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It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, but others believe the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games and Football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, but others believe the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

t is argued that investing money to organize athleticism can boost the athletic aptitude of individuals, while some people contend that it is unnecessary. Personally, I think that it is more beneficial than harmful

First of all, there are several reasons that organizing sports events can lead to significant drawbacks. The government can allocate a considerable sum for the Olympic Games and Foodballs. Meanwhile, this revenue can allocated to tackle many pressing issues such as global warming, the greenhouse effect, and air pollution. In addition, when engaging in sports activities, people invest money to buy tickets and travel to destinations. In particular, individuals have to long distances by transportation exacerbating environmental pollution. Frequent vehicle travel contributes to a substantial increase in traffic exhaust, which has detrimental effects on public health.

On the other hand, international sports event are of primary importance and worth investment. The reason for this is that host countries could reap numerous financial benefits because of a boom in tourism during these events. Tourists and audiences from other countries all over the world would pay a visit to nations, leading to the demand for various goods and services including accommodation and transportation. Except for the economic value, world sports competitions can provide many intangible values such as sportsmanship and a sense of community. Events such as the World Cup or the Olympic Games provide a valuable opportunity for outstanding athletes from all corner of the world to compete and show talent of different sports, while spectactors could have enjoyable experiences with their friends and families

In conclusion, while some can oppose the idea of holding sports events on an international scale, I still hold the belief that such events provide advantages outweigh the disadvantages, making them a worthwhile endeavor.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "athletic aptitude" -> "athletic prowess"
    Explanation: Replacing "athletic aptitude" with "athletic prowess" adds a more sophisticated term, aligning with formal language commonly used in academic discussions.

  2. "Foodballs" -> "Football tournaments"
    Explanation: The term "Foodballs" is unclear and informal. Substituting it with "Football tournaments" clarifies the reference to sports events, maintaining a formal tone.

  3. "First of all" -> "To begin with"
    Explanation: "First of all" is less formal. Using "To begin with" at the start of a paragraph is a more polished and academically appropriate transition.

  4. "considerable sum" -> "substantial funding"
    Explanation: "Considerable sum" is relatively informal. Replacing it with "substantial funding" maintains the seriousness of the argument, adhering to academic style.

  5. "global warming, the greenhouse effect, and air pollution" -> "pressing global issues such as climate change, the greenhouse effect, and air pollution"
    Explanation: Expanding the list and specifying "climate change" instead of "global warming" adds precision and elevates the language’s formality.

  6. "people invest money" -> "individuals expend financial resources"
    Explanation: "People invest money" is common and less formal. Using "individuals expend financial resources" introduces a more sophisticated expression.

  7. "long distances by transportation" -> "long distances using transportation"
    Explanation: The phrase "by transportation" is awkward. Replacing it with "using transportation" maintains clarity and formality.

  8. "exacerbating environmental pollution" -> "aggravating environmental degradation"
    Explanation: Substituting "exacerbating environmental pollution" with "aggravating environmental degradation" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  9. "vehicle travel" -> "vehicular travel"
    Explanation: "Vehicle travel" is slightly informal. Using "vehicular travel" maintains formality without sacrificing clarity.

  10. "detrimental effects" -> "adverse effects"
    Explanation: "Detrimental effects" is appropriate but substituting it with "adverse effects" adds variety and formality.

  11. "international sports event" -> "international sports events"
    Explanation: Correcting the singular to plural ensures grammatical accuracy and aligns with formal language standards.

  12. "worth investment" -> "worth investing in"
    Explanation: "Worth investment" is not the conventional phrase. Changing it to "worth investing in" adheres to standard usage.

  13. "a boom in tourism" -> "an upsurge in tourism"
    Explanation: Replacing "a boom in tourism" with "an upsurge in tourism" introduces a more formal term without altering the meaning.

  14. "Tourists and audiences" -> "Tourists and spectators"
    Explanation: "Audiences" is slightly informal. Substituting it with "spectators" maintains formality in the context of sports events.

  15. "intangible values" -> "non-material values"
    Explanation: "Intangible values" is acceptable, but "non-material values" adds a more academic touch to the expression.

  16. "sportsmanship" -> "ethical conduct in sports"
    Explanation: Elaborating on "sportsmanship" with "ethical conduct in sports" provides a more precise and formal description.

  17. "corner of the world" -> "corners of the world"
    Explanation: Changing "corner of the world" to "corners of the world" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains formality.

  18. "spectactors" -> "spectators"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "spectactors" to "spectators" ensures proper usage and formal language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay does address both views as required by the prompt, discussing the drawbacks of hosting international sports events and presenting the benefits. However, the discussion on drawbacks is somewhat brief compared to the benefits, and there could be a more in-depth exploration of the opposing view.
    • How to Improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more detailed examples and elaboration on the drawbacks of hosting these events. This will strengthen the discussion of the opposing view.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, expressing a belief in the benefits of hosting international sports events. The position is consistently presented, with the writer expressing a personal preference for the positive aspects.
    • How to Improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the writer’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion to reinforce the consistent stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas reasonably well. The benefits of hosting international sports events are elaborated with examples, such as economic benefits and intangible values like sportsmanship. However, the discussion on drawbacks could be more extensive.
    • How to Improve: To improve, provide more specific examples and details when discussing both the advantages and disadvantages. This will add depth and substance to the essay’s arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could benefit from a more focused discussion of the drawbacks. Some points, such as the environmental impact, are briefly mentioned and could be explored in more detail.
    • How to Improve: To enhance relevance, ensure that each point made contributes directly to the discussion of the drawbacks or benefits of hosting international sports events. Elaborate more on environmental impacts, linking them explicitly to the cost aspect.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear stance and supporting ideas with relevant examples. To improve, consider providing more in-depth analysis of drawbacks, explicitly stating the writer’s opinion in the introduction and conclusion, and enhancing the depth of supporting examples.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction and follows a structured pattern in presenting both views and the author’s opinion. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas is hindered. For instance, the transition between discussing the drawbacks and benefits of international sports events is abrupt, causing a slight disruption in logical progression. Furthermore, the repetition of the economic benefits in the conclusion could be integrated more smoothly into the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a seamless transition between different sections of the essay. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Additionally, strive for consistency in presenting arguments and avoid unnecessary repetition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, maintaining a clear structure. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as drawbacks, benefits, and the author’s opinion. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas within each paragraph. Some points lack depth and could be expanded for a more thorough exploration of the topic.
    • How to improve: While maintaining the paragraph structure, aim for more comprehensive development of ideas within each paragraph. Provide specific examples or evidence to support key points, allowing for a more in-depth analysis of the arguments presented.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Transition words like "first of all" and "on the other hand" guide the reader through different sections of the essay. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited set of cohesive devices, leading to repetition and a lack of variety.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to maintain reader interest and create a smoother flow. Integrate a variety of transition words and phrases to link ideas within and between sentences. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay structure. Additionally, pay attention to the frequency of repetitive phrases, and explore alternative ways to express the same idea.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, but refinements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices can contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied expressions, such as "athletic aptitude," "pressing issues," and "detrimental effects." However, some words and phrases are repetitively used, for example, "events" and "money." To improve, the writer should explore more diverse synonyms and expressions to enhance the lexical variety in their writing.
    • How to improve: To expand your vocabulary, consider using a thesaurus to find alternative words. Make sure to use them appropriately and contextually. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "events," try synonyms like "competitions," "gatherings," or "celebrations" where applicable.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary use. For instance, the phrase "athletic aptitude" might be imprecise; it’s more commonly associated with an individual’s inherent ability rather than something that can be boosted through organizing events. Precision is essential in conveying the intended meaning accurately.
    • How to improve: When selecting words, ensure they precisely convey your intended meaning. In this case, consider using "sports proficiency" or "athletic skills" instead of "athletic aptitude." This adjustment would align the vocabulary more closely with the context and improve precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, with only minor errors like "Foodballs" instead of "Football" and "spectactors" instead of "spectators." These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but attention to detail is crucial for enhancing overall writing quality.
    • How to improve: Review your work carefully for spelling errors. Consider using spell-check tools or asking someone else to proofread your essay. Paying close attention to detail will help eliminate minor spelling mistakes and contribute to a more polished final piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It utilizes basic structures such as simple and compound sentences but lacks more complex constructions. For instance, there is a consistent use of straightforward sentence patterns, which may affect the overall sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with relative clauses, conditional sentences, or participial phrases. This can elevate the overall quality of the essay and showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with a few noticeable errors. For instance, there is an inconsistency in subject-verb agreement, as seen in the sentence "The government can allocate a considerable sum for the Olympic Games and Foodballs," where "Foodballs" should be corrected to "Football." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in sentences like "Meanwhile, this revenue can allocated" where "allocated" should be changed to "be allocated."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb forms. For punctuation, review the rules for comma usage and be vigilant in placing commas where needed. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct such errors, which will contribute to a more polished and precise piece of writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures. To achieve a higher band score, focus on incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, particularly in terms of subject-verb agreement and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that investing money to organize athletic events can enhance the athletic prowess of individuals, while some people contend that it is unnecessary. Personally, I think that it is more beneficial than harmful.

First of all, there are several reasons that organizing sports events can lead to significant drawbacks. The government can allocate a considerable sum for the Olympic Games and Football tournaments. Meanwhile, this revenue can be allocated to tackle many pressing global issues such as climate change, the greenhouse effect, and air pollution. In addition, when engaging in sports activities, people expend financial resources to buy tickets and travel to destinations. In particular, individuals have to cover long distances using transportation, aggravating environmental degradation. Frequent vehicular travel contributes to a substantial increase in traffic exhaust, which has adverse effects on public health.

On the other hand, international sports events are of primary importance and worth investing in. The reason for this is that host countries could reap numerous financial benefits because of an upsurge in tourism during these events. Tourists and spectators from other countries all over the world would pay a visit to nations, leading to the demand for various goods and services, including accommodation and transportation. Except for the economic value, world sports competitions can provide many non-material values such as sportsmanship and a sense of community. Events such as the World Cup or the Olympic Games provide a valuable opportunity for outstanding athletes from all corners of the world to compete and showcase talent in different sports, while spectators could have enjoyable experiences with their friends and families.

In conclusion, while some may oppose the idea of holding sports events on an international scale, I still hold the belief that such events provide advantages that outweigh the disadvantages, making them a worthwhile endeavor.

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