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It is believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities than those who prefer television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that individuals who engage in reading books can cultivate greater imagination and linguistic abilities than those who prefer television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that reading books forms skills such as creating and using languages. Despite the fact that watching programmes on television could gain the same ability, I firmly claim that reading brings more benefits given that it stimulates readers not only in the capacity of creation but also in language competence.
To begin with, reading can enhance imagination skills when they are immersed in every page and content in certain books. This is because there are no images illustrated for readers to imagine, they have no choice but to create their own. Gradually, once one forms the habit of reading, every time he reads, inside his head runs a series of movies. He has the capacity to make a new unique version solely existing in his mind. In other words, it is called the active technique which spontaneously reinforces an individual's logical thinking while watching television. Therefore, it is likely that only reading could contribute to such a great ability that is useful for academic pathways in general.
On top of that, books could be utilized in developing vocabulary and lexical skills. This is due to the fact that books are excellent unlimited references containing all the phrases and sentences compiled by writers who already obtained verbal competence. By studying and reading these examples, one could gain a huge source of vocabulary, which is the foundation part of learning language, in every particular sector. Take studying in school as an example, students are always stimulated to read, not watch a documentary movie, or any other type of film, and then summarize or write an essay in order to pass a certain module. Thus, instead of dedicating quality time to watching television for the hence lexical purpose, reading is a better choice.
To summarize, reading should be a must-have that everyone has to possess. So I wholeheartedly side with the assertion that those engaging in reading books can benefit the abilities such as imagining or using language.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is widely believed that reading books forms skills such as creating and using languages." -> "It is widely acknowledged that engaging with books cultivates skills in language creation and usage."
    Explanation: Replacing "reading books forms skills" with "engaging with books cultivates skills" elevates the formality of the sentence and emphasizes active participation with the material.

  2. "Despite the fact that watching programmes on television could gain the same ability," -> "Although watching television programs may foster similar abilities,"
    Explanation: Replacing "Despite the fact that" with "Although" and changing "gain the same ability" to "may foster similar abilities" contributes to a more formal and nuanced expression.

  3. "I firmly claim that reading brings more benefits given that it stimulates readers not only in the capacity of creation but also in language competence." -> "I assert that reading confers greater benefits, as it stimulates readers in both creative capacity and linguistic competence."
    Explanation: The phrase "I firmly claim" is replaced with "I assert" for a more formal tone. Additionally, restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and precision.

  4. "To begin with, reading can enhance imagination skills when they are immersed in every page and content in certain books." -> "Firstly, reading enhances imaginative skills as readers immerse themselves in the content of specific books."
    Explanation: The phrase "To begin with" is replaced with "Firstly" for variety. Restructuring the sentence improves the flow and maintains a formal tone.

  5. "This is because there are no images illustrated for readers to imagine, they have no choice but to create their own." -> "This is because books lack illustrations, compelling readers to generate their own mental images."
    Explanation: The revised sentence eliminates redundancy and employs a more concise structure for a clearer expression.

  6. "Gradually, once one forms the habit of reading, every time he reads, inside his head runs a series of movies." -> "Over time, as individuals cultivate a reading habit, they experience a mental cinematic sequence with each reading session."
    Explanation: The phrase "Gradually, once one forms the habit of reading" is streamlined for improved readability, and gender-neutral language is used.

  7. "He has the capacity to make a new unique version solely existing in his mind." -> "Readers possess the capacity to craft a distinctive version existing solely in their minds."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone and introduces gender-neutral language for inclusivity.

  8. "In other words, it is called the active technique which spontaneously reinforces an individual’s logical thinking while watching television." -> "In essence, this is referred to as the active technique, which spontaneously enhances an individual’s logical thinking in contrast to watching television."
    Explanation: The phrase "In other words" is replaced with "In essence" for variety. The sentence is restructured to enhance clarity and maintain formality.

  9. "Therefore, it is likely that only reading could contribute to such a great ability that is useful for academic pathways in general." -> "Hence, it is probable that only through reading can one develop this significant ability beneficial for academic pursuits."
    Explanation: The word "Therefore" is replaced with "Hence" for variety. The sentence is refined for a more precise expression.

  10. "On top of that, books could be utilized in developing vocabulary and lexical skills." -> "Additionally, books can be instrumental in fostering vocabulary and lexical skills."
    Explanation: The phrase "On top of that" is replaced with "Additionally" for variety, and the sentence is refined for conciseness and formality.

  11. "This is due to the fact that books are excellent unlimited references containing all the phrases and sentences compiled by writers who already obtained verbal competence." -> "This is because books serve as exceptional, boundless references containing phrases and sentences crafted by writers who have already attained verbal competence."
    Explanation: The phrase "due to the fact that" is replaced with "because" for conciseness. The sentence is rephrased for enhanced formality and clarity.

  12. "Take studying in school as an example, students are always stimulated to read, not watch a documentary movie, or any other type of film, and then summarize or write an essay in order to pass a certain module." -> "For instance, consider academic studies: students are consistently encouraged to read, rather than watch documentaries or other films, and subsequently, to summarize or write essays to fulfill module requirements."
    Explanation: The phrase "Take studying in school as an example" is replaced with "For instance" for variety. The sentence is refined for clarity and formality.

  13. "Thus, instead of dedicating quality time to watching television for the hence lexical purpose, reading is a better choice." -> "Therefore, choosing reading over dedicating quality time to television viewing is more conducive to achieving lexical goals."
    Explanation: The word "Thus" is replaced with "Therefore" for variety. The sentence is rephrased to enhance clarity and formality.

  14. "So I wholeheartedly side with the assertion that those engaging in reading books can benefit the abilities such as imagining or using language." -> "Consequently, I wholeheartedly endorse the assertion that individuals who engage in reading books can enhance abilities such as imagination and language usage."
    Explanation: The phrase "So I wholeheartedly side with" is replaced with "Consequently, I wholeheartedly endorse" for a more formal expression. The sentence is refined for precision and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It presents a clear opinion on the extent to which reading books cultivates imagination and linguistic abilities compared to television. Relevant examples and arguments are provided to support the stance.
    • How to improve: While the essay answers all parts of the question, it would benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint. This can add depth to the argument by addressing potential counterarguments and demonstrating a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance in favor of the benefits of reading books is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The writer effectively communicates their viewpoint without ambiguity.
    • How to improve: The clarity of the position is commendable. To enhance this further, consider explicitly stating the main argument in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion for emphasis.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Examples and explanations are provided to illustrate the points made, such as the development of imagination through reading and the enhancement of vocabulary skills.
    • How to improve: To further improve, consider providing more nuanced examples and exploring the implications of the ideas presented. This could involve delving deeper into specific types of books or television programs that may have varying impacts on imagination and language skills.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits of reading books compared to television in developing imagination and linguistic abilities.
    • How to improve: While the essay is on topic, be cautious of slightly broad statements. For instance, the claim that "reading should be a must-have that everyone has to possess" could be refined to focus specifically on the benefits discussed in the essay, avoiding overly sweeping statements.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of the English language, a well-structured argument, and thoughtful examples to support the points made. To enhance the response, consider incorporating a more explicit acknowledgment of counterarguments and refining certain broad statements for increased precision.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. The introduction presents a clear thesis statement, and each body paragraph focuses on one main point. The progression of ideas is coherent, with a smooth transition between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the connection between the introduction and the body paragraphs. A more explicit link between the hook and the thesis statement would strengthen the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider reinforcing the connection between the hook and thesis statement in the introduction. Ensure that each body paragraph flows seamlessly from the previous one, maintaining a clear and coherent progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point. However, there is a slight imbalance in paragraph lengths, with the second paragraph being notably longer than the others. While this doesn’t necessarily affect coherence, a more uniform distribution of content across paragraphs could enhance overall structural balance.
    • How to improve: Aim for more uniform paragraph lengths to create a visually balanced essay. Consider breaking down the second paragraph into two to maintain a consistent structure. This will contribute to a more aesthetically pleasing and organized presentation.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices adequately, employing transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices. The essay relies on basic transitions such as "To begin with" and "On top of that." Incorporating a broader range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, parallel structures, or advanced linking words, would elevate the essay’s cohesion.
    • How to improve: Broaden the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transitions. Integrate pronouns, parallel structures, and advanced linking words to enhance the overall flow and coherence. This will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, balancing paragraph lengths, and diversifying cohesive devices will further elevate its effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. While some variety is present, there’s room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated and contextually relevant words. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "reading books" could be diversified for a richer expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more synonyms and contextually appropriate terms. Explore alternative expressions for common phrases to add depth to your vocabulary. For example, instead of consistently using "reading books," you could use alternatives like "perusing literature" or "engaging with written works."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are instances where words or phrases could be more carefully chosen for clarity and specificity. For instance, in the sentence "In other words, it is called the active technique," the term "active technique" may benefit from further elaboration or substitution for a more precise term.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that each word or phrase used aligns precisely with your intended meaning. Consider rephrasing or providing additional context where needed. For instance, instead of "active technique," you might use "imaginative process" or "cognitive engagement" to convey a clearer meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "programmes" (should be "programs") and "hence" (used incorrectly; perhaps "henceforth" was intended).
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully, paying close attention to common areas of error. Utilize spell-check tools and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words to avoid recurring errors. In the case of "hence," ensure it is used appropriately, or consider alternatives like "therefore" or "thus."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy for a more polished and sophisticated expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety. For instance, there is a reliance on basic sentence structures, and the use of compound or compound-complex sentences is limited. While the essay effectively communicates ideas, the sentence variety could be enhanced for a more engaging and sophisticated expression.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences, such as compound or compound-complex structures. Introduce subordinate clauses to add depth to your ideas. For example, instead of primarily using simple sentences, experiment with combining ideas to create more intricate structures. This will contribute to a more nuanced and polished writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where the construction of sentences could be refined for clarity. For example, in the phrase "instead of dedicating quality time to watching television for the hence lexical purpose," the use of "hence" may cause confusion. Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as missing commas in some compound sentences.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the usage of transitional words like "hence" to ensure they enhance clarity. Review punctuation rules, especially regarding the placement of commas in compound sentences. Consider using coordinating conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "so") to connect related independent clauses. This will help improve the flow and coherence of your sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, incorporating a more varied sentence structure and refining certain grammatical and punctuation aspects will contribute to a higher band score. Keep practicing different sentence constructions and proofread carefully to enhance overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that engaging with books cultivates skills in language creation and usage. Although watching television programs may foster similar abilities, I assert that reading confers greater benefits, as it stimulates readers in both creative capacity and linguistic competence.

Firstly, reading enhances imaginative skills as readers immerse themselves in the content of specific books. This is because books lack illustrations, compelling readers to generate their own mental images. Over time, as individuals cultivate a reading habit, they experience a mental cinematic sequence with each reading session. Readers possess the capacity to craft a distinctive version existing solely in their minds. In essence, this is referred to as the active technique, which spontaneously enhances an individual’s logical thinking in contrast to watching television. Hence, it is probable that only through reading can one develop this significant ability beneficial for academic pursuits.

Additionally, books can be instrumental in fostering vocabulary and lexical skills. This is because books serve as exceptional, boundless references containing phrases and sentences crafted by writers who have already attained verbal competence. For instance, consider academic studies: students are consistently encouraged to read, rather than watch documentaries or other films, and subsequently, to summarize or write essays to fulfill module requirements. Therefore, choosing reading over dedicating quality time to television viewing is more conducive to achieving lexical goals.

Consequently, I wholeheartedly endorse the assertion that individuals who engage in reading books can enhance abilities such as imagination and language usage.

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