It is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some individuals are of the claim that concerning about the international news that don’t related to our lives is highly beneficial and should be implemented by peoples.From my perspective, I totally agree with this suggestion based on some major reasons that are explained in this essay.

To begin with, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that citizens should be pay attention to international events.In this day and age, caring about international events allows us to help people and demonstrate friendship between countries around the world.Humanitarian crises, natuaral disasters and conflicts are, unfortunately, frequent occurrences in many places around the globe .By concerning about these events, it is posible to share resources to assist others in times of need.For instance,the 2011 earthquake and tsunami called Tohoku in Japan ,caused a lot of damage.However, the quick reaction from the international communities helped Japan rescue more victims than they would have otherwise been able to save if they were working alone.Also, many countries donated large a mount of money to make Japan overcome the consequenses of disaster easier.Moreover, this aid also has helped people reduce their burden when dealing with the tragedy.

On top of that, keeping up with world events leads to beter understanding of how to deal with problems that could occur in our own country.Many societies must to face with the same problems, and looking to see how other states failed or succeeded can provide guidance toward better solutions without wasting human resources.For example,Singapore,a country that have a large number of citizens followed by an explosion in the number of personal vehicles cause to traffic congestion.However,by charging a fee on private vehicles and encourage people to use public transportations,this problem has been resolved.After looking at international examples from Singapore,many counties have accquired and used this measure to reduce traffic jam effectively.

In conclusion, understanding what is occurring in other countries makes it possible to help others and provides useful information that can be used to solve the same problems .For these reasons, it is important to maintain an interest in events happening in other countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the claim that concerning about" -> "Some individuals argue that it is beneficial to concern themselves with"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and adheres to formal academic style by using a more precise verb form and avoiding the awkward prepositional phrase "concerning about."
"don’t related to our lives" -> "not directly related to our lives"
Explanation: The contraction "don’t" is too informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "not" maintains formality and clarity.
"should be implemented by peoples" -> "should be implemented by people"
Explanation: "Peoples" is a plural noun that incorrectly implies a collective noun. "People" is the correct plural form of "person," making it grammatically correct and appropriate for formal writing.
"I totally agree with this suggestion" -> "I strongly support this suggestion"
Explanation: "Totally agree" is somewhat informal and colloquial. "Strongly support" is more formal and suitable for academic discourse.
"some major reasons" -> "several significant reasons"
Explanation: "Some major reasons" is vague and informal. "Several significant reasons" provides a clearer and more precise description.
"should be pay attention to" -> "should pay attention to"
Explanation: The verb "be" is unnecessary before "pay attention to," making the sentence grammatically incorrect. Removing it corrects the error.
"In this day and age" -> "currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"caused a lot of damage" -> "caused significant damage"
Explanation: "A lot of" is vague and informal. "Significant" provides a more precise and formal alternative.
"a mount of money" -> "a large amount of money"
Explanation: "A mount" is a typographical error. "A large amount of money" corrects this and maintains formal tone.
"make Japan overcome the consequenses of disaster easier" -> "facilitate Japan’s recovery from the consequences of the disaster"
Explanation: "Make overcome the consequenses of disaster easier" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision is grammatically correct and more formal.
"leads to beter understanding" -> "leads to better understanding"
Explanation: "Beter" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "better" maintains the intended meaning and formality.
"must to face with" -> "must face"
Explanation: "Must to face with" is grammatically incorrect. "Must face" is the correct form, making the sentence grammatically sound.
"a country that have" -> "a country that has"
Explanation: "Have" is incorrectly used in this context. "Has" is the correct subject-verb agreement for the singular noun "country."
"cause to traffic congestion" -> "result in traffic congestion"
Explanation: "Cause to traffic congestion" is awkward and incorrect. "Result in traffic congestion" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"charge a fee on private vehicles and encourage people to use public transportations" -> "impose a fee on private vehicles and encourage the use of public transportation"
Explanation: "Charge a fee on" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Impose a fee on" is more formal and precise. Also, "public transportations" should be singular to match the singular subject "public transportation."
"many counties have accquired" -> "many countries have acquired"
Explanation: "Counties" is incorrect; "countries" is the correct term. Also, "accquired" is a typographical error; "acquired" is the correct spelling.
"reduce traffic jam" -> "reduce traffic jams"
Explanation: "Traffic jam" is a singular noun, but "traffic jams" is the correct plural form, aligning with the context of multiple instances of traffic congestion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating an agreement with the importance of being concerned about international events, even if they do not directly impact our lives. The introduction presents the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide two main reasons supporting this stance: humanitarian aid and learning from international examples. However, the essay could have explicitly acknowledged the opposing viewpoint to enhance the depth of the discussion.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should consider briefly discussing the counterargument—that some may believe local issues should take precedence over international ones. This acknowledgment would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and allow for a more balanced argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that concern for international events is beneficial. The use of phrases like "I totally agree" and "there are some persuasive rationales" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, using relevant examples such as the Tohoku disaster and Singapore’s traffic management. These examples effectively illustrate the points made. However, the development of ideas could be deeper, as some points are somewhat underexplained, particularly the implications of international aid and the lessons learned from other countries.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should elaborate on the implications of the examples provided. For instance, discussing the long-term benefits of international cooperation in the context of the Tohoku disaster could strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing more context or statistics related to the examples would add depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of international events. However, there are minor deviations, such as grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could distract from the main argument. For instance, phrases like "concerning about" should be corrected to "being concerned about," which can detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should proofread the essay for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Ensuring that all phrases are correctly constructed will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the argument. Additionally, using a more formal tone and vocabulary can enhance the essay’s professionalism.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggested areas for improvement, the writer can further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, stating agreement with the importance of being concerned about international events. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses humanitarian aid, while the second addresses the benefits of learning from international examples. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the examples provided could be more explicitly stated to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, after discussing the humanitarian aid provided to Japan, a phrase like "This example illustrates how international awareness can lead to effective support during crises" could bridge the two concepts more clearly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, and the body paragraphs are structured around specific reasons supporting the main argument. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer internal organization. For instance, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better separated into distinct sentences or even sub-points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. In the first body paragraph, you might separate the idea of humanitarian aid from the concept of international friendship to create two distinct points. This would not only clarify your argument but also provide a more organized presentation of your ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the transitions between sentences within paragraphs sometimes feel abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of relying solely on "for instance," you could use "for example," "in addition," or "furthermore" to vary your transitions. Additionally, using phrases like "on the other hand" or "conversely" when presenting contrasting ideas can enhance the cohesiveness of your argument. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help create a more fluid and engaging essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "humanitarian crises," "natural disasters," and "traffic congestion" effectively conveying the main ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive language, such as "concerning about" and "pay attention to," which could be varied for greater lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "concerning about," alternatives like "being aware of" or "keeping informed about" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to international relations or humanitarian efforts could elevate the essay’s sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "the claim that concerning about the international news" is awkward and unclear. The use of "peoples" instead of "people" is also incorrect. Furthermore, "a mount of money" should be "an amount of money," and "the consequenses of disaster" should be "the consequences of the disaster."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, replacing "concerning about" with "being concerned about" would enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and ensuring that terms are used correctly in context will help improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "natuaral" (natural), "posible" (possible), "beter" (better), "accquired" (acquired), and "consequenses" (consequences). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct spelling of key vocabulary related to the essay topic can significantly improve spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "To begin with" and "On top of that" helps to organize the ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "By concerning about" or "For example," which limits the overall variety. Additionally, some sentences are overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "Some individuals are of the claim that concerning about the international news that don’t related to our lives is highly beneficial."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses or varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of saying "By concerning about these events," the writer could use "By being aware of these events, we can…" This not only diversifies the structure but also improves clarity. Engaging with a wider range of conjunctions and transition words can also help in creating more complex and varied sentence forms.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For example, phrases like "concerning about the international news that don’t related" should be corrected to "concerning international news that doesn’t relate." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after commas and periods, as seen in "For instance,the 2011 earthquake" and "caused a lot of damage.However." Additionally, the use of articles is inconsistent, as in "donated large a mount of money," where "a" should be omitted.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can help identify and rectify these common errors. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding comma placement and spacing, ensuring that there is a space after each comma and period. Reading the essay aloud can also help in catching these mistakes, as it allows the writer to hear the flow of their sentences and identify awkward phrasing or punctuation errors.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant examples, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice, feedback, and attention to detail will aid in achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals claim that being concerned about international news that is not directly related to our lives is highly beneficial and should be implemented by people. From my perspective, I strongly support this suggestion based on several significant reasons that are explained in this essay.

To begin with, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that citizens should pay attention to international events. In this day and age, caring about international events allows us to help people and demonstrate friendship between countries around the world. Humanitarian crises, natural disasters, and conflicts are, unfortunately, frequent occurrences in many places around the globe. By being concerned about these events, it is possible to share resources to assist others in times of need. For instance, the 2011 earthquake and tsunami called Tohoku in Japan caused significant damage. However, the quick reaction from the international community helped Japan rescue more victims than they would have otherwise been able to save if they were working alone. Also, many countries donated a large amount of money to facilitate Japan’s recovery from the consequences of the disaster. Moreover, this aid has also helped people reduce their burden when dealing with the tragedy.

On top of that, keeping up with world events leads to a better understanding of how to deal with problems that could occur in our own country. Many societies must face the same problems, and looking to see how other states have failed or succeeded can provide guidance toward better solutions without wasting human resources. For example, Singapore, a country that has a large number of citizens, experienced an explosion in the number of personal vehicles, which resulted in traffic congestion. However, by imposing a fee on private vehicles and encouraging people to use public transportation, this problem has been resolved. After looking at international examples from Singapore, many countries have acquired and used this measure to reduce traffic jams effectively.

In conclusion, understanding what is occurring in other countries makes it possible to help others and provides useful information that can be used to solve the same problems. For these reasons, it is important to maintain an interest in events happening in other countries.