Introduce more sentence structures to add nuance and sophistication to the expression. Additionally, pay attention to the balance of sentence lengths to maintain readability and flow.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a high level of grammatical accuracy, with sentences mostly error-free. There are occasional minor errors, but they do not impede overall comprehension. The use of complex structures is handled well, contributing to the essay’s coherence and clarity.
    • How to improve: While the essay is generally accurate, a thorough proofreading could help eliminate the minor errors present. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to catch any subtle inaccuracies.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately used to guide the reader. However, there are instances where punctuation could be refined for enhanced clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the use of punctuation marks like semicolons and colons to add variety and precision to your writing. Additionally, be mindful of consistent comma usage in complex sentences to avoid ambiguity. Review punctuation rules and practice incorporating them for improved precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for refinement in the variety of sentence structures and meticulous punctuation usage. Thorough proofreading and a conscious effort to diversify sentence structures will contribute to achieving an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

While there are contrasting opinions regarding the substantial costs associated with hosting global sports events like the Olympic Games and FIFA World Cup, my perspective leans towards the belief that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

Opponents argue against these events, citing concerns about financial extravagance and their perceived lack of necessity. They assert that these tournaments necessitate a substantial financial investment, leading to misallocation of funds and even potential indebtedness for the host country. Moreover, they highlight the impractical use of large-scale structures post-tournament, resulting in wasted land resources and maintenance expenses, especially challenging for developing nations.

On the contrary, I advocate for the broader benefits that international sporting competitions bring. Hosting countries receive various monetary benefits from increased tourism and the flourishing service industry, notably the hotel business. Additionally, these events offer opportunities for advancements in technology and attract investments from both domestic and foreign enterprises, allowing the host country to catch up with more developed nations. Thus, hosting such prestigious events contributes significantly to a country’s development.

While some nations might hesitate to host these events due to the fear of unpredictable challenges, avoiding them risks missing out on opportunities for progress, leaving them vulnerable to falling behind. Pyeongchang, for instance, transformed into a profitable park after the Olympics, demonstrating how hosting countries can repurpose facilities effectively. Learning from past experiences, countries can integrate international events without wastefulness, enhancing their national image and economy.

Despite the financial disadvantages, the remarkable benefits accrued by the hosting country cannot be overlooked. Therefore, national governments should carefully consider their circumstances to bolster their reputation and economic standing on the global stage.

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