It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

It is generally credited that most people are born with special ability, example sport or music, and others are not. Incontrast, it is sometimes claimed that any kid can be taught to become a good sports person or musican. In my opinion, some people are born with special ability and most people can be taught to become a good.

On the one hand, some people are born with special ability for example sport or music. It can be passed down through generations. Besides, childrens are have good memory and agile. For instrance, If parents are intelligent, when they give birth to children, their children will likely inherit their intelligence from a young age.

On the other hand, any kid can be taught to become a good sports person or musican. Many children have been educated by their parents from an early age. As soon as they were born, their parents taught them to read and speak. A few years later, they were exposed to English and many other things. For example, many kid are three years old, their parents took them to extra English classes, draw, ect.

In conclusion, most people are born with special ability or can be taught to become a good it is no importaint. Because, the most importain is their enviroment life

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is generally credited that most people are born with special ability, example sport or music, and others are not." -> "It is commonly believed that individuals are born with innate abilities, such as sports or music, while others are not."
   Explanation: Replacing "It is generally credited that" with "It is commonly believed that" refines the phrase to a more precise and formal academic tone. "Innate abilities" is a more precise term than "special ability," and "such as" is more appropriate than "example" in this context.

2. "Incontrast" -> "In contrast"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "Incontrast" to "In contrast" ensures grammatical accuracy.

3. "musican" -> "musician"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "musican" to "musician" maintains the professionalism of the text.

4. "some people are born with special ability" -> "some individuals are endowed with innate abilities"
   Explanation: "Endowed with innate abilities" is a more formal and precise way to describe the natural talents people are born with.

5. "most people can be taught to become a good" -> "most individuals can be trained to excel in"
   Explanation: "Trained to excel in" is more specific and academically appropriate than "become a good," which is vague and informal.

6. "childrens" -> "children"
   Explanation: Correcting the possessive form "childrens" to "children" fixes a grammatical error.

7. "have good memory and agile" -> "possess good memories and agility"
   Explanation: "Possess good memories and agility" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have good memory and agile."

8. "For instrance" -> "For instance"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "For instrance" to "For instance" maintains the professionalism of the text.

9. "many kid are three years old" -> "many children are three years old"
   Explanation: Correcting "kid" to "children" and removing the plural form "many kid" to "many children" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains formality.

10. "draw, ect" -> "drawing, etc."
    Explanation: Correcting "ect" to "etc." and changing "draw" to "drawing" fixes a typographical error and grammatical inconsistency.

11. "it is no importaint" -> "it is not important"
    Explanation: Correcting "it is no importaint" to "it is not important" fixes a spelling error and improves clarity.

12. "the most importain is their enviroment life" -> "the most important factor is their environmental conditions"
    Explanation: "The most important factor is their environmental conditions" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, replacing the vague and incorrect "enviroment life."

These changes enhance the academic tone and precision of the essay, aligning it with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by presenting two opposing views: that some people are born with talent and that others can be taught to develop skills. However, the response lacks depth in exploring both sides. For instance, while the essay mentions that talent can be inherited, it does not provide sufficient examples or elaboration on how this occurs. Additionally, the claim that any child can be taught lacks concrete examples or evidence to support it, making the argument less convincing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly addressed. This could involve providing specific examples of individuals who exemplify both sides of the argument, discussing the role of practice and environment in developing skills, and integrating research or studies that support these claims.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a personal opinion that some people are born with special abilities while others can be taught. However, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The conclusion introduces a somewhat ambiguous statement about the importance of environment, which detracts from the clarity of the initial stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should reiterate their main argument throughout the essay and ensure that each paragraph supports this viewpoint. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a reaffirmation of the stance in the conclusion would help solidify the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. For example, the assertion that children inherit intelligence lacks a detailed explanation of how this process works or its implications. Similarly, the discussion on teaching children skills is vague and does not provide substantial support or examples.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to present ideas more clearly and provide elaboration. This could include discussing specific training methods, the impact of early exposure to music or sports, and citing examples of successful individuals who have developed their skills through practice. Using statistics or studies to back up claims would also enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the conclusion. The introduction of the idea that the environment is the most important factor feels disconnected from the main argument about innate talent versus learned skills.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the central argument. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that ties back to the thesis, and the conclusion should summarize the main points without introducing new ideas that could confuse the reader.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on elaborating on their points, providing concrete examples, maintaining a clear and consistent position, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two opposing views regarding innate talent versus the ability to learn skills. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the introduction does not clearly outline the main points that will be discussed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The transition between the two sides (the innate talent and the ability to learn) is abrupt, particularly in the second paragraph where the shift to the opposing view is not clearly marked.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the main arguments in the introduction. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate ideas, but the structure is inconsistent. The first paragraph mixes both sides of the argument without a clear delineation, while the second paragraph lacks a strong concluding sentence. The conclusion also fails to summarize the main points effectively, leaving the reader unclear about the writer’s final stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. For example, the first paragraph could solely discuss the argument for innate talent, while the second could focus on the learnability of skills. Each paragraph should ideally end with a sentence that reinforces the main idea or transitions smoothly to the next point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. Phrases such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" are used, but there is a lack of variety and sophistication in the cohesive devices employed. Additionally, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupt cohesion, such as "childrens are have good memory" and "most people can be taught to become a good."
  • How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for instance." Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Using linking words effectively will help connect ideas and maintain a smooth flow throughout the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing information logically, using clear and effective paragraphing, and employing a diverse range of cohesive devices while ensuring grammatical accuracy.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases such as "special ability," "good sports person," and "exposed to English" show an effort to incorporate relevant terms. However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication, as seen in phrases like "most people" and "good." Additionally, the use of "example sport or music" is awkward and could benefit from clearer phrasing.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "good," they could use "skilled," "talented," or "proficient." Additionally, instead of "example sport or music," a more precise phrase such as "such as sports or music" would improve clarity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "Incontrast" should be "In contrast," and "musican" is a misspelling of "musician." The phrase "children are have good memory" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The use of "intelligent" to describe parents does not directly connect to the argument about inherited abilities, leading to confusion.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They should also ensure grammatical structures are correct. For example, "children have good memories" would be a more precise and grammatically correct statement. Additionally, clarifying the connection between parental intelligence and children’s abilities would strengthen the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Incontrast" (should be "In contrast"), "musican" (should be "musician"), "importaint" (should be "important"), and "enviroment" (should be "environment"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing aids can help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, regularly reading and writing in English can help reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with the prompt, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "some people are born with special ability" and "any kid can be taught" are straightforward but repetitive. There are attempts at complex sentences, such as "If parents are intelligent, when they give birth to children, their children will likely inherit their intelligence," but the structure is awkward and convoluted.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "some people are born with special ability," the writer could vary this by saying, "While some individuals may possess innate talents, others can develop skills through dedicated practice." Additionally, incorporating relative clauses (e.g., "children who are taught from a young age often excel") can add variety and depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "Incontrast" should be "In contrast," and "childrens are have good memory" is incorrect; it should be "children have good memories." There are also spelling errors such as "musican" instead of "musician," "instrance" instead of "instance," and "importaint" instead of "important." These mistakes detract from the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing subject-verb agreement (e.g., "children have" instead of "childrens are have") and ensuring proper use of articles (e.g., "a good sports person" rather than "good sports person") will improve clarity. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises focused on common grammatical structures can also be advantageous.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Regular practice, proofreading, and seeking feedback on their writing can lead to significant improvements in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is generally believed that most people are born with special abilities, such as sports or music, while others are not. In contrast, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. In my opinion, some people are endowed with innate abilities, and most individuals can be trained to excel in these areas.

On the one hand, some people are born with special abilities, for example, in sports or music. These talents can be passed down through generations. Besides, children possess good memories and agility. For instance, if parents are intelligent, their children will likely inherit this intelligence from a young age.

On the other hand, any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Many children have been educated by their parents from an early age. As soon as they are born, their parents teach them to read and speak. A few years later, they are exposed to English and many other subjects. For example, when many children are three years old, their parents take them to extra English classes, drawing, etc.

In conclusion, whether most people are born with special abilities or can be taught to excel, it is not important. The most important factor is their environmental conditions.