It is observed that in many countries, not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

It is observed that in many countries, not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject.
What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

Recent years have witnessed a concern that students in many countries are less likely to opt to study science majors. In this essay, I will discuss some causes why students follow this trend, before deliberating some consequences of this phenomenon on society.
On the one hand, one significant reason is that schools now lack practical experiments and science lessons. To be more specific, the majority of science subjects are extensively difficult for students to comprehend. If students are merely taught about sophisticated theories and knowledge of sciences for a long period, they might be able to not only accumulate those knowledge, but also feel bored about those subjects, which consequently lead to the discouragement of pupils following this major. As a result, the policy of enhancing the hands-on lessons and experiments at schools means that the teachers may be able to not only alter the teaching method but also bring about new experiences for youngsters; hence students could be interested in learning sciences, which therefore help students understand the lectures profoundly and stimulate them to do more research about this field.
On the other hand, one repercussion of pupils not studying sciences in modern society is that the advancement of science and technology could be stagnated. This is because if there are fewer numbers of students following science subjects, society will lack the multitude of bachelors in science and technology, which consequently results in the loss of some crucial occupations in science, and the country’s economy could suffer heavy loss despite the lack of gifted individuals in science.
In conclusion, the phenomenon of students refusing to study science majors could contribute to many consequences in modern societies. It is recommended that schools should foster the science curriculums practically and profoundly.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Recent years have witnessed a concern that" -> "In recent years, there has been growing concern that"
Explanation: "Recent years have witnessed a concern" is somewhat awkward and lacks the precision of "In recent years, there has been growing concern that," which provides a clearer indication of the timeframe and the increasing nature of the concern.
"students in many countries are less likely to opt to study science majors" -> "students in many countries are increasingly reluctant to pursue science majors"
Explanation: "less likely to opt to study" is a bit convoluted and less precise compared to "increasingly reluctant to pursue." The latter phrase better conveys the idea of a declining interest in science majors among students.
"In this essay, I will discuss some causes why" -> "This essay will examine several reasons why"
Explanation: "In this essay, I will discuss some causes why" is wordy and less direct compared to "This essay will examine several reasons why," which succinctly states the essay’s purpose.
"before deliberating some consequences" -> "and then consider some consequences"
Explanation: "before deliberating some consequences" is a bit informal and less precise compared to "and then consider some consequences," which maintains a formal tone and clarity.
"one significant reason is that" -> "One significant factor is"
Explanation: "one significant reason is that" is overly verbose. "One significant factor is" is more concise and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"the majority of science subjects are extensively difficult" -> "many science subjects are notably challenging"
Explanation: "the majority of science subjects are extensively difficult" is awkward and could be simplified to "many science subjects are notably challenging" for better clarity and formality.
"accumulate those knowledge" -> "accumulate that knowledge"
Explanation: "accumulate those knowledge" is grammatically incorrect. "accumulate that knowledge" is grammatically accurate and maintains clarity.
"consequently lead to the discouragement of pupils following this major" -> "result in discouraging students from pursuing these majors"
Explanation: "consequently lead to the discouragement of pupils following this major" is awkward and unclear. "result in discouraging students from pursuing these majors" is clearer and more concise.
"bring about new experiences for youngsters" -> "introduce novel experiences to students"
Explanation: "bring about new experiences for youngsters" is somewhat informal. "introduce novel experiences to students" is more formal and maintains clarity.
"hence students could be interested in learning sciences" -> "thus, students may become more interested in studying science"
Explanation: "hence students could be interested in learning sciences" is a bit convoluted. "thus, students may become more interested in studying science" is clearer and more direct.
"help students understand the lectures profoundly" -> "aid students in developing a deep understanding of the lectures"
Explanation: "help students understand the lectures profoundly" is somewhat informal. "aid students in developing a deep understanding of the lectures" is more formal and precise.
"stimulate them to do more research about this field" -> "encourage further research in this field"
Explanation: "stimulate them to do more research about this field" is informal. "encourage further research in this field" is more formal and concise.
"one repercussion of pupils not studying sciences" -> "a consequence of students not studying science"
Explanation: "one repercussion of pupils not studying sciences" is unnecessarily wordy. "a consequence of students not studying science" is simpler and clearer.
"the advancement of science and technology could be stagnated" -> "the progress of science and technology could be hindered"
Explanation: "the advancement of science and technology could be stagnated" is wordy and somewhat awkward. "the progress of science and technology could be hindered" is more concise and maintains formality.
"society will lack the multitude of bachelors in science and technology" -> "there will be a shortage of graduates in science and technology fields"
Explanation: "society will lack the multitude of bachelors in science and technology" is unclear. "there will be a shortage of graduates in science and technology fields" is clearer and more precise.
"the country’s economy could suffer heavy loss despite the lack of gifted individuals in science" -> "the country’s economy could suffer significant losses due to the shortage of skilled professionals in science"
Explanation: "the country’s economy could suffer heavy loss despite the lack of gifted individuals in science" is awkward and unclear. "the country’s economy could suffer significant losses due to the shortage of skilled professionals in science" is more precise and formal.
"the phenomenon of students refusing to study science majors" -> "the trend of students opting out of science majors"
Explanation: "the phenomenon of students refusing to study science majors" is somewhat informal. "the trend of students opting out of science majors" is more formal and concise.
"It is recommended that schools should foster the science curriculums practically and profoundly." -> "It is recommended that schools emphasize practical and in-depth science curricula."
Explanation: "foster the science curriculums practically and profoundly" is wordy and awkward. "emphasize practical and in-depth science curricula" is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses potential causes for the decline in students choosing science subjects and outlines some effects on society.
- Causes: The essay mentions the lack of practical experiments and engaging science lessons as a reason for the decline in interest among students.
- Effects: It highlights potential consequences such as the stagnation of scientific advancement and the impact on the economy due to a shortage of skilled individuals in science-related fields.
- How to improve: While the essay covers the basic elements of the prompt, providing more depth and detail in discussing the causes and effects would enhance the response. Additionally, ensuring a clearer connection between the causes identified and their potential societal effects would strengthen the essay’s coherence and relevance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, indicating that the decline in students opting for science majors is a concerning trend with significant consequences for society.
- Clear Position: The author consistently presents the viewpoint that practical, engaging science education is necessary to reverse the trend of declining interest in science subjects.
- How to improve: While the position is evident, enhancing the articulation of this stance with more precise language and reinforcing it with additional supporting evidence or examples would strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes and effects of the declining interest in studying science, but the development and support of these ideas are somewhat limited.
- Presentation: The essay introduces relevant points about the lack of practical science education and its potential consequences.
- Extension and Support: While the essay touches on these points, it could benefit from further elaboration and evidence to strengthen the arguments and provide more depth to the analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay could delve deeper into each cause and effect, providing specific examples or statistics to support the arguments. Additionally, connecting these ideas more explicitly to the overarching thesis would improve coherence and clarity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the causes and effects of the declining interest in studying science.
- Relevance: The discussion remains focused on the prompt’s subject matter without significant deviations.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains relevance to the topic, ensuring that all points directly contribute to the discussion of causes and effects would strengthen coherence and effectiveness. Additionally, avoiding repetition and maintaining a logical progression of ideas would further enhance the essay’s clarity and focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates its main points, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, supporting arguments with additional evidence, and enhancing coherence and clarity. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a logical organization by presenting causes and effects in separate paragraphs, which aids in clarity. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the causes and effects could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main point and smoothly transitions to the next. Consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas more effectively, such as "Furthermore" or "Consequently."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure its content, with distinct sections for discussing causes and effects. However, the structure within paragraphs could be strengthened. Some paragraphs contain lengthy sentences, which may dilute the clarity of the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Aim for shorter, more concise sentences to improve readability and clarity within paragraphs. Additionally, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to reinforce the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("on the one hand," "on the other hand") and pronouns ("this," "these"). However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used, and some transitions could be more effectively integrated.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a variety of conjunctions, transition words, and phrases. This can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they seamlessly connect different parts of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of paragraph structure, logical organization, and the use of cohesive devices. Focusing on these areas can help to elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the essay’s argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "witnessed," "deliberating," "consequently," "alter," "stimulate," and "multitude." These words contribute to the overall richness of the essay and convey the writer’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good variety of vocabulary, further enhancement can be achieved by incorporating more precise and nuanced terms. For instance, instead of using "significant reason," consider employing more specific language such as "prominent factor" or "key contributing element" to convey a deeper understanding of the issue.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, in the phrase "the majority of science subjects are extensively difficult," the term "extensively difficult" lacks specificity and could be replaced with a more precise adjective like "challenging" or "complex." Additionally, the phrase "lack the multitude of bachelors" could be refined to "suffer from a shortage of graduates" for clearer expression.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for specificity in word choice and ensure that each term accurately reflects the intended meaning. Utilize a thesaurus or reference materials to explore alternative vocabulary options and select the most fitting terms for conveying ideas concisely and accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "bachelors" instead of "bachelors," and "curriculums" instead of "curricula." While these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence of the essay, attention to such details can enhance the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software or online platforms. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct any spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for accuracy and consistency can contribute to improved spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively employs complex sentences such as "To be more specific, the majority of science subjects are extensively difficult for students to comprehend," which enhances clarity and coherence. Additionally, the use of conditional sentences like "If students are merely taught about sophisticated theories and knowledge of sciences for a long period, they might not only accumulate that knowledge but also feel bored about those subjects" showcases versatility in expressing ideas.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions such as inversion or passive voice where appropriate. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where minor errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage occur, such as "they might be able to not only accumulate those knowledge" should be "they might be able to not only accumulate that knowledge." Moreover, punctuation could be improved for better clarity, such as ensuring consistent comma usage in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s advisable to carefully proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation errors. Additionally, revising complex sentences to ensure correct comma placement and structure can contribute to overall clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay effectively employs a variety of sentence structures to convey ideas, there is room for improvement in ensuring grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency. By implementing suggested revisions and paying attention to detail during the proofreading process, the essay can further enhance its effectiveness in communicating complex ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been growing concern that students in many countries are increasingly reluctant to pursue science majors. This essay will examine several reasons why, and then consider some consequences. One significant factor is that many science subjects are notably challenging. The lack of practical experiments and hands-on lessons in schools exacerbates this issue. If students are mainly taught sophisticated theories without engaging in practical applications, they may become disinterested and discouraged from pursuing these majors. Introducing novel experiences to students through practical lessons can spark their interest in studying science. These hands-on activities aid students in developing a deep understanding of the lectures and encourage further research in this field.

A consequence of students not studying science is that the progress of science and technology could be hindered. With fewer graduates in science and technology fields, there will be a shortage of skilled professionals, which could have significant repercussions on the country’s economy. Inadequate numbers of individuals in these crucial occupations may lead to stagnation in technological advancement and innovation.

To address this issue, it is recommended that schools emphasize practical and in-depth science curricula. By incorporating more hands-on experiments and real-world applications into their teaching methods, educators can make science more engaging and accessible to students. This approach not only fosters a deeper understanding of scientific concepts but also encourages students to pursue careers in science and technology, thereby contributing to the advancement of society as a whole.