It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
In contemporary society, there are increasingly people who have taken a gap year after graduating from school. Therefore, in my forthcoming paragraphs, I will delineate the reasons as to why I believe that this trend can completely bring more benefits to individuals, rather than its drawbacks.
On the one hand, taking a gap year after high school can help individuals become self-aware. That is to say, for those who feel unsure or confused about their career path, a gap year is an opportunity to fully comprehend their aptitudes and grasp an understanding about the job market. By spending more time determining what they should pursue, they will have better preparations for their future, and once getting back to their studies, they will come with more euphoria and motivation to reach their goal. In addition, for youngsters taking a gap year for working, they can earn some money, which enables them to afford a better education for themselves. Furthermore, experience they gain from working also helps make better academic and career decisions in the long-term.
On the other hand, the main disadvantage of this phenomenon is that if planning is not done properly, this can be just a waste of time. To be exact, most young individuals are easily influenced by other interests such as traveling or relaxation, which can make them neglect their ultimate target when they are in a gap year. Consequently, their initial enthusiasm with their career can be challenging to sustain. Even if they get back to their study, they will feel overwhelmed with the vast amount of knowledge in university.
To recapitulate, in general , taking a gap year is a positive trend as it can bring individuals more opportunities to prepare for their career. However, for those who do not persist in their path, there are more serious consequences associated with a gap year.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"completely bring" -> "bring about"
Explanation: Replacing "completely bring" with "bring about" adds formality to the sentence and aligns with academic language conventions.
"forthcoming paragraphs" -> "subsequent paragraphs"
Explanation: Substituting "forthcoming paragraphs" with "subsequent paragraphs" enhances formality and avoids the use of a less formal expression.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: Replacing "On the one hand" with "Firstly" provides a more structured and formal transition to the first point in the essay.
"That is to say" -> "Namely"
Explanation: Changing "That is to say" to "Namely" maintains clarity while introducing a more sophisticated term suitable for academic writing.
"aptitudes" -> "skills and abilities"
Explanation: Expanding "aptitudes" to "skills and abilities" offers a more precise and formal description, adhering to academic language standards.
"grasp an understanding" -> "gain a comprehensive understanding"
Explanation: Substituting "grasp an understanding" with "gain a comprehensive understanding" elevates the language by using a more formal and precise expression.
"By spending more time determining" -> "By dedicating additional time to determine"
Explanation: Changing "By spending more time determining" to "By dedicating additional time to determine" maintains clarity and introduces a more formal tone.
"euphoria" -> "enthusiasm"
Explanation: Replacing "euphoria" with "enthusiasm" maintains the meaning while using a more academically appropriate term.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: Substituting "Furthermore" with "Moreover" enhances the transition between ideas and contributes to a more formal tone.
"phenomenon" -> "practice"
Explanation: Replacing "phenomenon" with "practice" adds specificity and formality to the description of taking a gap year.
"waste of time" -> "inefficient use of time"
Explanation: Changing "waste of time" to "inefficient use of time" introduces a more nuanced and formal expression while maintaining the intended meaning.
"neglect their ultimate target" -> "deviate from their ultimate goal"
Explanation: Substituting "neglect their ultimate target" with "deviate from their ultimate goal" offers a more formal and precise expression.
"recapitulate" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: Replacing "recapitulate" with "In conclusion" is a more standard and formal way to signal the end of the essay.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "Therefore, in my forthcoming paragraphs, I will delineate the reasons as to why I believe that this trend can completely bring more benefits to individuals, rather than its drawbacks."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. It’s crucial to explicitly state your stance at the outset to guide the essay’s structure and argument. Consider rephrasing to clearly express your viewpoint on the matter. For instance, "In this essay, I will argue that despite some drawbacks, the advantages of taking a gap year after school outweigh the potential disadvantages."
- Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that despite some drawbacks, the advantages of taking a gap year after school outweigh the potential disadvantages. I will delineate the reasons supporting this perspective in the forthcoming paragraphs."
Quoted text: "Even if they get back to their study, they will feel overwhelmed with the vast amount of knowledge in university."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument lacks depth in addressing the challenges individuals might face upon returning to their studies after a gap year. To enhance this point, delve deeper into how this overwhelming feeling impacts their academic performance. For example, discuss how this might affect their initial academic enthusiasm or the specific challenges they might encounter in catching up with their peers who did not take a gap year.
- Improved example: "Even upon returning to their studies, individuals who took a gap year might encounter challenges catching up with the vast academic knowledge at universities. This overwhelming feeling could dampen their initial enthusiasm and pose specific challenges, such as adapting to the pace of academic learning compared to their peers who continued their education without interruption."
Overall, while the essay offers a fair discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, there’s room for improvement in clarity regarding the writer’s position and in-depth exploration of the challenges individuals might face upon returning to their studies. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the overall argumentation and coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs discuss both advantages and disadvantages in a coherent manner, providing supporting examples and explanations. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Each paragraph focuses on a clear central topic, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay. However, there is some underuse of cohesive devices, and the connection between sentences, while generally effective, could be more seamless.
How to Improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the writer can work on enhancing the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices more consistently. Additionally, paying attention to transitions between ideas within sentences can contribute to smoother connectivity. The essay would benefit from a more explicit conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s position on the topic. Overall, a slightly more nuanced use of cohesive devices and attention to seamless transitions would elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision. There is a notable use of less common lexical items, and the author shows some awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present. The essay effectively conveys the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, demonstrating an overall good command of vocabulary and language.
How to improve:
Precision in Vocabulary: While the essay uses a range of vocabulary, the author can enhance precision by choosing words that more precisely convey their intended meanings. For example, in the phrase "come with more euphoria," a more precise term like "enthusiasm" could be employed.
Accuracy in Word Choice and Collocation: The essay occasionally suffers from inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, the phrase "completely bring more benefits" could be revised to "offer more benefits." It is important to ensure that words are used in appropriate combinations to maintain clarity.
Spelling and Word Formation: The essay contains some spelling and word formation errors, such as "delineate" instead of "outline" and "recapitulate" for "to conclude." Careful proofreading is advised to eliminate these errors and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
By addressing these points, the author can elevate the lexical resource of the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of sentence structures used throughout. The candidate effectively employs both simple and complex sentences to convey ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. Complex structures are present, showcasing a level of grammatical control. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "this trend can completely bring more benefits" and "can bring individuals more opportunities." These errors, although noticeable, do not significantly impede understanding.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the candidate should pay attention to sentence structure and word choice. Revising sentences like "this trend can completely bring more benefits" to "this trend can bring more benefits" would eliminate unnecessary words and improve clarity. Additionally, thorough proofreading can help identify and correct minor errors, ensuring a smoother expression of ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, an increasing number of individuals opt for a gap year after graduating from school. In my subsequent paragraphs, I will outline why I believe this trend holds more benefits than drawbacks.
On one hand, a gap year following high school aids in fostering self-awareness. Specifically, for those uncertain about their career path, this break offers a chance to understand their strengths and gain insights into the job market. By dedicating additional time to determine their direction, they can better prepare for the future. Upon returning to their studies, they approach their goals with heightened enthusiasm and motivation. Additionally, for those working during this time, they can earn money to support their education. The experience gained from work also contributes to making informed academic and career choices in the long run.
Conversely, the primary disadvantage lies in inadequate planning, which can render the gap year unproductive. Young individuals are often swayed by other interests like travel or relaxation, potentially steering them away from their intended goals. Consequently, their initial enthusiasm for their career path might diminish, making it challenging to sustain. Returning to academic studies may feel overwhelming due to the vast amount of knowledge.
In conclusion, a gap year generally offers positive opportunities for career preparation. Nevertheless, for those who deviate from their intended path, there are significant consequences associated with this break.