It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents Do you agree or disagree

There are some agruments about should children live independently from their parent in the university time or choose stay with them . In my point of view, staying in shool would be more advantageous for students for its numerous merits.
Firstly , by living in shool dormitory, that live far way with their parents can let students to acccess and foster some new skills. Through, living with friends , student can have a shift for enhancing some fundmental life skill which can be applied in the futeristic job. For instance, not depending so much on parents can fosters the confidence of the students, they can develop soft skill that can be nowhere in that of houses such as communication, solved-problem skills ,logical thinking .secondly , living with strange person also broaden the circle of friends that create the sense of inquiring new knowledge , then putting effort to improve themselves for better version. When people have a chance to access to individual that they think better than them in one field , that give them more motivation .
Additionally , living in colleges can satisfie all the student’s demand . recently, unlike the past wih afraid of defficient equipments ,many college now supply students with enough esssential amendities, not different from in their houses , so that students can be provided all of equipments that be necessary for their learning process . Furthermore , because of the fact that the learning results can affects by environmental factors, staying at schooll dormitory also can alleviate distraction compared to that of in their houses.
In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea of staying at school dorminotory because of variety of benefits for student’s development in learning process and personality

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are some agruments" -> "There are some arguments"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining the formal tone of the essay.
"should children live independently from their parent" -> "should children live independently of their parents"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and uses the plural form "parents" to match the subject "children," enhancing the sentence’s grammatical accuracy and formality.
"choose stay with them" -> "choose to stay with them"
Explanation: Adds the infinitive "to" to correct the grammatical structure, making the phrase grammatically complete and formal.
"staying in shool" -> "staying in school"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining the formal tone of the essay.
"that live far way with their parents" -> "who live far away from their parents"
Explanation: Corrects the phrase to "who" for subject-verb agreement and "far away from" for the correct prepositional phrase, enhancing clarity and grammatical correctness.
"let students to acccess and foster" -> "allow students to access and foster"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form "let" to "allow" for a more formal tone and "acccess" to "access" for spelling correction, improving the sentence’s formality and accuracy.
"Through, living with friends" -> "Through living with friends"
Explanation: Removes the comma after "Through" to correct the punctuation, improving the flow and readability of the sentence.
"a shift for enhancing some fundmental life skill" -> "an opportunity to enhance fundamental life skills"
Explanation: Replaces "a shift for enhancing some fundmental life skill" with "an opportunity to enhance fundamental life skills" to correct the grammatical structure and use more precise language.
"can fosters the confidence" -> "can foster confidence"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form "fosters" to "foster" for subject-verb agreement and removes the definite article "the" for a more general and formal expression.
"solved-problem skills" -> "problem-solving skills"
Explanation: Corrects the hyphenated phrase "solved-problem" to "problem-solving" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"living with strange person" -> "living with strangers"
Explanation: Replaces "strange person" with "strangers" to correct the noun form and enhance the formal tone.
"create the sense of inquiring new knowledge" -> "encourage the pursuit of new knowledge"
Explanation: Replaces "create the sense of inquiring" with "encourage the pursuit of" to use more precise and academically appropriate language.
"better version" -> "better version of themselves"
Explanation: Adds "of themselves" to clarify the intended meaning and maintain the formal tone.
"satisfie all the student’s demand" -> "meet all the students’ needs"
Explanation: Replaces "satisfie" with "meet" for correct spelling and "demand" with "needs" for a more appropriate term in this context, enhancing clarity and formality.
"wih afraid of defficient" -> "afraid of deficient"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling errors "wih" to "with" and "defficient" to "deficient" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"many college now supply" -> "many colleges now provide"
Explanation: Corrects "college" to "colleges" for plural agreement and "supply" to "provide" for a more appropriate verb choice in this context.
"not different from in their houses" -> "similar to those in their homes"
Explanation: Replaces "not different from in their houses" with "similar to those in their homes" for clearer and more formal expression.
"because of the fact that the learning results can affects" -> "because the learning results are affected"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form "can affects" to "are affected" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"staying at schooll dorminotory" -> "staying in school dormitories"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical errors "schooll" to "school" and "dorminotory" to "dormitories" for spelling and grammatical accuracy.
"because of variety of benefits" -> "due to the variety of benefits"
Explanation: Replaces "because of" with "due to" for a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of students living in school dormitories rather than at home. The author presents arguments that support this stance, such as the development of life skills and the provision of adequate amenities. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more balanced approach to the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should briefly mention the potential benefits of living at home, such as emotional support or financial savings, before refuting these points. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt and showcase critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing in favor of living in school dormitories. Phrases like "I completely agree" and "numerous merits" reinforce the author’s stance. However, the position could be made even clearer with more structured transitions between points.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. This will help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the development of life skills and the availability of amenities, but the support for these ideas is somewhat underdeveloped. For instance, while the author mentions "soft skills" and "logical thinking," these concepts are not elaborated upon with specific examples or explanations.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing the development of soft skills, the author could include specific scenarios or experiences that illustrate how living in a dormitory fosters these skills.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of living in school dormitories. However, there are moments where the writing becomes slightly convoluted, such as the phrase "that live far way with their parents can let students to acccess and foster some new skills," which could confuse the reader and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should aim for more concise and straightforward language. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would help ensure that the message is communicated clearly and effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, improvements in structure, clarity, and elaboration on ideas would enhance the overall quality and potentially raise the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of college students living in dormitories rather than at home. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression of ideas. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the development of life skills, while the second addresses the adequacy of college facilities. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some points, such as the benefits of living with peers, could be more clearly delineated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that encapsulate the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the structure within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences or even a new paragraph. The second paragraph also combines several points about amenities and distractions, which could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Aim to keep each paragraph focused on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details that are logically ordered. For instance, consider separating the discussion of life skills from the benefits of college amenities into distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly" and "secondly," to indicate the sequence of arguments. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For example, the use of conjunctions and linking phrases is somewhat repetitive, which can detract from the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of relying solely on "firstly" and "secondly," consider using "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the other hand" to introduce new points or contrast ideas. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without unnecessary repetition.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improving the organization of ideas, refining paragraph structure, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices will elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "independently," "dormitory," "skills," and "environmental factors." However, the range is somewhat limited, with several repetitive phrases and a lack of synonyms. For example, the term "students" is used frequently without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "college attendees" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "living away from home" or "residing in university accommodation" could diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "fosters the confidence of the students" could be more accurately expressed as "boosts students’ confidence." Additionally, the term "solved-problem skills" is awkward and should be revised to "problem-solving skills." The phrase "satisfie all the student’s demand" is also vague and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the context. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable words, but it’s crucial to ensure that the chosen words are appropriate for the context in which they are used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "agruments" (arguments), "shool" (school), "futuristic" (futuristic), "satisfie" (satisfy), "defficient" (deficient), and "dorminotory" (dormitory). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, or writing drafts and revising them after a break to gain a fresh perspective. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "by living in shool dormitory" and "living with strange person" indicate a tendency towards basic constructions. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "that live far way with their parents can let students to acccess and foster some new skills," but these are often awkward and grammatically incorrect. The use of conjunctions is present, but the overall complexity of the sentences is limited, which detracts from the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as those using relative clauses (e.g., "students who live in dormitories often develop essential life skills"). Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses) can add interest and complexity. Engaging with grammar exercises focused on complex sentence formation will also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "agruments about should children live independently" should be rephrased to "arguments about whether children should live independently." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "living with strange person" (should be "strange people") and incorrect use of articles, such as "the student’s demand" instead of "students’ demands." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "Firstly , by living in shool dormitory"), further hinder clarity. The use of "solved-problem skills" is also awkward and should be "problem-solving skills."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular proofreading for punctuation errors and practicing writing with attention to sentence structure will help. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also assist in identifying and correcting errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reading more academic texts can provide models for correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on the suggested areas will enhance both the complexity and correctness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are some arguments about whether children should live independently from their parents during their university time or choose to stay with them. In my point of view, staying in school would be more advantageous for students due to its numerous merits.

Firstly, by living in a school dormitory, students who live far away from their parents can access and foster some new skills. Through living with friends, students can have an opportunity to enhance fundamental life skills that can be applied in their future jobs. For instance, not depending so much on their parents can foster the confidence of the students, and they can develop soft skills that may not be available at home, such as communication, problem-solving skills, and logical thinking. Secondly, living with strangers also broadens the circle of friends and creates a sense of inquiry for new knowledge, encouraging them to improve themselves into a better version. When people have a chance to interact with individuals they perceive as better than themselves in a particular field, it gives them more motivation.

Additionally, living in colleges can meet all the students’ needs. Recently, unlike in the past when there was a fear of deficient equipment, many colleges now provide students with enough essential amenities, similar to those in their homes, so that students can have all the equipment necessary for their learning process. Furthermore, because the learning results can be affected by environmental factors, staying in school dormitories can also alleviate distractions compared to living at home.

In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea of staying in school dormitories because of the variety of benefits for students’ development in the learning process and their personality.