It is important to build large outdoor public spaces like squares and parks. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people are of the belief that establishing open public spaces, such as squares and parks, is crucial and advantageous for a number of reasons. From my point of view, I agree with this notion as these kinds of places not only help improve the air quality in the area but can also offer more open and public places facilitating community involvement among residents.

One prime reason that supports the need of building large outdoor public spaces is that they can be beneficial for individuals’ physical health. A large number of public squares and parks are usually filled with different kinds of plants, which play an integral part in refreshing and purifying the surrounding air. By this, people are offered fresher air to breathe, hence mitigating the risk of acquiring respiratory diseases, such as coughing or lung impairments. To illustrate, residents of Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam, claimed to experience less severe health issues ever since a large public eco-park, was established in the heart of the city. This generally brings a more desirable living environment for citizens, especially when the city is densely polluted.

Another point for this is that when more large shared places are developed, people can be offered wider accessibility and opportunities to participate in communal activities. As such activities generally require large areas for people to join on aggregate, more public spaces should be built in order for individuals to join community clubs and events that can take place in these areas. Therefore, individuals’ mental health can be enhanced by taking part in such activities, which are beneficial for reducing the sense of loneliness and fostering healthier relationships. For instance, with the help of wide accessibility to communal parks, primary school students in Tokyo, Japan are offered weekly outdoor classes in these areas. By this, they can develop a stronger sense of activeness and curiosity, along with better interactions among their peers as more physical-based games are introduced.

In conclusion, if more outdoor public places are established, people can be offered more favorable facilities supporting different purposes and aspects, such as health improvements and developing community interactions. Additionally, it is advisable that the governments should invest in building more such places in their nations, especially in developed cities where a lack of green areas is seen.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people are of the belief" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Many individuals believe" is more direct and concise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "are of the belief," which is less common in formal academic writing.
"crucial and advantageous" -> "essential and beneficial"
Explanation: "Essential and beneficial" is a more precise and formal way to describe the importance and usefulness of open public spaces.
"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more standard academic phrase, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"not only help improve" -> "not only improve"
Explanation: Removing "help" simplifies the sentence structure, making it more direct and formal.
"can also offer more open and public places" -> "also provide additional public spaces"
Explanation: "Provide additional public spaces" is more specific and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "open and public places."
"One prime reason" -> "A primary reason"
Explanation: "A primary reason" is more formal and academically appropriate than "One prime reason."
"A large number of public squares and parks" -> "Numerous public squares and parks"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a large number of," which is somewhat vague.
"are usually filled with different kinds of plants" -> "typically feature various plant species"
Explanation: "Typically feature various plant species" is more specific and formal, replacing the less precise "different kinds of plants."
"play an integral part" -> "play a crucial role"
Explanation: "Play a crucial role" is a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone.
"By this, people are offered fresher air to breathe" -> "This results in fresher air for residents"
Explanation: "This results in fresher air for residents" is more direct and avoids the awkward construction of "people are offered fresher air to breathe."
"mitigating the risk of acquiring" -> "reducing the risk of developing"
Explanation: "Reducing the risk of developing" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context, replacing the less formal "acquiring."
"This generally brings a more desirable living environment" -> "This typically enhances the living environment"
Explanation: "This typically enhances the living environment" is more concise and formal, avoiding the vague "generally brings."
"more large shared places" -> "more extensive public spaces"
Explanation: "More extensive public spaces" is more precise and formal than "more large shared places," which is awkward and redundant.
"can be offered wider accessibility" -> "provide greater accessibility"
Explanation: "Provide greater accessibility" is more direct and formal, avoiding the passive construction "can be offered."
"on aggregate" -> "collectively"
Explanation: "Collectively" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "on aggregate," which is less commonly used in this context.
"fostering healthier relationships" -> "promoting healthier relationships"
Explanation: "Promoting" is a more active and formal verb than "fostering" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"with the help of wide accessibility" -> "thanks to increased accessibility"
Explanation: "Thanks to increased accessibility" is more direct and formal, replacing the awkward "with the help of wide accessibility."
"develop a stronger sense of activeness" -> "develop a greater sense of activity"
Explanation: "Develop a greater sense of activity" corrects the awkward and incorrect "activeness," which is not a standard term.
"developing community interactions" -> "fostering community engagement"
Explanation: "Fostering community engagement" is a more precise and formal term than "developing community interactions."
"it is advisable that the governments should invest" -> "it is recommended that governments invest"
Explanation: "It is recommended that governments invest" simplifies and formalizes the sentence structure, making it more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating an agreement with the necessity of building large outdoor public spaces. The introduction outlines the author’s position and provides reasons that support this stance, specifically focusing on health benefits and community involvement. Each reason is elaborated upon in the body paragraphs, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic. However, the essay could benefit from explicitly acknowledging potential counterarguments to strengthen the response further.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could briefly mention and refute a counterargument, such as the potential costs or challenges associated with developing large public spaces. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and provide a more balanced argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that large outdoor public spaces are beneficial. The author’s viewpoint is articulated in the introduction and reinforced in each body paragraph. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating the author’s stance, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the conclusion should restate the main arguments more emphatically and reinforce the author’s agreement with the prompt. A strong concluding statement that encapsulates the main points would enhance the overall impact of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, using specific examples to illustrate the benefits of public spaces. For instance, the mention of health improvements linked to air quality and the social benefits of community activities are well-developed. However, while the examples are relevant, they could be further extended with additional data or studies to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the author could include quantitative data or references to studies that highlight the positive impacts of public spaces on health and community engagement. This would add credibility to the arguments and provide a more robust foundation for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the importance of large outdoor public spaces without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, maintaining relevance and coherence. However, there are moments where the language could be more concise, which would further enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and improve clarity, the author should aim for more concise language. Reducing redundancy and ensuring that each sentence directly contributes to the argument can help keep the reader engaged and reinforce the main points more effectively. For instance, phrases like "these kinds of places" could be simplified to "public spaces" for clarity and brevity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the author’s position. With some adjustments to address counterarguments, enhance the conclusion, and provide more robust support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs that each focus on a specific reason supporting the argument. The progression from the health benefits of public spaces to their role in enhancing community involvement is coherent and easy to follow. For example, the transition from discussing air quality to physical health is smooth, demonstrating a logical flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a transitional phrase such as "In addition to health benefits, public spaces also play a crucial role in fostering community engagement" could reinforce the connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while each body paragraph develops a single point, contributing to the overall argument. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s position, which is a strong feature of paragraphing.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance clarity by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with, "One significant benefit of large outdoor public spaces is their positive impact on physical health," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "by this," and "as such," which help to connect ideas and examples within and across sentences. The use of these devices contributes to the overall fluency of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the argument without confusion.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives to "by this," such as "as a result" or "consequently," could enhance variety. Additionally, incorporating phrases that indicate contrast or concession, such as "however" or "on the other hand," could provide a more nuanced discussion, especially if the writer acknowledges potential counterarguments regarding the development of public spaces.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the writer’s viewpoint on the importance of outdoor public spaces. By focusing on enhancing transitions, clarifying topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of public spaces. Terms such as "establishing," "advantageous," "integral part," and "communal activities" reflect a solid understanding of the subject matter. However, the repetition of phrases like "large outdoor public spaces" and "beneficial" could be improved by incorporating synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "large outdoor public spaces," alternatives like "expansive recreational areas" or "public green spaces" could be employed. Additionally, varying the use of "beneficial" with words like "advantageous," "favorable," or "helpful" can make the writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the need of building" should be "the need for building," which affects the clarity of the argument. Additionally, "acquiring respiratory diseases" could be more accurately expressed as "developing respiratory diseases."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to ensure precision. Review phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity. For instance, replace "the need of building" with "the need for building" and consider rephrasing "acquiring respiratory diseases" to "developing respiratory diseases." Regularly consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can also help in selecting the most appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "advantageous," "integral," and "facilitating" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, continue practicing with spelling exercises and proofreading drafts carefully. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can also assist in identifying any overlooked errors. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "not only help improve the air quality in the area but can also offer more open and public places facilitating community involvement among residents." This showcases an ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which contributes to a natural flow. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the need of building large outdoor public spaces," where "need for" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can add depth. Additionally, aim to reduce redundancy in sentence beginnings; for instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another point for this is that," you could vary the structure to maintain reader interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "a large public eco-park, was established" contains an unnecessary comma before "was," which disrupts the flow. Additionally, the phrase "individuals’ mental health can be enhanced by taking part in such activities" is grammatically correct but could be more concise. The use of punctuation is generally effective, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as in lists or before conjunctions in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for minor errors, especially with punctuation. Practice identifying common mistakes, such as incorrect comma usage. Additionally, consider revising sentences for conciseness; for example, "which are beneficial for reducing the sense of loneliness and fostering healthier relationships" could be streamlined to "which reduce loneliness and foster healthier relationships." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall impact of your arguments.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to minor errors and further diversification of sentence structures can elevate the writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that establishing open public spaces, such as squares and parks, is essential and beneficial for a number of reasons. In my opinion, I agree with this notion as these kinds of places not only improve the air quality in the area but also provide additional public spaces that facilitate community involvement among residents.

A primary reason that supports the need for building large outdoor public spaces is that they can be beneficial for individuals’ physical health. Numerous public squares and parks are typically filled with various plant species, which play a crucial role in refreshing and purifying the surrounding air. This results in fresher air for residents, hence reducing the risk of developing respiratory diseases, such as coughing or lung impairments. To illustrate, residents of Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam, claimed to experience less severe health issues ever since a large public eco-park was established in the heart of the city. This typically enhances the living environment for citizens, especially when the city is densely polluted.

Another point is that when more large shared places are developed, people can enjoy greater accessibility and opportunities to participate in communal activities. As such activities generally require large areas for people to join collectively, more public spaces should be built to allow individuals to join community clubs and events that can take place in these areas. Therefore, individuals’ mental health can be enhanced by taking part in such activities, which are beneficial for reducing the sense of loneliness and promoting healthier relationships. For instance, thanks to increased accessibility to communal parks, primary school students in Tokyo, Japan, are offered weekly outdoor classes in these areas. By this, they can develop a greater sense of activity and curiosity, along with better interactions among their peers as more physical-based games are introduced.

In conclusion, if more outdoor public places are established, people can enjoy more favorable facilities supporting different purposes and aspects, such as health improvements and developing community interactions. Additionally, it is recommended that governments invest in building more such places in their nations, especially in developed cities where a lack of green areas is seen.