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It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is argued that the loss of traditional cultures is attributed to technological advancement. I strongly disagree with this point of view due to two main reasons below.
The advances in technology can help to maintain and drive the development of traditional cultures. As all information would be spread at a rapid pace, people could access diverse traditional ways of life even nearly disappearing ones without any barrier. For instance, thanks to social media such as TikTok or Facebook, not only Vietnamese common traditional cultures are exposed to the public, but also ones that belong to ethnic minorities, hence exist and thrive over time. Moreover, developments in transport, communications, and facilities allow the international integration of traditional communities. In other words, it is possible for people in the world to embrace other countries’ traditional cultures, which hardly happens in the non-technology era. As a result, it must be completely wrong when believe that technological developments will lead to the loss of traditional cultures.
Furthermore, the disappearance of traditional cultures is blamed on people, not technology itself. Firstly, in many countries, traditional skills continue to be passed on to younger generations. Japanese, for example, are still able to create well-known handicrafts including paper fans or porcelain vases parallel to the advancement of technology. In addition, people can employ and benefit from communication technologies. Considering farming cultures, mobile phones give farmers access to agricultural information, from weather predictions to suitable agriculture methods, which helps their communities thrive.
In conclusion, I do not agree with the idea that technological enhancement results in the disappearance of traditional ways of life and that “technology and traditional cultures are incompatible”. Instead, People totally can apply technology in their traditional cultures and drive them to flourish.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued" -> "There is an argument"
    Explanation: Replacing the passive construction "It is argued" with "There is an argument" makes the sentence more direct and active, enhancing the overall clarity and formality of the statement.

  2. "due to two main reasons below" -> "for two primary reasons outlined below"
    Explanation: The phrase "due to" is replaced with "for," and "below" is changed to "outlined below" for a more formal and precise expression.

  3. "As all information would be spread at a rapid pace" -> "With information disseminating rapidly"
    Explanation: The original phrase is rephrased to a more concise and formal structure by replacing "spread" with "disseminating" and reordering the words for better flow.

  4. "not only Vietnamese common traditional cultures" -> "not only common traditional Vietnamese cultures"
    Explanation: The placement of "Vietnamese" is adjusted to maintain clarity and grammatical correctness.

  5. "exist and thrive over time" -> "endure and thrive over time"
    Explanation: Replacing "exist" with "endure" contributes to a more sophisticated expression while maintaining the intended meaning.

  6. "developments in transport, communications, and facilities" -> "advancements in transportation, communication, and infrastructure"
    Explanation: The word "developments" is substituted with "advancements," and "facilities" is replaced with "infrastructure" to enhance the formality and precision of the statement.

  7. "In other words, it is possible for people in the world to embrace other countries’ traditional cultures" -> "In essence, individuals worldwide can embrace the traditional cultures of other countries"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and formality, and "In other words" is replaced with "In essence."

  8. "hardly happens in the non-technology era" -> "was scarcely conceivable in the pre-technological era"
    Explanation: The phrase is modified to convey the idea more formally and accurately.

  9. "the disappearance of traditional cultures is blamed on people, not technology itself" -> "the erosion of traditional cultures is attributed to human actions, not technology itself"
    Explanation: The wording is refined to emphasize the causation more explicitly and maintain a formal tone.

  10. "Firstly, in many countries" -> "First and foremost, in numerous countries"
    Explanation: The transition is modified for a more formal and precise introduction of the first point.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It presents a clear stance (disagrees with the view) and provides two main reasons supporting this position. The introduction succinctly introduces the topic, and the conclusion reinforces the disagreement with the prompt’s view.
    • How to improve: While the essay does well in addressing all parts of the question, consider providing a more nuanced discussion by acknowledging potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives before reaffirming the disagreement.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer consistently argues against the idea that technological development leads to the loss of traditional cultures. Each paragraph contributes to the overall stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the thesis statement is explicitly stated in the introduction, providing a roadmap for the reader. This can help set expectations and improve coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. It provides examples (such as TikTok and Facebook) and explains how technology can facilitate the preservation and sharing of traditional cultures. Additionally, the essay supports the argument by citing examples from different countries (e.g., Japanese traditional skills).
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, consider incorporating more specific examples and details. Provide additional examples of how technology can specifically aid in preserving and promoting traditional cultures.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a focus on the topic and consistently argues against the idea that technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. There are no significant deviations from the central theme.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, be cautious of introducing extraneous details or examples that may distract from the main argument. Keep each paragraph tightly aligned with the overall thesis.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents and supports a clear argument. To further improve, consider incorporating more nuanced discussions, explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction, providing additional examples, and maintaining tight focus in each paragraph. Overall, this essay meets the criteria for an 8-band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the author’s stance, followed by two main reasons in separate paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the development of these reasons. The first paragraph lacks a smooth transition to the second one, and ideas could be more interconnected for a seamless flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, work on creating stronger transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that the progression of ideas is smooth and coherent. Consider building connections between the reasons provided to strengthen the overall organization.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally effective, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph contains distinct ideas, but the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision to enhance clarity and coherence. Sentences in the paragraph are well-structured, but the overall paragraphing could be refined for a more organized presentation.
    • How to improve: Break down the second body paragraph into smaller, more focused paragraphs. This will improve the overall structure and make it easier for readers to follow the development of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to maintaining a consistent and clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices moderately well. While there is some use of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore" and "in conclusion," more variety and precision in their application could enhance cohesion. Additionally, there’s room for improvement in maintaining cohesion within paragraphs, especially in the second body paragraph.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to include a broader range of linking words and phrases. Ensure that the relationship between sentences is clear within paragraphs. Work on making connections between ideas more explicit to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Consider using transitional expressions to guide readers through the logical progression of your argument.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion but can be refined for a more seamless and organized presentation. Focus on creating a stronger link between paragraphs and ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it effectively employs some varied and specific terms, there is room for improvement in diversifying word choices further. For instance, the repeated use of the term "traditional cultures" could be substituted with alternative phrases to avoid monotony.

    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions for key concepts. In the essay, explore different ways to refer to "traditional cultures" to avoid repetition. Utilize more specific vocabulary to provide nuanced descriptions and details.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision in vocabulary usage is generally good. The essay employs specific terms such as "international integration," "handicrafts," and "agricultural information." However, there are instances where a more precise choice of words could strengthen the expression of ideas.

    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. For instance, instead of using broad terms like "advancement of technology," consider specifying the technological aspects contributing to the preservation of traditional skills.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "believe" instead of "believe," which slightly impact the overall impression.

    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to spelling during proofreading. Consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to identify and correct minor errors. Additionally, allocate sufficient time for revising your essay to catch any overlooked spelling mistakes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, but enhancing variety and precision could elevate the lexical resource score. Additionally, meticulous proofreading for spelling accuracy is advised to ensure a polished final submission.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. It effectively uses both simple and complex sentences. For instance, there are examples of compound sentences ("I strongly disagree with this point of view due to two main reasons below") and complex sentences with subordination ("Moreover, developments in transport, communications, and facilities allow the international integration of traditional communities"). However, more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or conditional sentences, could enhance the overall variety and sophistication of the essay.

    • How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. For instance, experiment with sentence inversion for emphasis or employ conditional sentences to present hypothetical scenarios. This will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("It is argued that the loss of traditional cultures is attributed to technological advancement") and awkward phrasing ("As a result, it must be completely wrong when believe that technological developments will lead to the loss of traditional cultures").

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. In the example cited, rephrase to improve clarity and accuracy, such as "It is argued that technological advancement is responsible for the loss of traditional cultures." Additionally, proofread carefully to catch and rectify minor grammatical errors for a polished final draft.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures and punctuation. To further enhance the score, focus on incorporating more diverse sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical issues.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that traditional cultures are inevitably lost as technology advances. I strongly disagree with this viewpoint for two primary reasons outlined below.

Firstly, advancements in technology can actually help preserve and promote the development of traditional cultures. With information disseminating rapidly, individuals can easily access diverse traditional ways of life, even those on the verge of disappearing, without any barriers. For example, platforms like TikTok or Facebook allow not only common traditional Vietnamese cultures but also those of ethnic minorities to be exposed to the public, ensuring they endure and thrive over time. Additionally, advancements in transportation, communication, and infrastructure enable the international integration of traditional communities. In essence, individuals worldwide can embrace the traditional cultures of other countries, a concept that was scarcely conceivable in the pre-technological era. Therefore, it is incorrect to believe that technological developments will lead to the loss of traditional cultures.

Furthermore, the erosion of traditional cultures is attributed to human actions, not technology itself. In numerous countries, traditional skills are still being passed on to younger generations. For example, the Japanese continue to create well-known handicrafts like paper fans and porcelain vases despite technological advancements. Moreover, people can leverage communication technologies to benefit traditional communities. Considering farming cultures, mobile phones provide farmers with access to essential agricultural information, from weather predictions to suitable agricultural methods, ultimately helping their communities thrive.

In conclusion, I do not agree with the idea that technological enhancement results in the disappearance of traditional ways of life, asserting that “technology and traditional cultures are incompatible.” Instead, people can seamlessly integrate technology into their traditional cultures and drive them to flourish.

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