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It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is neither possible nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people hold the view that enrolling the majority of youngsters in universities is neither feasible nor beneficial. From my perspective, although providing tertiary education on a large scale is beneficial for many young people who want to pursue college, it is rather impractical to carry out this idea.
It is true that not pursuing higher education at colleges or universities has a small number of drawbacks. With the rapid development of society, intellectual levels have become essential in many developing nations. Specifically, there is a lack of skilled labor in various sectors, which is needed to boost the whole country’s economy. Therefore, it is essential to offer youngsters tertiary education, as the knowledge required can only be accessed through learning throughout university courses. Furthermore, those who have acquired a tertiary degree receive more financially rewarding careers, which attracts many individuals to enroll in university.
However, I believed that offering most young people access to higher education was implausible. Not all youngsters come from well-off families, therefore, when pursuing education, they have to face financial challenges due to the expensive tuition fees, not to mention the additional fees for extracurricular activities. Moreover, it is impossible for many universities to adjust staff to departments that are short-staffed, along with the sudden increase in students that requires accommodations on the university campus.
To sum up, although offering education opportunities on a large scale brings great benefits, the idea of providing educational institutions to young people to pursue universal studies is still implausible.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "youngsters" -> "young individuals"
    Explanation: While "youngsters" is not incorrect, using "young individuals" adds a touch of formality and is a more sophisticated term in academic writing.

  2. "impractical" -> "unfeasible"
    Explanation: "Impractical" conveys a sense of inconvenience, whereas "unfeasible" is a more precise term for something that is not practical or realistic. It aligns better with formal language.

  3. "intellectual levels" -> "intellectual capabilities"
    Explanation: "Intellectual levels" is a bit informal. Replacing it with "intellectual capabilities" maintains the meaning but elevates the formality of the expression.

  4. "whole country’s economy" -> "national economy"
    Explanation: "Whole country’s economy" is slightly informal. "National economy" is a more standard term in academic writing, enhancing the formal tone of the sentence.

  5. "financially rewarding careers" -> "lucrative professions"
    Explanation: "Financially rewarding careers" can be refined to "lucrative professions" for a more polished and formal expression, without losing the intended meaning.

  6. "attracts many individuals" -> "draws considerable interest"
    Explanation: "Attracts many individuals" is somewhat colloquial. Replacing it with "draws considerable interest" maintains a formal tone while conveying the idea of a significant number of people being interested.

  7. "believed" -> "believe"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense to "believe" ensures consistency throughout the essay, aligning with formal writing conventions.

  8. "financial challenges" -> "financial constraints"
    Explanation: While "financial challenges" is not incorrect, "financial constraints" is a more formal term that suits the context of discussing the difficulties related to tuition fees and other expenses.

  9. "adjust staff to departments" -> "allocate staff to departments"
    Explanation: "Adjust staff to departments" is slightly awkward. Using "allocate staff to departments" is more precise and aligns better with formal language.

  10. "accommodations" -> "facilities"
    Explanation: While "accommodations" is not incorrect, using "facilities" in the context of university campus services is a more common and formal term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is true that not pursuing higher education at colleges or universities has a small number of drawbacks. With the rapid development of society, intellectual levels have become essential in many developing nations. Specifically, there is a lack of skilled labor in various sectors, which is needed to boost the whole country’s economy. Therefore, it is essential to offer youngsters tertiary education, as the knowledge required can only be accessed through learning throughout university courses."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your response to the prompt is clear in this paragraph, acknowledging the importance of higher education in addressing societal needs. However, to strengthen your argument, consider providing specific examples or personal experiences related to the benefits of higher education. For instance, you could share a success story of an individual who significantly contributed to the economy after receiving a university education. This would add depth and credibility to your point.
    • Improved example: "For instance, my cousin, after completing a university degree in engineering, played a crucial role in developing innovative solutions in the renewable energy sector. This showcases how higher education can directly contribute to addressing the lack of skilled labor and positively impact the country’s economy."
  2. Quoted text: "Moreover, it is impossible for many universities to adjust staff to departments that are short-staffed, along with the sudden increase in students that requires accommodations on the university campus."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you’ve highlighted a practical challenge, it would be beneficial to elaborate further on how universities might overcome these challenges. For instance, you could propose solutions like investing in online education, hiring temporary staff during peak enrollment periods, or utilizing existing resources more efficiently. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issue and showcase your ability to consider alternative perspectives.
    • Improved example: "To address these challenges, universities could explore options such as expanding online course offerings, hiring temporary teaching staff during peak enrollment seasons, or optimizing existing resources to accommodate the sudden influx of students. These measures can contribute to the feasibility of providing higher education to a larger number of young people."
  3. Overall: Your essay addresses the task and presents a relevant position, but there is room for improvement in the development of ideas. Consider incorporating more specific examples or personal experiences to support your points and exploring potential solutions to the challenges you mention. This would enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear structure with logically organized information. Each paragraph revolves around a central idea, supporting it with relevant arguments. There is a clear progression of ideas, starting with an introduction presenting the argument, followed by body paragraphs supporting both perspectives, and concluding with a summary. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to link ideas within and between sentences, aiding in maintaining the flow of the essay.

How to improve: To potentially reach a higher band, ensure a deeper exploration of counterarguments to strengthen the discussion. Additionally, expand on the advantages and disadvantages of offering higher education opportunities to young people, providing more specific examples or statistical evidence to reinforce the arguments. Lastly, refine the conclusion to reiterate the main points and provide a more definitive stance on the topic.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay effectively conveys the viewpoint on the feasibility and usefulness of providing university places for a high proportion of young people. It utilizes a variety of vocabulary, including phrases like "enrolling the majority of youngsters," "financially rewarding careers," and "extracurricular activities." These expressions contribute to the fluency and flexibility of the writing, showcasing a good command of language.

However, some errors in word choice and spelling, such as "I believed" instead of "I believe" and "universal studies" instead of "university studies," slightly affect the lexical accuracy. Additionally, there is room for improvement in collocation, for instance, "financial challenges due to the expensive tuition fees" could be refined to enhance precision.

How to improve: Pay close attention to word choice and ensure consistency in verb tenses (e.g., "I believed" to "I believe"). Also, refine collocations for better precision and accuracy. Proofread the essay thoroughly to eliminate minor spelling and word formation errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a commendable range of complex structures, including conditional sentences, relative clauses, and advanced vocabulary usage. The majority of the essay is error-free, displaying a good command of grammar and punctuation. The writer successfully conveys their viewpoint, utilizing varied sentence structures effectively.

How to improve:
While the essay showcases strong language use and structure, occasional errors slightly hinder its fluency. Aiming for even greater accuracy and consistency in complex structures could elevate the score further. Reviewing the essay for minor grammatical inaccuracies would help refine the overall presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that enrolling a majority of young people in universities is both unfeasible and lacks benefits. In my view, while providing widespread tertiary education proves advantageous for many youngsters aspiring to attend college, executing this idea is impractical.

It is true that forgoing higher education at colleges or universities has a few drawbacks. In the rapidly developing societies of many nations, intellectual capabilities have become crucial. There exists a shortage of skilled labor in various sectors, essential for boosting the national economy. Therefore, it is essential to offer young individuals tertiary education, as the necessary knowledge is acquired through university courses. Additionally, those with a tertiary degree often secure financially lucrative professions, drawing considerable interest from many individuals to enroll in university.

However, I believe that providing access to higher education for most young people is unfeasible. Not all youngsters hail from affluent families; hence, they encounter financial constraints while pursuing education due to exorbitant tuition fees, not to mention additional costs for extracurricular activities. Moreover, it is impractical for many universities to allocate staff to departments facing shortages, especially with the sudden influx of students requiring accommodations on the university campus.

In conclusion, while offering education opportunities on a large scale yields great benefits, the idea of providing educational institutions to young individuals for universal studies remains unfeasible.

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