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It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that students who are pursuing higher education benefit more if they live in a university dormitory rather than living under the same roof with their parents. Both options have their own advantages, so the decision should depend on individual circumstances such as their house location.

There are good reasons to say that living with parents offers significant benefits to university students. The key reason is that when living under the same roof, parents can monitor their children’s schedules, activities and social circles, which can help identify bad behaviors and prevent their offspring from engaging in social evils. In addition, living with parents allows students to save on rent, utilities and other costs associated with living in a dormitory. This can help alleviate the financial burden on students, enabling them to focus on their studies.

However, living with parents may not suit all students. Most universities are located in big or municipal cities, so students from other provinces have to stay on campus in order to save commuting time and have an undisruptive study. Living on-campus housing can offer several benefits. Firstly, living separately with parents forces students to be responsible for all their aspects of life, helping them to acquire valuable skills such as financial management, problem-solving and meal planning. These skills are essential to foster an independent life. Secondly, a shared accommodation can expose students to a diverse range of people, cultures and perspectives. By interacting with them, students have a chance to broaden their horizons and enhance many crucial skills, communication skills and adaptable skills for example, which are useful when they live and work in a community.

In conclusion, while living with parents is more beneficial for students in major and municipal cities, an on-campus house can be an ideal accommodation for students from other provinces. Thus students should consider their own needs and circumstances when choosing accommodation during college.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is an opinion that" -> "There is a prevailing belief that"
    Explanation: Replacing "There is an opinion that" with "There is a prevailing belief that" adds formality to the statement by using a more established phrase often found in academic discourse.

  2. "Both options have their own advantages" -> "Both options have their respective merits"
    Explanation: Substituting "own advantages" with "respective merits" maintains the meaning while introducing a more sophisticated term, aligning better with academic style.

  3. "individual circumstances such as their house location" -> "individual circumstances, including their residential location"
    Explanation: Changing "house location" to "residential location" enhances precision and formality, contributing to a more academically appropriate expression.

  4. "There are good reasons to say that" -> "It is justifiable to argue that"
    Explanation: Replacing "There are good reasons to say that" with "It is justifiable to argue that" elevates the language by using a more nuanced and formal expression.

  5. "bad behaviors" -> "undesirable behaviors"
    Explanation: Substituting "bad behaviors" with "undesirable behaviors" maintains clarity while using a more formal term in an academic context.

  6. "living with parents allows students to save on rent" -> "residing with parents enables students to economize on rent"
    Explanation: Changing "living with parents allows" to "residing with parents enables" introduces a more formal and precise term, contributing to a more academic tone.

  7. "have to stay on campus" -> "need to reside on campus"
    Explanation: Replacing "have to stay on campus" with "need to reside on campus" adds formality to the statement without sacrificing clarity.

  8. "forces students to be responsible for all their aspects of life" -> "compels students to assume responsibility for all aspects of their lives"
    Explanation: Substituting "forces students to be responsible for all their aspects of life" with "compels students to assume responsibility for all aspects of their lives" maintains clarity while using more formal language.

  9. "meal planning" -> "meal preparation"
    Explanation: Changing "meal planning" to "meal preparation" introduces a more precise term commonly used in academic contexts.

  10. "communication skills and adaptable skills" -> "communication and adaptability skills"
    Explanation: Simplifying "communication skills and adaptable skills" to "communication and adaptability skills" maintains conciseness while ensuring a formal and academic expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a generally balanced discussion of both living with parents and staying in a university dormitory. The introduction acknowledges the complexity of the issue and considers individual circumstances. However, there’s a tendency to lean more towards the benefits of living with parents. While the essay touches on both options, some aspects could be further elaborated to ensure a more comprehensive coverage of the prompt.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is addressed with equal depth. Provide more nuanced exploration of the benefits and drawbacks of both living with parents and in a university dormitory.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, favoring the idea that living with parents is more beneficial for students in major and municipal cities, while on-campus housing is ideal for students from other provinces.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the chosen stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This helps guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a logical manner, but some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the benefits of parents monitoring their children’s schedules and the financial advantages of living at home could be expanded with specific examples. On the other hand, the advantages of on-campus housing are well-illustrated with examples.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide more specific examples and elaboration, especially when discussing the benefits of living with parents. This will strengthen the overall argument and make the essay more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly mentions that living with parents is more beneficial for students in major and municipal cities without fully exploring this aspect. There’s a slight deviation from the main focus.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that all points made are directly related to the prompt. If mentioning specific locations, elaborate on how this impacts the decision to live on-campus or with parents.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt but could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both options, clearer positioning, and more developed examples to support the presented ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, and the body paragraphs present distinct arguments. However, there are moments where the flow could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the advantages of living with parents to the advantages of on-campus housing could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. For instance, use phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" to guide the reader through shifts in perspective. Ensure that the progression of ideas is clear and follows a cohesive structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a clear and structured presentation. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more explicitly.
    • How to improve: In the conclusion, provide a concise summary of the main arguments discussed in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the coherence of the essay and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used. Consider incorporating a broader range of connectors to enhance the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a wider array of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs. For instance, instead of frequently using phrases like "In addition" or "However," explore alternatives like "Moreover" or "Nevertheless" to add nuance and variety to your writing.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion. To further improve, focus on refining the logical flow, reinforcing paragraph structures, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is evidence of varied word choices, it could benefit from a more extensive and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, the use of general terms like "social evils" could be replaced with more specific and impactful expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary, especially in key areas where precision is essential. Synonyms and more contextually fitting terms can elevate the overall richness of expression. Additionally, consider incorporating subject-specific terminology to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more accurate. For example, the phrase "undisruptive study" could be replaced with "undisturbed study" for clearer communication.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the exact meanings of words and phrases, ensuring they precisely convey the intended message. A thesaurus may be a helpful tool for discovering more precise alternatives. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch any instances where imprecise vocabulary might lead to ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. There are no glaring spelling errors, indicating a decent command of spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: While the spelling is generally correct, it is advisable to continue practicing and reviewing common spelling patterns. Regular proofreading can further enhance spelling accuracy. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools to identify and rectify any minor spelling errors that may have been overlooked.

In summary, the essay demonstrates an acceptable level of lexical resource, earning a Band Score of 6. To improve, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary, using terms more precisely, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. Strive for a balance between simplicity and complexity in expression to elevate the overall linguistic quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. It employs simple and complex sentences effectively to convey ideas. For example, the essay uses complex sentences when discussing the benefits of living with parents ("The key reason is that…") and employs simpler sentences for clarity and conciseness ("Living on-campus housing can offer several benefits."). However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. The majority of sentences tend to be straightforward, and more complex structures could be incorporated to enhance fluency and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences, varying sentence lengths, and using rhetorical devices like parallelism. This will add a layer of complexity and sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "undisruptive study" might be more accurately expressed as "undisturbed study." Additionally, there is a minor issue with parallelism in the sentence "communication skills and adaptable skills for example," where a better construction would be "communication skills and adaptability, for example." Punctuation is generally accurate, but a closer examination reveals instances where the use of commas can be refined for smoother readability.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to parallelism in sentence structures. Ensure consistency in the use of parallel elements, such as maintaining the same grammatical form. Additionally, refine the use of commas for better clarity and coherence. For example, in the phrase "financial management, problem-solving, and meal planning," the use of the Oxford comma after "problem-solving" enhances precision.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in sentence variety and fine-tuning of grammatical structures. Incorporating a broader range of sentence structures and refining punctuation usage will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing belief that students pursuing higher education benefit more if they reside in a university dormitory rather than living with their parents. Both options have their respective merits, so the decision should depend on individual circumstances, including their residential location.

It is justifiable to argue that living with parents offers significant advantages to university students. The primary reason is that when residing under the same roof, parents can monitor their children’s schedules, activities, and social circles. This oversight can help identify undesirable behaviors and prevent students from engaging in social evils. Furthermore, residing with parents enables students to economize on rent, utilities, and other costs associated with living in a dormitory. This, in turn, can alleviate the financial burden on students, allowing them to focus more on their studies.

However, living with parents may not be suitable for all students. Most universities are located in major cities, requiring students from other provinces to stay on campus to save commuting time and maintain an undisrupted study environment. Living on campus compels students to assume responsibility for all aspects of their lives, fostering valuable skills such as financial management, problem-solving, and meal preparation. These skills are essential for leading an independent life. Additionally, shared accommodation exposes students to a diverse range of people, cultures, and perspectives. Interaction with others broadens their horizons and enhances crucial skills, including communication and adaptability, which are beneficial for community living and future work environments.

In conclusion, while living with parents is more beneficial for students in major cities, an on-campus residence can be an ideal accommodation for students from other provinces. Thus, students should consider their own needs and circumstances when choosing accommodation during college.

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