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It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sportsperson and musician.

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sportsperson and musician.

While one school of thought holds that some people are born with distinctive talents in the field of sports and music, others also contend that any child can be taught to detect and improve their latent capabilities. This essay will attempt to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion.
On the one hand, having natural aptitude can be considered a compass that guides a person and allows them to develop their future career earlier than ordinary people. In some circumstances, it is apparent that owning talents is crucial to navigate their occupation in the future. For instance, an elite athlete tends to have better physical characteristics than other people to be suitable enough for their position in the team and their profession. Moreover, discovering the latent abilities of kids could tremendously help us to improve and utilize their aptitudes for appropriate roles. As we have all known, Mozart is a prodigy who was famous for possessing perfect pitch. By exploring his talent, he became one of the greatest composers the world has ever known.
On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons to explain why I am convinced that talent can be taught to children and navigate them to become pianists or athletes. First and foremost, starting to teach and form a talent is possible with a child whose family is in favorable conditions regarding the economy. Additionally, parents who have worked in the field of arts or sports can share their experiences and inspire their children to go the same way they did. I believe that a person who does not have natural capabilities can work diligently to pursue the model that they desire to be or apply for their dream jobs. Likely, Pele, who has been known as the king of soccer is an exemplification. He worked harder than his peers, did not stop striving for his dream, and inspired Brazilians through his stories.
In conclusion, while it is irrefutable that possessing God-given capabilities is more advantageous to a certain extent, I am convinced that pursuing our dreams and spending enthusiasm on what we desire is more crucial for a person to improve themselves.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "This essay will attempt to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion."
    -> "This essay will endeavor to explore both perspectives before ultimately advocating for the latter viewpoint."
    Explanation: Replacing "attempt to shed light on" with "endeavor to explore" and "concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion" with "ultimately advocating for the latter viewpoint" introduces more formal language and a nuanced expression of the author’s stance.

  2. "having natural aptitude can be considered a compass that guides a person"
    -> "Possessing innate aptitude can be likened to a guiding compass for an individual"
    Explanation: Substituting "having" with "possessing," and "guides a person" with "likened to a guiding compass for an individual" elevates the formality and precision of the statement.

  3. "In some circumstances, it is apparent that owning talents is crucial to navigate their occupation in the future."
    -> "In certain situations, it becomes evident that possessing talents is essential for navigating one’s future occupation."
    Explanation: The replacement of "some circumstances" with "certain situations," and "owning talents" with "possessing talents" contributes to a more formal and refined expression.

  4. "an elite athlete tends to have better physical characteristics than other people to be suitable enough for their position in the team and their profession."
    -> "An elite athlete typically exhibits superior physical attributes, rendering them suitable for their position within the team and their profession."
    Explanation: The use of "tends to have better physical characteristics than other people" is refined to "typically exhibits superior physical attributes," enhancing precision and formality.

  5. "discovering the latent abilities of kids could tremendously help us to improve and utilize their aptitudes for appropriate roles."
    -> "Identifying the latent abilities of children could significantly aid in enhancing and harnessing their aptitudes for suitable roles."
    Explanation: The substitution of "tremendously help us to improve" with "significantly aid in enhancing" and "utilize their aptitudes" with "harnessing their aptitudes" contributes to a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  6. "As we have all known, Mozart is a prodigy who was famous for possessing perfect pitch."
    -> "As is widely acknowledged, Mozart, a prodigy, gained renown for his possession of perfect pitch."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and replacing "we have all known" with "is widely acknowledged" enhances formality.

  7. "there are a host of compelling reasons to explain why I am convinced that talent can be taught to children and navigate them to become pianists or athletes."
    -> "There are numerous compelling reasons to support my conviction that talent can be cultivated in children, guiding them toward becoming pianists or athletes."
    Explanation: Substituting "a host of compelling reasons to explain why I am convinced" with "numerous compelling reasons to support my conviction" contributes to a more formal and concise expression.

  8. "starting to teach and form a talent is possible with a child whose family is in favorable conditions regarding the economy."
    -> "Commencing the education and cultivation of talent is feasible for a child whose family enjoys favorable economic conditions."
    Explanation: The use of "starting to teach and form a talent" is refined to "commencing the education and cultivation of talent," and "in favorable conditions regarding the economy" is replaced with "enjoys favorable economic conditions," enhancing formality.

  9. "parents who have worked in the field of arts or sports can share their experiences and inspire their children to go the same way they did."
    -> "Parents who have experience in the fields of arts or sports can impart their wisdom and inspire their children to follow in their footsteps."
    Explanation: The substitution of "worked in the field of arts or sports" with "experience in the fields of arts or sports" and "go the same way they did" with "follow in their footsteps" enhances formality and clarity.

  10. "I believe that a person who does not have natural capabilities can work diligently to pursue the model that they desire to be or apply for their dream jobs."
    -> "I posit that individuals lacking natural capabilities can diligently work towards embodying the model they aspire to or applying for their dream jobs."
    Explanation: The use of "I believe that" is replaced with "I posit that," and "work diligently to pursue" is refined to "diligently work towards," contributing to a more formal and assertive expression.

  11. "Likely, Pele, who has been known as the king of soccer is an exemplification."
    -> "For instance, Pele, widely recognized as the king of soccer, serves as an exemplar."
    Explanation: Replacing "Likely" with "For instance" and restructuring the sentence for clarity contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  12. "while it is irrefutable that possessing God-given capabilities is more advantageous to a certain extent,"
    -> "While it is indisputable that possessing innate capabilities is more advantageous to a certain extent,"
    Explanation: Substituting "irrefutable" with "indisputable" enhances the formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "This essay will attempt to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favor of the latter notion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction clearly states your position, which is commendable. However, it could be more effective if you briefly outlined the main points that will support your stance. This would provide the reader with a roadmap for the essay. For instance, mention that you will discuss the importance of teaching talents and provide examples to support your view.
    • Improved example: "This essay will explore both perspectives, examining the belief in inherent talents and the counter-argument that talents can be taught. I advocate for the latter, asserting that nurturing talents through teaching is a crucial aspect. The subsequent discussion will delve into examples and reasons supporting this viewpoint."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, having natural aptitude can be considered a compass that guides a person and allows them to develop their future career earlier than ordinary people."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point is well-articulated, but it could be strengthened by providing a specific example or anecdote. For instance, you could share a real-life story of a person who benefited significantly from their natural aptitude in sports or music. This would make your argument more compelling and relatable.
    • Improved example: "On the one hand, possessing a natural aptitude can act as a guiding compass, propelling an individual toward early career development. A poignant example is the prodigious talent of Tiger Woods in golf. His innate skills set him on a trajectory for success from a young age, showcasing the profound impact of natural aptitude in shaping a career."
  3. Quoted text: "First and foremost, starting to teach and form a talent is possible with a child whose family is in favorable conditions regarding the economy."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point is valid, but it lacks specificity. Provide concrete examples or scenarios that illustrate how a child from a financially stable family has a better opportunity to develop talents. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "First and foremost, initiating the teaching and development of talent is more feasible for a child hailing from a financially stable family. For instance, a child with access to private music lessons or specialized sports training programs due to their family’s economic stability is more likely to refine their talents effectively."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting ideas. To improve, focus on providing specific examples or anecdotes to enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, though there are instances of slight underuse and overuse. The central topic is presented within each paragraph, contributing to overall coherence. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, but there are some instances where it could be more logically structured.

How to Improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Ensure a balanced use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. While the essay generally employs cohesive devices well, be cautious of potential underuse or overuse in certain areas to maintain a consistently smooth flow.

  2. Paragraph Structure: Pay closer attention to paragraphing. While the essay uses paragraphs adequately, strive for more consistent and logical organization. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear central idea, contributing to a seamless progression of thoughts.

  3. Refinement of Language: Consider refining language use for increased precision and clarity. Some sentences could benefit from smoother transitions and more explicit connections between ideas, contributing to enhanced coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion but could achieve a more refined and consistent application of these elements throughout the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. The use of less common lexical items shows an awareness of style and collocation. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively presents both perspectives on the issue, supporting its arguments with relevant examples such as Mozart and Pele.

How to Improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary throughout the essay. While the essay does use some less common lexical items, more diversity could be introduced to further demonstrate sophistication in language use. Additionally, careful proofreading to minimize errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation would contribute to a more polished and refined piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, using a variety of complex structures. There is a notable effort to incorporate a range of sentence forms, contributing to overall fluency. The essay effectively communicates ideas, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, a few errors and awkward phrasings are present, such as "detect and improve their latent capabilities" and "navigate their occupation in the future." These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structures and word choices. Additionally, a more precise use of vocabulary and clearer expressions can further elevate the essay. Proofreading for minor errors and refining the coherence of complex sentences will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion that some individuals are inherently gifted in areas such as sports and music is widely accepted. However, there is also a perspective asserting that any child can be nurtured to uncover and enhance their latent abilities. This essay aims to explore both viewpoints before expressing my support for the latter.

On one side, having a natural aptitude can serve as a guiding force, enabling individuals to carve out their career paths earlier than their peers. In certain situations, possessing innate talents is pivotal for excelling in future professions. For instance, an elite athlete often possesses physical attributes that set them apart, making them well-suited for their team and profession. Additionally, identifying latent talents in children can significantly contribute to honing and utilizing their abilities for suitable roles. Mozart, renowned for his perfect pitch, exemplifies how exploring one’s talents can lead to becoming a world-famous composer.

Conversely, there are compelling reasons to believe that talent can be cultivated in children, steering them toward becoming skilled musicians or athletes. Primarily, instilling and developing talent is feasible, especially for children whose families enjoy economic stability. Furthermore, parents with backgrounds in the arts or sports can share their experiences, inspiring their children to follow in their footsteps. I believe that individuals lacking innate capabilities can diligently work towards emulating the models they aspire to or pursue their dream professions. Pele, known as the king of soccer, serves as a notable example. His relentless dedication and determination, rather than innate talent, propelled him to success and inspired countless Brazilians.

In conclusion, while it is undeniable that possessing inherent capabilities can offer certain advantages, I am convinced that dedicating oneself to pursuing dreams and channeling enthusiasm towards desired goals is paramount for personal growth.

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