It is common these days to see celebrities advertising different products. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In this day and age, it goes without saying that there is a high amount of KOLs, who are rented for advertising different types of products. Although some individuals argue that these advertising activities are untrustworthy and maybe there is a risk that the brand will be affected by the celebrities when their reputation goes downhill, I believe that the demerits far overshadow the merits in this situation.

On the one hand, advertisements may help celebrities become famous quickly. Moreover, developing their reputation by themselves is possible but it is tough and usually, they have been spending a long time to achieve their goal. Therefore, many KOLs accept for advertising, they will have a lot of interest such as their reputation will spread widely and they also have money from the advertising activities.

On the other hand, one significant drawback of celebrity advertising is trustworthiness. In a similar case, there are a lot of videos on social media, KOL had already received the advertising money so the product will be overrated and the feeling when using this product is different from products through reviews of KOLs. Moreover, choosing celebrities to advertise for the brand may have a bad effect on the brand when these celebrities have some scandals. For example, J97 used to be a star and a lot of big brands wanted to collab with him; however, after the scandal, his fans were plumbed, and all of the brands he was advertising were affected a lot and needed to stop cooperating immediately and after all the income of both brand and celebrity are significant decrease.

In conclusion, advertising for many brands has both pros and cons depending on the view of each person. Celebrities, who are famous for advertising activities easily, raise their reputation after only 1 day but if they do not have any talent and are not hardworking at that time, so their recognition will fade away and I did not to mention being famous in a good or bad way. In my opinion, advertisements are the good way to improve your fame but I assert that this way has too much risks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat clichéd and informal expression. "Currently" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"there is a high amount of KOLs" -> "there are numerous KOLs"
Explanation: "There is a high amount of" is awkward and imprecise. "There are numerous" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"who are rented for advertising" -> "who are hired for advertising"
Explanation: "Rented" is incorrect in this context; "hired" is the correct term for employment or contracting services.
"untrustworthy" -> "unreliable"
Explanation: "Untrustworthy" can imply a moral judgment, which may not be intended here. "Unreliable" is a more neutral term suitable for academic discourse.
"maybe there is a risk" -> "there is a risk"
Explanation: "Maybe" is too informal and vague for academic writing. Removing it clarifies the statement.
"the demerits far overshadow the merits" -> "the disadvantages significantly outweigh the advantages"
Explanation: "Demerits" is less common and slightly archaic; "disadvantages" is more contemporary and widely understood. "Significantly outweigh" is a more precise phrase than "far overshadow."
"accept for advertising" -> "accept advertising"
Explanation: "Accept for" is grammatically incorrect. "Accept advertising" is the correct phrase.
"they will have a lot of interest" -> "they will gain significant interest"
Explanation: "A lot of interest" is vague and informal. "Significant interest" is more precise and formal.
"their reputation will spread widely" -> "their reputation will be widely recognized"
Explanation: "Spread widely" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Be widely recognized" is more formal and accurate.
"they also have money from the advertising activities" -> "they also earn income from these activities"
Explanation: "Have money" is informal and vague. "Earn income" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.
"In a similar case" -> "Similarly"
Explanation: "In a similar case" is redundant and informal. "Similarly" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing.
"KOL had already received the advertising money" -> "KOLs had already received the advertising funds"
Explanation: "KOL" should be pluralized to "KOLs" for consistency, and "money" is too informal; "funds" is more precise and formal.
"the feeling when using this product is different" -> "the user experience differs"
Explanation: "The feeling when using this product is different" is verbose and informal. "The user experience differs" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"plumbed" -> "plummeted"
Explanation: "Plumbed" is incorrect; "plummeted" is the correct term to describe a sudden and significant decline.
"all of the brands he was advertising were affected a lot" -> "all the brands he represented suffered significantly"
Explanation: "Affected a lot" is informal and vague. "Suffered significantly" is more precise and formal.
"I did not to mention being famous in a good or bad way" -> "I should not mention the potential for both positive and negative fame"
Explanation: "I did not to mention" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised phrase is clearer and more formal.
"I assert that this way has too much risks" -> "I contend that this approach poses significant risks"
Explanation: "This way has too much risks" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "This approach poses significant risks" is grammatically correct and maintains an academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of celebrities advertising products. However, the advantages are not elaborated upon sufficiently. The essay mentions that advertisements help celebrities become famous quickly but does not explore this point in depth or provide specific examples. The disadvantages are discussed more thoroughly, particularly the issue of trustworthiness and the potential negative impact on brands due to celebrity scandals.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations of the advantages of celebrity advertising. For instance, discussing how celebrity endorsements can lead to increased sales or brand recognition would strengthen the argument. Additionally, balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of celebrity advertising outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be clearer, as the initial mention of advantages feels somewhat abrupt and underdeveloped.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that the position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument and by revisiting the main thesis in each paragraph. Additionally, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, particularly regarding the drawbacks of celebrity advertising, but these ideas are not always well-supported. For example, the mention of a celebrity’s scandal affecting brand reputation is a strong point, but it lacks depth and specific evidence. The advantages, while mentioned, are not extended or supported with examples or reasoning.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples of successful celebrity endorsements or discussing statistics related to consumer behavior influenced by celebrity advertising. Each point should be followed by a clear explanation of its significance to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing celebrity advertising and its pros and cons. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces new ideas about fame and talent that are not directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the advantages anddisadvantages of celebrity advertising. The conclusion should summarize the main arguments presented in the essay without introducing new concepts. A clear restatement of the main argument in the conclusion will help reinforce the essay’s focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper exploration of the advantages, more robust support for ideas, and improved coherence and focus throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of celebrity advertising to the drawbacks feels abrupt. The first body paragraph mentions the benefits of celebrity fame without clearly linking it to the context of advertising, which could confuse readers about the relevance of the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the thesis statement. Use topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument. For example, in the first body paragraph, explicitly state how celebrity advertising contributes to their fame before discussing the implications of this fame.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. The second body paragraph, for instance, contains multiple ideas that could be separated into clearer sub-points. The flow within the paragraph is somewhat disjointed, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs or using clearer transitions within paragraphs. For example, when discussing the drawbacks of celebrity advertising, start a new paragraph when introducing the example of J97, allowing for a more focused discussion on that point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting points. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "moreover" and "for example" are used, but there are opportunities to incorporate other devices such as "in addition," "conversely," or "furthermore" to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice using a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, when transitioning between the advantages and disadvantages, you might say, "While there are notable benefits to celebrity advertising, there are also significant drawbacks that must be considered." This not only improves cohesion but also emphasizes the contrast between the two sides of the argument.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "KOLs," "advertising activities," and "trustworthiness." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "advertising activities" appears multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms such as "promotional campaigns" or "marketing efforts" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a list of synonyms for common words and phrases can help in diversifying language use. Additionally, reading more widely can expose the writer to varied vocabulary that can be applied in future essays.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the demerits far overshadow the merits" is somewhat vague without specific examples of the merits and demerits being discussed. Furthermore, the term "KOL" is used without explanation, which may confuse readers unfamiliar with this abbreviation.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that all terms are clearly defined and contextually appropriate. For example, instead of using "KOLs" without explanation, the writer could say "Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs)" to clarify the term. Additionally, providing specific examples of merits and demerits will help to clarify the argument and improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "plumbed" (which should likely be "plummeted") and "collab" (which is informal and should be replaced with "collaborate"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Although some individuals argue that these advertising activities are untrustworthy…" showcases a complex structure. However, many sentences are overly simplistic or repetitive, such as "Therefore, many KOLs accept for advertising, they will have a lot of interest…" which lacks variety and clarity. The essay tends to rely on similar sentence patterns, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more varied sentence types. For example, using introductory phrases, conditional clauses, and relative clauses can add complexity. Instead of saying, "Moreover, developing their reputation by themselves is possible but it is tough," the writer could say, "While it is possible for celebrities to develop their reputation independently, it often proves to be a challenging endeavor." This not only improves variety but also enhances clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "accept for advertising" should be "accept advertising," and "the feeling when using this product is different from products through reviews of KOLs" is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, affect the flow of the writing. The sentence "For example, J97 used to be a star and a lot of big brands wanted to collab with him; however, after the scandal, his fans were plumbed…" is overly long and could benefit from clearer punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding commas, semicolons, and conjunctions to enhance sentence clarity. Breaking longer sentences into shorter, more manageable ones can also help improve readability. For instance, the sentence about J97 could be split into two sentences for clarity: "For example, J97 was once a popular star, and many big brands wanted to collaborate with him. However, after his scandal, his fanbase dwindled, significantly impacting the brands he was associated with."

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, it is undeniable that there are numerous KOLs who are hired for advertising various products. Although some individuals argue that these advertising activities are unreliable and that there is a risk of the brand being negatively impacted by the celebrities when their reputation declines, I contend that the disadvantages significantly outweigh the advantages in this situation.

On the one hand, advertisements may help celebrities gain significant interest quickly. While it is possible for them to develop their reputation independently, this process is often challenging and time-consuming. Therefore, many KOLs accept advertising opportunities, as they will not only enhance their reputation but also earn income from these activities.

On the other hand, one significant drawback of celebrity advertising is trustworthiness. Similarly, there are many videos on social media where KOLs have already received the advertising funds, leading to products being overrated. Consequently, the user experience differs from that of products reviewed by KOLs. Moreover, choosing celebrities to promote a brand can have detrimental effects if these celebrities become involved in scandals. For example, J97 was once a prominent star, and many major brands sought to collaborate with him; however, after his scandal, his fanbase plummeted, and all the brands he represented suffered significantly, necessitating an immediate halt to their cooperation. This resulted in a significant decrease in income for both the brand and the celebrity.

In conclusion, advertising through celebrities has both pros and cons, depending on individual perspectives. While celebrities can quickly enhance their reputation through advertising, if they lack talent and dedication, their recognition will fade. I should not mention the potential for both positive and negative fame. In my opinion, while advertisements can be an effective way to boost fame, I assert that this approach poses significant risks.