It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

It is argue that individuals should economize money because it is an indispensable part for their future, especially this is more necessary for youngsters. Personally, I would shed light on whether the benefits of this trend is more predominant than the drawbacks with some particular arguments.
On the one hand, it is a unessential thing for humans to save their money for the future unpredictable plans. Obviously, the main purpose of making a profit is paying for their basic and immediate needs of people, including entertainment activities or shopping, even housewife also frequently have to purchase some necessary products for the members of her family. Therefore, economizing money is hard issue to low-income family and especially the wife only stay at home and take care of their children without having any occupations, the origin of revenue resources mostly rely on their husband. For example, for average households in Viet Nam which parents work in state companies and only with 15 millions to 20 millions per month, even living in metropolitan areas, this is a huge challenge to save money if they limit to spend on entertainment because of the exorbitant living standard in urban regions. Actually, saving money is not an appropriate way for the usual employees because they need to pay to meet their need.
On the other hand, economizing is an useful method to utilize for future important issues. When individuals know how to use and pay money properly and acceptably, they can easily control and manage their expenditure, this fosters them to avoid using money on the extravagant items. If people restrict the lavish lifestyles and create a range of noticeable lists to consume, it is possible for them to accumulate the firm and sustainable economic sources; thus, they do not have to ponder about the financial problem when immediately meeting any unpredictable situations. For instance, in case people need a sum of money to treat or improve health issues or need the consultation of top-notch doctors, experts and the advanced medical facilities in the urban centers areas to recover, savings actually play an integral part to totally treatment costs. Moreover, especially young generation, saving money is one of the crucial skills which extremely impact on the development of their future jobs. Absolutely, when young businessman incline to open a own his company which need a large amount of money, saving income may help alleviate the financial burden for establishing and hiring employment resources.
In conclusion, although individuals need not to save money because each person have different expenditure demands and they also have to pay to cater their daily activities, especially usual employees. I believe that saving money has many benefits for people, mostly youngsters. Not only does it help humans in controlling and managing their income suitably but young people also have the possibility in developing their future occupations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argue" -> "It is argued"
Explanation: "It is argued" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal academic style by using the passive voice, which is more appropriate in formal writing.
"indispensable part for their future" -> "essential component for their future"
Explanation: "Essential component" is a more precise and formal term than "indispensable part," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"especially this is more necessary" -> "particularly, this is more crucial"
Explanation: "Particularly" is more formal than "especially," and "crucial" is a stronger, more academic term than "necessary."
"shed light on" -> "explore"
Explanation: "Explore" is a more formal and academically appropriate verb than "shed light on," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the benefits of this trend is" -> "the benefits of this trend are"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by changing "is" to "are" to agree with the plural subject "benefits."
"unessential thing" -> "unnecessary aspect"
Explanation: "Unnecessary aspect" is more precise and formal than "unessential thing," which is vague and informal.
"hard issue to low-income family" -> "difficult for low-income families"
Explanation: "Difficult for low-income families" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the plural form "families" to match the generalization.
"even housewife also frequently have to purchase" -> "even housewives often have to purchase"
Explanation: "Housewives" is the correct plural form, and "often" is more formal than "frequently."
"hard issue to" -> "difficult for"
Explanation: "Difficult for" is grammatically correct and more formal than "hard issue to."
"the origin of revenue resources mostly rely on" -> "the primary source of income primarily relies on"
Explanation: "Primary source of income" is more specific and formal than "origin of revenue resources," and "primarily relies on" corrects the verb agreement.
"exorbitant living standard" -> "high cost of living"
Explanation: "High cost of living" is a more precise and commonly used term in economic discussions than "exorbitant living standard."
"saving money is not an appropriate way" -> "saving money is not a viable strategy"
Explanation: "Viable strategy" is a more formal and precise term than "appropriate way," which is vague and informal.
"useful method to utilize for future important issues" -> "useful strategy for addressing future significant issues"
Explanation: "Strategy for addressing" is more formal and specific than "method to utilize for," and "significant" is more precise than "important."
"pay money properly and acceptably" -> "manage their finances effectively and responsibly"
Explanation: "Manage their finances effectively and responsibly" is a more formal and precise phrase than "pay money properly and acceptably."
"extravagant items" -> "luxury items"
Explanation: "Luxury items" is a more specific and formal term than "extravagant items."
"create a range of noticeable lists to consume" -> "establish a budget to control expenses"
Explanation: "Establish a budget to control expenses" is a clearer and more formal expression than "create a range of noticeable lists to consume."
"firm and sustainable economic sources" -> "stable and sustainable financial resources"
Explanation: "Stable and sustainable financial resources" is more specific and formal than "firm and sustainable economic sources."
"ponder about the financial problem" -> "worry about financial issues"
Explanation: "Worry about financial issues" is a more natural and formal way to express concern about financial difficulties.
"sum of money to treat or improve health issues" -> "amount of money for medical treatment"
Explanation: "Amount of money for medical treatment" is more specific and formal than "sum of money to treat or improve health issues."
"top-notch doctors, experts and the advanced medical facilities" -> "highly qualified medical professionals and advanced facilities"
Explanation: "Highly qualified medical professionals" is more precise and formal than "top-notch doctors, experts."
"young businessman incline to open a own his company" -> "young entrepreneurs tend to establish their own companies"
Explanation: "Tend to establish their own companies" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"saving income may help alleviate the financial burden" -> "saving income can alleviate the financial burden"
Explanation: "Can alleviate" is more assertive and formal than "may help alleviate," which is less certain.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the necessity of saving money for the future and the challenges faced by individuals, particularly young people. The writer presents arguments for and against saving, which reflects an understanding of the topic. However, the response could be clearer in explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement. The phrase "I believe that saving money has many benefits for people, mostly youngsters" suggests partial agreement but lacks a strong, clear position.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly state their position at the beginning and reiterate it throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement that outlines the extent of agreement or disagreement would strengthen the response. For example, stating "I strongly agree that saving money is essential for everyone, particularly the youth" would provide a clearer framework for the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position but wavers between acknowledging the necessity of saving and the challenges that prevent it. Phrases like "it is an indispensable part for their future" and "saving money is not an appropriate way for the usual employees" create confusion about the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the benefits of saving but does not decisively affirm the writer’s overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases such as "Despite these challenges, I maintain that…" can help reinforce their stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the thesis will enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance and challenges of saving money. However, some arguments lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions the difficulties faced by low-income families, it does not delve into how these challenges can be overcome or provide concrete examples of successful saving strategies. The supporting examples, such as the financial situation in Vietnam, are relevant but could be expanded to illustrate the points more effectively.
- How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific budgeting techniques or savings plans that have worked for young people could enhance the argument. Additionally, using statistics or studies to support claims about the benefits of saving would add credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of saving money and the challenges associated with it. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as when discussing the role of housewives and the financial struggles of families. While these points are relevant, they could be more tightly connected to the central argument about saving for the future.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports their main argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the thesis. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main idea being discussed.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from a clearer position, more detailed support for ideas, and tighter focus on the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally organized, with the first paragraph discussing the drawbacks of saving money and the second focusing on its benefits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the challenges faced by low-income families to the benefits of saving lacks a clear connective statement that ties the two ideas together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the challenges of saving for low-income families, a sentence like "Despite these challenges, there are significant advantages to saving money that can greatly benefit individuals in the long run" could provide a clearer transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could benefit from further subdivision. For example, the second body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be split into two separate paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim to keep paragraphs focused on a single main idea. If a paragraph begins to cover multiple points, consider breaking it into two. This will not only improve readability but also allow for more detailed exploration of each point. For instance, the discussion about the importance of saving for health emergencies could be a separate paragraph from the discussion about young entrepreneurs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which helps to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "for example" and "moreover" are used, but the essay could benefit from additional devices that indicate cause and effect or contrast.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" to add information, "In contrast" to highlight differences, or "Consequently" to show results. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and make the connections between ideas clearer. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "economize," "indispensable," and "extravagant." However, the use of some phrases is repetitive, such as "save money" and "economizing," which could be varied to enhance the lexical range. For instance, the phrase "saving money" appears multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases such as "financial prudence," "thriftiness," or "budgeting." This can be applied in sentences where "save money" is mentioned, allowing for a richer vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "save money," you might say "practice financial prudence" or "engage in budgeting."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "it is argue" which should be "it is argued," and "a unessential thing" should be "an unessential thing." These errors can confuse the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the argument. Additionally, phrases like "the origin of revenue resources" could be more clearly stated as "the source of income."
- How to improve: Focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity in vocabulary. Proofreading for grammatical structures can help. For example, instead of "it is argue," use "it is argued that." Furthermore, consider revising phrases for clarity, such as changing "the origin of revenue resources" to "the primary source of income."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "unessential," which should be "unnecessary," and "utilize for future important issues," which could be better phrased as "utilize for important future issues." These errors can hinder comprehension and reflect poorly on the writer’s attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading. Utilizing spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Additionally, consider creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly. Reading more can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay shows potential with a reasonable range of vocabulary, improvements in precision, variety, and spelling are necessary to raise the band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is prevalent, such as "It is argue that individuals should economize money." There are attempts at complex sentences, such as "When individuals know how to use and pay money properly and acceptably, they can easily control and manage their expenditure," but these are often marred by grammatical errors. The overall structure lacks variety, which affects the flow and engagement of the text.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For example, combining ideas using conjunctions (e.g., "Although saving money can be challenging, it is essential for future security") can create more sophisticated sentences. Additionally, varying sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., passive voice, conditional clauses) can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity. For example, "It is argue" should be "It is argued," and "a unessential thing" should be "an unessential thing." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the benefits of this trend is more predominant" (should be "are"). Punctuation is often misused or absent, such as missing commas that would clarify sentence structure, e.g., "this fosters them to avoid using money on the extravagant items" could benefit from a comma before "which" to separate clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (a/an/the). Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring commas are used to separate clauses and lists, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the limitations in grammatical range and accuracy significantly affect its effectiveness. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will lead to a stronger performance in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that individuals should economize money because it is an essential component for their future, particularly as this is more crucial for youngsters. Personally, I would like to explore whether the benefits of this trend are more predominant than the drawbacks through some specific arguments.

On the one hand, saving money can be seen as an unnecessary aspect for individuals when considering their unpredictable future plans. The main purpose of earning money is to cover basic and immediate needs, including entertainment activities or shopping. Even housewives often have to purchase necessary products for their families. Therefore, economizing money can be a difficult issue for low-income families, especially for those where the wife stays at home to care for children without having any source of income. The primary source of revenue primarily relies on their husbands. For example, in average households in Vietnam, where parents work in state companies and earn only 15 to 20 million VND per month, saving money can be a significant challenge, particularly in metropolitan areas where the high cost of living makes it hard to limit spending on entertainment. In fact, saving money is not a viable strategy for most employees because they need to pay for their daily necessities.

On the other hand, saving money is a useful strategy for addressing future significant issues. When individuals learn how to manage their finances effectively and responsibly, they can easily control their expenditures, which helps them avoid spending on luxury items. If people restrict their lavish lifestyles and create a clear budget to control expenses, it becomes possible for them to accumulate stable and sustainable financial resources. This way, they do not have to worry about financial issues when faced with unexpected situations. For instance, if individuals need a substantial amount of money for medical treatment or to consult highly qualified medical professionals and advanced facilities in urban centers, savings play an integral role in covering these costs. Moreover, for the young generation, saving money is one of the crucial skills that significantly impacts their future career development. When young entrepreneurs tend to establish their own companies, which require a large amount of capital, saving income can alleviate the financial burden associated with starting and hiring employees.

In conclusion, although individuals may not prioritize saving money due to varying expenditure demands and the necessity to cater to daily activities, especially for regular employees, I believe that saving money offers many benefits, particularly for youngsters. Not only does it help individuals manage their income effectively, but it also provides young people with the opportunity to develop their future careers.