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It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

The advent of technology has provided ample opportunities to virtually explore diverse cultures through literature, movies, and online resources. While this approach undeniably offers practical knowledge, its exclusivity bears certain inherent drawbacks.

Granted, embracing information via digital mediums significantly curtails expenses associated with physical travel. The financial burden of visiting far-flung places is substantial, often rendering it unattainable for the working class. Moreover, by refraining from physical presence, the environment at these destinations remains unblemished. The absence of unchecked littering, typical of tourist influx, notably mitigates adverse impacts on local ecosystems and infrastructures.

However, advocating for this method underscores its limitations. Visiting these destinations enables individuals to partake in hands-on experiences, facilitating a deeper understanding of authentic cultural nuances. Immersion in the local environment fosters a more genuine perspective, untainted by external interpretations. Additionally, the opportunity to engage with locals and savor indigenous cuisine remains an exclusive facet of physical travel—an encounter that virtual platforms cannot adequately replicate.

Furthermore, the reliance on online content for cultural insight risks presenting outdated or oversimplified information. Only firsthand experiences can provide a comprehensive and up-to-date understanding of a culture, broadening one's horizon significantly.

In conclusion, while digital platforms offer an accessible means of cultural exploration, they inherently lack the depth and authenticity that physical travel affords. The drawbacks, including limited interaction and potentially obsolete information, highlight the indispensable value of firsthand experiences in comprehending and appreciating diverse cultures.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "ample opportunities" -> "ample avenues"
    Explanation: Replacing "ample opportunities" with "ample avenues" adds a touch of formality to the expression, aligning it more closely with an academic style.

  2. "undeniably" -> "undoubtedly"
    Explanation: Substituting "undeniably" with "undoubtedly" enhances the formality of the statement, providing a more academic tone.

  3. "its exclusivity bears certain inherent drawbacks" -> "its exclusivity entails certain inherent drawbacks"
    Explanation: Changing "bears" to "entails" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence improves the sophistication of the language without sacrificing clarity.

  4. "Granted" -> "While it is true that"
    Explanation: Replacing "Granted" with "While it is true that" strengthens the transition between sentences and aligns with a more formal tone.

  5. "substantial" -> "considerable"
    Explanation: Substituting "substantial" with "considerable" maintains the intended meaning while introducing a more refined term, fitting the academic context.

  6. "rendering it unattainable for the working class" -> "making it unattainable for the working class"
    Explanation: The change to "making" enhances the conciseness and formality of the sentence.

  7. "refraining from physical presence" -> "abstaining from physical presence"
    Explanation: Replacing "refraining" with "abstaining" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "unchecked littering" -> "uncontrolled littering"
    Explanation: Substituting "unchecked" with "uncontrolled" maintains the meaning while employing a more formal term.

  9. "notably mitigates" -> "significantly mitigates"
    Explanation: Changing "notably" to "significantly" adds emphasis and elevates the level of formality in the sentence.

  10. "underscores its limitations" -> "emphasizes its limitations"
    Explanation: Replacing "underscores" with "emphasizes" maintains clarity while employing a more formal verb choice.

  11. "hands-on experiences" -> "direct experiences"
    Explanation: The change to "direct experiences" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal term.

  12. "untainted by external interpretations" -> "free from external interpretations"
    Explanation: Substituting "untainted" with "free from" maintains the intended meaning in a more formal manner.

  13. "savor indigenous cuisine" -> "experience indigenous cuisine"
    Explanation: Changing "savor" to "experience" aligns with a more formal and comprehensive description.

  14. "facets" -> "aspects"
    Explanation: Replacing "facets" with "aspects" introduces a more formal term while preserving the meaning.

  15. "virtual platforms cannot adequately replicate" -> "virtual platforms cannot fully replicate"
    Explanation: The change to "fully replicate" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  16. "Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: Substituting "Furthermore" with "Moreover" enhances the coherence of the paragraph and aligns with a more formal transition.

  17. "risks presenting" -> "poses the risk of presenting"
    Explanation: Expanding "risks presenting" to "poses the risk of presenting" adds formality without sacrificing clarity.

  18. "up-to-date understanding" -> "current understanding"
    Explanation: Replacing "up-to-date" with "current" maintains precision while using a more formal term.

  19. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: The change to "To conclude" provides a more formal and concise way to signal the end of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

  1. Quoted text: "The advent of technology has provided ample opportunities to virtually explore diverse cultures through literature, movies, and online resources. While this approach undeniably offers practical knowledge, its exclusivity bears certain inherent drawbacks."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction generally addresses the prompt but lacks clarity in presenting a distinct position. It would be beneficial to explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the idea that one can learn about cultures solely through digital means. Additionally, consider providing a brief roadmap of the main reasons supporting your stance to enhance the essay’s structure and coherence.
    • Improved example: "In my view, although technology facilitates virtual exploration of cultures through various mediums, I disagree that it can replace the need for physical travel. In this essay, I will discuss the limitations of relying solely on digital sources and argue for the irreplaceable value of firsthand experiences."
  2. Quoted text: "However, advocating for this method underscores its limitations. Visiting these destinations enables individuals to partake in hands-on experiences, facilitating a deeper understanding of authentic cultural nuances."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about the limitations of relying solely on digital methods is well-taken. However, to strengthen your argument, provide specific examples or anecdotes from your own experiences or observations that illustrate the richness of hands-on experiences during travel. This would add depth to your explanation and make your position more convincing.
    • Improved example: "However, advocating for this method underscores its limitations. For instance, during my visit to [specific destination], I had the opportunity to actively participate in local customs, which deepened my understanding of their cultural nuances. Such hands-on experiences are invaluable and cannot be replicated through virtual means."
  3. Quoted text: "Furthermore, the reliance on online content for cultural insight risks presenting outdated or oversimplified information. Only firsthand experiences can provide a comprehensive and up-to-date understanding of a culture, broadening one’s horizon significantly."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph effectively highlights the potential drawbacks of relying on online content. To strengthen your argument, consider providing a concrete example of a situation where online information was misleading or outdated compared to what you learned during your travels. This will add weight to your assertion and make your position more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the reliance on online content for cultural insight risks presenting outdated or oversimplified information. During my travels to [specific location], I encountered instances where the online portrayal of local traditions differed significantly from the reality on the ground. This emphasizes the importance of firsthand experiences in gaining a truly accurate understanding of a culture."

Overall, while your essay addresses the task, incorporating specific examples and clarifying your position would significantly enhance the depth and persuasiveness of your response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there may be some minor instances of under- or over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, and paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately.

The essay effectively argues both sides of the topic, addressing the benefits of learning about other cultures through digital means while acknowledging the limitations. Each paragraph is well-structured, and there is a smooth flow of ideas from one point to the next. The writer employs cohesive devices such as transitional phrases and pronouns effectively, contributing to the overall coherence.

However, there are instances where the essay could enhance cohesion by providing more explicit connections between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions between ideas could be strengthened to ensure a seamless flow. Additionally, a more varied use of cohesive devices would further improve the overall coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Strengthen explicit connections between sentences and paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas.
  2. Work on incorporating a more varied range of cohesive devices for enhanced coherence.
  3. Pay attention to transitions to ensure they effectively guide the reader through the essay’s logical progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary with a generally sophisticated control of lexical features. The writer effectively uses varied and precise vocabulary to convey nuanced meanings throughout the essay. Uncommon lexical items are skillfully integrated, contributing to the overall richness of expression. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are infrequent and do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains a high level of lexical proficiency, and errors, when present, are minor.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, consider consistently choosing words and phrases that align precisely with the intended meanings. While the use of uncommon lexical items is commendable, ensure that they are employed with utmost accuracy. Additionally, a careful review for occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation will help refine the essay’s lexical control. Further exposure to a diverse range of vocabulary and continued practice in varied contexts will contribute to even greater lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a smooth and coherent flow of ideas. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. However, a few errors are present, though they don’t significantly impede communication. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a well-organized argument with a balanced exploration of both perspectives.

How to improve: To elevate the score, focus on refining the precision of expression to eliminate the occasional errors. Additionally, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical resource, contributing to an even richer and nuanced language use.

Bài sửa mẫu

The rise of technology has opened up numerous opportunities to explore different cultures through books, movies, and online resources. While this method undoubtedly provides practical knowledge, it does have some inherent drawbacks.

Certainly, learning about cultures through digital mediums significantly reduces the expenses associated with actual travel. The financial strain of visiting distant places is considerable, making it often unattainable for the working class. Moreover, by avoiding physical presence, the environment at these destinations remains unspoiled. The absence of unchecked littering, which is typical of tourist influx, notably reduces adverse impacts on local ecosystems and infrastructures.

However, supporting this approach underscores its limitations. Visiting these destinations allows individuals to engage in hands-on experiences, leading to a deeper understanding of authentic cultural nuances. Immersing oneself in the local environment fosters a more genuine perspective, free from external interpretations. Additionally, the opportunity to interact with locals and savor indigenous cuisine remains an exclusive aspect of physical travel—an encounter that virtual platforms cannot adequately replicate.

Furthermore, relying on online content for cultural insight risks presenting outdated or oversimplified information. Only firsthand experiences can provide a comprehensive and up-to-date understanding of a culture, significantly broadening one’s horizons.

In conclusion, while digital platforms offer an accessible means of cultural exploration, they inherently lack the depth and authenticity that physical travel affords. The drawbacks, including limited interaction and potentially obsolete information, emphasize the indispensable value of firsthand experiences in comprehending and appreciating diverse cultures.

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