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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is vital for young individuals to comprehend ethical conduct at their early life, and adults can employ punishment so that their children can understand this. This essay strongly support this viewpoint as penalizing children can make them be more aware of their faults and suggest that corporal punishment is recommendable for older people to teach them to behave properly.

Disciplining toddlers can give them chance to revise their mistakes. In other words, when children do things wrong, instant punishments they received may help them to raise their awareness about their fault. Once they are concious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, which can foster their sense of responsibility . For example, various educational institutions in Vietnam imposed punishments for their students if they behave negatively. As a result, young individuals have a tendency to be more careful of their behaviours, and the awareness of right and wrong in this country has been raised dramatically since then, contributing to a low crime rate.

Corporal penalizing is advisable to teach youngsters positive behaviours. The idea is that when being treated with violence, children may experience fear and their physical pain can highten their awareness of making mistakes, so that they won't make these in the future again. This can greatly contribute to the conciousness of the young generation, which makes them grow upIndia serves as a prime example, where educators are authorized to use corporal punishment towards students. Consequently, young people tend to live and study in a disciplining environment, which can effectively enhance the children's mindset and help them develop in a proper path.

In conclusion, disciplining is essential for toddlers because this can properly shape the way a child will grow, and corporal penalizing is suitable as this way of punishment can make children scared and be more aware of their faults


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is vital for young individuals to comprehend ethical conduct at their early life, and adults can employ punishment so that their children can understand this." -> "It is crucial for young individuals to grasp ethical conduct early in life, and adults can use discipline to ensure their children comprehend this."
    Explanation: Replacing "vital" with "crucial" and "comprehend" with "grasp" elevates the formality of the sentence. Additionally, "employ punishment" is replaced with "use discipline" for a more precise and formal expression.

  2. "This essay strongly support this viewpoint as penalizing children can make them be more aware of their faults and suggest that corporal punishment is recommendable for older people to teach them to behave properly." -> "This essay strongly supports this viewpoint, asserting that disciplining children can heighten their awareness of faults and advocates corporal punishment as a suitable method for instilling proper behavior in older individuals."
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement with "supports" and replacing "make them be" with "heighten their" improves the grammatical structure and formality. The phrase "suggest that" is replaced with "advocates" for a more assertive expression.

  3. "Disciplining toddlers can give them chance to revise their mistakes." -> "Disciplining toddlers provides them with an opportunity to rectify their mistakes."
    Explanation: Replacing "give them chance to" with "provides them with an opportunity to" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  4. "instant punishments they received may help them to raise their awareness about their fault." -> "instant punishments they receive can help raise their awareness of their faults."
    Explanation: Correcting the tense agreement with "received" to "receive" and simplifying the phrase by removing redundant words improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  5. "Once they are concious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, which can foster their sense of responsibility." -> "Once they are conscious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, thereby fostering their sense of responsibility."
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "concious" to "conscious" and rephrasing the sentence for smoother flow and formality.

  6. "For example, various educational institutions in Vietnam imposed punishments for their students if they behave negatively." -> "For example, several educational institutions in Vietnam impose punishments on students for negative behavior."
    Explanation: Changing "various" to "several" for more precision and adjusting the structure of the sentence for better formality and clarity.

  7. "Corporal penalizing is advisable to teach youngsters positive behaviours." -> "Corporal punishment is recommended to instill positive behaviors in youngsters."
    Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the expression by replacing "penalizing" with "punishment" and rephrasing for formality.

  8. "The idea is that when being treated with violence, children may experience fear and their physical pain can highten their awareness of making mistakes, so that they won’t make these in the future again." -> "The concept is that when subjected to violence, children may experience fear, and the physical pain can heighten their awareness of their mistakes, preventing future repetition."
    Explanation: Adjusting the structure for clarity and formality, replacing "highten" with "heighten," and refining the expression for precision.

  9. "India serves as a prime example, where educators are authorized to use corporal punishment towards students." -> "India serves as a prime example, where educators are authorized to administer corporal punishment to students."
    Explanation: Replacing "use" with "administer" for a more formal term, and adjusting the preposition for better alignment with standard usage.

  10. "Consequently, young people tend to live and study in a disciplining environment, which can effectively enhance the children’s mindset and help them develop in a proper path." -> "Consequently, young people tend to live and study in a disciplined environment, which can effectively enhance the children’s mindset and guide them toward proper development."
    Explanation: Replacing "disciplining" with "disciplined" and refining the expression for better formality and clarity.

  11. "In conclusion, disciplining is essential for toddlers because this can properly shape the way a child will grow, and corporal penalizing is suitable as this way of punishment can make children scared and be more aware of their faults." -> "In conclusion, discipline is essential for toddlers as it plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s growth, and corporal punishment is deemed suitable as it instills fear, promoting heightened awareness of faults."
    Explanation: Adjusting the phrasing for conciseness, using "discipline" instead of "disciplining," and refining the expression for formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It recognizes the importance of children learning right from wrong and supports the use of punishment for this purpose. The explanation is clear, and relevant sections are cited from the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the potential drawbacks or alternative perspectives on the use of punishment in teaching ethical behavior.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by strongly supporting the idea that punishment is essential for teaching children ethical behavior. However, there are some minor inconsistencies, such as suggesting corporal punishment for "older people" in the introduction, which might confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should ensure that the stance is consistently applied to all age groups and avoid ambiguity in the wording.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable clarity, but there is room for improvement in development and support. Examples, such as the reference to Vietnam, are somewhat vague and lack specific details. The argument could benefit from more elaboration and specific instances.
    • How to improve: Provide more detailed and concrete examples to support the arguments. Additionally, explore the potential counterarguments and address them to strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally veers into broader statements without clear connections to the main argument. For instance, the mention of the low crime rate in Vietnam is not directly linked to the effectiveness of punishment in teaching ethics.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and statements directly contribute to the main argument. Avoid tangential points that may distract from the primary focus.

Overall Comments:
The essay presents a clear position on the importance of punishment in teaching ethical behavior to children. However, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples, addressing potential counterarguments, and ensuring consistency in the application of the stance across all age groups. Additionally, maintaining a tighter focus on the main argument without delving into unrelated points will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a basic level of logical organization. It begins with a clear thesis statement in favor of using punishment for teaching ethical conduct. However, the overall organization could be strengthened. The essay lacks a clear introduction, and the transition between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the development of ideas within paragraphs is not consistently coherent.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more structured introduction that outlines the main points. Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs, allowing ideas to flow logically. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea with clear supporting details.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. The introduction is brief and lacks clarity. The body paragraphs, while addressing different aspects of the topic, could benefit from more coherence within each paragraph. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more concise.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the thesis and providing an overview of the essay’s structure. Focus on developing one main idea per paragraph and ensure a clear topic sentence that guides the reader. Aim for a more concise and impactful conclusion that reinforces the key arguments.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices. While there are attempts to connect ideas within sentences, the variety and effectiveness are insufficient. Additionally, the transitions between paragraphs lack sophistication, impacting overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns to create smoother connections between ideas. Work on improving the coherence of the essay by developing a more nuanced and varied range of transitions. Ensure that each transition serves to guide the reader through the essay seamlessly.

Overall, while the essay successfully conveys the main idea, enhancing logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, including some academic and complex words such as "ethical conduct," "concious," "corporal penalizing," and "disciplining." However, there is room for improvement as the vocabulary could be more varied, and certain terms are repeated throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "awareness," try alternatives like "consciousness" or "perception." Additionally, strive to introduce more advanced vocabulary to elevate the overall lexical richness.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies. While some terms, such as "ethical conduct," are used precisely, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "disciplining" and "corporal penalizing," which could be refined for more accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the precise meaning of words and phrases. For instance, consider using "disciplinary measures" instead of "disciplining" for greater precision. When discussing corporal punishment, use the term "corporal punishment" consistently to avoid confusion. This will contribute to a more exact and refined use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, with only a few minor errors, such as "concious" instead of "conscious" and "highten" instead of "heighten."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to common spelling mistakes. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch and correct errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically will contribute to enhanced spelling precision.

Overall, the essay displays a satisfactory level of lexical resource. To achieve a higher band score, focus on diversifying vocabulary, using terms precisely, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited range of sentence structures. Primarily, simple and compound sentences are used. There is a need for more complex structures, such as complex-compound sentences or varied sentence beginnings, to enhance overall sentence variety.
    • How to improve: Introduce complex sentence structures, including subordinate clauses, to add depth and sophistication to your writing. For instance, try incorporating relative clauses or conditional sentences to diversify your sentence constructions. This will contribute to a more nuanced and varied expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("punishment so that their children can understand") and preposition usage ("aware about their faults"). Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word choices, such as "corporal penalizing" instead of "corporal punishment."
    • How to improve: Focus on improving basic grammar skills, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement and preposition usage. Proofread your work carefully to catch errors and consider seeking feedback from peers or teachers. Also, be cautious about word choices and make sure to use appropriate terms to convey your ideas accurately.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and conveys a clear position, there is room for improvement in both sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy. Incorporating more complex sentence structures and refining basic grammar skills will enhance the overall quality of your writing. Remember to proofread your work thoroughly to identify and correct errors before finalizing your essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is crucial for young individuals to grasp ethical conduct early in life, and adults can use discipline to ensure their children comprehend this. This essay strongly supports this viewpoint, asserting that disciplining children can heighten their awareness of faults and advocates corporal punishment as a suitable method for instilling proper behavior in older individuals.

Disciplining toddlers provides them with an opportunity to rectify their mistakes. The instant punishments they receive can help raise their awareness of their faults. Once they are conscious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, thereby fostering their sense of responsibility. For example, several educational institutions in Vietnam impose punishments on students for negative behavior. Corporal punishment is recommended to instill positive behaviors in youngsters.

The concept is that when subjected to violence, children may experience fear, and the physical pain can heighten their awareness of their mistakes, preventing future repetition. India serves as a prime example, where educators are authorized to administer corporal punishment to students. Consequently, young people tend to live and study in a disciplined environment, which can effectively enhance the children’s mindset and guide them toward proper development.

In conclusion, discipline is essential for toddlers as it plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s growth, and corporal punishment is deemed suitable as it instills fear, promoting heightened awareness of faults.

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