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It is believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities than those who prefer television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities than those who prefer television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that reading books forms skills such as creating and using languages. Despite the fact that watching programmes on television could gain the same ability, I firmly claim that reading brings more benefits given that it stimulates readers not only in the capacity of creation but also in language competence.
To begin with, reading can enhance imagination skills when they are immersed in every page and content in certain books. This is because there are no images illustrated for readers to imagine, they have no choice but to create their own. Gradually, once one forms the habit of reading, every time he reads, inside his head runs a series of movies. He has the capacity to make a new unique version solely existing in his mind. In other words, it is called the active technique which spontaneously reinforces an individual logical thinking but watching television. Therefore, it is likely that only reading could contribute to such a great ability that is useful for academic pathways in general.
On top of that, books could be utilized in developing vocabulary and lexical skills. This is due to the fact that books are excellent unlimited references containing all the phrases and sentences compiled by writers who already obtained verbal competence. By studying and reading these examples, one could gain a huge source of vocabulary, which is the foundation part of learning language, in every particular sector. Take studying in school as an example, students are always stimulated to read, not watch a document movie, or any other type of film, and then summarize or write an essay in order to pass a certain module. Thus, instead of dedicating quality time to watching television for the hence lexical purpose, reading is a better choice.
To summarize, reading should be a must hobby that everyone has to possess. So I wholeheartedly side with the assertion that those engaging in reading books can benefit the abilities such as imagining or using language.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "watching programmes on television could gain the same ability" -> "watching television programs could develop the same skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "watching programmes on television could gain the same ability" with "watching television programs could develop the same skills" offers a more precise and formal expression, avoiding the informal use of "gain" and using the term "skills" instead of "ability."

  2. "I firmly claim that" -> "I firmly argue that"
    Explanation: Substituting "I firmly claim that" with "I firmly argue that" enhances the academic tone by using the word "argue," which is more commonly employed in formal discussions.

  3. "they have no choice but to create their own" -> "readers are compelled to create their own"
    Explanation: Changing "they have no choice but to create their own" to "readers are compelled to create their own" maintains formality and precision, avoiding the colloquial expression "have no choice but to."

  4. "inside his head runs a series of movies" -> "a series of mental images unfolds in his mind"
    Explanation: Replacing "inside his head runs a series of movies" with "a series of mental images unfolds in his mind" provides a more sophisticated and descriptive way to express the idea, avoiding the casual use of "inside his head runs."

  5. "spontaneously reinforces an individual logical thinking but watching television" -> "spontaneously enhances an individual’s logical thinking compared to watching television"
    Explanation: Modifying "spontaneously reinforces an individual logical thinking but watching television" to "spontaneously enhances an individual’s logical thinking compared to watching television" improves the sentence’s structure and clarity, while also using more formal language.

  6. "it is likely that only reading could contribute to such a great ability that is useful for academic pathways in general" -> "only reading is likely to contribute significantly to the development of skills crucial for academic pursuits"
    Explanation: Transforming "it is likely that only reading could contribute to such a great ability that is useful for academic pathways in general" to "only reading is likely to contribute significantly to the development of skills crucial for academic pursuits" enhances formality and precision, avoiding redundancy and simplification.

  7. "books could be utilized in developing vocabulary" -> "books can be employed to enhance vocabulary"
    Explanation: Replacing "books could be utilized in developing vocabulary" with "books can be employed to enhance vocabulary" offers a more direct and formal expression, using "employed" instead of "utilized."

  8. "containing all the phrases and sentences compiled by writers who already obtained verbal competence" -> "containing phrases and sentences crafted by writers who have already achieved linguistic proficiency"
    Explanation: Changing "containing all the phrases and sentences compiled by writers who already obtained verbal competence" to "containing phrases and sentences crafted by writers who have already achieved linguistic proficiency" employs more advanced vocabulary and clarifies the concept of linguistic proficiency.

  9. "instead of dedicating quality time to watching television for the hence lexical purpose" -> "rather than allocating valuable time to watching television for lexical purposes"
    Explanation: Substituting "instead of dedicating quality time to watching television for the hence lexical purpose" with "rather than allocating valuable time to watching television for lexical purposes" maintains formality and provides a clearer expression of the intended meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the benefits of reading books for imagination and language skills and presents a clear stance on the topic.
    • How to improve: While the essay addresses all parts, providing a more nuanced exploration of the opposing view (those who argue that television can also cultivate similar abilities) would add depth to the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that reading brings more benefits in terms of imagination and language skills compared to watching television.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and conclusion, reinforcing the essay’s overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples, such as the active technique of imagination and the role of books as references for vocabulary development.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider providing more varied examples and perhaps exploring the potential drawbacks or limitations of relying solely on books for language skills.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic by discussing the advantages of reading books over watching television in terms of imagination and language skills.
    • How to improve: While the essay remains focused, a more structured organization with clear topic sentences for each paragraph could improve overall coherence.

General Comments:

The essay effectively addresses the prompt, supporting the argument with relevant examples. To improve, consider acknowledging and addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall analysis. Additionally, enhancing the essay’s organization and explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion would contribute to a more cohesive and impactful presentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It follows a conventional introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, with clear transitions between ideas. However, there is a slight issue with the flow in the second paragraph, where the transition from discussing imagination skills to language competence could be smoother. This affects the overall coherence, making it slightly challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between ideas. Specifically, in the second paragraph, provide a more seamless connection between the discussion on imagination skills and language competence. This can be achieved by introducing a sentence that highlights the relationship between the two concepts.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph has a clear focus on either imagination skills or language competence. However, the structure of the second paragraph could be improved for better coherence. The shift from discussing imagination skills to language competence is abrupt, and it affects the overall flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. In the second paragraph, consider revising the topic sentence to provide a smoother transition between the discussion on imagination skills and language competence. This will contribute to a more organized and cohesive essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transition words ("To begin with," "On top of that," "To summarize"), to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the use of these devices is somewhat repetitive, and more varied options could be incorporated to improve overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. For instance, instead of consistently using "To begin with" and "On top of that," experiment with alternatives like "Firstly" or "Moreover." This variation will enhance the overall coherence of the essay by preventing repetitive language and signaling different relationships between ideas.

In conclusion, while the essay exhibits a generally coherent and well-organized structure, refining transitions between ideas, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While the use of words like "stimulates," "immersed," and "phrases" showcases a commendable attempt to employ varied language, there is room for improvement. The essay tends to rely on a limited set of vocabulary, and there’s an opportunity to introduce more nuanced terms and expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more sophisticated terminology. For instance, instead of frequently using "reading," consider alternatives like "perusing," "delving into literature," or "absorbing written content." Additionally, strive to introduce specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms specific to literature, cognition, or education.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, as seen in the phrases "active technique" and "verbal competence." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as the repetition of "capacity" and the use of broad terms like "document movie." These instances may lead to a lack of clarity in expression.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precision by avoiding repetition of certain words and opting for terms that convey your ideas more specifically. Instead of "document movie," consider using "documentary film" for clarity. Additionally, strive for a balance between general and specific terms, ensuring that each word contributes to the precision and clarity of your message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally correct spelling; however, there are a few notable errors, such as "phrases" spelled as "phrasses" and "logical thinking but watching television" could be improved to "logical thinking than watching television." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Prioritize careful proofreading to catch and correct spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar-checking tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to common pitfalls, such as homophones, to ensure precise spelling in all instances. Regular practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary, using words more precisely, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. Engaging with a broader range of vocabulary and refining precision in expression will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use varied sentence beginnings and lengths. However, the essay tends to rely on some repetitive structures, such as starting sentences with "This is because" and "Take studying in school as an example." Additionally, there’s room for improvement in the use of more sophisticated and varied sentence constructions, like inversion or conditional sentences.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths, using techniques like inversion or conditional sentences. This will add variety and sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall accuracy. For example, "Despite the fact that watching programmes on television could gain the same ability" could be rephrased for better clarity, such as "Although watching television programs can also develop this ability." There are also a few minor punctuation errors, like missing commas or inconsistent use of conjunctions.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Pay attention to punctuation, ensuring consistent use of commas and appropriate conjunctions. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify specific issues.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing overall accuracy. Focusing on incorporating a wider range of sentence constructions and meticulously proofreading for grammatical precision will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities compared to those who prefer watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Despite the fact that watching television programs could develop the same skills, I firmly argue that reading brings more benefits, as it not only stimulates creativity but also enhances language competence.

To begin with, reading fosters imagination skills as readers immerse themselves in the content of certain books. Unlike television, where images are provided, readers are compelled to create their own mental images. Gradually, as one forms the habit of reading, a series of mental images unfolds in their mind. This active technique spontaneously enhances an individual’s logical thinking, a quality less likely to be achieved through watching television. Thus, only reading is likely to contribute significantly to the development of skills crucial for academic pursuits.

Moreover, books play a crucial role in developing vocabulary and lexical skills. Books serve as excellent references containing phrases and sentences crafted by writers who have already achieved linguistic proficiency. By studying and reading these examples, one can acquire a vast vocabulary, which is foundational for language learning in various sectors. For instance, in academic settings, students are consistently encouraged to read and summarize or write essays rather than watching documentaries or films. Therefore, allocating time to reading, rather than watching television for lexical purposes, proves to be a more effective choice.

In conclusion, reading should be considered a necessary hobby for everyone. I firmly support the assertion that those engaging in reading books can benefit from abilities such as imagination and language use.

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