It is impossible to help all people in the world, so governments should only focus on people in their own countries. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that joining hands to give care to the worldwide communities is an incredibly noble act. Some individuals believe that since aiding those in need all over the world from a state organization seems to be unfeasible, the national and local authorities ought to assist their own citizens. Personally, I partly agree to the mentioned statement based on some reasons that are explained/ clarified in the essay.
To begin with, there are a variety of justified reasons why the authorities ought to take care of their residents. First and foremost, when the officials create numerous job opportunities, people in such country are likely to have more stable lives, which greatly promotes their economic growth along with social security. Take Vietnam as an evidence, this country was poorly-developed owing to being at war before 1975; however, Vietnam now is a second-world country with an impressively high growing speed of economy. Furthermore, if the governments tend to give a helping hand to under-developed countries without prior care for their own citizens, the ratio of unemployed people will dramatically rise. This causes an increasingly high rate of criminals.
On the other hand, I would argue that supporting other nations is possibly worth doing. Firstly, those that are continuously suffering from poverty and disasters are in extreme need of help. Therefore, wealthy countries should aid in food and supplies as well as medical care, which significantly bonds the worldwide community and expresses the sense of humanitarian. Moreover, nations in whilst of epidemic outbreak ought to be urgently assisted by international scientific staffs of medicine in order to prevent the serious event from spreading to other countries. To be more specific, thanks to cooperation of doctors and experts all over the world, the COVID-19 pandemic has successfully been prevented and allows the global economy to escape from the state of economic depression.
All in all, although it is true that the government taking care of their citizens is the prior responsibility, the contribution of a small part of the national budget for a better global community ought to be encouraged and worth-considering.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is no doubt that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the tone of the introduction without sounding overly assertive or colloquial.
"joining hands to give care" -> "collaborating to provide care"
Explanation: "Collaborating to provide care" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial expression "joining hands," which is typically used in more casual contexts.
"aiding those in need all over the world from a state organization" -> "providing aid to individuals worldwide through state organizations"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and verb agreement, and "providing aid" is a more formal expression than "aiding," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the national and local authorities ought to assist their own citizens" -> "national and local authorities should prioritize supporting their own citizens"
Explanation: "Should prioritize supporting" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the importance of prioritization in decision-making processes, which is more suitable for an academic context.
"I partly agree to the mentioned statement" -> "I partially agree with the aforementioned statement"
Explanation: "Partially agree with" is grammatically correct and more formal than "agree to," which is incorrect in this context. "Aforementioned" is also more formal than "mentioned," which is less precise.
"justified reasons" -> "compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Compelling reasons" is a more academically precise term than "justified reasons," which can be seen as less formal and slightly vague.
"Take Vietnam as an evidence" -> "Consider Vietnam as an example"
Explanation: "Consider as an example" is grammatically correct and more formal than "Take as an evidence," which is incorrect and informal.
"impressively high growing speed of economy" -> "remarkable economic growth rate"
Explanation: "Remarkable economic growth rate" is a more precise and formal way to describe economic development, avoiding the awkward and informal "impressively high growing speed of economy."
"tend to give a helping hand" -> "extend assistance"
Explanation: "Extend assistance" is a more formal and precise term than "give a helping hand," which is colloquial and less appropriate for academic writing.
"whilst of epidemic outbreak" -> "during an epidemic outbreak"
Explanation: "During an epidemic outbreak" is grammatically correct and more formal than "whilst of epidemic outbreak," which is awkward and incorrect.
"scientific staffs of medicine" -> "medical professionals"
Explanation: "Medical professionals" is a more formal and accurate term than "scientific staffs of medicine," which is awkward and incorrect.
"the COVID-19 pandemic has successfully been prevented" -> "the COVID-19 pandemic was successfully mitigated"
Explanation: "Was successfully mitigated" is more accurate and formal, as prevention implies a complete elimination of the pandemic, which is not the case with COVID-19.
"allows the global economy to escape from the state of economic depression" -> "helped the global economy avoid economic depression"
Explanation: "Helped the global economy avoid economic depression" is more precise and avoids the metaphorical expression "escape from," which is less formal and can be misleading in this context.
"worth-considering" -> "worth considering"
Explanation: "Worth considering" is grammatically correct and more formal than "worth-considering," which is a typographical error and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding whether governments should focus solely on their own citizens or also assist those in other countries. The writer acknowledges the complexity of the issue and states a partial agreement, which indicates an understanding of the prompt’s nuances. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint in the introduction, as well as a clearer articulation of the writer’s stance throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that both sides are equally represented in the body paragraphs. Additionally, a more direct reference to the prompt in the conclusion would solidify the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that partially agrees with the statement. However, the use of "partly agree" can create ambiguity about the writer’s overall stance. The position is somewhat diluted by the discussion of both sides without a strong emphasis on which side is more favored. The conclusion reiterates the importance of caring for one’s citizens while also suggesting that some international aid is necessary, but it could be clearer about the weight of each argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more definitive language when expressing their agreement or disagreement. Phrases like "I strongly believe" or "It is essential" can help convey a firmer stance. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion with a clear statement of agreement or disagreement would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the economic benefits of focusing on citizens and the moral imperative to assist those in need. However, some points lack sufficient development and specific examples. For instance, while the mention of Vietnam’s economic growth is relevant, it could be better linked to the argument about prioritizing citizens. The discussion of the COVID-19 pandemic is a strong point but could be expanded with more details on how international cooperation specifically benefited countries.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should ensure that each point is fully developed with relevant examples and explanations. Providing specific statistics or case studies can strengthen arguments. Additionally, linking back to the main thesis after presenting each point would help reinforce the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the responsibilities of governments towards their citizens and the need for international aid. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of international aid could be more directly tied back to the implications for domestic responsibilities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. Using topic sentences that directly reference the prompt can help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and sticking to specific examples related to the prompt will help maintain topic adherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in clarity, development, and focus that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a logical structure. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance and previews the main points. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the argument for prioritizing domestic aid, followed by the counterargument supporting international assistance. This structure helps the reader follow the writer’s thought process. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the shift from discussing domestic issues to international aid feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument. For instance, after discussing the importance of supporting citizens, a sentence like "However, it is also crucial to recognize the global responsibilities that come with being a developed nation" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The first paragraph discusses the need for governments to prioritize their citizens, while the second presents the counterargument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph more explicitly. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly states the argument for prioritizing domestic aid.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the paragraph’s main point, reinforcing the argument before moving on to the next idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "on the other hand," and "moreover," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, phrases like "for instance" and "to be more specific" are used, but the essay could benefit from additional types of cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices by incorporating more synonyms and alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "first and foremost," you could use "to begin with" or "initially." Additionally, consider using devices that indicate contrast or comparison, such as "in contrast" or "similarly," to further clarify relationships between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can enhance the clarity and flow of their argument, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "joining hands," "noble act," and "economic growth." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "aiding those in need" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms like "assisting" or "supporting" to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, terms like "second-world country" are outdated and could be better expressed as "developing country" or "emerging economy."
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help identify alternative words that convey similar meanings but add richness to the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "impressively high growing speed of economy" is awkward and could be more clearly stated as "impressive economic growth." Additionally, the term "second-world country" lacks precision, as it is not commonly used in contemporary discourse.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "high growing speed of economy," a more precise phrase would be "rapid economic development." Regularly reading high-quality essays or articles can help the writer become familiar with precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there are noticeable mistakes, such as "under-developed" (which should be "underdeveloped") and "whilst of epidemic outbreak" (which is awkward and should be rephrased). These errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on expanding vocabulary, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "To begin with" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. Additionally, the sentence "First and foremost, when the officials create numerous job opportunities, people in such country are likely to have more stable lives" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional clauses or varied subordinate clauses.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include multiple clauses. For example, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If governments prioritize their citizens, they may neglect global responsibilities") could enhance the depth of the argument. Additionally, varying the use of transition phrases and avoiding starting multiple sentences with "First" or "Moreover" would improve the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences correctly structured. However, there are notable errors, such as "Take Vietnam as an evidence," where "an evidence" should be corrected to "evidence" as it is uncountable. Another example is "nations in whilst of epidemic outbreak," which should be rephrased for clarity, possibly to "nations experiencing an epidemic outbreak." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common errors, such as the use of articles and prepositions. Practicing with exercises that emphasize uncountable nouns and their correct usage could be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would help in making the writing clearer and more polished. For instance, adding a comma before "which significantly bonds the worldwide community" would clarify the sentence structure and enhance readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no doubt that joining hands to provide care to worldwide communities is an incredibly noble act. Some individuals believe that since aiding those in need all over the world from a state organization seems to be unfeasible, national and local authorities ought to assist their own citizens. Personally, I partially agree with the aforementioned statement based on some reasons that are clarified in this essay.

To begin with, there are a variety of compelling reasons why the authorities ought to take care of their residents. First and foremost, when officials create numerous job opportunities, people in such a country are likely to have more stable lives, which greatly promotes their economic growth along with social security. Consider Vietnam as an example; this country was poorly developed owing to being at war before 1975; however, Vietnam now is a second-world country with a remarkable economic growth rate. Furthermore, if governments tend to give a helping hand to under-developed countries without prior care for their own citizens, the ratio of unemployed people will dramatically rise. This causes an increasingly high rate of crime.

On the other hand, I would argue that supporting other nations is possibly worth doing. Firstly, those that are continuously suffering from poverty and disasters are in extreme need of help. Therefore, wealthy countries should aid in food and supplies as well as medical care, which significantly bonds the worldwide community and expresses a sense of humanitarianism. Moreover, nations during an epidemic outbreak ought to be urgently assisted by international medical professionals in order to prevent the serious event from spreading to other countries. To be more specific, thanks to the collaboration of doctors and experts all over the world, the COVID-19 pandemic was successfully mitigated and helped the global economy avoid economic depression.

All in all, although it is true that the government taking care of their citizens is the primary responsibility, the contribution of a small part of the national budget for a better global community ought to be encouraged and is worth considering.